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General Category => Whatever => Topic started by: Les303 on December 01, 2017, 12:25:14 AM



Title: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 01, 2017, 12:25:14 AM
I missed enmities in yesterday's ( Wednesday ) 10 letter game & even more frustratingly I missed pants in the standard game which cost me a rosette.

I was convinced that the last common word that I was looking for in the standard game had to be a plural so in desperation I was adding an " S " to just about every word that I had played but inexplicably still managed to miss pant.

Probably too much information here , but I do wonder if I missed that word because I usually play chi while relaxing & winding down which often involves wearing nothing more than my jocks & a singlet so maybe if I had actually been wearing pants I might have found the word.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 01, 2017, 05:40:31 AM
Oh Les that conjures up an image! ??? Trust you have a beer in your free hand!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 01, 2017, 07:13:19 AM
   

Chesty Bond did come to mind

Along with Fred Dagg and Onslow (keeping up appearances)   ;D ;D
















Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on December 02, 2017, 02:40:52 AM
I missed enmities in yesterday's ( Wednesday ) 10 letter game


Just out of curiosity, Les, I wonder if you got the singular enmity in the following day's equanimity game?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 02, 2017, 05:18:44 AM
You're spot on Carol!  I love Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on December 02, 2017, 10:51:54 AM
For those who don't know, Onslow was a character in a very popular long-running BBC sitcom called Keeping up Appearances. A likeable slob, brilliantly portrayed by the late Geoffrey Hughes, he had a lot in common with Homer Simpson, except Onslow never had a job.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 02, 2017, 04:13:52 PM
It's just like looking in the mirror.

Penny , did you even have to ask about the " beer in hand " although definitely not the brand that Onslow is drinking.

Definitely " chesty bond " Carol , none of this cheap & nasty imported crap from China / Bangladesh  or wherever.
( Keeping up Appearances was one of my mum's favourite T.V. shows ).

Been a bit busy last couple of days Mike , so didn't actually get to play the equanimity game but I am pretty confident that I would have found enmity particularly as the letters came up again so quickly , actually that seems to happen quite often in chi , even on the same day sometimes the letters in either the standard or challenge game are nearly duplicated in the 10 letter game which for me usually results in me missing " easy words " in the 10 letter game which I thought that I had played only to realise after viewing the solution that I had only played them in the earlier game.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Calilasseia on December 02, 2017, 11:51:52 PM
Wonder if the beer in hand in question, was the one whose bottles were so attractive to those Australian beetles?  ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 04, 2017, 03:30:19 PM
1'm guessing that a beetle's taste in beer would not be as discerning as mine.

And particularly for Penny who has such a vivid imagination , I should clarify this earlier quote of mine ;
 " It's just like looking in the mirror "

I was thinking of one of those novelty mirrors that you see at carnivals where the image is totally exaggerated & nothing like your true reflection.









Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 05, 2017, 05:22:37 AM
Thanks Les I know exactly what your mean.  We always used to have a Hall of Mirrors at the funfair when I was a kid.  Lots of different mirrors making you look very peculiar :laugh:  Doubt if they have such things nowadays!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 05, 2017, 05:31:12 AM
Lots of different mirrors making you look very peculiar :laugh:  Doubt if they have such things nowadays!

Nowadays an ordinary mirror does that for me.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 05, 2017, 05:46:00 AM
That made me really laugh Jack :laugh: Though I do know exactly what you mean! Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 05, 2017, 03:37:18 PM
Good one Jack. ;D

Given the recent theme of this thread , this joke seems suitable ;

Jack was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredibly painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches , the bad news is that it will require castration." You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Jack was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything left to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but eventually decided that he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could  now make a new beginning and live a long & pain free life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Jack laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the suit. It fitted perfectly. As Jack admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Jack thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck"
Jack was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As Jack adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Jack was on a roll and said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E."
Jack was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the shoes and they were a perfect fit. Jack walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Jack said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8."
Jack was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
The hat  also fit perfectly. Jack was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Jack thought for a second and said, "Sure..."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Jack's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36." Jack laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 06, 2017, 05:29:47 AM
Very funny Les :laugh:
Sadly I can never remember jokes.  We have a radiographer at work who is brilliant at telling jokes. We often have a "joke du jour" By the time I get home in the evening I've forgotten it ??? Very irritating!  Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 06, 2017, 03:49:40 PM
Penny , I just love people like you who can never remember jokes , it allows me to tell the same ones over & over again.

Hopefully , you haven't heard this one before but I guess it doesn't really matter ;


An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 07, 2017, 05:41:43 AM
Hilarious Les :laugh: - I love it thanks.  Keep them coming!  Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: whisky on December 07, 2017, 01:05:43 PM
I enjoy these off topic digressions.

It reminds me of a friend, an older friend, who is an avid golfer.
He came home one day from golf, and said ruefully to his wife;
"I may have to give up golf, my eyesight is deteriorating, and I cannot see where the ball lands".
His wife replied "Why don't you take my older brother along with you, sure he 80, but his eyesight is excellent".

The next week the brother-in-law duly accompanied him.

My friend hit a magnificent drive off the first tee.

"Did you see where it landed?" he asked his brother-in-law.
"Yes".
"Where?"

"I forget !" replied the brother-in law.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 07, 2017, 04:12:28 PM
I like it Michael , here is a matching cartoon to further illuminate your very funny joke.



And since the theme is now about " old golfers " I 've opted for this joke just to illustrate that sometimes the older fellows can still put it over the younger ones.


A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 08, 2017, 05:17:29 AM
Thanks for both the golfing jokes :laugh:.  Cheered me up after England's awful performance in the 2nd Ashes Test :'( Who on earth thought it was a good idea to have a day/night test match? ???


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 08, 2017, 08:55:00 AM
Penny , the decision to play the day/night test match in Adelaide was met with a lot of criticism here in Australia.
Most commentators & a lot of supporters were bagging our administrators for basically giving this match to England on a platter as the weather forecast , expected pitch condition & the swinging pink ball were all conditions that would favour England & make them feel right at home.

I'm afraid that after that performance , England are now odds on for a 5 nil whitewash.

What do think about Ben Stokes being nominally selected for the one day squad?

On yet another tangent , if you google " jack kennedy jockey " you will see a video of an incredible horse race where this young jockey is actually thrown out of his saddle but manages to regain control & even more incredibly , goes on to win the race. ( with live betting available , at the time of the incident his odds blew out to 390 to 1.)

Cheers Les
 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on December 08, 2017, 11:21:12 AM
I don't follow horse-racing at all, but I did happen to see the clip you're referring to.

Amazing

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/dec/07/jack-kennedy-incredible-recovery-win-robin-des-mana-clonmel



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 09, 2017, 05:30:50 AM
Oh Les I'm afraid you're right about the 5-nil whitewash.  I don't think that Ben Stokes should be selected to play for England in the foreseeable.  What he did just wasn't cricket! If he was with the team now I think the outcome probably wouldn't be quite so dire.  My worry is what affect this is going to have on Joe Root.  I wonder if he might resign if it's a whitewash.  I wish they'd waited until he was a bit older before picking him as captain.  He's a wonderful cricketer & a smashing person but this could hurt him & his game badly.  Hopefully his steely inner core will protect him!! As far as Ben Stokes is concerned I don't think his behaviour can be easily forgiven whatever provocation there might have been.  They are role models to lots of youngsters.  It got me thinking back to 2005 when Freddie Flintoff got caught drunk in charge of a pedalo after the Ashes win!!  Silly harmless fun but it proves that they're always in the public eye. Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 09, 2017, 07:10:16 PM
" Who on earth thought it was a good idea to have a day/night test match? ".... quote from Penny.

I think that English cricket is currently going through the same sort of transition that Australian cricket has been going through in recent times.
It has only been over the last couple of years that Australia has been able to finally rebuild a decent test squad that has depth to it with plenty of emerging players in the background doing their very best to bring themselves to the attention of the national selectors.

After a couple of losses , the selectors of any touring side will usually come under all sorts of criticism as to why player " A , B or C " was not selected for the tour however this has not been the case in this instance because ( aside from Stokes ) you just do not have the depth of talent available to replace anyone in your current squad.

In my opinion , the problems for test cricket started with the proliferation of ' meaningless ' one day tournaments around the cricketing world which were held for no other reason than to make money for all involved.
Then came the phenomenon of 20/20 which really captured the imagination of the public & the death bells were ringing for the end of traditional test cricket.

It was just too easy for an up & coming or for that matter an established player who had been on the fringe of test selection to go off around the world playing in these big money tournaments where he could set himself up financially for the rest of his life & did not really care that those decisions may prevent him from ever representing his country in test cricket.

Our cricket board accepted that this was inevitable & allowed , even contracted players , to play in these tournaments as long as it did not conflict with our test or shield schedules.

Despite the challenge from the shorter form of the game , test cricket hit back with brilliant & exciting series against New Zealand , South Africa , India & England , the public appreciated the nuances of test cricket that can only be achieved over a five day war as opposed to the little tiff of a 20/20 hit & giggle game.

However there is still a huge challenge for test cricket to remain relevant.
Authorities have been trying to address this by enforcing minimum over rates ,allowing time to be made up the following day when play has been lost to rain , allowing lights to be turned on to extend a days play , introducing the referral system to eliminate bad decisions & most importantly trying to encourage groundsmen around the world to produce pitches that will allow an even contest between bat & ball rather than a pitch which is " just a road " batsmen on both sides score centuries left , right & centre resulting in a very boring game which is why , to answer your question Penny , the day/night game is being introduced because it provides a much more even contest between bat & ball which will usually result in a much more exciting game.

I agree that Stokes should be stockaded rather than selected.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 10, 2017, 05:56:52 AM
That's really very interesting Les.
I love a really good test match but my daughter & most of my friends would rather poke themselves in the eye with a blunt stick! One friend suggested I sell the ticket I got for day 3 of a test match at Trent Bridge last year & pop round to her house to watch the paint drying while she was decorating!!
I was at Trent Bridge in 2005 for 2 days of the Ashes test.  It was fantastic! Both sides played their socks off. The atmosphere was amazing & the banter between the English & Aussies in the crowd was brilliant & very good natured. You'd never get that at a football match! I do hope test matches continue to be relevant & don't disappear.   20/20 is a bit of fun & ok for those with the attention span of a goldfish!  A one day 50 over match can be very exciting.
If I ever win the lottery I will cruise to Oz (sadly I don't fly!) & watch the Ashes there & then cruise home!  Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on December 10, 2017, 06:43:36 AM
http://patricemorin.com/spip.php?article1746 (http://patricemorin.com/spip.php?article1746)

 the only interesting game of cricket I've ever seen was in Noumea,  New Caledonia. Played by women in traditional dress, a batter and runner each end, a bowler each end, and they use the English cricket terms while speaking French or creole.

(http://patricemorin.com/IMG/jpg/_dsc9282-2.jpg)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 10, 2017, 03:55:26 PM

If I ever win the lottery I will cruise to Oz (sadly I don't fly!) & watch the Ashes there & then cruise home!  Penny


Penny , please be careful what you wish for because if you happen to ever come cruising too close to me , then you might just end up getting ship wrecked & become stranded in Oz. :angel:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 10, 2017, 03:58:59 PM
http://patricemorin.com/spip.php?article1746 (http://patricemorin.com/spip.php?article1746)

 the only interesting game of cricket I've ever seen was in Noumea,  New Caledonia. Played by women in traditional dress, a batter and runner each end, a bowler each end, and they use the English cricket terms while speaking French or creole.

(http://patricemorin.com/IMG/jpg/_dsc9282-2.jpg)

Stan , I would much rather be playing or watching a game of good old fashioned beach cricket ;



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 11, 2017, 05:29:46 AM
Oh Les you do make me laugh :laugh: I can think of many worse fates than being shipwrecked in Oz near you! Not sure I'd last long in the drinking stakes though. I'm a bit of a lightweight! 
We have had heavy snowfall last night & all day & now it's freezing. :o  I'm dreading the drive to work in the morning. :-C Bet you have lovely warm sun at the moment.
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 11, 2017, 01:40:08 PM
It was a moderate 27 degrees on Sunday although very muggy (humid ) which we all know is a sure sign that there is going to be an afternoon thunder storm.
The worst of the storm hit the North Coast Region at about 7.00pm bringing down huge trees , localised flash flooding & cutting power to thousands of residents.
Some of those fallen trees brought down about 4 kilometres of over head power lines in the Beerwah / Landsborough area which of course meant the immediate suspension of all rail traffic through that corridor.
They are saying that it will take up to 3 days to repair the damage before the trains can resume running.

Similar temperatures today although not as muggy so fingers crossed that this afternoon's storm will not be so severe.

That all sounds very gloomy but most of our afternoon thunder storms do very little damage.
In fact we actually look forward to them as they fill our water tanks & provide relief from the day's humidity.
A favourite past time of most people living in this great state is to make them themselves comfortable on the back veranda or balcony to watch the approaching storm.
With a cool beverage in hand we stake our spots on the balcony & watch the skies as the air begins to cool & dark clouds emerge , slowly becoming bigger & bigger.
There is usually a lot of debate & predictions / guesses from all of us self proclaimed experts about exactly what this particular storm will deliver. (there is hardly any green in these clouds so we won't be getting any hail etc... )
Suddenly , day is turning into night , as the ever darking clouds are rapidly covering the whole horizon & so the show begins with deafening thunder (no I didn't flinch at all , I knew it was coming ) in tandem with an absolutely breath taking lightening show.

They even wrote a song about it ;

https://www.last.fm/.../_/Sounds+of+Then+(This+Is+Australia)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 11, 2017, 06:27:22 PM


what's rain  ???


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 11, 2017, 07:23:03 PM
Carol , where exactly in the " back of beyond " are you ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 11, 2017, 07:35:43 PM
Penny ,
 I just saw a snippet on the news about the severe snow storms that you are currently experiencing in England.
I can only imagine how challenging it must be for you to have to drive to & from work in those conditions.

In Queensland , when the forecasters are saying that we are expecting a severe  afternoon thunder storm with damaging winds & heavy hail etc.. , most employers will allow their staff to leave early so that they can arrive home safely before the storm hits which is usually between about 3 & 6 pm.

It is always a bit of a gamble when we take a day or weekend trip ,  to the north or south coast during the summer months.
The dilemma is that the weather during the day is absolutely perfect for the beach & you want to make the most of it but at the same time , knowing the forecast you do not want to get caught in the storm on the way home.

I will never forget the time that my sister won a prize in a radio show that was a weekends accommodation in a 3 bedroom penthouse apartment at Broadbeach on the Gold Coast & she kindly asked us to join them.

At the time of the booking my sister had her husband's sister & her two kids , aged about 7 & 9 visiting with them and I had my nephew staying with us so we would obviously have to take two cars.
Great weekend , particularly when everything was payed for.

Beginning on the Saturday there were multiple warnings for impending severe thunder storms to hit the coast on Sunday afternoon.

My sister & her family are from out west & do not experience the same sort of weather that we get in the South East so despite my advice they elected to stay until 2.00pm which was their check out time.

After having a nice breakfast we left in bright sunshine at about 8am & enjoyed a lovely scenic drive home which took about 1 hour.

All my promptings for them to leave at the same time were rejected as they wanted to make the most of their free holiday.

They were probably only 10 minutes into their trip home when the storm hit.
Due to poor visibility , minor prangs & debris on the highway , the one hour trip back to Brisbane took just over 3 hours & they still had another 3 hour drive from Brisbane to their home at Dalby.

Needless to say , by the time they made it to Brisbane they were exhausted & could not contemplate driving another 3 hours to Dalby in the stormy conditions so at about 6.00pm they were knocking on my door.

So we were all very quickly brought back to earth , after spending the last 3 days in 5 star luxury they were more than happy to spend a night at my place even if it meant a couple of the kids in make shift beds on the lounge room floor. ( the kids , probably not quite old enough to fully appreciate what they had just been through , thought it was terrific & a lot of fun. )

Stay safe Penny.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 12, 2017, 05:47:19 AM
Thanks very much Les.
I greatly enjoyed both your posts. I bet your Sister wished she'd heeded your warning.   I'm a bit of a wimp where thunderstorms are concerned! I've even been known to get in the cupboard under the stairs when they're right overhead! :-[ When I was very young, about 6/7, my parents took me out walking in the woods & we got caught in a tremendous thunderstorm.  I think that stayed with me.
As far as the snow is concerned we are usually quite lucky & don't get very much which means we're probably not very well prepared & it comes as a bit of a surprise! We're only about 35 miles north west of London. (I'm only a hop & a skip from Bletchley Park)  I've got cousins in the Cotswolds & they're snowed in.  When you look at the snow they get in places like Canada & Northern Europe ours is probably little more than a flurry!  Fingers crossed it'll be gone in a couple of days.
If we didn't have the varied weather here I've heard people say that the English would have nothing to talk about :laugh:
Enjoy your lovely balmy 27c.  I'll try not to be too jealous!
All the best  Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 12, 2017, 06:01:00 AM


About 1500k SW from you as the crows fly


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 12, 2017, 06:06:49 AM
Where are you?  I'm sure you've probably mentioned it in a previous post but I can't remember :-[


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 12, 2017, 09:02:57 AM
She's probably outside cleaning up crows that have fallen from the sky with exhaustion.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 12, 2017, 10:17:35 AM
Carol , where exactly in the " back of beyond " are you ?



About 1500k SW from you as the crows fly

Despite the time zone in your profile, I would guess at somewhere near Clare, SA


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 12, 2017, 11:41:11 AM
She sounds like a fair dinkum Queenslander to me , so I am guessing / hoping that it might be Birdsville & of course if I happen to be correct , then I would be expecting an invite to their famous race.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 12, 2017, 12:07:24 PM


Geez Les you are way off beam I did say Southwest :-R

Ozzyjack you are not that far off the mark, well done you


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 12, 2017, 12:15:21 PM
  Hi Ossyjack
 

  Would I be correct in thinking the two dogs in your photo are beautiful Border Collies ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 12, 2017, 12:51:57 PM


Geez Les you are way off beam I did say Southwest :-R

Ozzyjack you are not that far off the mark, well done you
[/quote

Oh ,why let a little detail like directions spoil my fun.

We were only discussing our options for a visit to the Birdsville races the other day as it has been on my agenda for many years so it was obviously still on my mind.

And from a cane toad to a crow eater , I do hope that you do not actually eat those crows. :-H





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 12, 2017, 01:04:10 PM
  Would I be correct in thinking the two dogs in your photo are beautiful Border Collies ?

Absolutely correct, Carol.  We have a sign at our place “Welcome to our house - where the humans pay the bills and the Border Collies run the house.”

We just came back after a week visiting near Les’s neck of the woods. Les, if you can find a compass you might like to head SSE across the river (as the crow flies) to Coorparoo Square where there is a relatively new establishment which serves an interesting range of boutique beers.  It is called “Beyond the Pale”. I thought to myself that here’s a place Les could identify with.

I do agree with you, Les.  Never let the facts interfere with a good story.  But that’s a bridge too far.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 12, 2017, 06:10:12 PM
It's true , I do have a lousy sense of direction.

I really do not enjoy extended shopping trips particularly at this time of year when every where you go is absolutely packed.
Negotiations for the big Christmas shopping trip had been going on for quite a while.
All of my excuses & suggestions for alternate arrangements ( which did not involve me ) were of course totally rejected.
I was given the schedule ... we will be leaving at 8.00am Saturday morning & meeting up with my girl friends at Mount Ommaney around 9.00am , John & Julie are also coming down from the Gold Coast so you will have John to keep you company , we will have lunch there around midday & then leave so that you will be home in plenty of time to watch your precious horse races. I know you don't like driving in unfamiliar territory on the south side but it has to be Mount Ommaney because we have checked online & they have all the bargains that we are all looking for & it is more convenient for my friends so don't be such a sook & just suck it up & do this for me.
Ok , so Friday afternoon , I place all my bets for Saturday's races ( just in case ) & get out the trusty old refidex to check the directions to Mount Ommaney.
Surprisingly , despite the heavy traffic ( it's like peak hour ) I managed to find my way to the shopping centre without incident & even found a parking space reasonably close to the main entrance where we met up with our friends.
After an hour of pointless window shopping , John & I retired to the coffee shop for a coffee & a donut.
Apparently , the girls had no time for coffee , just so much shopping to be done , just text us if you need us & we will meet you back here at midday for lunch.
It's about 11.00am by now so I wander off to find a newsagent & return to the coffee shop to study the form guide.
Disaster , two of my selections have been scratched & I found a runner that I wanted to back that I had failed to spot on Friday so John , you wait here for the girls while i go and find a TAB to place these bets.
After walking around in circles & going up & down all the levels , I eventually found my way back to the coffee shop.
Exasperated , I said to John , I cannot believe that a shopping centre of this size which has every conceivable shop does not have a TAB , by the way , it's now 1230pm , where are the girls.
John replies that he has just sent them a text & they said that they would be here in about 15 minutes.
1.30pm & the girls finally appear , all pushing fully laden trolleys.
We are exhausted & starving , lets order some lunch ... I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at my watch.
By the time they have finished lunch & said all their goodbyes , it is almost 3.00pm.
I have really had a gutful by now & just want to get out of here & onto the road home. ( luckily , the horse that I really want to back is n the last race which does not jump until 5.20pm. )
After my earlier meanderings , I reckoned that I had found a shortcut to the closest exit , only problem was this exit came out on the opposite side of the complex to the one that we had initially entered.
So rather than re - enter the rabbit warren of the complex , I push this very heavy , fully loaded trolley for what seemed like forever before I eventually located my car.
With my frustration at its absolute limit & drenched in sweat , I finally get the car loaded , it is now approaching 4 o'clock , why is everybody in the complex electing to leave at the same time , I grab an opportunity to jump into a lane that is moving faster than mine & give myself a little smile as I pass all the cars that are sitting bumper to bumper in the left lane.
Once on the highway , we begin to get a clear run & i'm starting to feel a lot better as we will be home by 5 o'clock & I will still be able to put on my bet that is until ' she who must be obeyed ' suggests that we are actually travelling in the wrong direction.
Don't be ridiculous , i'm not that stupid.... by the time we found an exit where we could turn around & after stopping at a service station ( twice ) to ask for directions we arrived home just on 6.00pm.
I checked all the horses that I had backed on Friday with no winners but of course the one that I wanted to back in the last had won by 3 lengths at 20 to 1.

Even by my standards , spending an entire week drinking at " Beyond the Pale " ( clever name ) is a bit much.
I generally don't have too much trouble finding my way to a new venue however sometimes the trip home is a bit of a concern.
As well as my reputation fore being hopeless with directions , I have also been known to totally misinterpret the odd email.








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on December 13, 2017, 09:03:23 AM
Interesting story, Les (one to which most men can readily relate). I only had to look up three words (found all): sook, refidex, and TAB.  ;D

Why can't women shop on their own, without us??


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 13, 2017, 10:11:44 AM
 


     Somebody has to carry the parcels and push the trolley ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 14, 2017, 05:39:19 AM
Last time I looked I was still of the female persuasion & I loathe & detest shopping with a passion!  Especially at this time of year.  It's a hard enough job trying to decide what to buy in the way of gifts for family/friends but then to have to contemplate a shopping centre packed to the gills & playing the same of Christmas music is my idea of torment :(
The internet is my friend at the moment.  Hope the post office is too :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 14, 2017, 06:16:47 AM
I'm with you on that one, Penny. I loathe shopping, too. I don't have a bigger problem at this time of the year, though, as I'm a bah-humbugger who doesn't do christmas at all. I abandoned it about 10 years ago and now completely ignore it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 14, 2017, 04:19:13 PM
Thanks for that post , Pat , you've allowed me enough time to cancel delivery of that ridiculously expensive Christmas gift that I was planning for you.
To be fair & just in case any other forumite might share your sentiments about Christmas , I've also cancelled all the cheques & gifts that I was arranging for all the other forumites.








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 14, 2017, 07:31:37 PM
Phew, that's a relief, Les. When I cancelled christmas I made sure to tell all those with whom I exchanged gifts (most of whom, I have to say, were quite happy about it - one less person to fret about what to buy for). Obviously I neglected to inform you so my previous post came just in time for you.  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 15, 2017, 05:36:37 AM
Oh Les what a disappointment!  I was looking forward to that ridiculously hunky surfing dude you were going to post me :laugh: Oh well better luck next year....


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 15, 2017, 06:03:19 PM
Pat ,

To be truthful , I actually share a lot of your sentiments when it comes to Christmas.
I haven't cancelled it entirely because when there are grandkids or any relatives around who are under about 10 years of age then I think you have to keep the fantasy of " Santa " alive.

My dilemma is , what do you do when you specifically tell your adult relatives & friends " ok , I will accept the invite  to your Christmas party , but just remember our agreement that will not be exchanging any gifts. "
So i turn up at the party & people are giving me gifts , one after the other &  because I have absolutely nothing to  give in return , I feel embarrassed. ?

Penny , I had Mick Fanning all lined up to come & visit you on Christmas day but then this happened ...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 16, 2017, 01:42:42 AM
Les, I agree that where kids are concerned, christmas is a magical time and it's important to keep it that way for them.

I never had your dilemma because I spend christmas on my own and have done so for many years. I prefer it that way. In the scenario you paint, if you've already made it clear that exchanging gifts is off the menu I don't see what the problem is. Actually, some people's idea of what christmas is about was revealed to me when I announced that I wouldn't be sending christmas cards any more. The response of some was 'well if you're not going to send me one I'm not going to send you one'. True christmas spirit, that. I had far more respect for those people who said 'well you might be a miserable old git but it doesn't mean I have to be one', and continued (and still do continue) to send cards to me.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 16, 2017, 02:37:28 PM
 8)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 17, 2017, 05:45:52 AM
Oh dear Les what a shame :( was he eaten by the shark? Story of my life - the one that got away!! :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 17, 2017, 03:47:47 PM
Hi Penny , that incident actually took place a few years ago in South Africa.
It was a round of the world title series so it was obviously being televised.
As the camera zoomed in on this huge " white pointer " approaching Mick , the commentators were expressing their grave concerns as the huge swell of an approaching wave hid Mick from the camera for about 3 to 4 seconds.
You can just imagine the despair of everyone watching this live on T.V.
As the swell rolled through & Mick came back into view there was overwhelming relief to see that he had managed to fend off the monster without sustaining any physical injury.
And just to give you an indication of the character of this " world champion surfer " he returned the following year to compete in the same event at the same venue as he continued to chase further world titles.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 18, 2017, 05:24:41 AM
Crikey Les he obviously has no fear whatsoever! You are mine of interesting stories :)
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 18, 2017, 08:03:39 PM
Penny ,

It's 5.46pm in Brisbane & we have just regained the ashes.
I was trying to work out what time it would be in England but as my understanding of time zones is no better than my ability with a compass , I just gave up because I probably would have ended up with the time for Birdsville.
I know that when the ashes are played in England , I find myself sitting up to the wee hours of the morning to watch the games in our freezing winter. (our winter temperatures do occasionally drop in to single figures )
So I was just curious if the reverse scenario was the same for you.?

There is a group of about six or seven pommies that are regulars at my local & we all get along famously ,that is until  there happens to be an Ashes series in progress.
This afternoon , all the regulars were there & despite the dire situation that England were in " John the pom " as we affectionately call him , led his group into boisterous songs that the barmy army would be proud of.
Of course our group came back with renditions of our own version of typical Ozzie songs.
There were many discussions , back & forward about selectors decisions , weather conditions , umpires decisions etc .. & as the beers flowed all sorts of bets were being proposed by both sides such as , Vince will score a ton , Lyon won't take a wicket , Marsh is overrated etc..& of course the loser of each bet had to shout the next round for the entire group.

The interaction between our two groups never got out of hand & in fact entertained the entire patronage of the club including the manager ( who ,would you believe it , is a bloody pom ) & even though England had lost he put on an open bar for 30 minutes to celebrate the result.

How wonderful is the diversity of Australia , the fact that we had a group of pommies there & not just an entire roomful of people cheering for Australia , it made the afternoon twice as enjoyable & got everybody including those who knew nothing about cricket , totally involved.

Cheers Les




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on December 18, 2017, 09:59:51 PM
Les, I've read all your posts over the last how many years and have laughed and cried accordingly.  You are an absolute treat to this forum.  I think I'm in love.  Val xxx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 18, 2017, 11:45:29 PM
I think I'm in love.  Val xxx


Welcome to the forum, Val.  We all love Les but they do say love is blind.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 19, 2017, 05:10:49 AM
Hear hear! It was a great day when Les joined the forum :)  They certainly broke the mould when they made him :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 19, 2017, 05:55:11 AM
I missed your post Les - heaven knows how!  I didn't sit up to listen to Test Match Special.  It was a "school night" & I had to be up at 6am for work this morning :(  I'm guessing that if it was 5.46pm in Brisbane then it was probably about 8am here? Are we about 10 or 11 hours behind you? I got the result as I arrived for work. I think, sadly, it was always a foregone conclusion :'(  Your Australian team have gone from being a bit rubbish a short while ago to a real force to be reckoned with.  Phenomenal bowling!
It sounds like you had an amazing time.  I wish I'd been there to join in!  I once saw a lone Ozzie try to outsing the Barmy Army at Trent Bridge (sorry I might have mentioned this before!)  It was hilarious :laugh: Cricket & Rugby as well are both great for having very good natured supporters.  I love the relationship between Australia & England.  Do hope you don't bale out of the Commonwealth.
I suspect the England team are now probably totally demoralised.  Shame.  Hopefully when the Ashes come back to England they might play better on home turf.
I was very surprised to read that temperatures get down into single figures in Brisbane in winter.  I always thought you had a fairly balmy (barmy?!) climate.
atb Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 19, 2017, 03:31:31 PM
Les, I've read all your posts over the last how many years and have laughed and cried accordingly.  You are an absolute treat to this forum.  I think I'm in love.  Val xxx


Thanks for those kind words , Val & congratulations on your first post , would love to hear more from you. :-* ( on the cheek )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 19, 2017, 04:22:26 PM

I missed your post Les - heaven knows how!  I didn't sit up to listen to Test Match Special.  It was a "school night" & I had to be up at 6am for work this morning :(  I'm guessing that if it was 5.46pm in Brisbane then it was probably about 8am here? Are we about 10 or 11 hours behind you? I got the result as I arrived for work. I think, sadly, it was always a foregone conclusion :'(  Your Australian team have gone from being a bit rubbish a short while ago to a real force to be reckoned with.  Phenomenal bowling!
It sounds like you had an amazing time.  I wish I'd been there to join in!  I once saw a lone Ozzie try to outsing the Barmy Army at Trent Bridge (sorry I might have mentioned this before!)  It was hilarious :laugh: Cricket & Rugby as well are both great for having very good natured supporters.  I love the relationship between Australia & England.  Do hope you don't bale out of the Commonwealth.
I suspect the England team are now probably totally demoralised.  Shame.  Hopefully when the Ashes come back to England they might play better on home turf.
I was very surprised to read that temperatures get down into single figures in Brisbane in winter.  I always thought you had a fairly balmy (barmy?!) climate.
atb Penny


Good morning Penny ,

I am surprised that Ozzyjack or 2dognight have not given us the exact time difference between Australia & England but what the hell , 10 or 11 hours sounds about right to me.
As you quite rightly point out Australian cricket has been rubbish over the past few years , now it is England's turn to endure a few years of rubbish until they unearth their next generation of world class players.
I also agree with all those comments that you made about Joe Root , a fine young man who needs to be relieved of the burden of captaincy to allow his own game to blossom , the problem is , who do you replace him with ?
I think it is sad but probably inevitable that we will eventually become a republic , I just hope that it happens long after I have gone.
With regard to our Brisbane winter temperatures , I did say occasionally.
I reckon our median temps over June / July which are our coldest months would probably be around 15 to 17 degrees & when we do happen to get more than just a couple of days that are below 10 degrees then we feel that we have been extremely hard done by.

Keep warm Pen.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on December 19, 2017, 07:13:05 PM
Back at you Les.  I was once a forumite many moons ago when the posts were, how would you say, somewhat more "robust" and I suppose I wasn't keen on their tone so I took my leave.  But these last couple of years seem to be much more positive and certainly entertaining.  And I particularly like your wonderful contributions, Les.  Keep up the good work.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 19, 2017, 10:06:24 PM

I am surprised that Ozzyjack or 2dognight have not given us the exact time difference between Australia & England

I think it is sad but probably inevitable that we will eventually become a republic , I just hope that it happens long after I have gone.


Les, you’ve goaded me into being the pedant that you seem to think I am.

There is no one exact time difference between Australia and the UK.  It depends on your location in Australia and the time of the year.  Currently with only progressive Australian states on daylight saving time - 5:46 pm in Brisbane = 3:46 pm in Perth, WA = 7:46 am in the UK.  You would be aware that Queensland is one hour and ten years behind New South Wales but when an Ansett (now extinct) pilot pointed this out some years ago when NSW first introduced daylight saving, they sacked him.

Your view on the Republic seems to be in response to Penny’s wish that we do not bow out of the Commonwealth. They are two separate concepts. More than half of the Commonwealth nations are republics and since the 2007 Kampala declaration Australia wouldn’t even have to apply to retain membership. It would simply continue as a Commonwealth nation after becoming a republic.

And so, Les, it is my fervent hope that you continue giving us enjoyment in these forums for many years after Australia becomes a republic.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 20, 2017, 06:10:54 AM
Evening Jack.  Thanks for allowing Les to goad you into explaining the time difference.  I was happy not to be a million miles away :) How far are you & Les apart?  I always forget how huge your country is! Also thanks for your interesting point about the Commonwealth.  As far as I'm concerned our relationship with Australia & New Zealand is more "special" than that with the USA.  Just my thought that's all.

Evening to you Les. I always struggle to get my head round the fact that you celebrate Christmas in the summer! Your climate (apart from the thunderstorms!) sounds almost perfect.  We had a couple of radiographers from work emigrate to Oz a few years ago.  One to Brisbane & one to Perth.  They love it & are unlikely to return.  A friend who is an A&E consultant moved to Adelaide 3 years ago.  He was only coming for a year but doesn't look like returning home any time soon.  He said doctors are more highly valued & are treated much better.
Stay cool Les
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 20, 2017, 04:39:12 PM
Gooday Jack ,

Rather than a pedant , I simply perceive you to be a very sage man who , as an added bonus , just happens to have a great sense of humour. ( I don't like telling him but I do have a similar opinion of our Chi administrator. )

It's been a long time since I last heard this one ;
" You would be aware that Queensland is one hour and ten years behind New South Wales " ..just hilarious.
 And to echo Penny's request , what suburb are you in?

And to take it a step further & if for no other reason than to give the forum some respite from my ramblings , I would really appreciate to hear a bit of an overview of your life in Australia.
Jack , the last thing that I want to do is to invade your privacy or ask you to talk about anything that you might be uncomfortable with so if you prefer not to respond then I fully understand but I am certain that the entire forum would like to hear your story.

If you do choose to share some stories with us , here's a few tips just to get you started.
I seem to recall seeing an ozziejune on the scoreboard who enjoys nothing more than beating ozziejack. ( wife , relative , friend or maybe even secret lover ? )
Were you born , married in Australia or are you an immigrant , how many kids , grandkids & what did you do during your working life.?








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on December 20, 2017, 04:43:50 PM
Hmmmm, how about you telling us all about your good self, Les.  I am sure it would be a wonderful story.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 20, 2017, 05:01:00 PM
I'm guessing that ozziejack is quite a few years older than me & would have a much more colourful history to relate than my own rather boring life story but I am an open book & happy to share some of my life experiences .. where would you like me to start ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 20, 2017, 05:15:30 PM
Hi Penny ,

You know how they do those surveys of the general populace asking them to rank the most trusted professions , inevitably , Doctors / Nurses top our lists while & lawyers / real estate agents come in equal last.

Queensland , beautiful one day , perfect the next .

Oh bugger , I've lost track of the time missed the last race at Doomben.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 20, 2017, 05:25:43 PM
Hmmmm, how about you telling us all about your good self, Les.  I am sure it would be a wonderful story.

Ok , Val , I will do it in segments from when I was born & hopefully ozziejack will follow suit & then of course you will be required to reciprocate.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 20, 2017, 06:01:41 PM
I was born in 1959 in a small country town called Childers.
I had 3 older siblings that were all two years apart.
My dad worked as a linesman for P.O. & we were doing  ok until he had a fall from the top of a pole & injured his back  which meant that he could no longer do that type of work.
So I am about 2 years old when we moved to Dalby ( a much bigger country town ) where dad had secured a job as a carpenter.
We were very lucky to be allocated a modest housing commission home in which to live but dad was struggling to find enough carpentry work to pay the rent & feed the family so mum ( who had never had to work before ) quickly found herself a job in an ironing / dry cleaning business & then when that folded she soon found another as a waitress at a diner.
As dad managed to pick up more clients & his reputation within the town grew , things began to get better & we were living a modest but comfortable lifestyle.
Dalby , which is located on the Darling Downs has pretty extreme temperatures , very hot summers & very cold winters.
Fortunately our home was furnished with a classic wood stove which heated the entire home.
Of course that meant that the wood box had to be kept stocked at all times so duties were allocated accordingly.
The eldest brother was responsible for the big wood & middle brother for the middle wood & chips ... Les you can do the chips when you are a bit older but until then it is your responsibility to collect all the wood that your brothers have chopped , carry it inside & make sure that the wood box is always fully loaded.
I cannot remember exactly but I would have been about 6 or 7 years old however I do remember the dressing down that I got from mum when she arrived home from work because while I was laying on the lounge room floor watching cartoons , the wood box had not been filled so tea would be late.
Then dad arrives home shortly after ... why isn't tea ready ... no wood , Les went off playing footy & forgot to fill the wood box ... go & collect that wood now ... but it's dark outside .. He's so mad that he demands that I go & collect the wood right now.

I tentatively make my way to the wood pile in the dark.
All I can think of is the big spiders , lizards & snakes that I know live in this wood pile.

Next thing , middle brother appears with a bright torch light & we quickly scoop up the required wood ...Tea was a bit late but all was forgiven & a life lesson learnt.


A few weeks pass & unbeknown to mum & dad , middle brother , keen to shirk the task , gives me intensive tuition on how to use the rusty old tomahawk to cut the small chips.
After constant badgering , dad finally agrees to witness how well I can cut the chips and agrees to allocate that duty to me.

By coincidence Christmas is only a couple of weeks away.
As I opened my present on that Christmas day , tears streamed down my face as I saw my very own brand new tomahawk.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on December 20, 2017, 07:14:10 PM
Oh good heavens, Les, you are such a youngster.  I feel like a cradle snatcher.
Okay, I'll take up your challenge.
Born Dingwall Scotland 1948.  Then Gold Coast Africa (Ghana).  Father mining engineer.  Every three years R&R in UK.  Then South America (British Guiana now Guyana).  Returned Scotland at 6 years old where I was left with distant aunt for approx three years whilst parents went to Thailand.  Flew out to join them at nine years old (wearing kilt(!) on disembarking Bangkok!).  Met new brother already two years old (horrors!).  Boarding School Penang Malaysia until end 1961.  Then back to UK age 13.  Emigrated downunder as Ten Pound Pom in 1965.  Half brain removed in 1987.  Haven't looked back since.  Been around Austraila many times in our camper-trailer.  Wouldn't live anywhere else.  Heaven on earth.  But, please do continue ...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on December 20, 2017, 08:33:28 PM
Good evening to you all. I'm really enjoying this forum and felt the need to remind/inform you all of just how vast this great country is. I too am an alien...arrived from Scotland at the ripe old age of 8....in 1962. I have driven quite a few kilometres around Australia and have loved it all. We (my husband of 43yrs and I ) are  Itching to get going again. Please keep the stories coming. 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 21, 2017, 12:07:32 AM
Gooday Jack ,
Were you born , married in Australia or are you an immigrant , how many kids , grandkids & what did you do during your working life.?


G’day, Les et al.

The answers to your questions are: yes, yes, no, 2, 2, a shinybum in the Federal public service.

Despite being a shy, retiring violet, i will expand a little later but not now as I interrupted my sleep to have a quick peek at the forum and I need another 4 hours kip before we drive 80 km to the outskirts of Sydney to play our weekly golf match with some old ( their ages not how long we have known them) friends shortly after 7’ o’clock.

But I will leave you with a teaser.  I live in a household of four of which I am the least intelligent, namely Ozzyjune and two Border Collies.

Looking forward to other stories. Zzzz


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 21, 2017, 05:40:05 AM
Thanks Les for yet another interesting, funny & moving story. Look forward to hearing more.  I was born in 1956 about 30 miles from where I live now.  My parents took a pub when I was 9 & packed me off to boarding school when I was 11.  I hated it & kept running away.  Sadly they kept taking me back! Estate agents are pretty much the bottom of the heap here too.  Together with car salesmen & double glazing salesmen :(
Jack, what in heavens name is a "shinybum"?  Is it the same as a desk wallah? Federal public service??  Is that like local government or our civil service?
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 21, 2017, 03:57:48 PM

Jack, what in heavens name is a "shinybum"?  Is it the same as a desk wallah? Federal public service??  Is that like local government or our civil service?
Pen
The term "shiny bum" was first used in a military context during the Second World War of someone with an office job.  The term spread in Aussie slang to any Bureaucrat or Office Worker.  The connotation is fairly obvious.  I guess it is somewhat equivalent to desk wallah but somewhat less refined.  Aussies are generally less refined than the poms unless they come from Adelaide or Melbourne.  This is particularly so for Queenslanders but Les, of course, is an obvious exception.

Australia has three levels of law-making – often referred to as the three levels of government – that work together to provide Australians with the services they need.

The three levels are: federal (aka Commonwealth or national) Parliament, in Canberra; state/territory parliaments, in each state/territory capital city; local councils (also called shires or municipalities), across the nation.

Australia has one federal Parliament, six state and two territory parliaments, and over 560 local councils.

Each level is supported by its own Bureaucracy.

In my 40+ years of public service, I worked for 2 Commonwealth organisations; 29 years for the Australian Bureau of Statistics and 12 years for the Department of Veterans Affairs.  But a little more of that in a future Segment.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 21, 2017, 05:12:46 PM
Thanks Jack ... maybe I should  consider reinstating my " Sir Les " avatar in the new year , I know that Pen would love to see it back.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 21, 2017, 09:24:00 PM
I'm ten years old & life is good , care free & everything is fun , mostly dominated by footy & cricket & even school was almost fun.
I have even been allowed to use the big axe to chop the wood.
As much as I loved my little tomahawk , the task of chopping the chips was so much easier using the big axe as dad always kept that blade razor sharp.
Chopping the chips was now a breeze so I quickly realised that if I also did the middle wood as well as the big wood then my big brothers would owe me a couple of favours.
And so it transpired , with my best mate Tammy always by my side I took over the entire role of filling the wood box with all three categories of wood.
As soon as Tammy would start barking I would drop the axe & get the hell out of there & sure enough , within a few minutes I would see a huge snake slithering through the woodpile.
I should have explained that Tammy was the family dog.
She was given to us by one of the locals as a puppy & big sister immediately put her hand up as the one to be responsible for her.
Big sister is sixteen years old so it wasn't long before the needs of the dog were neglected as she pursued other interests her main priority being trying to work out how she was going to get to America to see Elvis Presley.
The older brothers were also not to interested in the extra chores involved in looking after a dog.
Of course , I volunteered .. Les , you will have to make sure that we have dog food in the pantry & that she is fed everyday & you must make sure that her water bowl is always full . you will also be responsible for her grooming & bathing & once every week you have to rub in her itching powder.
I accepted the responsibility & Tammy never lacked for anything.
Tammy was so clever , she had a habit of relaxing / sleeping in the shade of the back patio of an afternoon & as my siblings or anyone else for that matter, entered the yard , she would not move but as I walked home from school & as soon as I put a foot in the yard she would bolt up to me & jump all over me.
We did not have a front fence so I did my best to train Tammy to stay within the confines of our yard but of course once in heat , all that training goes out the window.
So I arrive from home school one afternoon & there is no sign of Tammy .
After a couple of hours & still no sign of Tammy , I jump on my big brothers " speedster " bike ( a privilege earned by cutting all the firewood ) & spend hours riding around town in a desperate search for Tammy.
Mum can see that I am upset so that is when I get my first " birds & bees " lecture explaining that Tammy has run away but will be back in a few days.
Several days pass before big brother finally tells me the truth , Mum could not bare to tell you but Tammy was hit by a car and did not survive.
I was devastated , this was the saddest day of my life , little did I know that there much worse in store at the upcoming walkathon.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 22, 2017, 01:41:05 AM
Thanks Jack ... maybe I should  consider reinstating my " Sir Les " avatar in the new year , I know that Pen would love to see it back.


I don’t think reinstating “Sir Les” would be a good idea.  Although you try to hide it in banter and humour  you are much too deep and sensitive to be identified as a buffoon like “Sir Les”.  But enough about you….this is the first episode of my story.

Where to begin? Before the beginning.  

In 1853, a boatload of German immigrants arrived seeking a new life.  Some went to South Australia to grow grapes but my lot went to  a German farming community in the mountains in the Dungog – Paterson area about 80 kilometres inland from Newcastle, NSW.  The community was so insulated that my grandmother, although born in Australia, could only speak German when she started school.  She married John Maurer and my father,  the youngest of four children, was born in 1902.  Grandfather John Maurer died in 1925.
On my mother’s side, my grandfather was a coal miner in the Cessnock -  Maitland area.  He was born in New Zealand and came to Australia to work in the mines.  I have always assumed that with a name like ‘Parker’ his forebears were either English or Welsh.  My grandmother’s maiden name was Miller so I assumed her forebears were Welsh.  My mother was born in 1913.

At about 18, my mother was hired by my fathers family as a house keeper servant. I assume love blossomed despite family opposition and my parents married in 1932.  They moved away from the family home and had a series of dairy farms as share farmers.  Nothing much was said about the details and I was too self absorbed growing up to enquire.

The story begins as far as I was concerned when I arrived on the scene in 1942.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 22, 2017, 05:45:01 AM
Oh Les you must have been devastated.  So very sad - even though it was years ago.  Jack is right you are obviously a deep & sensitive soul. You are right about Sir Les I really don't want to see him again ???  Perhaps you'd better pick one of the many other avatars you road tested previously!
I am very much looking forward to reading the next instalments of both of your life stories.  So very interesting.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 22, 2017, 10:07:20 AM
Fascinating prelude , Jack , can't wait for the next chapter.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on December 22, 2017, 02:44:53 PM
Jack: Fitz... names are Irish, meaning "son of". I've always thought how posh it sounds! (Unlike the Welsh equivalent "ap", abbreviated to "p" in names like Price, Probert, Protheroe.) Despite the P, I think you'll find Parker isn't Welsh but English for someone who worked in a park.

I know I've been talking some rubbish recently but I believe I'm right on this one.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 22, 2017, 04:25:11 PM
Hey Pen ,

We've just been watching an Australian movie on T.V called " The Back Yard Ashes."
I have been trying to find a link to send you but have had no success.
If you can manage to find it , I think that it is a movie that you would really enjoy.

Cheers Les






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 22, 2017, 05:44:15 PM
Fascinating prelude , Jack , can't wait for the next chapter.

Well you asked for it, Les.

But first a caveat.  I admire your ability to reveal your feelings and emotions and in some ways envy you this ability but it is not in my makeup.  It may be the Germanic background or perhaps grandfather Parker came from Yorkshire. And you know what they say “Tha can allus tell a Yorkshireman, but tha can’t tell ‘im mooch”.  Also, I have an ability to dismiss from my mind those things I would rather forget, and there are many of them, and they won’t appear in the narrative although that may make the telling more boring.

And so, in this segment I look at my early life in Hinton, a small town elevated above the flood plain on the confluence of the Hunter and Paterson rivers, until I left home to go to Canberra in 1960.

It may not have been an idyllic childhood but in many ways it was. I was an only child and my parents gave me unconditional love and overindulged me to extent their limited means would allow. One of my first memories was as a 4 year-old pushing my toy car to a new home about a kilometre away.  Dad had been working as a residential farm hand and had been offered a share farm which as I understand it means that the owner provides the land and buildings and the farmer hands over half earnings from the property.

I spent a lot of time on my own as a kid but I had a horse and a bike by the time I was eight and I never envied the town kids their life style.  I had more freedom and wandered over an incredibly wide territory and had many adventures, most of them in my own imagination.  In fact, for a strange reason I was the envy of Hinton kids.  Before flood mitigation in the Hunter Valley, it was subject to many floods.  We had 22 in 1950-51 and a record flood in 1956.  In floods, Hinton was an island with supplies being dropped in by air or after the floodwaters had become less treacherous by Army Duck, a large amphibious vehicle originally used to land troops and equipment in the Pacific in World War II.  None of the Hinton kids had ridden in an army duck but I did – twice.  The first time was in a 1949 flood when I had to urgently get to hospital to have my tonsils out.  The second was during the 1956 flood when I needed to get to the Doctor in Morpeth to fix a broken arm.  I had been racing another kid down the main street of Hinton on a horse I was exercising when a cow raced out of a Lantana bush.  My horse went straight into it at full gallop.  I am not quite sure what happened in the next few seconds but the horse was uninjured, I had a green stick fracture of the arm and I never found out what happened to the cow.

I should mention my education.  My parents taught me basic reading and arithmetic and thought this would allow me to remain at home until they thought I was old enough to catch the bus to the nun’s school in Morpeth which was about 5 kilometres away. The Education Department thought differently and so at six years and four months, I started at the Hinton public school in October 1948. I was lucky, and the teacher was willing to take a flexible approach and so I spent 2 months in first class, and 6 months in second and third classes in the next year.

I started fourth class at the nun’s school in 1950.  One of the shocks was that I was expected to wear shoes to school.  It was a primary school but some of boys were fourteen and serving time so they could leave and get a job. I was no doubt a bit of a smart alec and they would sometimes lock me in a broom cupboard at lunch time to teach me respect for my elders.  It didn’t work but I still suffer from mild claustrophobia.  

When I was in sixth class, the Nuns advised that I was younger and less mature than the boys that would be in first year high school and that I should repeat sixth class.  This would have the added advantage that I might win a bursary to pay fees and texts.  This didn’t work as I was bored repeating the same stuff and I didn’t get a bursary.

I started school at Maitland Marist Brothers in 1954.  I did study after classes with the Sixth class primary kids in the junior school and got the bursary at the end of 1954.  One of my disappointments was that I couldn’t represent the school at rugby league for the first years.  The school had weight grades from 4 stone 7 pounds(29Kg) to 8 stone 7(54kg) and an open grade.  When I started school, I was over 10 stone (64kg)and you can’t let 10-year-olds play with 17-year olds in the open grade – they would be slaughtered.  In my final year at school (1959) I played in the open grade at 15 stone 11(100 kg) and it was the fittest I have been in my life.   Team mates included Jimmy Morgan who later played for Australia and Brian McGuigan of wine industry fame.  While I am name dropping, John Bell, the Actor, Theatre Director and Manager was also a classmate for a year.  

History repeated itself and in 1958 I was talked into repeating fifth year because I was considered too young and immature to go to University.  They were right this time.  Even if I had repeated many times it would have probably been the case but that is for a later story.  Also, it is interesting that high school in New South Wales is now six years



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 22, 2017, 05:49:37 PM
Jack: Fitz... names are Irish, meaning "son of". I've always thought how posh it sounds! (Unlike the Welsh equivalent "ap", abbreviated to "p" in names like Price, Probert, Protheroe.) Despite the P, I think you'll find Parker isn't Welsh but English for someone who worked in a park.


That's great, Anona, I've always wanted an Irish ancestor - they contributed a lot to the history of Australia.  I only thought Welsh because of the coal mining connection.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 22, 2017, 06:11:32 PM
Every year , our school would organise a walkathon to raise some funds for school equipment.
The students role was to go knocking on doors for sponsors.
I think that the course was about 10 miles ( 5 miles out of town & then retrace your route back into town ) & most residents would offer a sponsorship of 10 cents a mile so if you were able to complete the entire course you would earn $1.00 towards the cause & in those days that was a significant amount of money.
After the event & armed with the " official paperwork " to show how many miles you had completed , the students would return to those homes who had been generous enough to make the donation & collect those contributions.
The day before the walkathon & Mum asks " how are you going with your sponsorships ? "
I've done really well , I might even be a chance of winning the prize for the most money raised by an individual student.
Let me see your sheet ... Mrs Brown has signed up for 50 cents a mile , she can not afford that & probably got confused thinking that her total contribution would be 50 cents so , no matter how many miles you manage to complete you will only accept 50 cents from Mrs Brown.
And old Joe from across the street has signed for $5.00 a mile , you will only collect $5.00 from him.
Mum , then sat me down & explained to me that sometimes as people get a bit older they can get a bit confused & make irrational decisions.
They didn't even have a name for it back then but what she was talking about was dementia which , ironically , she suffered from severely in her later years.

The big day arrives and we all assemble at the school gates.
It's 9am & the walkathon begins right on time , it is not a race so Steve (my best mate from school ) & I take off at a leisurely pace.
We are both footballers in the peak of condition so for us , this walkathon is really just a walk in the park.
Even at our leisurely pace , we beat most of the field to the 5 mile turnaround point.
This is all becoming a bit boring so on the return trip we work out that we can take a shortcut through the cemetery & come out about a mile short of the finish line.
Just as we approach the cemetery , a car pulls up , its Uncle Boyd.
Les , you need to come with me now , sorry Steven but you will have to keep walking.
I know straight away that there is something wrong but I cannot imagine what it might be.
Uncle Boyd makes a lot of idle chatter then as we approach home he blurts it out , your father had a massive heart attack this afternoon & could not be revived.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 22, 2017, 06:43:50 PM
Absolutely nothing boring about that narrative Jack , although I was deeply concerned about what happened to that cow.

Hopefully a few more forumites might choose to enlighten us with their stories.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 23, 2017, 05:54:17 AM
Les is right Jack - nothing boring about your story.  My Dad was a Yorkshireman.  All the stories about them are pretty much true if a bit exaggerated :laugh:  If a Yorkshireman shakes your hand he counts his fingers after!  The old ones are the best!! I too was wondering about the cow.
Les I'm finding your story riveting.  I can visualise it in my mind. I will definitely look out for the film you recommended.
My story is difficult & can probably be told in a couple of sentences.  I married a man who, it turned out, was paranoid schizophrenic.  In spite of repeated visits to the GP it wasn't diagnosed at the time.  After years of mental & physical abuse I left him.  A couple of years later I fell in love with an amazing man.  We had 2 fantastically happy years together then the silly bugger was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  It was all over with in a few short months.  12 years ago now & I still miss him.  On the positive side my ex husband gave me the most wonderful daughter so it's not all doom & gloom!
Les & Jack do please continue..
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 23, 2017, 11:48:26 AM
My Dad was a Yorkshireman.  

Pen,

I have a fond regard for the stereotype of the Yorkshireman.  In my mind it is very close to the stereotype of the outback Australian, particularly of some years ago - the ones the ANZAC legends were based on - self sufficient, resourceful, stoic, don't say much but when they do you had better listen and when you break through the reserve and become a friend, you know you have someone you can rely through  thick and thin. Why do I suddenly feel like breaking into a chorus of "Hey, True Blue".  The Aussies tended to be greater larrikins.

While I was typing this, the test of whether you appreciate traditional Aussie humour came into my mind and I will share it with you.

In the trenches in WW I, a young Aussie digger was lying, dying because a shell had exploded near him.  He was holding his stomach with both hands to stop it spilling out over the ground.  A chaplain came up to try and give him comfort and after the usual pious words asked "does it hurt much, my son?" .  The diggers reply was "only when I laugh. Padre"

I appreciated your story, Pen.  Life can deal us some tough blows.  But we can't change the past, so all we can do is make the best of the future.

I was hoping that you were going to reveal that your mother was one of those code- breakers.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on December 23, 2017, 12:03:25 PM
Yorkshiremen?
Soft southerners!
Now up on Tyneside in the real north of England.......!

 ;D ;D ;D

(only joking, of course.
My daughter studied at Sheffield University - you don't get anywhere more 'Yorkshire' than Sheffield - and I always found it a friendly, welcoming  place).


 



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 23, 2017, 03:54:11 PM
Penny ,

Even though it was only a few sentences , it still brought a lump to my throat.
What a brave woman you are to have endured such a marriage.
There is absolutely no circumstance or excuse ( including mental illness ) which makes it ok for a man to assault a woman & I am so sorry that you had to go through that.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you  ( I presume with a young child ) to pluck up enough courage to actually leave him.
And how terribly sad that you eventually find your true soul mate , only to have him , so cruelly , taken from you after such a very short time together.
I am sure that you normally do anyway but next time you see your daughter just make sure that give her an extra hard & extra long hug.

Respectfully Les

Oops , almost forgot to add this link that I found for Backyard Ashes , it is only a trailer but also includes bloopers & the making of the film which will give you a pretty good indication of the type of film that is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfLn-duACkM



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 23, 2017, 04:05:11 PM
I was deeply concerned about what happened to that cow.


Les, if the cow had been seriously injured or worse, I would have heard.  What I imagine happened was that the horse swerved at the last minute and merely sideswiped the cow otherwise the horse would have been injured.  I was riding bareback and would have continued in a straight line straight over the cow.  The horse was caught to be taken home.  The cow would have been part of a herd left to roam free in the town by a farmer whose land was totally below flood level.  it would have got back with its mates and told them about this crazy kid who had come out of nowhere and disturbed its grazing ... or something like that.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 23, 2017, 05:30:20 PM
In January 1960, I went for an interview with the New South Wales Public Service.  If I was to get to university, I needed a scholarship because there was no way my parents could afford the fees let alone living expenses.  It was a shambles.  There were 5 interviewers (including a couple of professors) with me stuck in the middle having questions fired at me.  After a short while I realised it was hopeless and I thanked them for their time and walked out.  One of the group, who I now suspect was the personnel officer setting up the interviews, came after me and said he noticed I had good maths passes and I should be aware the Commonwealth had advertised for Statistics Cadets.
I didn’t even know what statistics was, but I went around to the Commonwealth recruiting office and filled in the necessary forms.  The clerk there told me applications had closed the previous week, but they hadn’t got a great response and he thought he could get me an interview.  I went back to Hinton believing my visit to Sydney had been a complete waste of time.

In mid-February, I got a call to come to Sydney for an interview.  This one was entirely different.  The first segment consisted of all the candidates sitting around a table discussing issues coordinated by one interviewer.  A couple of the candidates were from Sydney prestigious private school who spoke poshly and with great confidence.  Then there was a private interview with the interviewer and the only question I can remember was whether I was a great reader and what type of books I read.  I answered that I was an avid reader of Westerns.  The interviewer replied that he didn’t mind a good Western.  I went home thinking the process was a lot fairer than the State interview, but I had no chance against those other bright candidates.

A week later, I got a letter saying that if I wanted to accept a cadetship, I should respond immediately and that a warrant would be sent to pay for my train trip to Canberra.  The cadetship would cover University fees and a living allowance would be paid at the rate of a base grade clerk – which was slightly greater than what an adult farm hand could earn in Hinton.  I didn’t need more than two seconds to decide.

And so it was that on the 29 February 1960, I was on a train bound for Canberra with the 3 other successful New South Wales candidates -none of whom came from a prestigious private school.  I still wonder whether they all withdrew from the process or if not, what the selection criteria were.

The rest of 1960 can be summarised succinctly.  I was a front row in the premiership under-18 University Rugby team and played as an emergency reserve in first grade several times.  The rest of my endeavours were less successful.  Instead of committing to studies I spent my living allowance on beer, unsuccessfully chasing females and the rest I wasted.  I failed 3 out of 4 subjects and was kicked off the cadetship.  I had a bond to serve out and so I went to work as a real base grade clerk in the Employment Branch in February 1961.  I was told it would look bad if I were promoted to earn more than the Cadets that were still studying and so I stayed in this Branch until 1964 when my fortunes changed.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 23, 2017, 05:39:14 PM
" Instead of committing to studies I spent my living allowance on beer, unsuccessfully chasing females and the rest I wasted."

A man after my own heart.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 24, 2017, 05:42:40 AM
Thanks so much Les & Jack for your very kind words.  Means a great deal.
Jack I laughed at your joke so I think that humour obviously travels well from one side of the globe to the other.  My Mum wasn't a Codebreaker!  She left home in 1939 at the age of 17 to join the Women's Land Army & worked on a farm.  My Dad was in the army & was evacuated from Dunkirk. My Mums brother was in the navy on the North Atlantic convoys.  My Dad's brother-in-law was at Montecassino.  Thankfully all survived the war.  There was a story told to me by my cousin that his Dad left Italy after Montecassino with some important papers & was despatched to London.  He stopped at a camp near the French coast as he needed fuel.  He asked the guard on the gate to fetch his CO & apparently round the corner came my Dad! My Grandfather was in the Home Guard in a small village in Buckinghamshire.  My Godfather, who was a child at the time, told me that it was just like Dad's Army :laugh:  Sorry I've no idea if you get that over in Oz.  It probably wouldn't travel very well.
Jack am so glad the cow survived!
Please both of your continue your stories..
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 24, 2017, 05:44:39 AM
Thanks for the clip Les.  Backyard Ashes sounds right up my street.  I did look on Netflix but couldn't find it.  I'm going to explore Amazon & see if I can track down a DVD. Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 24, 2017, 07:44:17 AM
Dad's Army :laugh:  Sorry I've no idea if you get that over in Oz. 

Pen, I've seen every episode twice, some more.   


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 24, 2017, 10:14:30 AM


  Happy and joyous Christmas to you all

  Carol

   



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 24, 2017, 11:30:16 AM
On the workfront in 1964, I believed that the restriction on my promotion in the organisation was unfair so I applied for a job in another department. I went well in interview and expected to get the job. I got called into our Personnel section and was told they had decided to promote me (coincidentally?) to the level I had applied for in the other department.  It also involved a transfer to a section working on a primitive computer, an ICT 555.   I didn’t know what a computer was and initially floundered at trying to program it but after a few months found I was quite good at it. It was limited to a maximum of 150 program steps and each step was executed by inserting a wire into holes in a plugboard.  Each hole performed an action. Data input/output was on punched cards.

On the personal front, I was living in a hostel which had regimented dining arrangements. If it was Thursday, you knew steak was on the menu. Times for meals were limited and if you were late you missed out. You were allocated a table which you were expected to sit at for each meal. Consequently, you saw a lot of your table mates.   I was with 3 other blokes at my table and we had just about exhausted every respectable avenue of conversation and even the bawdy stuff was getting boring.  I was talking to a rather shy academic over coffee in the communal lounge after dinner one evening when he confided that he was a trifle embarrassed being at a table with 3 very attractive young women. My reaction was “geez, mate, ya gotta be joking, I’ll swap you”.  You can see I was quite articulate in those days. He reluctantly agreed.  I felt guilty because he would be totally incompatible with my yobbo mates but I was looking forward to a change.

I tried to get to every meal and flirted outrageously with each of the women.  I had the feeling that 2 of the women liked the attention but one didn’t. She made it clear my behaviour was gauche and unimpressive.  Her name was June. June was(is) a mentally strong, competitive woman who doesn’t shy away from a challenge. I think she decided she could turn me into a reasonable and acceptable human being. We were engaged in March, 1964.  My parents thought their prayers had been answered but not all parties were so positive. Her parents were opposed because I was nominally Catholic and they were fervently Protestant. Her friends told her she was taking on a lost cause and “it won’t last”.   June won’t be told she can’t achieve something by anyone(especially me) and we were married in January, 1965.  So far it has lasted 53 years and she still has a long way to go to get me to achieve the standard she would like.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on December 24, 2017, 12:14:25 PM
Ozzyjack and ozzyjune

That was a lovely post   great photo

Brought tears to my eyes

Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 24, 2017, 03:55:09 PM
In 1965, I was selected for a programmer-in- training course.  From memory, this involved 20 weeks of full time class work and 20 weeks of closely supervised practical work.  We learnt different program languages, basic computer hardware and architecture, and systems analysis and design and if we passed, were guaranteed an automatic promotion at the end.  This time I was motivated and passed.  1966 involved a lot of travel around State offices chasing computer time and because of this and the fact we had discovered golf, I decided to retire from Rugby.  In fact, although I never stopped loving playing Rugby, I hated training on Canberra's cold winter nights.  I can still remember the feeling of ice forming in your lungs as the forwards plodded up and down the paddock providing training for the backs.  This decision was reinforced by the birth of our son in 1968.  Our daughter was born in 1972.
   
In 1973, I was outposted to a user area to work closely with them to build systems.  I had a falling out with my computer managers because I believed they were giving wrong advice to the users.  The result was that when I was offered a transfer out of the Computer Branch to the Corporate Services Branch, I took it.  The rest of my career in the ABS was in corporate services areas mostly in Canberra but included several relieving short periods in State offices.

In 1989, I transferred to the Department of Veterans Affairs to work on Industrial Relations.  The major challenge was to look after the people aspects of transferring the Repatriation Hospitals from Commonwealth /to State Government control and if that couldn't be achieved to convince private enterprise to take them over.  Union cooperation was essential to a smooth transition and this could only be achieved if they were convinced that their members were being looked after.  In late 1993, this had been accomplished and the unit was largely disbanded.  I then had 3 years in the Melbourne Office Corporate Services Branch and 4 years in the similar unit in the Sydney Office.

In 2000, there was a major push to downsize corporate services units and I was made an offer to retire that was too good to refuse.  June was by then in a senior position in the State office of another Commonwealth Department and worked on for a couple of years while I played golf almost every day.  When she retired we moved to the Southern Highlands in 2004.  This placed us within 2 hours of both friends in Sydney and our kids (no matter how old they are, they are always our kids) who were both in Canberra at that stage.  In 2009, we discovered Chihuahua and became Ozzyjack and Ozzyjune.

Life has been kind to us.


I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all forum members the very best over the holiday season, however you perceive it to be, and the very best for the new year.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 24, 2017, 06:02:15 PM
it was just like Dad's Army :laugh:  Sorry I've no idea if you get that over in Oz.  It probably wouldn't travel very well.
Pen

Dad's Army did travel well , it had good ratings here & even after the series finished they continued to play repeats for years & I can guarantee that my mother ( who absolutely loved that show ) never missed a single episode.

It reminds me of the time that we had to attend yet another of those boring but mandatory courses for " safety in the work place "
There were probably about 12 employees that lethargically shuffled into the classroom for this particular session all braced for a very long & tedious lecture.

However we were pleasantly surprised when after a brief introduction to the course , the presenter announced that we would now
watch a short video.

The presenter in the video was none other than Arthur Lowe.
Arthur began in a very stern tone emphasising the importance of safety in the workplace.
The video then cuts to a series of absolutely ridiculous workplace scenarios , starring Arthur whose comedic brilliance shone through & had the entire room roaring in laughter.
I think that the " silly " video did much more to make employees seriously think about safety in the workplace than any boring lecture would have.

Arthur Lowe was a very fine actor & comedian. ( He played the role of Captain Mainwaring in the Dad's Army series. )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 24, 2017, 06:26:42 PM

Life has been kind to us.


Jack ,

You are a very lucky man.
Thank you ( & June , for giving permission ) for telling us a bit about yourself.
I particularly enjoyed that wonderful wedding photo although I do have to say that while I thought that the groom did look a bit ordinary , the bride was absolutely beautiful.

Merry Christmas mate.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on December 24, 2017, 07:06:48 PM
Thanks for the clip Les.  Backyard Ashes sounds right up my street.  I did look on Netflix but couldn't find it.  I'm going to explore Amazon & see if I can track down a DVD. Pen

Yes, it's an excellent film. Possibly the best Aussie comedy I've seen since 'Muriel's Wedding' a few years ago.

Not for one minute would I suggest that you should try to download anything illegally, but it is available on the 'P-r-te B-y' bittorrent website!



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 24, 2017, 08:55:09 PM
I particularly enjoyed that wonderful wedding photo although I do have to say that while I thought that the groom did look a bit ordinary , the bride was absolutely beautiful.

Les, you are a charmer..

Progress the photo 53 years and you would say the groom looks very ordinary and the bride still looks lovely.

On the stories, I think you might still have a few gaps to fill in.  I particularly appreciated Pen’s contribution and Carol’s comments.  It is a pity that more didn’t take your invitation up.

Have a good one, mate.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 25, 2017, 07:24:19 PM
We pull into the driveway as Uncle Boyd tells me the devastating news that my father has passed away.
I am shocked & confused , my dad was the strongest man in the world , he could pick me up with one hand , he was my super hero , he was invincible.
My throat is swollen & my eyes well with tears but just a couple of drops touch my cheeks ( Dad had always told me that tough boys don't cry & I never had since I was about five years old ) as Uncle Boyd takes my hand & we walk toward the house.
As we walk up the front stairs , there are several strange adults in a huddle on the patio.
Uncle Boyd stops to talk to them while I continue through the front door & into the lounge room which is packed with relatives & family friends.
I stretch my arms out in front of me as several people try to approach me & demand to know WHERE IS MY MOTHER !!!
Nobody answers but Aunty Daphne ( my favourite aunty ) emerges from the group & gently leads me into an empty bedroom.
Les , your mother was so distraught that the doctor had to be called & he has given her some medicine that will allow her to sleep through the entire night , your sister & brothers are in your sister's bedroom.
As I open the bedroom door , i immediately burst into tears as we do the best we can to try to console each other.
At 10 years old , i was the youngest in the family with my older siblings all being 2 years apart.
Being the youngest  , i had been shielded from the fact that dad had experienced other episodes due to a coronary heart condition so for those who were aware of his condition , his passing was not such a shock.
After a little while , as his tears began to subside ,  biggest brother (Trevor ) leaves the bedroom to talk to all the assembled relatives & family friends & to thank them for coming etc... Middle brother ( Barry ) leaves shortly after.
Eventually , i run out of tears & big sister  (Diane ) can finally release me from her embrace.

After everybody else begins to leave , Aunty Daphne & Uncle Kev stay behind to cook us tea & make sure that everyone is put to bed.
Us 3 boys shared the big bedroom , Trevor , being the eldest , had the privilege of his own bed while Barry & i shared the bunk bed & of course , as i was the youngest , i had the job of having to climb into the top bunk. Diane had her own room & of course mum & dad had the main bedroom. The next morning...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 26, 2017, 05:39:06 AM
A Very Happy Christmas to All :)
Mike thanks very much for the suggestion.  I will instruct No 1 daughter to search for the website you recommend & download Backyard Ashes for me.  I too loved Muriel's Wedding.
Jack & June what a brilliant wedding picture & the story was wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
Les I am very much looking forward to your next instalment.
I suspect by the time you read this in Oz it'll be Boxing Day!  My Christmas wishes will be a trifle redundant!!  Happy New Year anyone? :laugh:
all the very best Pen x


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 26, 2017, 11:09:05 PM
While she is at it , I would suggest that she also  downloads another ozzie movie called " The Castle " , while it has nothing to do with cricket , I am sure that it is a another ossie movie that you would enjoy.

Not too surprisingly , I received a personal message from a rather pedantic forumite who wanted to point out an inconsistency in my storyline , where I had stated that I had not cried since I was about five years old but did in fact have tears streaming down my face when I received my brand new shiny tomahawk at Christmas.
He is of course  , technically , correct but those tears were " tears of joy " & I should have explained more clearly just why that new tomahawk meant so much to me.

We had a big axe that was always kept razor sharp to cut the middle & big wood.
The wood box had a huge compartment for the big wood , a smaller compartment for the middle wood & a tiny little compartment for the chips & that was because you only needed a couple of chips to get the stove started but once it got going you needed plenty of middle & big wood to keep the stove going & it had to be kept going 24 / 7 during winter as it was our only source of heating the house.

While the big brothers were allowed to use the big axe , I was limited to an old rusty & very blunt tomahawk that would barely be able to cut through a pound of butter. (of course , when no one was watching , I would try to use the big axe but it was so heavy I could barely raise it of the ground. )

Invariably , by the time that big brothers had finished their allocated duties
& the woodbox was filled to capacity except for the chip box , I would still be struggling to fill the chip box so they would take over & within a few minutes not only would the chip box be filled but they provided me with a stockpile of chips which I would hide behind the backyard shed for future use.

I was certainly no angel as a kid & the lack of tears refers to the innumerable amount of times that I got caught doing the wrong thing.

The wooden spoon from mum on the back of my thighs for minor breaches was bad enough but even worse , just wait until your father gets home.
I had already been sprung , not only for wagging school but also for shoplifting a bag of lollies from the local store.
When dad came home , I knew that there was no escape , I had done the wrong thing & as dad took off his thick leather work belt & told me to bend over & pull my pants down , I took my punishment but refused to cry.

I slump on my bed (face down ) , reflecting on what I have done , Mum comes in to make sure that I am ok & at the same time tell me a little bit about the Mcabes that are running the shop.

They are not rich just because they run that shop , they do not even own it , they just manage it  so they are not much better off than us.

So , after school tomorrow , I want you to go down there with this sixpence to pay for the stolen lollies & apologise to Mrs Mcabe.

Les , it's after dark , your tea has gone cold , where on earth have you been.

Well , even after I gave her the sixpence & apologised for my behaviour , she was not impressed.

 I began to walk away when she shouted out , if you are sincere then you can deliver these flyers for me .

There was probably a hundred of them but I made sure that I delivered each & every one.

















Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 26, 2017, 11:54:05 PM
I don't remember even leaving my bed during the night but I woke up the next morning cuddled up next to my big sister in her bed.
There were a few more tears , mainly from me , as I asked her , who will look after us now , how will get by .. Diane could only reply with a shrug of the shoulders & an unconvincing reassurance that we would be ok.
Then mum comes in , nothing to say , just a lot of hugs & kisses.
She is obviously trying to put on a brave front as she prepares breakfast for everyone in her usual manner.
Once breakfast is finished & the washing up is done , the boys are sent to their room.

Uncle Boyd , Aunty Daphne , Uncle Kev , local chaplain & couple of strangers all arrive  & they all sit around the kitchen table. to discuss ; How on








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 27, 2017, 12:36:04 AM
Les, just out of curiosity, why do you always put a space before a comma?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 27, 2017, 05:22:36 AM
What happened Les?  Did you drop your beer & forget to carry on? >:D :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 27, 2017, 07:10:29 PM
Nothing so dramatic, Penny, just a bit of a power outage which is quite common during some of our summer storms.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 27, 2017, 07:48:42 PM
Les, just out of curiosity, why do you always put a space before a comma?

Good question, Pat, but I'm afraid that I have no idea what the answer is.
I tend to do the same thing before adding a percentage sign or an exclamation mark !
I think that I probably started doing it as my vision became worse as I felt that it made the text more distinguishable & therefore provided clearer readability.
The other thing is that I have already hit the space bar when as an afterthought I decide that there should probably have to be a comma in there so I just stick one in and carry on.
Anyway, thanks for pointing that out, as now that I am aware of it , I will be conscious of not doing it in the future.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 28, 2017, 06:03:44 AM
Oh Les so very pleased it was nothing serious :laugh: Look forward to the story continuing :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 28, 2017, 07:36:48 PM
Uncle Boyd , Aunty Daphne , Uncle Kev , Aunty Jessie & Uncle Col plus a local chaplain & a couple of strangers arrive  & they all sit around the kitchen table. to discuss ; How on earth is Irene ( that's mum ) going to manage bringing up four kids by herself.
The boys have all snuck in to the hall way to eaves drop but all we can hear is muffled conversation, something about the pension won' t be enough & you will have to get a job.
My mother had never held a job in her life simply because there had never been any need to have one but within a few days she got herself a job in the hospital laundry, washing & ironing sheets & other linen.
The work was backbreaking, it paid a pittance & we could all see what a terrible strain it was placing on our mother.
The next thing that I learn is that Diane (big sis ) has dropped out of school & has started working as a " check out chick " at the local supermarket.
I will never forget the Friday that she got her first pay cheque.
Not only did she shout the whole family with fish & chips (what a treat ) but there were also special little extras for everyone.
Mine, was a box of milkshake lollies (which sis knew was my favourite sweet ) , not just a little packet but a big box from the top of the shelf so long as I didn't eat them all at once.
I kept that box of lollies hidden under my clothes in my drawer where no one could possibly find them, even though I only had one drawer at the bottom of the dresser, & I reckon that I must have made that box of milkshakes last for about 3 weeks.
A little later, Mum was able to find her herself a job as a waitress at a diner , it paid nearly twice as much as the laundry job & she really enjoyed the work.
Despite our improved circumstances, money was still very tight.
As Christmas approached , we knew better than to ask for all the expensive toys that the other kids were getting & feigned gratitude when we received essentials such as new clothes & school supplies as our Christmas presents.
Dad was an ex serviceman & as such. his family were entitled to the benefits of an organisation called Legacy.
Legacy had some government funding but was mostly reliant on the dedication of selfless volunteers.
Imagine my excitement when late on Christmas morning, the man from Legacy turned up with gifts for us all.
Not essentials, like clothes & school stuff, but actual toys.
All of the gifts that Legacy delivered were donations from the community with a lot of them actually being homemade.
I was lucky enough to receive a very basic hand made train with 2 carriages on wheels, I spent endless hours rolling that bloody train up & down the hallway.

Most forumites would be familiar with the work that " A " does, building his model planes for charity.
I referred to him, in another thread, as a fair dinkum champion but I don't think that does him justice.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on December 28, 2017, 07:42:10 PM
Quote
Anyway, thanks for pointing that out, as now that I am aware of it , I will be conscious of not doing it in the future.

And unconscious of doing it?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 28, 2017, 08:16:59 PM

Most forumites would be familiar with the work that " A " does, building his model planes for charity.
I referred to him, in another thread, as a fair dinkum champion but I don't think that does him justice.


I wonder how many other forumites do voluntary or charitable work but choose not to broadcast the fact.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on December 28, 2017, 10:04:42 PM
My partner and I, in our retirement, keep busy doing what we call "Bushcare" which is a downunder term for "caring for the bush".  It involves many days a month (sponsored by the local council), with a group of like-minded volunteers, undertaking eradication of weeds (just plain old getting down and dirty getting rid of all those pesky exotic species that have been imported from other countries) and then planting out the areas with native species (a lot of which we propagate ourselves in our vegie patch) in an attempt to bring back the native bushland which, in turn, brings back the native animals and birds.  Plus we are rabid collectors of rubbish whenever we go on our daily bushwalk (although perhaps that doesn't count).



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on December 28, 2017, 11:06:18 PM
You do make me laugh, Pat!  A British thing, I feel?!  >:D

Modesty prevents me from commenting further on this subject!!  >:D >:D >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 29, 2017, 01:06:24 AM
You do make me laugh, Pat!  A British thing, I feel?!  >:D
???
Modesty prevents me from commenting further on this subject!!  >:D >:D >:D
That's what we like to hear!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 29, 2017, 02:32:43 AM
Actually, on second thoughts, it would be nice to hear what others do in the way of charitable or voluntary work. So come on, let’s hear from you. Permission to brag granted!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 29, 2017, 05:52:37 AM
So glad you continued with your story Les.  I'm finding it very moving & it makes me realise how lucky I was as a child.  My Christmas stocking was always nuts (in shells! ???), an orange & chocolate pennies & I always had a few toys in a pillow case at the end of my bed!
Sorry Pat I have no bragging rights as I don't do any voluntary work!
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 29, 2017, 05:59:16 AM
By the way Les how great to see England doing slightly better in the Boxing Day test :) Too little too late but would be great if they could salvage a win from the series! Alastair Cook played out of his skin :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 29, 2017, 02:02:49 PM
Actually, on second thoughts, it would be nice to hear what others do in the way of charitable or voluntary work. So come on, let’s hear from you. Permission to brag granted!

I don't think that it is necessarily " bragging " to share with others that you choose to do charity work, after all, everybody loves a "feel good " story.
Personally, I " volunteer " a substantial amount of cash to both my local pub & betting outlet, purely for the selfless purpose of ensuring that those businesses continue to thrive.

Seriously though, volunteering for some sort of charity work, will be on my agenda when I have retired from the workforce.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on December 29, 2017, 03:35:53 PM
 
By the way Les how great to see England doing slightly better in the Boxing Day test :) Too little too late but would be great if they could salvage a win from the series! Alastair Cook played out of his skin :)
Pen

After the first 3 tests, various commentators ( including some from England ) were criticising Cook's form, some even suggested that the only reason that he was not dropped for the fourth test was that they did not have an extra opening batsman on tour to replace him & all of them were predicting that this would be his last series.
Now, after that brilliant double hundred,  those same hypocrites are saying that it is the best that they have seen him play in his entire career. ( You should never discount a champion .)
Nobody really likes a one sided contest, so I reckon that all serious cricket fans were glad to see the England fightback & in particular, that spectacular effort from Cook to carry his bat through the entire innings , it set up the game for a potentially very exciting finish.
It's 3.00pm as I write this & unfortunately the notorious Melbourne weather has kicked in again & they are still off the ground with a rain delay so it looks like a draw will be the inevitable result.
I do hope that when we come to England in two years time to defend the ashes that not only Cook but also Anderson & Broad & maybe even a reformed Stokes are part of the English squad.
As much as I enjoy watching Australia have a relatively easy series win, test cricket needs to have close & exciting matches.
Did you follow the series last year when Australia went to India?
We were rank outsiders, given absolutely no chance of troubling India on their home soil.
The first four matches were all terribly close & Australia managed to get the series to two all.
The build up to & anticipation of the fifth & deciding match was enormous & although India had a convincing win in that last series deciding game, it was an enormously popular series right around the cricketing world.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on December 29, 2017, 07:44:45 PM
I don't think that it is necessarily " bragging " to share with others that you choose to do charity work, after all, everybody loves a "feel good " story.

You may be right, Les. Some psychologists would argue that bragging doesn't necessarily indicate that people are egotistical but rather that they're insecure and need the praise of others. Facebook is a perfect example. Whichever way you look at it though, unsolicited bragging is a rather unattractive quality. Perfect example - Donald Trump!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on December 29, 2017, 10:31:10 PM
There are several aspects that have arisen in the discussion of “stories” that I would like to share a perspective on.

The first is on crying or the shedding of tears.  I was often told in my early years that real men don’t cry. IMHO this advice is detrimental to both physical and mental health.  I won’t bore you with details but if you are interested, google “the health benefit of tears”.   What reduces one to tears is both an individual and personal thing.  I cannot remember being reduced to tears by the many personal tragedies we all have if we live long enough. I don’t say it didn’t happen, I just don’t remember that it did.   Tear jerker movies that have most of the audience sobbing don’t affect me in that way.  On the other hand stories of cruelty to kids or animals, particularly dogs; extreme courage; or the use of power imbalance rarely fail to get the tear ducts flowing.  The typical “Lassie” type movie is a two handkerchief job for me.

The second aspect is on physical punishment to enforce discipline. I was lucky I never experienced this at home but it was common in the secondary school I attended.  My father, although an exceptionally strong man, was also an exceptionally gentle man. He never administered physical punishment although more than once I gave him reason to.  An example was when I was in my early teens, I was taught to crack a stock whip. On a mad impulse, I thought it would be a joke to flick him on the backside.  I got him with a perfect strike.  With the right technique you can kill a snake cracking a stock whip, so you can imagine how much it hurt.  His response was to question quietly whether I was proud of myself for inflicting pain on a person for no reason. I was ashamed.

Physical punishment to enforce discipline is more often than not counter productive.  Ozzyjune’s first career was as a high school teacher.  Her first year out was in a country school where academic achievement was low on most students’ priorities.  In the last day of the school year a student came to her and said “Please Miss, I’ve got the cane every week this year and I haven’t so far this week.  Would you please send me on report to the Headmaster’s office. I don’t want to spoil my record”.   Of course she didn’t.  However, if getting the cane is not feared and is seen as a badge of honour, how can it reinforce discipline.

The third aspect is the divided opinion on whether sharing one’s details of generosity is bragging.  Whether it is or not and some forumites are interested, then it has a place in the forum.  If it does serve a psychological need, then perhaps it is not such a bad thing, even if forumites are not interested.  My experience is that on the whole we seem to be a caring community.

This is starting to sound like a sermon so I am off to find a beer.  I am sure Les would approve.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on December 30, 2017, 05:26:20 AM



It's 3.00pm as I write this & unfortunately the notorious Melbourne weather has kicked in again & they are still off the ground with a rain delay so it

[/quote]
Oh Les there was me thinking you'd nipped down to Melbourne & done a bloody rain dance!! >:D
Sorry, in spite of all Pat's efforts, I still can't get the quotes sorted out.  I should do it more often then I wouldn't forget next time ???
I did follow the series you were referring to between Australia & India.  Amazing!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 01, 2018, 02:39:25 AM
So glad you continued with your story Les.  I'm finding it very moving & it makes me realise how lucky I was as a child.
Penny

I am sure that there were plenty of kids that had it much tougher than I did.
I always had a roof over my head , a warm bed , food in my belly & the love of my family.
I might have lacked  some luxuries & endured a few hardships but the majority of my childhood was carefree, happy & fun.
Whenever I complained about having to go to school, my parents would always tell me that in years to come you will realise that your carefree schooldays were the best days of your life.

I am know in grade 6 & have been made captain of the footy team.
What an honour but what pressure, need not have worried , I won the best & fairest player award that year ( I still have that rusty little trophy in pride of place on the lounge room cabinet ) but more importantly i caught the eye of " Betty ".
Big Bruce was in grade seven & also fancied Betty so before I know it, I am goaded into my first fair dinkum fist fight.
I managed to give him a fat lip & nice bruise on his cheek bone but the teachers were there pretty quickly to break it up so I would not say that there was a winner or loser. ( I was just getting warmed up.)
I came off it with a bloody nose & a black eye ( which I was able to proudly show off for about a week ) but more importantly the invaluable reputation of a sixth grader, that not only took on but held his own with a much bigger seventh grader.

Finally, I am in grade seven, the senior grade at primary school , the big fish in the little pond, grade seven ruled the playground & more importantly, Betty & I were in the same class & big Bruce had moved on to high school.

First formal dance , first date , first kiss , first puppy love, what a great year but now the step up to high school & grade eight loomed, all of a sudden I would once again, be the small fish in the big pond....




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 01, 2018, 05:10:03 AM
Oh Les that conjures up a funny picture :laugh:  I can't wait to find out what happens between you & Betty..
A very Happy New Year to you & all the Forumites.  At the time of my writing this you've already celebrated!
all the very best Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on January 01, 2018, 04:16:07 PM
I haven't been on the forum for a while (Christmas and all related activities getting in the way), so I've had a lot of catching up to do. Am very interested in the life stories - getting to know y'all.  Looking forward to the next installments!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 03, 2018, 06:57:43 PM
" I've started a nice new thread in the hope that you will continue your story.  Perhaps I ought to have searched out the old one..."
Pen

I cannot disappoint you Pen, so I have found the old thread & will continue ;

Year 7 has come to an end & we are all enjoying our school holidays.

I mentioned previously, that after my father passed, Diane (big sister) dropped straight out of school & found herself a job at the local supermarket so she was able to pay board & help Mum pay the bills.
At the end of that year, Trevor ( eldest brother ) finished school & found himself a job in a sheet metal factory so he was also able to pay board & (supposedly) also help Mum pay the bills. ( He has always been a tight arse & still is to this day. )
Barry ( middle brother & the brains of the outfit ) got a job doing a paper run every morning before school, half of what he earned, was supposed to go to Mum & the rest was his pocket money. ( I am not sure how he managed it but there was some very clever accounting that ensured that he kept 90% of what he had earned. )
My contribution was to go around the neighbourhood offering to mow lawns, anything that I earned, I was allowed to keep as my pocket money.

Barry & I had always been very close, we were brothers, but we were also best mates, I followed him around everywhere, after all, he was a star athlete at " everything " , an A grade student & always had girls chasing after him.
Of course after Dad's passing, our bond became even stronger, as he tended to take me under his wing & for all of those questions that a young boy would normally ask of his father, I would always turn to Barry for advice.

It's the first week of school holidays & all I can think about is building up enough courage to ask Betty for an actual movie date at the flicks for the upcoming Saturday afternoon matinee.
I convinced Greg & Ross ( two mates that I had been with all through primary school ) to ask their sweethearts to the movies & we would all meet up at the cinema on Saturday afternoon.
As naïve as I was, I knew that if you asked a girl out then you were expected to pay for everything, how convenient, I barely have enough money to pay for my own ticket & can not possibly cover her expenses as well so my reasoning was that I haven't chickened out but have simply deferred the event until I could save up the required funds.
Ross had an older brother named Murray & Greg had an older brother named Peter & they were in the same class as & best mates with my older brother, Barry.
By pure coincidence , all of our surnames began with the letter " B " so we were known as the (the little bees).
Barry had heard from the big bees what the little bees were up to & asked me what time I was going to be meeting Betty on Saturday.
He saw right through my feeble excuse & as he handed me some cash, explained that all you have to do is go over to Betty's place & knock on the door.
If her parents answer the door, just be polite, introduce yourself & tell them that you would like to speak to Betty as you wish to ask her to the movies on Saturday.

I can not ever remember being so nervous, as I tentatively knock on the front door of Betty's house.
Betty's mother answers the door, I remember my script & recite it perfectly.
Of course Les, come in & take a seat while I go and get Betty.
I can faintly here a conversation, " Betty, there is a boy here to see you, oh no it's not Bruce again is it, no, your father has spoken to his parents & he will not be bothering you any more, this boys name is Les , ok, I'm coming straight away.
As Betty sits next to me on the lounge chair, her father suddenly appears, what is going on in here & who in the hell are you?
As I stand up & start mumbling about who I am, Betty's Mum comes in & ushers Betty's father away.

As we chat about the previous school year & in particular what a great time we both had the school dance, my confidence builds & I ask her the question.
She responds with an immediate " yes " but I just have to check with mum first.
Then after an intense  " grilling " from both mother & father , approval is finally given.
Betty walks me out to the front gate to say goodbye but there are eyes on us so it is just a kiss on the cheek until I see you on Saturday....











Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 04, 2018, 05:17:36 AM
Thanks Les - you never disappoint!  I can't wait for the next instalment.
I think the last test is due to start in Sydney tonight.  Have buried my head in the sand a bit after Melbourne :( Don't expect England will be able to salvage anything but you never know! Better gird my loins I think :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 07, 2018, 06:10:03 PM
Gooday Pen,

I do apologise for the tardy response,  I've been so busy the last few days, that I just have not had the time to get on line at all.

As i'm typing this , England are 4 for 73 & are going to do well just to take it into the fifth day.

Greg , Ross & I, all meet up at the front of the picture theatre well before the scheduled midday starting time.
It was essential that we arrived before the girls as we had to discuss tactics.
Do we purchase the tickets & snacks now or wait for the girls.
There was some heated discussion but as always, when the " 3 musketeers " disagreed on anything, it went to the vote & the vote was to wait, after all , none of us were overly confident that they would even turn up & if they did actually show up, then we could " show off " that we were paying for everything & would not make the mistake of buying a treat which they did not particularly like.
Now the really serious discussion begins , are you going to put your arm around her, are you going to try & kiss her ( do you even know what a French kiss is? ) , are you going to be game enough to go any further?
Next thing, a car pulls up driven by Betty's dad.
The girls all get out & walk toward us but just as Betty approaches me, she is called back to the car to speak to her father.
This whole time, his gaze is firmly fixed on me but it was only a couple of minutes before the car finally drove away & Betty re- joined the group.
The girls are suitably impressed as we go to the ticket counter & tell them to put their purses away & again at the snack counter.
There was probably about a half an hour of cartoons & then a short film before interval & then the main attraction " Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. "

The theatre was not overly crowded , so we were able to get the prime seats in the back row.
We all enjoyed & were so engrossed by the film that most of the boys preconceived strategies actually never took place.
There were some very clumsy arms around shoulders & a few awkward kisses but as time went by & the weekly Saturday afternoon matinees became a regular date we became much less interested in whatever film was showing & much more interest in each other.

I was on top of world, until, just a couple of months later, Betty told me the news.....













Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on January 07, 2018, 06:21:35 PM
 

 Can hardly wait for the next episode :o ;D

  Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on January 08, 2018, 04:55:41 AM
Cliffhanger!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 08, 2018, 05:44:03 AM
Oh blimey Les that's a bit cruel!!  Leaving us hanging like that :laugh:
Do hope you continue before I sign in tomorrow evening!
It's looking like England will lose the last test by an innings :(  Not even a miracle can save them now.
A real shame it wasn't more closely contested but I have to say Australia have been quite magnificent & England just so bloody poor.
No 1 daughter has downloaded Backyard Ashes for me.  She's going to hook up the laptop to the telly so I can watch it. Hope to do so by next weekend.
All the best Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 08, 2018, 07:03:12 AM

I was on top of world, until, just a couple of months later, Betty told me the news.....

Les, I suspect you are the love child of the late Alfred Hitchcock.  You are killing us with suspense.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 08, 2018, 07:21:35 PM
The transition from carefree primary school to high school had not been easy.
This joint was 3 times bigger with hundreds of more students that I did not know & we had to do extra subjects & would you believe that the teachers had the audacity to give us homework every night & twice as much on a Friday because we had all weekend to do it.
Being the juniors, we were initially picked on & bullied a bit by the older boys from grade 9. ( how on earth had they not heard about my legendary deeds from grade 6 ? )
Thank goodness for big brothers because once the word got around that Greg , Ross & I all had big brothers in grade 10, the teasing & bullying suddenly stopped.
The other problem was that footy went from running around barefoot in weight divisions, to playing in age teams with footy boots that in those days all had steel spikes & fair dinkum, some of these kids we were playing with & against were bigger than our adult coach.
None the less, I still managed to make the team as did Ross ( as a reserve ) & Greg as a front row forward.
Greg was always quite tall for his age but rather skinny however he was one of those kids that had an early growth spurt, over the holidays so he was not only taller now but had also filled out, (he even had a weak moustache & bum fluff on his chin, for goodness sake) luckily. for me,  we were still best mates & he never sought to gain any revenge for all those times through primary school that I had been able to easily beat him in our friendly wrestling & boxing matches.
The highlight of making the footy team was the fortnightly bus trips to play against the Toowoomba schools.
Students who were not playing were also encouraged to join the bus trip to offer support & of course we had a dedicated cheer squad always led by Tracy.
Although Betty had always expressed an interest in joining the cheer squad, her father would never allow it so imagine my surprise to see her turn up on this particular day with the cheer squad girls.
Tracy was in year 10 & Robert's (the captain of the senior team ) girlfriend so they basically ruled the bus.
We were always allowed to leave class a little early as the bus would leave at 3.00pm for the I hour trip to Toowoomba.
Usually, just one of the coaches would be available for the trip so he & the bus driver were our only supervision.
The coach / teacher would sit at the front of the bus next to the driver & Tracy & Robert would allocate the seating.
All the seniors to the back of the bus & that included the entire cheer squad & because that left Betty sitting by herself, I was afforded the privilege of sitting next to Betty at the back of the bus with all the seniors.
After a lot of pashing, I eventually ask, how in the hell did you get your father to allow you to come on this bus trip.
Well, he actually doesn't know about, he has gone to Sydney on business for two weeks & Mum said that it was ok.
Every now & then the coach / teacher would walk down to the end of the bus to tell Tracy & Robert to quiet things down.
He would pretend to not notice the stench of cigarette smoke or the alcohol that all the seniors had smuggled on board & as soon as he regained his seat, the loud music & raucous behaviour would continue.

I can only imagine all the dramatic scenarios that readers might have been expecting from Betty's news.

Sorry to disappoint but it was simply that her father had secured a high paying job & all the family were relocating to Sydney.
We will keep in touch , I will write you every day, there were a couple of letters exchanged, then nothing.

I am feeling absolutely shattered but all of sudden Sue comes into my life....












Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 08, 2018, 11:20:02 PM
Barry ( my older brother ) has finally scored a date at the movies with Jane .( from the posh Catholic school )
The only problem is that she is bringing her little sister ( Susan ) with her.
Suitably reimbursed, I agree to go along & Suz & I hit it off straight away.
We stay together all through school & are the envy of our peers as we are allowed to attend the senior parties.

It is around this time that my mother has re - married.
All of a sudden I have a stepfather , the less said about that bastard the better although I must admit that he was a good provider & Mum & also us kids, for that matter, never lacked for anything again.

I arrive home from school one afternoon & stepfather ( Graham ) is sitting on the front stairs drinking a stubbie.as he suggests that you might not want to go inside for a while.
I can hear a lot of raised voices coming from the kitchen, I have never heard my mother yell like this, it is big sister (Diane ) that is copping it.

There is a bit of a lull as Graham sends me into the kitchen to get him another stubbie & get one for yourself as well.
As I go to the fridge, I see that both Diane & Mum have hands on head & are crying uncontrollably.
Graham talks all sorts of gibberish before he finally divulges that Diane is pregnant.
Oh the shame , the humiliation, the gossip, what would the neighbours think, she must have a terrible mother to allow this to happen.
Once all the shock had subsided & mum had finished all her venting she stuck by & supported her daughter to the hilt , we will have this baby, no matter what the consequences  & I do not care what the bloody neighbours or any one else thinks.

Within a few a weeks, I was told that Diane & John were going to be married.
They are still married to this day & have a lovely family.
Their first born was a beautiful girl who was particularly intelligent.
She was probably only about 6 or 7 years old when she presented her mother with the maths.
Diane had no choice but to confess & explain that she was indeed pregnant months before they were married.
It never affected their very close relationship & in fact they still laugh about it today.












Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 09, 2018, 05:25:02 AM
It's a great story Les - am totally hooked. Can't wait for the next bit.  I do think that Jack's right - you are the love child of the late Alfred Hitchcock & possibly Agatha Christie :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 09, 2018, 06:57:20 PM
Finally, year 10 has finished & I am free but there is a slight problem.
While potential employers seemed quite impressed with my rhetoric of what a hard working, dedicated & loyal employee I would be for them, their attitude always seemed to change once they had viewed my report card.
If I can't find a job before the end of the holidays, I will be forced to go back to school, things could not possibly be any worse.
Well actually they could as Mum sits me down to tell me that your stepfather has gained a promotion to foreman shunter but that position is in Brisbane.
He is already in Brisbane, staying in a little flat while he looks for a suitable house to purchase.
Once he is settled, we will also be moving to Brisbane.
Well, i'am not going, I don't want to go, I don't want to leave all my mates & what about Susan!
It's decided, we are moving to Brisbane, we will have our own home, you will even have your own bedroom & you will have a much better chance of finding a job in Brisbane.
Diane & John obviously had their own place & Trevor had moved in with them months ago after a lot of conflict with the stepfather.
Barry had already secured a job as a teller at the Commonwealth Bank so he had no trouble getting a transfer to Brisbane, he was actually looking forward to all the benefits of living in a big city.
Not me, the thought of moving from my small country town where I knew absolutely everybody & more importantly everyone knew me, to the big smoke where I would not know anyone, really did terrify me.
Lame assurances from my mother did little to help, you will make new friends, you will forget about Susan (it's just puppy love ) & you might even find a job.
Compared to our previous very modest housing commission home, the new house was like a mansion.
It was located in Brighton which was a " new suburb " about 30 minutes from the city, it was in fact just a comfortable 3 bedroom house with a huge lounge & an enormous kitchen that had all the modern conveniences, gas stove/oven, automatic washing machine, fans in nearly every room, inside toilet next to the laundry & would you believe it, a bathtub & shower plus a second toilet all in the one bathroom.
It's Barry's first day at work & I tag along just to learn how to catch the bus & train into the city.
We only have to walk to the corner to wait at the designated bus stop.
Right on time we see the bus approaching , passing & continuing on its merry way.
We look at each other with bemusement, why the hell didn't he stop. ???
As we watch the bus pull into the next stop which is only a few blocks away we realize (the Z is for Pat ) that you are
actually expected to extend your arm to wave the bus down.
To this day, I cannot imagine why anybody would be standing at a bus stop for any other reason than to catch a bloody bus.
So that was my first lesson about living in the big city, there were many more to come...






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 10, 2018, 05:29:58 AM
Oh Les I can only imagine how you must have felt at being uprooted in such a way.  Love the idea of you & your brother watching the bus go sailing past :laugh: It's a fair point though - why in heavens name would anybody stand at a bus stop if they didn't want to catch a bus ???
Please do carry on.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 10, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
The trains were called red rattlers, because of the shaky & noisy ride,  wooden coaches with basic bench style seating, drawn by a diesel locomotive but they did the job.
We get off at Central station & cannot believe how crowded it is, there are " millions " of people everywhere so we just follow the crowd & miraculously come out at the right exit.
We take the short walk to this enormous building (the commonwealth bank ) which is Barry's new workplace.
I could tell that Barry ( who wasn't afraid of anything ) was very nervous as we waited for the manager to arrive to open the building.
The manager arrives & is suitably impressed to see that Barry is already there, keen to start his new job.
Before he goes in , I get a little lecture, do you remember your way back to the train station (it's called central ), do you still have your ticket, its a return ticket so you just show that to the staff as you go through the barrier then you have to go to platform 6 & catch the Shorncliffe train to Sandgate station where you must get off to catch the connecting bus to Brighton, when the bus gets close to home don't forget to press the bell or the driver won't stop.
Yeah, not a problem, see ya this arv, after work.
Any sensible young boy, armed with all of those directions would have gone straight back to the station to catch the train home but I was curious & wanted to check out all of these amazing shops & in particular a " fun parlour " that I had heard about that was filled with the latest pinball machines.
After all , Mum had been quite happy for me to accompany big brother on his first day at work in the city as it would give me the opportunity to learn how to use the buses & trains, she even gave me $10 to cover the fares (she had no idea how cheap they were ) & I was allowed to have a look around town & spend the change however I wished, as long as I was home by lunchtime.
Walking past Central station (but taking a mental note of its location ) I continue down Queen Street to the heart of the city.
The first thing that strikes me is, why is everyone in such a hurry, they are all scurrying around with tunnel vision & hardly anyone even acknowledges me when I offer a " Gooday mate, how ya going ".
I eventually found a shop assistant that was able to direct me to this " fun parlour " that I was looking for.
This was heaven on earth, pool tables, the latest pinball machines, fancy lights, loud music and a crowd filled with the most gorgeous girls,  wearing fashions that they haven't even heard of in Dalby. (Susan , Susan who?)

Sorry Pen but have to take an enforced interval.







Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 11, 2018, 05:29:30 AM
Not too long an enforced interval I hope Les! Don't leave me hanging too long :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 14, 2018, 04:10:30 PM
I am absolutely in my element, playing the very latest pinball games when I am approached by a very friendly young bloke who introduced himself as Charlie.
He recognised me as a new face in the venue & offered to show me around & introduce me to some of his friends.
Charlie just happened to be an aboriginal but that did not worry me in the least as I had plenty of indigenous mates that I grew up with back in Dalby.
Do you smoke, he asked ?
Yes but I don't have any , I tried to buy some at the newsagent on my way to here but they would not sell me any.
No worries, give me the money & i'll go get you a packet as long as you let me have one.
So , I pull out my wallet , Barry had shouted me my bus & train tickets so I still had the $10 that mum had given me , Barry had also given me another $5 to play the pinballs & I also had a few dollars & change of my own saved pocket money.
There was also a $20 note tucked away at the back of the wallet that had been given to me by my stepfather months before.
That was money that I refused to spend due to the circumstances under which it was given but that is a whole different story.
I counted out the required amount of money & handed it to Charlie.
I'll be back in 5 minutes with your smokes.
10 , 15 then 20 minutes went by & just as I was beginning to wonder, Charlie returned with my cigarettes & gave me my correct change.
He had two girls with him , one was his girlfriend ( I don't remember her name ) & the other was a Caucasian girl (ironically ) named Sue.
Even though she had a very short hair cut & wore radical clothes, she was quite pretty & seemed very attentive to me for someone that she had just met.
I just put that down to my natural charm & as we gathered outside for a smoke, I notice what time it is, I have to go straight away to catch the 1130am train from Central or i'll be in trouble at home.
You are actually closer to Roma Street station , come with us & we'll show you a shortcut through the park that will get you there in plenty of time.
As we enter the park, there are a couple of blokes sitting on the steps that Charlie gives a wave to.
A few minutes later & we are into a heavily treed section of the park which is not visible from the street, at this point Charlie turns & demands that I hand over my wallet before I can even begin to tell him " no effing way " I am hit on the back of the head with what I think was a tree branch as I still remember the sound that it made as it broke in half on contacting the back of my skull.
I was still conscious as I fell to the ground, it was the perfectly timed kick to my temple from sue with her steel capped boot that knocked me out completely.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 15, 2018, 05:15:15 AM
Oh Les I can't stand it!  Rotten buggers! Please do hurry up & continue... (sorry)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 15, 2018, 06:48:08 AM
More evidence that smoking is unhealthy!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 15, 2018, 07:04:22 AM
More evidence that smoking is unhealthy!

Trex, for an American, you have a very Australian sense of humor. ;)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 15, 2018, 06:45:27 PM
That was the first & only time in my entire life that I have ever been knocked unconscious.
I reckon that I was probably only out for about 15 to 20 seconds, as I came to, I was being asked by the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen , if I was ok.
As she helped me to my feet she told me that her name was Anne - Marie & she assured me that everything was ok, the attackers have fled, would you like us to take you to the ambulance, it's only a few blocks away.
Thank you very much but i'm fine, if you could just assist me to that park bench over there so that I can sit down for a few minutes to gather my thoughts.
Anne - Marie puts here arms around me & assists me to the nearby park bench.
She examines the back of my head, there is a little blood there but I don't think that you need stiches & you already have one hell of a bruise on the side of your head.
You are very lucky that we just happened to come along when we did.
We ?
Yes, my husband Gary & i were out for our regular jogging session, Gary saw what was happening, yelled for them to stop & gave chase.
Hello there young man, I'm Gary, sorry, but I couldn't catch the little bastards, I see you've met the misses.
Gary also examines the back of my head, its hard to tell with your thick hair but I don't think that you need stiches but we should still go to the ambulance to make sure & do you want to go to the police station to make a report?
Thank you both so much for coming to my assistance , I really do feel ok & don't need the ambulance & I don't have time to worry about going to police as I am already running late & all I really want to do is to get home but those bastards have stolen my wallet & my watch.
Ok, we'll walk you down to the entrance to the train station although we won't be allowed to come in with you because we are not travelling.
Here's $5, the ticket office is over there, when you buy your ticket just ask them which platform you have to go to get your train & you'll be ok.
Here is my phone number , please ring me when you get home just to let us know that you are ok.
A hug from Anne - Marie & a solid handshake from Gary sees me on my way.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 16, 2018, 05:18:08 AM
Wonderful Good Samaritans Les :)  Am waiting now to find out what happened when you got home...
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 16, 2018, 09:59:32 AM
Trex, for an American, you have a very Australian sense of humor. ;)

Perhaps my Melbourne cousin's influence!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 16, 2018, 06:43:51 PM
I manage to find the right train & remember to get of at the right station for my local bus connection & even timed the pressing of the bell on the bus so that I was dropped off directly across the street from home.
I knew that I was going to be in big trouble, I was supposed to be home by midday for lunch, it is now just after 4 pm, mum is going to be furious & then I have to explain how I got the big goose egg on the side of my head.
The front door is locked, that's unusual, normally just the screen door would be locked, no response to my tentative knocks so I go around the back & knock loudly on the back door, still no response.
I go to the garage & find the spare key in its usual hiding place, let myself in & find a note on the kitchen table.
So sorry Les but Graham & I have had to take an urgent trip to Dalby as your sister has not been well & is currently in Dalby hospital.
Your lunch is in the fridge, you just have to heat it up on the stove, we probably won't be back until the end of the week, there is some money in the big cookie jar on top of the kitchen cabinet, Barry will tell you more when he gets home from work....Love mum.
Crickey, can this day possibly get any worse?
My head is absolutely throbbing so I don't worry about heating up lunch, just go straight to the bathroom, find some pain killers & crash into my bed.
It's about 7 pm when I finally wake up & stagger into the kitchen.
Barry is there, having tea with his girlfriend ( Karen )
What in the hell happened to you?
I tell them the story.
Both Barry & Karen examine the back of my head & marvel at the size of the goose egg on the side of my head.
Barry suggests that I go & have a shower while we heat you up some tea & then i'll tell you what's going on with Diane.

You look much better after having that shower & by the way that you are scoffing down that meal,  I think your ok, we'll give you some more pain killers before you go to bed unless of course you would prefer a beer?
Well those pain killers are pretty weak, i'll have a beer thanks.
Is it ok if I use the phone, I promised Gary that I would ring him when I got home.
Anne - Marie answers & I immediately go weak at the knees, she was one of those women who had a gorgeous tone on the phone but more importantly she expressed genuine concern about my well being before handing me over to Gary.
Gary was  also sincerely happy to hear from me, he was in his late twenties so probably about twelve years older than me but we just seemed to connect.
He absolutely refused my offer to repay the $5 that he had given me but did ask if I could help him out.
He & Anne - Marie had just purchased their first home at a suburb that was only about 15 minutes from my place & he would appreciate some help with the moving.
We are already mostly moved in but if I can pick you up on Saturday & you can help me with the last couple of loads, well, that would be great.
More than happy to do what I can, Gary,  & that was the beginning of a life long friendship.

Then Barry explains the situation with Diane, your sister has not been well, she is hospital because they have been running tests.
They confirmed this morning that she has bowel cancer & it is terminal.









Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 17, 2018, 05:30:36 AM
Oh Les how dreadful.  Diane can't have been very old.  Your family must have been devastated.
Please do continue.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 17, 2018, 06:22:54 PM
In the coming weeks, Di was transferred to the P.A. hospital in Brisbane for further tests.
She was not only examined by their experts but there was also a visiting specialist from Melbourne that got involved & they all agreed that her condition was indeed terminal.
If you do nothing , you will probably get 6 to 12 months however if you are prepared to undergo some radical new surgery, extensive chemotherapy & radiation treatments, there may be a slight hope but we really will not know until we operate & depending on how much bowel we have to remove & just how badly any other organs are affected, there is a very serious concern that you would not survive the operation.
Di, never hesitated, I want the operation, there is no way I am going to leave my girls without their mother.

I have never been an overly religious man but I did pray to God that night,  please God, don't take my sister, she is a good person with a generous soul who has never harmed anyone, she has a husband who loves her dearly & two beautiful little daughters who would be shattered by her loss, please God, do not take my sister, if you have to take someone you can take me, I really mean it,  take me,  I don't care, just spare my sister.
I repeated that prayer over & over in my mind as I cried myself to sleep.

John (Di's husband ) was fabulous, he was always by her side & fully supported her decision to opt for the operation.
He was also pragmatic enough to approach their life insurance company.
Their response was immediate, it is very clear that your wife's situation meets all the criteria of your contract, the supporting medical evidence has been clarified & you will be paid your full entitlement within a few days.
Little solace but at least it gave John the reassurance that he would have the money to be able to provide the necessary care for his daughters should their mother not survive.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 17, 2018, 07:31:56 PM
Geez Gary , you said a couple of trips, I reckon that we are up to about eight.
Sorry mate, I didn't realise that we had that much stuff left, we are having a house warming barbeque this arv, you are welcome to stay if you wish.
It was at that BBQ that I met a friend of Gary's who offered me a job in a tow bar factory that he managed.
I couldn't say ' yes " quick enough as anything was better than going back to school.
I was just a gopher at the factory, it was hard physical work but I enjoyed it, I was finally earning my own money & it was keeping me fit for football.

Having been uprooted from Dalby to Brisbane after grade ten, I did not know anyone in Brisbane & all of a sudden had no friends at all. (except for Gary & Anne - Marie)
So I try out for the local footy team, they have no idea how good I am, I have to prove myself all over again.
Problem is, I am a ring in, majority of this team have come through school together, they are also much bigger & faster than the competition that I was used to & for me to earn a place on the team meant that one of their mates would be shunted to the reserves so I was not readily accepted.
I persisted & finally got a start.
My first game for my new  team was probably the worst game of football that I have ever played in my life,.
A combination of nerves & just not being used to the increased pace of the game as well as any coordination with new team mates but most significantly just a lack of confidence which I had never experienced before.
Not surprisingly, I was dropped to the reserves bench for the next game.

A few months later & while I am really enjoying my work at the tow bar factory, it is becoming a bit boring & repetitive.
Graham ( the bastard stepfather ) is a foreman shunter with Q.R & out of the blue brings me home an application form to join that organisation.
I fill out the form & am accepted to sit for an apprenticeship exam.
I study my arse off & am told that if you manage to achieve 80% in this test then you will automatically receive an apprenticeship.
I score 85%... you beauty ... I've got it.
Terribly sorry, Les but due to the limited number of vacancies, we could only offer positions to the top 10 % however there is an opening for a lad porter at Brunswick St. Station.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 18, 2018, 05:32:36 AM
Blimey Les it seems to be one step forward & 2 back. Is that the pattern for your life or do things improve when you get a little older? Can't wait for you to carry on.  Am totally enthralled.  Am very anxious to know about Diane.  Hoping to goodness the operation was a success. Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on January 18, 2018, 05:42:37 AM
Blimey Les it seems to be one step forward & 2 back. Is that the pattern for your life or do things improve when you get a little older?

I'm wondering the same thing!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 18, 2018, 05:20:02 PM
All the nurses, doctors, specialists & surgeons are ecstatic with the success of the operation.
Diane is recovering as well as can be expected but there is still a long way to go.
We can't be sure that we have got all the cancer & she will now have to undergo intensive chemo & radiation treatment that will be very uncomfortable with some very severe side effects & even then, there is no guarantee that the cancer will not come back.

While all around her everyone was feeling sad & sorry for her, Diane had a different approach.
I survived the operation that nobody thought I would, I have a chance now to fight for my husband & my girls, there is no way that I am giving up.
Who cares if those lovely drugs that I have to take have added a few pounds & my hair is falling out, i'm still here.
Within a few days, Di was settled back into her home at Dalby where she could be with her daughters , John had taken some long service leave & was able to be there for her & the kids but of course he also had to put up with mother in law who insisted on being there to look after her daughter.
John is a pretty conservative sort of bloke so imagine our surprise when he sent us the pictures of the first day that Di arrived back home.
It was actually at the suggestion of the eldest daughter, can we please shave all our hair off so that mummy doesn't feel so bad about losing all her hair & that is exactly what they did.
Her first scan, after the op, was totally clear of any cancer, her second scan however showed a recurrence which meant yet another operation, since that second operation she has never had another recurrence.
Diane is now 64 years old, slimmer than she has ever been with a glorious head of hair, living comfortably with her husband in their retirement but still forever pandering after those two, now grown up, girls.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on January 18, 2018, 06:04:12 PM


  oh Les I am glad it turned well

  Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 18, 2018, 07:13:29 PM
It's 1976 & my first day with QR.
I meet the boss & he introduces me to Robert.
This is our senior porter , he has been here for nearly twenty years he will show you around & then take you up to the barriers for the peak hour.
Robert was a very nice older man but fair dinkum he was as thick as a brick, I had a million questions about how the railway operated but he could barely answer any of them.
So we take up our position on the barrier, this involves, could I please check your ticket as the thousands of people enter & exit the station.
The morning peak hour was between 0630 & 0930 hrs.
After a couple of hours the novelty of being able to perve on all these good looking sorts heading off to work etc. soon wore off so I ask Robert, what else do you do.
Well at 0930hrs we report back to the station master & then begin our cleaning duties, that involves sweeping the platforms, picking up rubbish off the track & mopping out the toilets.
By midday, I've had enough & I storm into the station masters office ready to tell him that I want to quit.
Oh hello Les, I was just coming to look for you.
All reports from my staff are that you have done very well on your first day & we will be sorry to see you go but management have identified an urgent requirement for a lad porter at Bowen Hills station which is just the next station down the line so you will be required to start there at 0600hrs tomorrow.
I wasn't expecting that & didn't know what to say so I just said ok.
When I got home, I told mum about my day, what I had to do & how much I hated it.
As usual, she presented a reasonable argument, how about you go in tomorrow see out the week & if you still don't like it then you can resign.
The big three stations in Brisbane were Roma St, Central & Brunswick St.
While Bowen Hills did not have the heavy patronage of those city stations it was still an important station as it was the junction for the Ferny Grove line & also the station where all the train crews would change over.

Being a smaller station, you just had the Station Master & two porters on shift so I was thrown straight into the deep end , selling tickets , giving right a way to trains but making sure they did not have to wait for connecting services which was something that you just had to remember & eventually learning how to balance the books.
I loved it, it was full on & before too long, I was running the station, the SM was more than happy to sit back & let me run the show.
After just 12 months, I qualified in my gate accounts which allowed me to relieve at stations at all over Brisbane, an opportunity then arose for me to sit for a signalman's exam which I duly passed & that  allowed me to relieve in signal cabins throughout the state.
I progressed through the signalman's grade to reach the highest level which was a special " A " class signalman which meant that you would you work the busiest cabins in the network.

The signal cabins in those days  had mechanical interlocking that allowed the signalman to manually manipulate some very levers to clear semaphore signals, there were very little safeguards so the diligence of the signalman was vital.
We laughed when we first heard about how technology was going to take over our jobs & make us all redundant.
Sure enough ,before I know it, you can either leave the company or transfer over to an administration role.







Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 19, 2018, 05:38:17 AM
Les I too am so very pleased that all turned out well for Diane.  What a relief! You are a terror keeping us hanging!
I'm waiting for the next chapter...Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 19, 2018, 06:55:37 PM
Sorry, Pen but I almost forgot to tell you about my very last game of football. ( by the way, great to see the poms showing us how to play one day cricket although I reckon that our selectors need to give themselves an uppercut as they are not selecting the right players. )

From the very first day that I started with the railway , I had to do shift work.
Even as a porter that involved a morning & an afternoon shift ( with a few variations ) as well as having to work every second weekend.
Football training was three nights a week & our games were always played either on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.
I explained the situation to the coach, work would have to take priority & I will have to give the footy away.
He fully understood, so as this weekend will be your final game for us, I will put you in the starting team.
Day of the match & half an hour before kick off, coach tells me the good news, our captain has overcome his hamstring injury & is going to be ok to play today but unfortunately that means you are back on the bench.
I was bitterly disappointed because Gary & Anne - Marie had come along specifically to watch me play in my last game.
As I watch the game from the reserves bench, I notice a particular player in the opposition team, I think that's Charlie, it's definitely Charlie & as we make eye contact & he gives me a wry grin, I know that it is definitely Charlie...I'am  absolutely fuming.
20 minutes into the game & our team has an injury, ok Les you are on.
I was playing in the forwards & Charlie was their fullback so it was virtually impossible for me to isolate him.
As the half time siren sounded, I noticed that Charlie was one of the last to leave the leave the field so I drifted back & went for him.
It took a couple of minutes before his teammates & the officials realised what was going on & dragged me off him.
As I left the field, I was berated by the coaches from both teams & surrounded by a group of supporters on the side line,  that was disgraceful, you will never play for this club again, well I couldn't care less as I've already told the coach that this would be my last game.
Gary & Anne - Marie came to my rescue & escorted me safely from the ' mob " , as we exited the venue we walked passed Charlie who was still being treated by the ambulance officers, I gave him a wink.
Gary was not impressed, what in the hell was that all about, that's not like you at all, you gave that bloke no chance , you hit him without any warning & once he was on the ground you continued to punch the crap out of him. 

Do you remember the first time that I met you & Anne in that park at Roma St.?




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 19, 2018, 07:24:01 PM
Not really interested in any sort of administration work but what exactly would it involve & how much would it pay?
Your new role would be in assisting passengers with time table information, you would still be located within the control room , you would be working around the clock assisting the train controllers,& station staff by communicating information when there are delays & disruptions.
This latest technology that we have allows you to make both pre - recorded & live announcements, which is vital when stations are not attended.

Let me just clarify this, my role as a signalman,  where I was responsible for the safety of track workers not to mention the travelling public is now redundant & you are offering me a higher rate of pay to basically be a messenger & pass on information, I can't kill anyone doing that so yes please, i'll give it a go.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 20, 2018, 05:48:36 AM
Oh Les revenge truly is sweet :) loved reading that!
Great to see England performing well in the one days.  A very small consolation! Don't care if your selectors did pick the wrong players :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on January 22, 2018, 05:38:45 PM
Following your biography with great interest, Les!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 22, 2018, 06:59:12 PM
They gave me 3 weeks training with ( Ian ) to see if I would be suitable to this new administration role.
What in the hell is this contraption ?
With a heavy sigh , Ian explains once again that when we have typed out our reports we fax them off to the responsible managers on this fax machine, you will also receive some documents by the same method & try not to be so slow & tentative when you are on the computer, no matter what you do you can't break it.
Excuse me Ian but I have managed to freeze up this computer yet again, no problem, Les, you have probably just forgotten to ... how in the hell did you manage to get into this ... you don't even have access ... you have managed to crash the whole system...it will take me & Tony all week to rebuild the entire data base!
Well, I was just experimenting a bit, trying to teach myself  some new functions & after all you did say, don't be frightened you can't harm the computer.

Despite these early setbacks, I did adapt to the role & it wasn't long before colleagues were looking to me for advice because of my practical experience in the field as a signalman.
That made it very easy, anything that involves typing, report writing or computer work, is delegated to others on shift while I take over all their responsibilities with regard to assessing & informing everyone about delays to services.
The job was really full on, you were constantly on the go from the time that you took over until the time that you signed off.
Then came a restructure, a private contractor took over all of our responsibilities with regard to dealing with the public (oh, how I was going to miss picking up the phone to hear an angry voice stating " I want to make a complaint ' ) we were freed up to concentrate on our primary role which was to deal with delays, cancellations & disruptions to services & we also monitored CCTV & dealt with security issues throughout the network answering calls from " emergency " help phones that were located at every station.
I got a promotion from this restructure & was made a supervisor.
I really did excel in the role, I had four other supervisors to work with & we were responsible for 21 staff in both the communications & security sections.
We did the rosters for both sections, their time sheets, managed their leave & guided them on how to handle different situations but the worst part for me was having to deal with their grievances, mostly personality clashes between co-workers, every little issue that was raised had to be seen to be dealt with fairly & I always managed to achieve that without having to refer any issue to higher management where someone was going to get into serious trouble. ( besides, it was too much paperwork )
All was going well until for no other reason than budgetary cuts, we have another restructure.
A dedicated security unit will be set up to deal with security issues & all supervisor positions will be abolished.
Your team numbers will be reduced & your sole responsibility will be communications.
There is a redundancy package on the table or you can revert to your previous position but you will retain your current rate of pay.
I would have loved to have been able to say yes to that pay out offer but I was only 54 years old so, financially, I just couldn't do it.
Ok , so I will take the demotion to my old job which now has a lot less responsibility, I will just go through the motions, do what I have to do & be responsible for nobody else except for myself.
That's where I am at the moment, just hanging in until I hit 60, then retire with unrestricted access to my superannuation at which time I will start booking my world cruises, so look out Pen, one of those cruisers might be coming your way.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 22, 2018, 07:42:40 PM
Following your biography with great interest, Les!


Sorry birdy, only saw your post after I had finished posting my final chapter, thank you for your interest although I suspect that most forumites were thinking when is this bloke going to give us some reprieve & end his boring monologue.

I never intended for this thread to turn into any sort of biography.

It is entirely the fault of ozziejack & hobbit.

Jack had not been a regular contributor to the forum but when he did start, I felt an immediate connection as a like minded person so I wanted to know a little bit more about him & asked him if he would mind sharing a bit about his back ground.
Jack obliged with a delightful little story about his work history & how he met his beautiful bride. (I think her name was Justine )

But then of course he put it back on me to tell everyone about my history.
While Jack was able to slide through his history in one post , my emotions would get to me & as an incident that was significant to me came to mind then I would have to relate in detail which led to a series of chapters which would not have continued except for the urging of Penny.

To end the " biography " , I should tell you that despite a couple of close calls, I never married & have no kids. ( that I know of )



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on January 22, 2018, 07:49:20 PM
Les, I’m sure that all of us come across posts that we find boring or incomprehensible, or in which we have no interest, in which case we simply don’t read them. As Penny seems to be the most enthusiastic reader of your tales, are you aware that you can send private messages?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on January 23, 2018, 12:41:47 AM
Ah, but it isn't only Penny!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: cmh on January 23, 2018, 01:29:49 AM
I think Les has a lot of readers probably because he has no axes to grind - he just writes from his heart.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 23, 2018, 05:33:54 AM
I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your biography Les :) You do indeed write from the heart.  I will be standing on the dock in Southampton, waving a little flag to welcome you on the British leg of your world cruise.  If I win the lottery in the meantime I might just cruise back with you :laugh: We can watch the Ozzies slaughter England at cricket again :(
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 23, 2018, 08:34:37 AM
I enjoyed the bio, Les. Thanks.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on January 23, 2018, 09:04:17 AM
Hi Les...Penny might be the one commenting, but I'm sure there are lots of others reading along and just enjoying your story....I am.  I've even found myself reading your posts before looking at the letters!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 23, 2018, 03:13:57 PM
I never intended for this thread to turn into any sort of biography.

It is entirely the fault of ozziejack & hobbit  .... his beautiful bride.(I think her name was Justine )

But then of course he put it back on me to tell everyone about my history.


Les, I think you might have let the sherbets affect your memory when you wrote this. 

The beautiful bride was/is June and it was Valerie, bless her, that made the original suggestion for you to let us know some more about yourself. I am glad she did because I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the other contributions that several made. You are right in attributing praise to Penny for keeping you up to the mark along the way. It does add interest when reading people's contributions to the Forums if you know something of their background. 

I read all of the forumites contributions even when I am not overly interested in the subject matter because the way they present their material reveals a lot about  them, particularly when their presentation is "robust".

It is a pity that more people didn't take up your challenge to reveal something of themselves but, if they are tempted, then in hindsight it might be better to start a new topic called something like "Forumites Biographies".

I think it is time for some Bread, Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar washed down with an NZ Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on January 23, 2018, 04:15:43 PM
 

   If that is what you are having for afternoon tea Ozzyjack can I join you  ???  :laugh:

   Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 23, 2018, 05:23:43 PM
So glad to here that I do have a couple of fans out there.
I never purposely set out to offend anyone & my intention is always simply to provide a laugh.
Of course that does not always work & actually backfires at times to make me look quite silly but I really could not care less.
I know that I quite often muck it up but usually the stuff ups are the funniest posts.

Sorry Jack but the reference to Justine was a failed attempt at humour. ( how could I ever forget the beautiful ozziejune? )

So who is going to be the next to share some of their background with the forum , perhaps our illustrious administrator could tell us a bit about how he came to develop this wonderful site & i'm certain that rogue mother would have a wonderful history to share?



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 23, 2018, 07:38:25 PM
 

   If that is what you are having for afternoon tea Ozzyjack can I join you  ???  :laugh:

   Carol

Of course, Carol, in this hot weather it’s the civilised way of keeping the hunger pangs away while hanging out for dinner after a very light lunch of seafood salad. As a Hunter Valley boy (well I was 60 years ago), I feel guilty not drinking Australian wines but our cousins across the ditch produce such high quality Sauvignon Blancs at a reasonable price that I quickly forgive myself.

Cheers

P.S.  I only drink Australian reds.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 24, 2018, 05:30:42 AM
I've tried the Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc Jack & it is very good :) Here in the UK the Australian wines are generally quite a bit cheaper than their New Zealand cousins! Maybe it's because they have to travel a little bit further! We'll all be round for afternoon tea!
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: blackrockrose on January 24, 2018, 06:15:59 PM
Where in the Hunter, Ozzyjack?

I live in Muswellbrook.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 24, 2018, 08:21:56 PM
Where in the Hunter,

A little town called Hinton on the confluence of the Hunter and Paterson rivers. I left there when I was nearly 18 to go to Canberra. We often holiday in Pokolbin, which for those not familiar with the area, is the wine producing centre of the Hunter.  For many years, we used to visit Muswellbrook with a social golf group, the Hookers, every June long weekend.  Great golf course.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 24, 2018, 08:44:56 PM
Here in the UK the Australian wines are generally quite a bit cheaper than their New Zealand cousins!

Penny, when I last visited the UK (2012) I found it difficult to get good Australian wines.  The market was flooded by the mass producers which were drinkable but overpriced by Australian standards.  Similarly with beer where Australian appeared to equal Fosters which I don’t particularly like.  I drank a lot of Guiness, strictly for health reasons of course, and developed a taste for Old Peculiar.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on January 24, 2018, 10:31:33 PM
'Old Peculier' was one of my favourite beers when I lived in UK.
It is not, unfortunately, available in Thailand.

You do need to get the spelling right however - Peculier not Peculiar , although I think that spelling is now obsolete except on beer bottles.

Peculier is a noun, not an adjective, an old religious term for a parish which was not part of a regular diocese.
I think it was also used of a monk who wasn't attached to any particular monastery. The labels on the bottle have a picture of a monk.

The Chapel of St Mary Undercroft in the basement of the Houses of Parliament - it was the setting for a key scene in the BBC thriller serial Apple Tree Yard - is a Royal Peculiar. It is not part of a regular diocese.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 25, 2018, 05:33:52 AM
Oh Jack does anybody actually drink Fosters because they like it? It's ghastly gnats pee :laugh:  Guinness is rather yummy I do agree :)
Will you be visiting the UK again sometime?  Perhaps you could bring Les with you.  He could liven things up a bit over here :laugh:
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 25, 2018, 07:45:17 AM
'Old Peculier' was one of my favourite beers when I lived in UK.

When I can find it, I grab it. Definitely a good beer.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 26, 2018, 11:31:37 AM

You do need to get the spelling right however - Peculier not Peculiar , although I think that spelling is now obsolete except on beer bottles.


Mike, thanks for that information.  I was relying on memory from a number of years ago and I think you will agree that after several pints of Old Peculier memory can be somewhat diminished.

However, you did motivate me to do some research.  There is more information on the website https://www.theakstons.co.uk/our-ales/permanent-cask/old-peculier/ .  One quote I particularly liked was "For many years it was affectionately referred to as Yorkshire’s ‘Lunatic’s Broth’."

Also I found that a discount liquor chain Dan Murphy's have 500 ml bottles for $A9.20 or for $A7 if you buy a carton of 16.  They have an outlet in my local shopping centre and so I plan to renew my acquaintance with Old Peculier.

Les, I suggest you go and visit your local outlet and try Old Peculier .


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 26, 2018, 11:49:06 AM
Will you be visiting the UK again sometime?  Perhaps you could bring Les with you.  He could liven things up a bit over here :laugh:

Hi Penny.   I don't expect I will be able to be able to visit the UK soon if at all although I still have a third return visit to the whisky trail in Scotland on my bucket list.  We have 2 Border Collies who would be upset if we were away for an extended period and then the question becomes how long can I defer kicking the bucket :D

I would certainly love to visit the UK with Les to observe the reaction of the locals.  They survived Barry Mckenzie but how would they cope with Les? >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on January 26, 2018, 11:04:09 PM

However, you did motivate me to do some research.  There is more information on the website https://www.theakstons.co.uk/our-ales/permanent-cask/old-peculier/ .  One quote I particularly liked was "For many years it was affectionately referred to as Yorkshire’s ‘Lunatic’s Broth’."

 

'Lunatic broth' was one of the names often applied to Newcastle Brown Ale. Another was 'Journey into Space'!
In fact, Newcastle Brown wasn't particularly strong, (a mere 4.7% if I remember correctly) but the problem was that it was very 'moreish' - there was always the temptation to have one more - and another after that.

I think in fact Theakston's, who made Old Peculier, were eventually taken over by Scottish and Newcastle, who made 'Nukie Broon'.
I believe the whole lot now belong to Heineken.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: cmh on January 27, 2018, 03:16:51 AM
Members of the Theakston family returned to the brewing of good ales a number of years after selling out. They make a number of different ones but Black Sheep is in my opinion one of the best.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 27, 2018, 05:35:05 AM

[/quote]
I would certainly love to visit the UK with Les to observe the reaction of the locals.  They survived Barry Mckenzie but how would they cope with Les? >:D
[/quote]
Hi Jack. We've survived various incarnations of Barry Humphries so I'm sure we can cope with Les :laugh:  He's been very quiet the last few days.  Most unusual!  Perhaps he's gone on holiday.
Forgot your border collies.  As you say you can't just up & leave them for long.
I have tried yet again to get the quote right & am probably going to look a proper numpty yet again ???  Sorry Pat if you read this.
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on January 27, 2018, 05:58:00 AM
Quote
I would certainly love to visit the UK with Les to observe the reaction of the locals.  They survived Barry Mckenzie but how would they cope with Les?

Take out the / from the first quote.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 27, 2018, 06:42:25 AM

He's been very quiet the last few days.  Most unusual!  Perhaps he's gone on holiday.


More likely he is exhausted from trying to catch the fastest cockroach in Brisbane to enter into the race yesterday.  I am waiting for his report to learn the most innovative name for 2018.

While on Australia Day, every year when I rang my late mother on Mothers' Day, she invariably said "if you need one day of the year to remember your mother, you don't deserve to have a mother".  I feel much the same about Australia Day,


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Matilda on January 27, 2018, 01:26:26 PM
Quote
does anybody actually drink Fosters because they like it? It's ghastly gnats pee
Well Hobbit, I like the occasional shandy on a very hot day and when in the UK the only beer my daughter and son-in-law will countenance me adulterating is...you guessed it, Fosters! And just so there is no confusion my definition of very hot is over 30C. I am very happy in Perth right now.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 28, 2018, 05:47:03 AM
You're very lucky Matilda.  It's windy & rainy & a chilly 7c here in Bletchley.  I think if you're making shandy then it doesn't really matter what beer/lager you use.  It's thirst quenching & that's all that matters!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 28, 2018, 05:51:00 AM

Quote

Take out the / from the first quote.
Ok Stanley here goes nothing.  I took out the / from the first quote but left everything else alone.  Do hope that's right.  I feel such a twit - it's hardly rocket science :laugh:
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 28, 2018, 05:53:23 AM
Hurrah!! Might have a small glass of wine to celebrate.  Thanks Stanley
All I want to know now is where's Les & how's he getting along with his coachroach ???
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 05:47:31 PM
Thankyou so much for your concern, auntiemo, I 'am ok although I did have a bit of a hiccup earlier in the week , i'll elaborate shortly on the open forum once all the test results are in,  although i'm reluctant to make a big deal about what was apparently just a mild stroke.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 05:59:02 PM

" I would certainly love to visit the UK with Les to observe the reaction of the locals.  They survived Barry Mckenzie but how would they cope with Les? "

Likewise, ozziejack, I reckon that a trip anywhere with you would be a barrel of laughs however ozziejune would definitely have to stay at home to look after the dogs .( I just could not trust myself in the presence of such beauty )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on January 28, 2018, 06:22:51 PM
 

 
Take it easy Les  I am sure all will be well :) :)

Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 06:27:14 PM
Thanks mate, all's good


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 06:27:58 PM
"More likely he is exhausted from trying to catch the fastest cockroach in Brisbane to enter into the race yesterday.  I am waiting for his report to learn the most innovative name for 2018."

Due to unplanned circumstances, our planned trip to the Storey Bridge did not eventuate this year.
In fact, I have only visited the venue on one occasion which was several years ago, thoroughly enjoyed the day due to the novelty of the entertainment.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 06:53:23 PM
" does anybody actually drink Fosters because they like it? It's ghastly gnats pee "

Big sister ( Di ) & her husband John are both teetotallers who have never drank any sort of alcohol in their lives.
Who cares, each to their own, you would never meet a more generous & giving couple & of course I could always rely on John for a safe ride home.

So if you do like to have the occasional alcoholic drink, wether it be old peculiar, fosters, four x or wine, who cares, each to their own.

Penny, I must ask, how on earth do you know what gnats pee tastes like?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 28, 2018, 08:22:54 PM

Penny, I must ask, how on earth do you know what gnats pee tastes like?


Les, sorry to hear you have been crook.  I wouldn’t have teased you so much if I had known. Well, I might have a bit but not so much  >:D.

Your quote to Penny above suggests you are getting back to top form. All the best, mate and keep us informed on your results.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 10:29:35 PM
Last Sunday, I had a particularly late night as we were giving a send off for a soon to be retired colleague from work.
The event carried on into the early hours however that was no problem as I was not scheduled to start work until 1.00pm on Monday afternoon.
It was almost midday as I staggered out of bed & almost collapsed on the floor, nothing unusual about that with a big hangover after a big night out.
As I took an extended shower to try to wake myself up, several thoughts were going through my head.
What is this strange sensation of pins & needles all the way up from my left foot to the top of my shoulder , even my top lip is tingling.
No time to worry about that now, I'am running late & have to pull my finger out just to get to work on time.
That particular shift was a very busy one which took my mind of the pins & needles.
By the time that I got home that night, the pins & needles had eased in my arm & there was no issue with my upper lip although the left foot in particular & the upper thigh were still tingling.
Tuesday morning & i'm still experiencing these pins & needles, suppose that I had better go to the doc who I haven't seen in several years.
So I ring up & they are booked out for the day , hesitantly I make an appointment for Wednesday morning. ( i'm sure to be right by then in which case I can just cancel the appointment ).
No improvement Wednesday morning so I front the doc.
I must admit that I did start to get a bit concerned once I had related to the doctor what had been happening over the last couple of days as his reaction was to send me immediately to the hospital that afternoon for an M.I.R. scan.
Before I left, he did ask me to clarify a couple of answers that I had provided on a questionnaire that I had filled out earlier.
Les, you've indicated here that you drink on average a dozen stubbies everyday & smoke up to 20 cigarettes daily , that can't be right, you are a respectable weight for your size & you look about ten years younger than your actual age ?
Definitely incorrect Doctor, the intake of alcohol is entirely dependant on my shifts, overnight shifts, absolutely no alcohol at all , afternoon shifts when I finish at 10pm, usually none at all but occasionally & particularly if I start playing chi to wind down a bit then there may well be a few beers involved & as for the day shifts, well that is probably where our dozen a day comes into it but then of course on days off there is no limit so that is how I came up with that average.
After enduring the following 10 minute lecture about how bad these habits were for my health, I was given another appointment for Thursday morning to review the results of the scan.
Sure enough, the results confirm that I have had a mild stroke with no serious brain damage ( any affected brain cells were probably already killed years ago due to excessive alcohol abuse ) there are still a couple of other test results to come back on Monday but i'm sure that they will be ok, the only ongoing issue that I have is pins & needles in my left foot which comes & goes & the doctor says that if it doesn't fix itself within the next two years then you will probably have to put up with that for the rest of your life.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on January 28, 2018, 10:35:56 PM
Sorry to hear about that, Les. Judging by your posts today, you're back to your normal self. Let's hope all the remaining test results are good and the pins and needles fade away.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 28, 2018, 11:01:31 PM
A sincere thankyou, Alan, for your kind remarks.
It will take more than a little thing like a bit of a stroke to keep me down.

I do hope that the gonad comment  was received in the intended spirit. ( at least I didn't attach a pic )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on January 28, 2018, 11:20:39 PM
Best wishes for the best of health from me, too, Les. Perhaps you should heed your doc’s advice about the beer and fags!

 :police:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 29, 2018, 12:11:32 AM
Thanks Pat , definitely trying to cut down /eliminate the fags.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 29, 2018, 05:32:10 AM
Sorry to hear about your scare Les.  Thought it was odd that you were absent from the Forum but assumed that Jack was right & you were chasing cockroaches :laugh:
As a fellow smoker I know how hard it is to quit.  I have tried patches, vaping, sprays & all sorts with little or no success.  Only non-smokers think it's easy!
So glad you're back :)  It's been far too quiet >:D
Oh & before I go I'm astonished that you've never tried gnat's pee!!!
Stay well & funny
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on January 29, 2018, 06:42:47 AM

As a fellow smoker I know how hard it is to quit.  I have tried patches, vaping, sprays & all sorts with little or no success.  Only non-smokers think it's easy!


Ex-smokers know it’s hard but can be done!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on January 29, 2018, 10:50:34 AM

Ex-smokers know it’s hard but can be done!

Spot on, Pat!
I was on 40+ a day; I had been for years;
at the time I was working in the Middle-East where they were so cheap that cost wasn't a factor.
It was affecting my health, however and I realised I had to quit.
I bought patches and didn't dare use them in case they didn't work!

One morning, a Tuesday, I woke up, lit a cigarette as I always did before doing anything else, and halfway through smoking it, I realised I didn't want it.
I stubbed it out, grabbed one of the patches from the box and stuck it on my arm.
That was it.
I knew by lunch-time that day that I was an ex-smoker.

Two days later, I flew from Muscat to Bangkok. I was really proud of myself, checking in and asking for 'non-smoking, please'.
Funny to think that in those days you could smoke almost everywhere.

That was twenty-three years ago. I've never been tempted to start again.

Never stop trying to give up.

You and everyone else around you will thank you for quitting.

Here endeth the lesson!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 29, 2018, 08:41:54 PM
I'm astonished that you've never tried gnat's pee!!!
Penny, your comment has tweeked the entrepreneurial nerve in me. You obviously have access to a source of gnats pee. Now if we were to bottle it we could make a fortune selling it to Queenslanders as a health drink. If they can enjoy xxxx they will drink anything. If we ran short of gnat’s pee we could water it down with Fosters. They would never know the difference.   What do you think?

On a less serious note, smoking. I took it up when I was 18 because I had 3 front teeth knocked out in a Rugby match and a cigarette filled the gap while I was waiting for a plate. It became addictive. After a couple of years my Rugby coach told me it was affecting my performance so I tried to give it up. After 20 or so attempts, no success. I tried pipes, cigars, cold turkey - nothing worked.  It got more expensive.  In 1968, Money was tight, we were just taking up golf,and we were expecting our first child.  Ozzyjune gave me the ultimatum - give up smoking or give up beer. In those days I hadn’t discovered the pleasures of good wine and malt whisky. No contest, and I have never smoked since.  Funny thing though. For the next 20 Or 30 years I would dream of having a smoke.  I would wake up feeling guilty until I realised it was just a dream. So it shows just how long the habit stays in your system.  But I am so glad I kicked the habit.

So Les, I am the last one qualified to give advice but if you do give up the fags, when you are in your nineties, you will look back and say “ that wasn’t too hard was it” as you go onto get your 2000th rosette..

On a more sombre note,  when you give up all the enjoyable things in life, you may live longer but even if you don’t, it will sure as hell feel like you did.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 30, 2018, 05:20:37 AM
Oh Jack I love it!  You made me laugh out loud :laugh:  Les obviously has competition!  I will gladly share my secret source of gnats pee with you & we'll clean up & make our fortune. I don't know any Queenslanders - but still find the comment about health drink hilarious!!
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: whisky on January 30, 2018, 02:39:36 PM
As an ex-smoker ( about 30 a day for 25 years ) I can say it is possible to give up, without drugs, patches etc.

When the need to give up exceeds the need to smoke, it will come relatively easily.

In my case, rather than tell myself I had quit, I just said, not now, a bit later.
I won't have a cigarette now, I can wait.
Gradually extending the timing till I made it to an hour was the hard part.
Once at an hour it became a little easier.

Still, at any any stage in the first decade I could have easily taken it up again.
The second decade after stopping, was quite a bit easier.

Single Malt whisky tastes a whole better now.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 30, 2018, 04:17:03 PM
Oh Jack I love it!  You made me laugh out loud :laugh:  Les obviously has competition!  I will gladly share my secret source of gnats pee with you & we'll clean up & make our fortune. I don't know any Queenslanders - but still find the comment about health drink hilarious!!
Penny

Pen, you were not the only one laughing out loud but I still want to be in on this incredibly rare investment opportunity.
Ozzyjacks moment of entrepreneurial genius can indeed make us all a fortune, my only suggestion would be that we make our launch in Japan rather than Queensland & that is because of the type of drinks that are already available in Japan ;

Diet Water ;
Promoted to have all the flavour of regular water but with half the calories.

Mothers Milk ;
Breast tasting milk ever. (apparently you can by it in a carton )

Placenta Drink ;
A jelly drink made from pigs placenta which is claimed to have amazing regenerative properties.

Or we could always go to India to challenge their soda which is made with cows urine.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 30, 2018, 06:56:23 PM
Oh Pen, I forgot to ask,  exactly how do you manage to collect your gnats pee?
I can only imagine that you have a colony living in your basement or perhaps just under your bed, do you simply provide them with lots of water or is their a more intricate method involved?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on January 30, 2018, 08:04:44 PM
 ??? :-P


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 30, 2018, 08:51:11 PM
Before committing to my investment in this project, I simply need to know that we will have a sufficient supply of gnats pee to meet what will inevitably be a huge demand for this product.

No matter how she manages her colonies of gnats, under the bed, in the basement, in the attic, on the roof, in the garage or out in the back yard, I need an assurance that she can meet supply.

I naturally assumed that such a breakthrough would have already been patented but I should have checked before asking such a question in a public forum so Pen, I fully understand your refusal to answer this question.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on January 30, 2018, 10:40:49 PM
Two things: Penny - perhaps you could consider taking someone in Scotland into partnership? I love Scotland (and lived there as a child) but have bitter memories of its gnats and clegs.
20 years ago we holidayed in the Trossachs in June with our 1-year-old daughter. We went for a stroll in the early evening with her in a pushchair, but after going 50 yards raced back in 10 times faster when I noticed her poor little face was literally black with gnats. It terrified me.

On other weird drinks: Whisky, should I say well done for finding those examples? They are really revolting. But, er, thank you.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 31, 2018, 03:31:10 AM
No matter how she manages her colonies of gnats, under the bed, in the basement, in the attic, on the roof, in the garage or out in the back yard, I need an assurance that she can meet supply.

Les, I anticipated your lack of faith. However, having had some small association with Statistics in a past life, I decided that a simulation was the only way to assuage your scepticism.

I am somewhat (a euphemism) over 100 kg and I guess a gnat might average 0.1 grams. Therefore I would pretend to be a gnat and divide the results by a million.  Off to the local discount liquor supplier for some Fosters.  Although they have just about every beer in the world, I couldn’t find any Fosters or xxxx on the shelves.  So I remembered the preparation I had to make for a colonoscopy a couple of years ago and thought a couple of litres of apple juice would do the trick. Seeing I was in a liquor store I thought cider is just apple juice, I would use that. As soon as I got home I got stuck into the Scrumpy.

Several hours later it occurred to me that gnats do not wear clothes, so off with the gear.  To speed the process I pranced around the house singing in my best Tom Jones voice Gnat’s not unusual.  I noticed the Border Collies we’re covering their eyes with their paws and Ozzyjune was googling the local psychiatric services.

And then I woke up.  It was a better dream than smoking but not much. 

Sorry, Pen. In the cold sober light of day, I have begun to wonder whether my entrepreneurial idea might not be entirely practical.

What do you think about Quail’s Milk?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 31, 2018, 05:40:23 AM
Oh Les & Jack I'm laughing so much I actually have tears in my eyes & holding my stomach!!  You're nearly as bad as each other.  Jack I would pay the money I earn from our enterprise to see a picture of you prancing round the house totally starkers singing It's Gnat Unusual! Or how about If Gnat For You by Olivia Newton John.  I believe she hales from Oz!
Les may I assure you that my gnat colony live in the lap of luxury in the garden shed in the back garden with their every whim catered for :-H Collecting the pee is a bit troublesome but I'm working on that!
What do you think about Jack's idea for quail's milk?  Could we run that as a sideline do you think?  My bevy of quails are prolific milk producers :laugh: 
They are free range & have the run of the back garden.
You two will have to pop over to Japan to do the sales & marketing but I'm sure that wont be a problem.  I shall use the vast fortune that we make to get on a nice luxurious boat & come & visit you all. :) :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on January 31, 2018, 05:46:32 AM
Anona that sounds truly terrible.  Very scary!  Your poor daughter.  My daughter visited the Isle of Skye last September.  She said the midges were a wretched nuisance & she & her friend were well & truly bitten!  The insect repellent they took with them didn't work at all!
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on January 31, 2018, 06:40:18 AM
Pen: I lived on Islay when young, and maybe 16 years ago we went there for a holiday. I decided my daughter's hair needed cutting, and got the telephone number of the hairdresser.  (When we lived there, there was no hairdresser on the island, and I remember cutting my mother's hair, aged 8.)
Eventually I found the place, which was like two caravans joined together, and knocked. The hairdresser opened the door a crack, looking anxious; I said who I was; and she simultaneously grabbed me by the wrist and opened the door wide enough to pull me in, saying to my daughter "Come in, come in quickly!"
She explained that the gnats were swarming and she was trying to keep them out. So that's
another gnat source for you.

Incidentally, although her parents and she had lived all their lives on Islay, she said sadly that she was not really accepted by the other islanders because she happened to have been born off the island when her parents had gone to the mainland for a short visit. You can imagine what they thought of Welsh people going to live there, particularly when one of them was the Customs and Excise officer inspecting the distilleries!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 31, 2018, 08:11:55 AM
Two things: Penny - perhaps you could consider taking someone in Scotland into partnership? I love Scotland (and lived there as a child) but have bitter memories of its gnats and clegs.

I must have been about six or seven years old, playing outside in a water sprinkler when I caught a cleg (we called them horseflies) betwixt cupped hands. I managed to keep it trapped for maybe half a minute. Never tried it again.  ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 31, 2018, 08:38:20 AM
Jack I would pay the money I earn from our enterprise to see a picture of you prancing round the house totally starkers singing It's Gnat Unusual!

I don't think you would, Pen, I am tone deaf.  Mum always used to ask me if I could whistle and when I said "No" the response was "well, you can't bloody well sing either"


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on January 31, 2018, 08:56:49 AM
Does this thread win the prize for the greatest variety of topics (having strayed from plurals a long time ago!)?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on January 31, 2018, 04:36:22 PM
Well, if it hasn't yet, we might as well keep going until we do win the prize.

Pen, I could not agree with you more, Jack is indeed a very funny, funny, man but when it comes to " a picture of you prancing round the house totally starkers singing It's Gnat Unusual! " well, I think that I will just leave that one entirely up to you.

Jack, I'am afraid that we may have also missed the boat with your Qauil's Milk suggestion.
There is already a concoction available which is called Kumis,  it is made from fermented horse's milk & there is another called Bilk which is a combination of beer & milk.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on January 31, 2018, 08:33:52 PM
Jack is indeed a very funny, funny, man

Les, there are very few that would agree, most just think I am peculier.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on January 31, 2018, 09:59:06 PM
Bilk? Sorry, the name reminds me too much of the late, great Acker Bilk, one of the finest jazz musicians of his age.

But in UK, 'Milk Stout' aka 'Sweet Stout' was quite a popular 'ladies' drink' a few years ago.
Sold in small bottles, I believe it was a mixture of Stout and lactose, and was sometimes recommended by doctors to nursing mothers.

Stout mixed with bitter was a 'black and tan' and stout mixed with cider was a 'black velvet'.
If you were feeling really affluent, you could use Champagne instead of cider!

Do any of these 'beer cocktails' still exist?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 01, 2018, 05:52:29 AM

Quote

Les, there are very few that would agree, most just think I am peculier.
Nowt wrong with that Jack!  I'm slightly bonkers & Les is clearly as mad as a box of frogs so we're all in good company!  I'm inclined to agree with Les about this thread we must keep going until we win the prize for the most topics :laugh: We might get a trophy from Alan as well as a prize :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 01, 2018, 05:56:46 AM
That's a great story Anona :)  I will bear that in mind for a further supply of gnats!  Where are you living now?  You may have mentioned it in an earlier thread but I can't remember sorry! Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 01, 2018, 02:20:36 PM
Pen: I live in South Wales, and have done so for the last 45 years. A few months ago we moved to a village near Abergavenny.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 01, 2018, 06:04:52 PM
Les, there are very few that would agree, most just think I am peculier.

Not just funny but clever & subtle, the type of humour that I enjoy the most.

While we might be slightly peculiar, a little bonkers or indeed as mad as a box of frogs, i would like to think that most people appreciate that we can manage to create a laugh out of virtually nothing, after all life in general can be quite boring, even painful at times so as they say, i reckon that laughter, truly is the best medicine.

I finally managed to get hold of a bottle of old peculier but have not opened it yet as i'm saving it to celebrate our prize for the most topics.

I am just wondering now what that " prize " could possibly be?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Scouser1952 on February 01, 2018, 09:38:24 PM
Les,

I believe the only possible prize can be a pint of gnat’s pee!

Tony


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on February 01, 2018, 09:45:50 PM
Of course, the only possible reward !!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 01, 2018, 10:17:21 PM
I think I may have been stupid (again). I've assumed gnat and midges are the same, but now I'm not sure. Does anyone know what applies in Britain? Of course, Scotland calls them midges. I found the descriptions online confusing, and it even looked as if different parts of the world held different views.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 02, 2018, 05:54:09 AM
Sorry Anona am not sure what the difference is!  You're very lucky living in South Wales.  Very beautiful.  My friend & I had a holiday in North Wales in July about 3 years ago.  Very lovely but it rained & rained.  We went to Port Merion & Conwy Castle & it bucketed down.  Drowned rats doesn't even come close!!  We went to the top of Snowden & the fog was so thick you could hardly see your hand in front of your face! Such a shame :( We did have a couple of nice days when we visited Caernarvon Castle & Bodnant Gardens.  I believe it's a lot dryer in your neck of the woods!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 02, 2018, 03:51:04 PM
Les,

I believe the only possible prize can be a pint of gnat’s pee!

Tony

Thanks, Tony, that sounds like a very apt prize although I am suddenly not so keen on actually winning it.

If this frivolous thread has achieved nothing else, it has managed to lure in another neophyte to the forum, so please keep posting, with your obvious sense of humour & plenty of your countrymen & women already on the site, I am sure that you will have a lot of fun.

Welcome to the forum.

Cheers Les



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 04, 2018, 05:46:33 AM
Quote
Penny, your comment has tweeked the entrepreneurial nerve in me. You obviously have access to a source of gnats pee. Now if we were to bottle it we could make a fortune selling it to Queenslanders as a health drink. If they can enjoy xxxx they will drink anything. If we ran short of gnat’s pee we could water it down with Fosters. They would never know the difference.   What do you think

Jack I was searching the internet this afternoon & quite by chance happened on a item which said 12 Queenslanders you should know.  I was actually searching for a film I intend to see tomorrow.  I think Google had a funny few moments :laugh: One of these Queenslanders was called Alf Poefinger & he makes & sells exotic ice cream from the fruit he grows on his farm!  I just thought it was a funny coincidence!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 04, 2018, 02:44:55 PM
I'm surprised that Ozziejack wasn't on that list.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 04, 2018, 05:00:49 PM
Pen, I have absolutely no doubt that at some stage in your life you are going to find a way to board that cruise ship to Australia.
Naturally, your first port of call will be Queensland & the first place second place that you should be visiting is the Daintree.
Beautiful ice cream made from local produce but what a glorious setting to eat it in, this link will show you what I mean ;

https://www.tripadvisor.com.au/Restaurant_Review-g2426273-d1887494-Reviews-Daintree_Ice_Cream_Company-Diwan_Cape_Tribulation_Daintree_Region_Queensland.html#photos;geo=2426273&detail=1887494&ff=240865333&albumViewMode=hero&aggregationId=101&albumid=101&baseMediaId=240865333&thumbnailMinWidth=50&cnt=30&offset=-1&filter=7&autoplay=



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 04, 2018, 07:55:20 PM
quite by chance happened on a item which said 12 Queenslanders you should know. 
I just thought it was a funny coincidence

The author probably wasn't a Chihuahua player, so you know who would not have featured.  Whereas we know he should have been No. 1 on the list.  On coincidences, have you ever noticed when you come across a new word or fact, it will crop up again 3 or 4 times in the next week.

I'm surprised that Ozziejack wasn't on that list.

Les, there are two reasons I couldn't have made the list.  I am not a banana bender - I only visit Queensland for a couple of weeks a year to visit the grandkids and their parents.  But more importantly, who would want to know a shy, retiring, introverted senior citizen like me unless they were a bit quirky.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 05, 2018, 05:13:32 AM




Quote

Les, there are two reasons I couldn't have made the list.  I am not a banana bender - I only visit Queensland for a couple of weeks a year to visit the grandkids and their parents.  But more importantly, who would want to know a shy, retiring, introverted senior citizen like me unless they were a bit quirky.
Know I'm going to deeply regret asking this but what in heavens name is a banana bender? ???
Jack I don't believe you're shy & retiring!  Quirky yes but that's a definite plus :)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 05, 2018, 05:17:46 AM
Pen, I have absolutely no doubt that at some stage in your life you are going to find a way to board that cruise ship to Australia.
Naturally, your first port of call will be Queensland & the first place second place that you should be visiting is the Daintree.
Beautiful ice cream made from local produce but what a glorious setting to eat it in, this link will show you what I mean ;


I have to hope & dream that you're right Les.  Would love to visit your amazing country.  Bit worried about the spiders!  I do hope you'll be there to meet me & treat me to what looks like the most wonderful ice cream :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 05, 2018, 05:36:12 AM
Would love to visit your amazing country.  Bit worried about the spiders! 

I was disappointed with the lack of spiders when I visited. This St. Andrew's cross spider was probably the best one I saw.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 05, 2018, 05:40:01 AM
One for you Aussies.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 05, 2018, 07:11:19 AM
Pen, We have nicknames for people from Australian States
    Cornstalks, Cockroaches (New South Wales) ...
    Bananalanders, Banana benders (Queensland) ...
    Crow-eaters, Wheatfielders (South Australia) ...
    Apple Islanders, Taswegians, Jam-eaters (Tasmania) ...
    Gumsuckers, Cabbage Gardeners (Victoria) Also Known as Mexicans (below the NSW Border - relax Stanley we have no plans to build a wall)..
    Sandgropers (Western Australia)

The origins of some are buried deep in history.

Pat, I love your cartoon


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 05, 2018, 12:07:50 PM
Pen, I have absolutely no doubt that at some stage in your life you are going to find a way to board that cruise ship to Australia.
Naturally, your first port of call will be Queensland & the first place second place that you should be visiting is the Daintree.
Beautiful ice cream made from local produce but what a glorious setting to eat it in, this link will show you what I mean ;


I have to hope & dream that you're right Les.  Would love to visit your amazing country.  Bit worried about the spiders!  I do hope you'll be there to meet me & treat me to what looks like the most wonderful ice cream :)
Pen

Pen, You were supposed to ask me why the first place to visit ( in relation to the Daintree ) was crossed out in the above quote.
The answer was going to be because I would have hoped that the first place that you would want to visit would be my place.

Jack, Sorry mate, I did forget that you are not a born & bred Queenslander but in my defence, that is easily done when you have so many traits in common with the average Queenslander.
i.e. shy, retiring, introverted etc..

Pat, I'm still smiling about your cartoon.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 05, 2018, 02:34:15 PM
Love the cartoon too!

As a result of geography, Queensland bananas actually grow straight, but everyone expects that bananas are curved, so Queenslanders have to bend their bananas so that people will buy them. That's how they get their nickname. Also explains why NSW bananas are cheaper than Queensland bananas.

As for the Mexican wall, it's been there for at least 20 years. The idiot just doesn't know about it. Internet and Youtube have some wonderful stories on it. A race to the top - 13 seconds! The tunnels under, catapults, submarines around, 4WD (SUV) mounted ramps to drive over. US farmhouses on one side with gates (always open) to access the farm on the Rio Grande floodplain on the other side. And a graph that shows the cost escalating as the effectiveness decreases.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 05, 2018, 05:10:50 PM
Ok Stan, If i believe your fairy tale for one second, could you please explain exactly how Queenslanders manage to bend their bananas?



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 05, 2018, 07:09:46 PM
You can't be a real Queenslander if you don't know!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 06, 2018, 02:03:59 AM
about the spiders! 
Quote

I was disappointed with the lack of spiders when I visited. This St. Andrew's cross spider was probably the best one I saw.
Oh Pat the spider is beautiful & terrifying in equal measures.
Cartoon is hilarious :laugh:
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 06, 2018, 02:10:05 AM




Quote

Pen, You were supposed to ask me why the first place to visit ( in relation to the Daintree ) was crossed out in the above quote.
The answer was going to be because I would have hoped that the first place that you would want to visit would be my place.

 your cartoon.

Sorry Les if I had a brain I'd be dangerous!  I thought it was a rather strange typo! ???
It goes without saying that the first place I'd visit would be yours.  Ice cream second.
I'm also wondering how they straighten their bananas in Queensland...
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 06, 2018, 03:41:23 AM
I thought it was only the ridiculed EU that originally banned very curved bananas http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/2453204/Bent-banana-and-curved-cucumber-rules-dropped-by-EU.html

And cucumbers. Well, they seem to have won on cucumbers which now arrive here virtually straight. Some people cited their despair over the interfering bureaucratic EU mentality behind the "bent banana rule" as their reason for voting Brexit.

Perhaps the EU had talked to Queensland ...



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 06, 2018, 05:26:50 AM
Anona my perception of the EU is of a bunch of bloated bureaucrats.  Although dictators might be a better description >:(
You're right about the cucumbers!  If you ever get a properly home grown one they are nearly always curved!
Perhaps the EU has infiltrated worldwide....
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on February 06, 2018, 07:21:26 AM
As a result of geography, Queensland bananas actually grow straight, but everyone expects that bananas are curved, so Queenslanders have to bend their bananas so that people will buy them. That's how they get their nickname. Also explains why NSW bananas are cheaper than Queensland bananas.

Is this supposed to be tongue in cheek? I did some checking and found no evidence that bananas grow straight anywhere.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 06, 2018, 07:41:06 AM
Quote
Is this supposed to be tongue in cheek? I did some checking and found no evidence that bananas grow straight anywhere.

Yes, but don't tell Les.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 09:08:33 AM
It seems that my attempt to put you on the spot has backfired.
I was hoping that you would come up with a totally ridiculous & outlandish explanation with just a hint of credibility so as to draw other forumites into the conversation.

So why are bananas curved ;

It makes it easier for monkeys ( & Queenslanders ) to hang on to them.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 06, 2018, 10:10:36 AM
I did some checking and found no evidence that bananas grow straight anywhere.

Trex, I believe I am channelling your illustrious President when I caution against letting the facts interfere with a good story.  However, I cannot believe that Yelnats would be guilty of spreading fake news, so keep checking.

In the meantime, I am exhausted by checking whether Pecos Bill was indeed raised by coyotes and dug the Rio Grande with a stick but it does seem feasible that he was responsible for Texas becoming known as the Lone Star State by shooting all the other stars out.

But speaking of nicknames, which we weren't, I issue a challenge to forumites to explain what are the origins of Scouser, Geordie, Inside the Beltway and other nicknames for where you or other people come from.  But don't tell me about Septic for Americans, I know that one.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 06, 2018, 12:20:04 PM
Quote
monkeys ( & Queenslanders )

The difference?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on February 06, 2018, 12:38:02 PM
Trex, I believe I am channelling your illustrious President when I caution against letting the facts interfere with a good story.  However, I cannot believe that Yelnats would be guilty of spreading fake news, so keep checking.

Some clarifications: First, he isn't 'illustrious'. At best, he is a**hole in chief (I've some more appropriate labels). Second, he isn't my president — I didn't vote for the SOB and would be happy if he dropped dead tonight.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 01:54:31 PM
Quote
monkeys ( & Queenslanders )

The difference?

That's a tough one Stan, I was going to say that monkeys don't drink beer but apparently that is not always the case ;



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 06, 2018, 01:56:33 PM
you have so many traits in common with the average Queenslander i.e. shy, retiring, introverted etc..

Les, I can only assume that you are being ironic which is generally accepted as being a trait exhibited by most Australians but one to which, of course, I would not stoop. 

Some common examples of Australian irony are exhibited in nicknames: redheads are typically called Bluey; bald headed men are called Curlie; and the biggest man in the Rugby team is known as Tiny. Others are a bit more obscure - John Eales, highly revered  ex Wallabies rugby captain is known as "Nobody" because nobody is perfect. Sometime irony lies in descriptions such as referring to Trump as Illustrious or a person of limited abilities "couldn't find a grand piano in a one roomed house"

I could only find the time to write this because I was scheduled to go to a procrastinators' meeting but it was postponed.
 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 04:10:35 PM
Funny stuff Jack ... or is it in fact John?

The richest man in town decides to throw a huge party & everybody is invited.
The party is held around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.  Everyone is having a good time dancing, eating lots of fancy food with plenty of drinking & flirting.
At the height of the party, the host says, 'As you have probably already noticed, I have a huge man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a hundred thousand dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in with it.'
The words are barely out of his mouth when there is a loud splash and everyone turns around to see big Larry
(nicknamed Lurch from the Addams Family ) in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air.
The water is churning and splashing everywhere. Both Lurch and the croc are screaming and raising hell. Finally, big Lurch has managed to strangle the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.
Lurch then slowly climbs out of the pool. Everybody is just staring at him in disbelief.  The host says, 'Well, Larry, I reckon I owe you a hundred thousand dollars.'
Not interested says Lurch.
What do you mean, not interested, I have to give you something , what you have achieved here is just amazing, how about a new car?
Not interested says Lurch.
Come on Larry, I have to give you something because you won the challenge, how about I buy you some stocks & bonds?
Not interested says Lurch.
Confused, the host asks, what exactly would you be interested in?
Lurch replies that the only thing that he is interested in at the moment is finding out who was the bastard that pushed him into the pool.











Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 06, 2018, 04:14:15 PM
Quote
Second, he isn't my president — I didn't vote for the SOB and would be happy if he dropped dead tonight.

Is Pence any better?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 04:50:21 PM

Quote

Les, there are very few that would agree, most just think I am peculier.
Nowt wrong with that Jack!  I'm slightly bonkers & Les is clearly as mad as a box of frogs so we're all in good company!  I'm inclined to agree with Les about this thread we must keep going until we win the prize for the most topics :laugh: We might get a trophy from Alan as well as a prize :laugh:
Pen

Pen, starting a new topic about the spice girls under " whatever " doesn't help to achieve our target in this thread.
The people that chose to invest the 50 million are either idiots or geniuses, time will tell.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on February 06, 2018, 05:50:32 PM
  I was wondering just what the longest topic has been on Chi ?

 
 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 06, 2018, 07:17:21 PM
  I was wondering just what the longest topic has been on Chi ?

I suspect the answer to that question would be this one:

https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,467.0.html (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,467.0.html)

It only shows the number of times it's been read rather than the number of posts but it's probably well ahead on both counts. Unlike this thread, which meanders all over the place, the humorous thread mostly stays on course.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 07:29:06 PM
Cue for Carol to post a lightbulb joke.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on February 06, 2018, 07:35:46 PM
 I was wondering just what the longest topic has been on Chi ?

"Dedicated to Linda", with 2196 posts. "Bloody Plurals" has just over 1900 posts to go to beat that record. Actually, these figures relate to the forum threads that are called "topics", but actually may cover a great many topics. The longest people have been able to stick to the one topic is probably about six posts.

If you look down near the bottom of the front page of the forum (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php) you'll see a heading "Forum Stats", and a bit below that a link "[More Stats]". Clicking on that link you can see, among other interesting statistics, that the topic "Dedicated to Linda" had 2196 posts. The humour thread that pat mentioned is a close second. The other topics in the top 10 are listed too. "Bloody Plurals" is not one of them.

The fact is that at its peak in 2007 the forum had a frantic level of activity that makes anything more recent look positively glacial. The same stats page shows monthly stats going right back to the start of the forum in early 2007. Just keep scrolling down and you'll see it all. The month with the most posts was October 2007, with 3638 posts. January 2018, with 321 posts, was the busiest in some time, but is not in the same league. (Incidentally, take no notice of the last two columns in that table - the number of new members is the number of attempted registrations, but most of these are spambots, that I reject. The figure for the most online during a month also includes bots.)

What was going on, back in 2007, when the forum was so busy? I think some of the forumites active at the time found it diverting to use the forum as a venue for continual chatter about anything and everything. In other words, they hadn't yet discovered Facebook. Soon, some of them did, and the level of activity on the forum dropped off rapidly.

I would urge you, habitues of this thread, DO NOT TRY TO SET ANY RECORDS. By all means continue the banter if you like. But don't go out of your way to create a proliferation of posts and subject matter. I can assure you, you won't be getting invited onto any podium to collect any medals.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 06, 2018, 07:52:55 PM
Sigh!!!

Guess that I will never get to find out what that schooner of gnat's pee would taste like.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 06, 2018, 08:03:50 PM
The longest people have been able to stick to the one topic is probably about six posts.

Ain't that the truth!

What was going on, back in 2007, when the forum was so busy? I think some of the forumites active at the time found it diverting to use the forum as a venue for continual chatter about anything and everything. In other words, they hadn't yet discovered Facebook. Soon, some of them did, and the level of activity on the forum dropped off rapidly.

And what a pity they did. One of the best things about this forum is that people are by and large pleasant to each other and can express differing views without being colourfully sworn at for simply daring to have a different opinion. Maybe it's just because I'm an old fart but I find most of what people post on Facebook to be puerile - 'Share this if you have a beautiful granddaughter' and other such nonsense. To say nothing of the endless stream of awful selfies!

I would urge you, habitues of this thread, DO NOT TRY TO SET ANY RECORDS. By all means continue the banter if you like. But don't go out of your way to create a proliferation of posts and subject matter. I can assure you, you won't be getting invited onto any podium to collect any medals.

Well said.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 06, 2018, 08:11:18 PM
Sigh!!!

Guess that I will never get to find out what that schooner of gnat's pee would taste like.

Probably similar to a schooner of cat's pee. Your mentioning the word schooner reminds me of a perplexing conversation I had with a barman somewhere in Oz when I asked for a pint of cider. Probably due to this:

http://beerbrewguru.com/beer-brew-news/beer-size-guide-to-australian-beer-measurements/ (http://beerbrewguru.com/beer-brew-news/beer-size-guide-to-australian-beer-measurements/)

Much simpler over here - we ask for either a pint or half a pint.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 06, 2018, 08:48:31 PM
Jack ... or is it in fact John

Depends whether you want to know what my friends call me or what is on my birth certificate.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 06, 2018, 09:41:06 PM
Your mentioning the word schooner reminds me of a perplexing conversation I had with a barman somewhere in Oz when I asked for a pint of cider. ....Much simpler over here - we ask for either a pint or half a pint.

Pat, anybody who drinks cider by the pint deserves a lot of respect. 

On the question of the variety of glass sizes and names for beer drinking, I agree that it is ridiculous and should have been standardised a long time ago but the differences probably had relevance in the past because of customs and laws that existed at the time and people are resistant to change.

The problem with pints in Australia is that we like our beer quite cold and unless you go in for one quick one, if you drink pints you either have to put up with warm beer before you finish your glass or you get drunk very fast. This is not a problem in places like the UK where the beer is drunk closer to room temperature and the alcohol content is generally lower, with a few notable exceptions, than Australian beer.

The half and the 15oz schooners provide a suitable compromise between drinking at a comfortable pace and spending most of your time going back and forward to the bar.  I prefer schooners myself although in order to keep my girth within reasonable proportions I drink very little beer these days.

I can’t see any point in smaller glasses although they had a use in past times when it was the practice to drink in larger schools and everybody in the school was expected to shout.  Before the 1970s hotels had to take last drinks by 6.00 pm and as most groups didn’t knock off until about 5, this resulted in what was known as the “6 O’clock swill”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on February 06, 2018, 09:50:57 PM
  I was wondering just what the longest topic has been on Chi ?

I suspect the answer to that question would be this one:

https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,467.0.html (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,467.0.html)

It only shows the number of times it's been read.

Also, 'Forumites...light-bulb' currently runs to 139 pages - this one still has a fair way to go.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 06, 2018, 10:09:15 PM
Pat, anybody who drinks cider by the pint deserves a lot of respect.  

Loath as I am to shatter your respect for my drinking habits, Jack, I have to confess that I can only manage one pint! And it lasts a long time.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 07, 2018, 05:37:18 AM

Quote

Pen, starting a new topic about the spice girls under " whatever " doesn't help to achieve our target in this thread.
The people that chose to invest the 50 million are either idiots or geniuses, time will tell.

Sorry Les my flabber was well & truly gasted :laugh:
Anyway reading Alan's post we're not going to get our pint of either gnats or cats pee any time soon :'(
Loved your crocodile joke.  Hilarious :laugh:
Haven't watched Backyard Ashes yet but did go to the pictures on sunday to watch The Darkest Hour.  A fantastic film about Churchill.  Gary Oldman is superb.  He deserves the Oscar for which he has been nominated.
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 07, 2018, 05:45:13 AM

Quote

Les, I can only assume that you are being ironic which is generally accepted as being a trait exhibited by most Australians but one to which, of course, I would not stoop. 

Some common examples of Australian irony are exhibited in nicknames: redheads are typically called Bluey; bald headed men are called Curlie; and the biggest man in the Rugby team is known as Tiny. Others are a bit more obscure - John Eales, highly revered  ex Wallabies rugby captain is known as "Nobody" because nobody is perfect. Sometime irony lies in descriptions such as referring to Trump as Illustrious or a person of limited abilities "couldn't find a grand piano in a one roomed house"

I could only find the time to write this because I was scheduled to go to a procrastinators' meeting but it was postponed.
 
Very funny Jack - love it.  I assume your real name is John but you prefer Jack?  My Grandfather was always called Jack or Jacky but he was christened John.  I am sadly a master of procrastination ??? Incapable of making a decision even if my life depended on it!
When I've had a horrid day at work (like today) I love logging in after dinner & reading what you & Les have posted.  Makes me laugh & cheers me up :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on February 07, 2018, 12:01:22 PM
Some common examples of Australian irony are exhibited in nicknames: redheads are typically called Bluey; bald headed men are called Curlie; and the biggest man in the Rugby team is known as Tiny.

I've frequently seen 'Tiny' for a big man and 'Curly' for a baldy in the southern U.S.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on February 07, 2018, 12:05:04 PM
Quote
Second, he isn't my president — I didn't vote for the SOB and would be happy if he dropped dead tonight.

Is Pence any better?

I think he would be better. Much less inclined to run the mouth without engaging the brain, i.e. more disciplined. That would be an improvement in itself.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 07, 2018, 12:41:30 PM
Curly Watts, with straightest hair ever, in Britain's Coronation Street. (Quick disclaimer: JCC was an indefatigable watcher for many years.)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 07, 2018, 01:28:04 PM
I assume your real name is John but you prefer Jack? 

75% right,Pen.  50% my real name is John. 25% because I have no real preference for one or the other. For the first 17 years I was definitely John.  The opinion leader in my Rugby club started calling me Jack and within 6 months everybody was calling me Jack and I gave in and started calling myself Jack.  Soon only Ozzyjune, my mother, and me when I swore at myself for hitting a botched golf shot, called me John.  After I retired and shifted residence, I had to fill in a lot of forms and got sick of explaining why the name I filled in wasn’t the one on my birth certificate and as I approach the age when one reverts to childhood, I often introduce myself as John.

So to be completely unoriginal, call me John or call me Jack, but don’t call me late for breakfast.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 08, 2018, 05:38:11 AM
 
Quote



So to be completely unoriginal, call me John or call me Jack, but don’t call me late for breakfast.
Oh blimey Jack or er John you're asking me to choose!! I'll have a good dither & then dither some more ???
Perhaps Les will decide :laugh:  He's been very quiet again last day or 2. Hope he's not poorly.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 08, 2018, 08:13:11 AM
Perhaps Les will decide. :laugh:  He's been very quiet again last day or 2. Hope he's not poorly.

Knowing Les, he’ll just call me late for breakfast.

Les contributed to the “how did you get here” topic yesterday afternoon but he has been a bit quite so I also hope he is not feeling poorly.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 08, 2018, 10:37:02 AM
Pen / Jack,

Guess that I have had a bit of a rough start to 2018 but things are on the improve.
Part of my recovery involves ongoing physio & massage sessions which limit my time on chi & particularly on the forum. ( I think that I just heard a huge collective sigh of relief from many regular forum readers. )

It is an Australian tradition to give your mates nicknames.
So with that in mind, it will always be Ozziejack for me however it may revert to " John " should we happen to have a different point of a view on something.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 09, 2018, 05:18:10 AM

Quote

Knowing Les, he’ll just call me late for breakfast.

Les contributed to the “how did you get here” topic yesterday afternoon but he has been a bit quite so I also hope he is not feeling poorly.
Jack I think you'll be lucky to get any breakfast at all if you visit Les :laugh:
I'm going with Les & sticking with Jack
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 09, 2018, 05:24:00 AM
[quote
Pen / Jack,

Guess that I have had a bit of a rough start to 2018 but things are on the improve.


[/quote]
Am really pleased that things are on the improve.  It's been a bit too quiet round here lately! :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 09, 2018, 05:24:58 AM
Damn it!  Thought I'd been doing really well with the quotes just lately.  Back to the drawing board :(


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on February 09, 2018, 06:46:57 AM
You can "MODIFY" and add a ] to the first quote which will fix the original post, then delete the second post and no-one will know.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on February 09, 2018, 08:29:37 AM
Pen, do you not use the ‘Preview’ button before posting? That would allow you to make the necessary alteration. Just remember that it’s

[quite]

Whatever you want to say

[/quite]

but putting quote instead of quite. (If I’d typed quote it would have turned it into a quote:)

Quote

Whatever you want to say


Are you even more confused now?  :-R


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 10, 2018, 05:26:14 AM






Quote

Are you even more confused now?  :-R
Thanks Pat & Stanley you're very patient.  It's annoying because I'm not stupid (I hope!)  I've been doing quotes quite happily for a while now.  I sat dithering for ages in case I look bit silly again :-R
Pen
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 10, 2018, 05:27:24 AM
Hurrah success - even if I did put my name twice :laugh:
Thanks again
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 11, 2018, 04:47:59 PM






Quote

Are you even more confused now?  :-R
Thanks Pat & Stanley you're very patient.  It's annoying because I'm not stupid (I hope!)  I've been doing quotes quite happily for a while now.  I sat dithering for ages in case I look bit silly again :-R
Pen
Pen

Pen,

Absolutely nothing wrong with, just occasionally,  looking a bit silly,  especially when it gives everyone else a bit of a chuckle.
I know that it will shock you to hear that on some very rare occasions, I have been known to make myself look a bit silly, so to continue the trend, here is a very silly " name " joke ;

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 11, 2018, 04:53:31 PM
Did you notice that we only need about another 386 thousand views to catch up to the light bulb / humorous thread?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 12, 2018, 05:33:42 AM




Quote

Pen,

Absolutely nothing wrong with, just occasionally,  looking a bit silly,  especially when it gives everyone else a bit of a chuckle.
I know that it will shock you to hear that on some very rare occasions, I have been known to make myself look a bit silly, so to continue the trend, here is a very silly " name " joke ;



You? look silly Les?? Don't believe it for a second :laugh:  Loved the joke.  Keep them coming!
I've had my leg pulled by a friend who is also a work colleague for flirting with you!!  Might have to up the ante a bit :laugh:
Pen :-*


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 12, 2018, 05:38:30 AM
Quote
Did you notice that we only need about another 386 thousand views to catch up to the light bulb / humorous thread?
Only another 385,998 to go.....shouldn't take too long ;)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 12, 2018, 05:12:56 PM
" You? look silly Les?? Don't believe it for a second   Loved the joke.  Keep them coming!
I've had my leg pulled by a friend who is also a work colleague for flirting with you!!  Might have to up the ante a bit
Pen "

I've managed to bugger up the quote as well so I've gone for the copy & paste.

I don't mind the occasional gambol & am always prepared to double my bet.

If your friend from work is a female then she might be just a little bit jealous of you or if your friend is a male then I suspect that he may be extremely jealous of me.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 13, 2018, 05:39:27 AM
Quote
I've managed to bugger up the quote as well so I've gone for the copy & paste.

I don't mind the occasional gambol & am always prepared to double my bet.

If your friend from work is a female then she might be just a little bit jealous of you or if your friend is a male then I suspect that he may be extremely jealous of me.


Thanks Les good not to look too stupid on my own!
My friend is female!  Love the word play with gambol :)  As I'm single I presume I fall into the "just being friendly" category!!  Haven't done much flirting for many years :(
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 13, 2018, 05:42:16 AM
By the way I do quite like the idea that somebody might actually be jealous...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 13, 2018, 07:14:35 PM
Pen,



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 13, 2018, 09:12:08 PM
I really do find the suggestion that we are flirting with each other as quite outrageous.
I mean, if I were actually flirting with you then I would probably do something really stupid like send you a poem.

A POEM ( of some sorts ) FOR PENNY ;

Bored and lonely playing the game
All efforts finding words very lame

Need distraction go to the forum
Meet Penny who has no decorum

Nevermind banter continues to and fro
She realises he's a bit slow

Turns out she really likes cricket
Maybe i'm on a good wicket

Friends suggest she's just a flirt
That should be a red alert

But I don't care because as far as i'm concerned, she is just a lovely penny from heaven.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 14, 2018, 05:43:59 AM
Oh Les you're a proper old smoothy chops :laugh:  Really love it thanks.
Tried to think of a reply but failed miserably :(
Best I could manage..
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You've made me laugh
since I met you
Totally naff sorry!  Don't think I'll be Poet Laureate any time soon ???
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 14, 2018, 04:51:41 PM
Not naff but cute, clever.....& hopefully correct.

I have noticed that yourself & a lot of other contributors like to use the emoji which is fine, sensible & practicable.
You may have noticed that I don't use them to often & wonder why?

Well i'll tell you why, for me, it is a bit like the person who is telling a joke & once the punch line is delivered bursts into laughter as a queue for the audience to laugh weather they actually found the joke funny or not.
I reckon that the best joke tellers are those that are able to keep a straight face & leave it up to their audience to decide if it is worth laughing at or not.
I particularly hate how they do the same thing on television shows where they play their canned laughter for scenes that are not the slightest bit amusing.

I can understand that users will put in an appropriate emoji when they are making a particularly sarcastic joke or comment so that their real meaning is understood & nobody is offended.
But for me, that takes away all of the fun, the onus should be entirely on the reader to determine " is this bloke fair dinkum or is he just pulling my leg. "

Sorry Pen, had a particularly bad day at work today, so I had to have a bitch about something, actually feel better now after that little bit of venting.
How was your day at school?




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 15, 2018, 12:13:17 AM
Hi Grumpy,
 :-L
You may have noticed that I don't use them to often & wonder why?
No and no - it never occurred to me.

Quote
But for me, that takes away all of the fun, the onus should be entirely on the reader to determine " is this bloke fair dinkum or is he just pulling my leg.

Does it matter?  Is the important thing about a contribution the message (be it information, enquiry, a serious opinion or humour) or the evaluation of the contributor?  IMHO any artifice which makes the message clearer is fair game.

If I am attempting humour (other than repeating a second hand joke), I am rarely fair dinkum and I am trying hard to pull your leg.

Hi Pen, :D




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 15, 2018, 05:28:31 AM
Quote

I particularly hate how they do the same thing on television shows where they play their canned laughter for scenes that are not the slightest bit amusing.



Sorry Pen, had a particularly bad day at work today, so I had to have a bitch about something, actually feel better now after that little bit of venting.
How was your day at school?



Evening Les you vent away!  I agree with you about canned laughter. Drives me nuts! I think the Americans are the worse culprits.  The only US comedy programme I watch is Frasier.
I had a grueller at school today!  I work in the X-Ray department of our local hospital & I had a particularly stressful day with very poorly patients & relatives & various other difficulties.  I'm only a receptionist but I get involved in other stuff such as trying to make sure all the x-rays & scans that are done in our department are reported by our consultants as quickly as possible. I was very glad when it was going home time :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 15, 2018, 05:33:38 AM
Quote


If I am attempting humour (other than repeating a second hand joke), I am rarely fair dinkum and I am trying hard to pull your leg.

Hi Pen, :D


Hi Jack :-)

Are you trying to wind Les up? >:D
Love the expression fair dinkum.  Where does it come from?

Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 15, 2018, 05:36:09 PM
It is not unusual, in my line of work, to have a bad shift.
Normally, it is all forgotten the minute that I sign off.
However yesterday there was an incident that really had me fuming.
I received an email from the manager of one of our departments ( the wimp couldn't even call me directly for an explanation ) about how I had handled a certain situation.
He was critical that I had authorised an external agency to cause approx. 4 thousand dollars worth of damage to one of our assets which was going to come out of his budget & while he did acknowledge that I had followed correct procedures, he offered some very lame alternatives that I could have considered & then had the temerity to end his email with a bloody smiley face.

I would love to go into more detail about the incident but as I have previously mentioned who my employer is & due to their very strict " commercial in confidence " regulations, I would find myself dismissed immediately if it ever got back to them.

Needless to say, I rang this clown straight away and gave him both barrels, specifically pointing out why his " lame options that I could have considered " would not have resolved the situation.

Of course in this day & age, you are just not supposed to do that sort of stuff & as all of our phone conversations are recorded & as I might have used an expletive or two in the conversation, I new what was coming this morning.

Sure enough, as soon as i login, I have an email from my supervisor, " Les, we have received a complaint from a senior manager about the way that you spoke to him yesterday, so you will be required to attend H.R. at 1100hrs this morning for a disciplinary interview.

As luck would have it, our G.M. was visiting our workplace this morning to show some international delegates around.
At the first opportunity, i took him to one side & began to tell him about the incident ( of course he had already received reports & new all about the incident that i was referring to ) i showed him a printout of the email that i had received & told him exactly how i had responded to it.

After arranging very quickly to listen to the voice tapes, his response was, Les, there is no way that you should have been derided for the manner in which you handled this situation & as he shook my hand, he actually thanked me for my professionalism & whispered, thank Christ you were on shift, had it been a less experienced officer this could have turned into a catastrophe.

Don't worry about the H.R. interview, i will speak to your supervisor, that will all be cancelled & your record will remain spotless & i can i assure you that i will be speaking to the manager involved, just one thing Les, in future please mind your language,



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 15, 2018, 06:58:57 PM
Be careful Jack, as it seems that I might have Penny at my back, i'am just waiting for Ozziejune to contribute  to cover your back.

Hi Pen,

We all know that it does not take much to confuse me but somewhere along the line I got the impression that you were actually a school teacher?.

Thank goodness that you are not, I cop enough grief about my poor grammar  etc... from pat, mk & rm.

How dare you say " only a receptionist ", the first point of contact when going into or phoning any hospital is the receptionist .
The calm & reassuring responses you receive from that receptionist are invaluable, particularly to first time visitors & as you say, you are coordinating all the documentation to ensure that xrays & other test results are delivered in a timely manner.

To all the doctors & nurses throughout the world, thankyou, for your tireless devotion.
'










Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 15, 2018, 07:45:35 PM
Are you trying to wind Les up?

Perish the thought, Pen.  I wouldn't dare.  He might get grumpy and let loose with some of those fearsome expletives and as I have a delicate disposition this would upset me and so I will make sure I butter him up.  I am not going to use any emojis in this note.

Quote
Love the expression fair dinkum.  Where does it come from?

Actually it originated from just north of you in North Lincolnshire in the early 1800s and originally meant a fair days work or Darg in the mines.  It got transported to Australia along with some of your countryman and adopted enthusiastically by the Aussies who extended its meaning somewhat and now can be used in a number of contexts:
1. True or Genuine -  What you see is what you get
2.  in earnest, committed -  to be fair dinkum about an issue
3. Typical Australian -if there are any left - Fair dinkum blokes and sheilas
4. to be well and truly - to be fair dinkum drunk  - not you, Les
5.  Truly, believe me -  Fair dinkum, I will
6. etc. in this general vein

When I said I might be less than fair dinkum in trying to be humorous I meant that attitudes or events that I attributed to myself or others might not be completely devoid of irony and I'm fair dinkum about that.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 16, 2018, 05:26:55 AM
Thanks Jack that's very interesting. "What you see is what you get" is quite common here.  I too will refrain from using any emojis so as not to make Les grumpy!
We'll go back to normal next time!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 16, 2018, 05:32:00 AM
Quote

Hi Pen,

We all know that it does not take much to confuse me but somewhere along the line I got the impression that you were actually a school teacher?.

Perish the thought Les!  Not only am I not clever enough I have little or no patience with children!  I'd probably end up trying to throttle them!
Am very glad you sorted out the idiotic jobsworth at work & all was resolved with no stain on your good character.
No emojis today!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 16, 2018, 02:22:02 PM
.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 18, 2018, 05:31:17 AM
Is that big enough Les? :laugh:
About time you came up with another joke/funny story...
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 18, 2018, 01:29:48 PM
I am not at all interested in cricket, but while researching 10 Pound poms, I found out England fast bowlers Harold Larwood in 1950 and Frank Tyson in 1960 also took advantage of the scheme when they retired from cricket. Pen, thought that might impress Les.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 18, 2018, 02:31:38 PM
I am indeed, very impressed, & i am sure that you also would have heard of a couple of other pretty handy cricketers ; Fred Trueman & Don Bradman & as Penny didn't give me any topic to go on, i'll use your post to lead into this little yarn which was told by Fred himself.


The scene was an Ashes test with England fielding ..... 'and I went back to my mark and hurtled into the wicket, a rap on the pads, Howzat? One for none.
I went back to my mark and hurtled into the wicket and the bails were off, two for none.
Then in came the great Sir Don Bradman. I went back to my mark and hurtled into the wicket, the ball was in the air, a fantastic catch on the long on boundary, three for three hundred and seventy six.

 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 18, 2018, 02:59:01 PM
Les, I'll see your Trueman - Bradman and raise you one

Some years ago, Trueman, was asked whether Bradman was as good as the current batsmen.  His response:Bradman averaged 99 in test cricket. When asked two or three years ago what he thought he might average against these bowlers [ Marshall, Ambrose, Lillee, Hadlee] he mentioned a figure like 27 to 30. The stunned interviewer said 'but you averaged 99'. He replied 'yes, but now I'm 85 years old'!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 18, 2018, 05:52:20 PM
That's a good one, Jack, even though there was no emoji to prompt me, it still gave me a laugh.

Trex , Birdy, Tom44 & all of our other American friends probably have no idea what we are talking about so for their benefit, here is a very simple & straight forward explanation of the game of cricket ;

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on February 18, 2018, 05:58:36 PM
No emoji needed for that one, Les. That has to be one of the best descriptions of cricket that I have seen....and it will be passed on! Well done.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on February 18, 2018, 06:16:46 PM
Thanks, Les, I've not seen that for a while.

Many years ago, I had a t-shirt with the 'Rules of Cricket' printed on it; I also had it as a poster when I lived in England, blu-takked in the smallest room.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Barbaram on February 18, 2018, 11:03:35 PM
Les, I love it!  Will copy it and forward to our friendly cricket aficionados. I’m a West Australian, and sadly we have had a Shield loss against Tassie today...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: cmh on February 19, 2018, 01:51:50 AM
I once had a very young Japanese student to stay for a few days and he asked me to explain cricket! After a heroic attempt that failed dismally I sent him back to Japan with a T shirt containing that summary but I doubt he was any the wiser! I imagine he would have been even more confused if it had been printed in Yorkshire dialect a la Geoff Boycott.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 19, 2018, 05:32:35 AM
Quote
I am not at all interested in cricket, but while researching 10 Pound poms, I found out England fast bowlers Harold Larwood in 1950 and Frank Tyson in 1960 also took advantage of the scheme when they retired from cricket. Pen, thought that might impress Les.
Don't know about Les, Jack but I'm very impressed.  You're full of interesting little nuggets of information :)
Oops that emoji slipped out when I wasn't looking!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 19, 2018, 05:47:35 AM
Didn't realise that I was meant to provide you with a topic Les.  I'll have to put my thinking cap on!  Love the Fred Truman yarn & I'd forgotten about the explanation of cricket.  Haven't heard that for years.  There are a couple of Geoffrey Boycottisms that I love.  My granny could hit that with a stick of rhubarb!  My tactic would be to hit a quick single & watch him from the other end. (Shane Warne)  Sure there are loads more but I can't remember at the moment.
I always enjoy any cricket related stories, facts or anything else!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 19, 2018, 01:50:10 PM
Bill & Ian are a couple of old retired cricketers.
They are sitting on the park bench, feeding the pigeons & just reflecting on their playing careers.
Ian asks, do you think that they play cricket in heaven?
Bill responds that he has no idea & suggests they make a pact that whoever passes first will return to let the other know the answer.
The pact is agreed to with a handshake & sadly, just a couple of days later Bill passes in his sleep.
Several weeks later Ian returns to the same park bench to feed the pigeons & reminisce about his mate.
Suddenly, he hears a voice calling his name, is that you Bill?
Yes, comes the reply, as Bill's ghost appears beside him.
So what's the answer, do they play cricket in heaven or not?
Well, I've got good news & bad news about that.
The good news is that yes we do play cricket in heaven & you get to play as if you were still in your prime.
The bad news is that our next game starts tomorrow & you will be opening the batting.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on February 20, 2018, 12:54:36 AM
When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

Other than this last sentence, it sounds like baseball.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 20, 2018, 09:58:04 AM
Baseball & cricket are vastly different games although as you point out, they do have a lot of similar traits.
I don't know if the name Mike Young, would be familiar to you but he played in the professional baseball leagues in America & I believe even went on to coach some teams.
Mike was a regular visitor to Australia as a talent scout & when he retired he came to Australia to coach in our emerging baseball league.
Several years ago he was contracted by the Australian Cricket Board to become part of the coaching group for our national test side as the fielding coach, he concentrated on improving the players throwing techniques ( particularly long throwing from the boundary ) & their over all fielding skills, he had a lot of success in the role & was retained for several seasons.

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 20, 2018, 12:20:56 PM
there are a few new forumites that can be quite belligerent, very sarcastic & although sometimes slightly amusing, they always push the accepted boundaries to their limit.

Had another bad day at work, Les?  Never mind, this will cheer you up. >:D

Young Bluey, Ocker Yobbo's son was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their Father's did for a living.  All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry, etc. etc. but Bluey was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his Father.

'My Father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of the other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him'.

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Bluey aside to ask if that was really true. 'No' said Billy 'he plays Rugby for the Queensland Reds, but I was just too embarrassed to say'.

Oops, I think I have just made the list.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 20, 2018, 07:48:00 PM
I realise that I should have started a new thread for this but the thread of this thread has been to keep changing the thread so beware this is a ;

SPOILER ALERT , SPOILER ALERT , SPOILER ALERT.

10 LETTER GAME TUESDAY 20TH FEBRUARY IS STILL ACTIVE

SPOILER ALERT , SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT.

PLEASE READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT A CLUE FOR THE BIG WORD FROM THE 10 LETTER GAME ; TUESDAY 20TH.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Pen ,

This spoiler alert is specifically aimed at you which is why I kept it in this thread although you are generally pretty good at finding the big words, you probably won't even need it but just in case you do, here's the clue.

The big word in this game was one of the last that I found however if I had been thinking of you, then I would have found it within a second.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 20, 2018, 08:09:07 PM

Jack, your posts are definitely improving, I can only see 3 mistakes in this one.

Les, you wouldn't believe how so, so chuffed I am that you've noticed that my continuous improvement efforts to improve my posts have got my mistakes down to only 3.

But seriously:

Quote
1. Your reply is in the wrong thread......
The reason I put the post in this thread is because our banter was off-topic for the welcome to Jane.  There are some purists who get irritated by going off-topic in a thread and I didn't want to annoy them or to diminish Jane's welcome.  Since we have had so many changes of topic in the Bloody Plurals thread I thought nobody would be annoyed by parking the post here.  If it were technically possible we should rename the thread Miscellaneous and move it to Whatever

Quote
2. I'm on a day off from work today & the above quote was simply to give Jane a bit of a wind up ............

I never believed you were serious but I couldn't resist pulling your leg.  After all most of the newbies and many of the old hands have confessed to being members the Les Fan Club.

Quote
3. Funny joke ............ but I do think you made a mistake about the profession of Bluey's father ...................


I am not going to touch that one.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 20, 2018, 08:17:16 PM
Thanks mate.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 20, 2018, 08:31:23 PM
Hi Pen ,

... however if I had been thinking of you, then I would have found it within a second.


Geez, mate, I never would have guessed you had such style and panache


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 21, 2018, 05:44:42 AM
Quote

Hi Pen ,

This spoiler alert is specifically aimed at you which is why I kept it in this thread although you are generally pretty good at finding the big words, you probably won't even need it but just in case you do, here's the clue.

The big word in this game was one of the last that I found however if I had been thinking of you, then I would have found it within a second.

Oh Les I love it!  Jack's right you most certainly do have a certain style & panache :-*
You two just keep making me laugh!
I didn't really get the joke about Bluey's father though I can probably work it out.  Perhaps one of you could explain...
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on February 21, 2018, 08:56:16 AM
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Bluey aside to ask if that was really true. 'No' said Billy 'he plays Rugby for the Queensland Reds, but I was just too embarrassed to say'.

Looks like that joke is about a decade out-of-date. The Queensland Reds have had a pretty darn good record since 2010.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 21, 2018, 09:03:51 AM
I didn't really get the joke about Bluey's father though I can probably work it out.  Perhaps one of you could explain...

Pen, the original of the joke that I pinched from the internet had the father playing Cricket for Britain.  As you know, I like to stir Les up so I had to find something to poke a bit of fun at Queensland.

I don't actively follow Cricket  or Soccer (I believe you call it Football) so I don't know how Queensland is going in the Sheffield Shield or the A-League and I positively could not use Rugby League because the Maroons (Qld) have thrashed the Blues (NSW) for the last hundred years in a row (more than 10 anyway) and so that left me with Rugby Union.  In the international series between New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Argentina the only Australian side to show much form has been the Brumbies (ACT) and one year the Waratahs (NSW) looked promising but the Reds (Qld) have had a rough trot.

I realised the joke lost something in the adaptation but at least it didn't put you Poms offside and I've presumed Les has a hide almost as thick as my own so it would be water off a duck's back to him.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 21, 2018, 09:08:20 AM
Quack, quack!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 21, 2018, 09:41:35 AM
Quack, quack

TOUCHE


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on February 21, 2018, 10:58:02 AM
Les, I thought I saw a comment from you that it might be a good idea to rename this thread and move it into the "Whatever" section if that were possible. Well, it is possible! For me, at least. (I can't find that remark of yours now - probably you've gone and deleted the only sensible comment in the whole topic.)

I propose to relocate the topic and call it "More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)", but since you started the topic I'll let you have the final say.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 21, 2018, 11:23:21 AM
Looks like that joke is about a decade out-of-date. The Queensland Reds have had a pretty darn good record since 2010.

Trex, you've caught me out.  Although I played 1st grade Rugby (1961-66), I don't actively follow it now, and I confess, I didn't do any research.  Being a basically egocentric person as many old people are, I only actively follow the sports that I play and these days I only play golf (badly).  I couldn't use golf in the joke because the Queensanders claim Greg Norman, Jason Day and Adam Scott (although he was originally South Australian).

But for the record I have done a little research with the following result E&OE:

Brumbies:  Winners: 2001, 2004; Runners Up: 1997, 2000, 2002, 2013; Finalists: 2003,2014;2015
Waratahs: Winners: 2014; Runners Up; 2005,2008; Finalists: 2002, 2006,2010,2015
Reds: Winners; 2011 Finalists:1996,1999,2001

Bluey was only one year old the year the Reds won so I think he can be forgiven for not remembering their moment  of glory. ;)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 21, 2018, 11:27:09 AM
Les, I thought I saw a comment from you that it might be a good idea to rename this thread and move it into the "Whatever" section if that were possible. Well, it is possible! For me, at least. (I can't find that remark of yours now - probably you've gone and deleted the only sensible comment in the whole topic.)

I propose to relocate the topic and call it "More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)", but since you started the topic I'll let you have the final say.

I cannot tell a lie it was me >:D.  I love your new topic title and I appreciate your dry sense of humour - I think


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 21, 2018, 11:45:19 AM
Alan,

It should be no surprise to you that such a sensible comment did not come from me.
I am more than happy to go along with your very clever title as you move us to the appropriate section & would just like to say thanks for allowing us to carry on with our posts which are "more or less" mostly just nonsense & a bit of fun.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 21, 2018, 03:38:30 PM
Thanks for that Alan & as promised I will stop hijacking Jane's thread & reply to Stan's post in this section.

Les, sorry to try to get a rise out of you.

'Coz you seem to be a very nice bloke,
for a Queenslander.

A lady I was talking to the other day said she had a smart Alec brother, but she thinks most people do. I said I don't, but I think my brothers do!

Absolutely no apology necessary,  as a very astute fellow forumite pointed out,  it is indeed just like water off a ducks back.

I was / am  the youngest & definitely the cheekiest in my family.
I suppose that it was because I was the youngest that I was able to get away with so much & of course when things did get out of hand, I could always rely on Mum to get me out of strife.
I was about 12 years old when my stepfather came into my life, within a very short time, he decided to give us all nicknames & started calling me " larrikin " , I can't even remember what the nicknames were that he gave to the other siblings because they never stuck but mine certainly did as he continued to refer to me as " larrikin " until the day he died.
Of course I continued with my larrikin behaviour at school & even when I entered the workforce so their have been plenty of occasions over the years where my joking around has got me into all sorts of trouble so I am quite adept at taking responsibility for & dealing with any negative responses to my actions.
As I've grown a bit older I have mellowed quite a lot & toned down my behaviour which is probably the only reason that I haven't been kicked off this site ... yet!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 21, 2018, 04:00:23 PM
    How lucky was I to very quickly stumble upon Chi in September 2012!?! (Through Google) 

Alan, if it is not to difficult or inappropriate, I am curious to know who is the player that has been continuously registered for the longest period of time since this games inception, my money is on the legend " rogue mother " (  of course, Alan, you are exempt )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on February 22, 2018, 01:42:48 AM
Alan, if it is not to difficult or inappropriate, I am curious to know who is the player that has been continuously registered for the longest period of time since this games inception, my money is on the legend " rogue mother " (  of course, Alan, you are exempt )

Registration wasn't available when Alan first created the game. So there are several of us who have the same registration date. My registration date is 16 December 2006 (still can't believe it's been that long!). I think some may have an earlier date, though, because of differences in time zones. For example, Roberts has 15 December 2006 as his.

R_M's registration date is 12 July 2007.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 22, 2018, 02:36:15 AM
Quote

I propose to relocate the topic and call it "More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)",

Thanks Alan I'm with Jack & Les!  It's a great new title.  Very appropriate!
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 22, 2018, 02:48:48 AM
Quote

Trex, you've caught me out.  Although I played 1st grade Rugby (1961-66), I don't actively follow it now, and I confess, I didn't do any research.  Being a basically egocentric person as many old people are, I only actively follow the sports that I play and these days I only play golf (badly).  I couldn't use golf in the joke because the Queensanders claim Greg Norman, Jason Day and Adam Scott (although he was originally South Australian).

Still enjoyed the joke Jack & got the gist of it!  I play golf really diabolically! 9 holes, par 3 is my limit.  An exceedingly frustrating but very enjoyable game.  I've been known to pick up my ball & stamp my feet when it goes really badly :-[
I love watching golf on the telly.  Especially the Ryder Cup when Europe are doing well!
Wonder if Les has any thoughts/views on golf??
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 22, 2018, 02:53:29 AM
anonsi, I'm puzzled. If I click on your name in this latest post, it takes me to your page showing a registration date 06-02-2007, not 16 Dec 2006. In the members' list, rogue mother and roberts also show different dates. Are there different dates somewhere else, or am I just missing something?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on February 22, 2018, 03:39:20 AM
anona, the date I posted was for Chi. The date you mention is the registration date for the forum. The forum wasn't available until even after registration on Chi began.

Since Les asked about the "player that has been continuously registered," I assumed he meant for the game itself and not the forum. You can find a person's registration date for Chihuahua by clicking on their name in the Scoreboard.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: jane@manutd on February 22, 2018, 07:41:03 AM
Anonsi, same date for me 16 Dec 2006, think we were some of the first  :D and for the Forums  :)
Seems just like yesterday!
We certainly need to reinstate the Hags!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on February 22, 2018, 10:22:19 AM
Thanks, anonsi! I knew there must be a simple explanation. I must at some point have seen that there was a date shown if I clicked on a name on the scoreboard, but I wouldn't have been comparing it with dates shown elsewhere.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on February 22, 2018, 03:58:25 PM
As people have noted, Chihuahua was running for a bit over a year without any player registration facility. When registration became an option (https://chi.lexigame.com/news/newsarchive.html#regetc) in mid-December 2006, there were 150 registered players within about a week - much to my surprise. Obviously, those players would have been playing for some time before that, as "anon" or using a name that may or may not have been the same as the one they registered with.

Quite a few of those early registrants are still around, but I think I'll leave it up to them to put their hands up if they feel so inclined. There are a few players who have been playing for years but have a fairly recent date as their registration date, because they had to re-register for one reason or another.

The forum has its own registration system. It's easy to see who the earliest forumites were. Click on the MEMBERS tab (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php?action=mlist) and then click on the Date Registered column head to sort the table. Although I registered before biggerbirdbrain, she had the first post (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,2.msg2.html#msg2).

The forum actually had a false start a few weeks before that, but I was forced to move the whole site to a different hosting service, and the few posts from forum #1 were lost.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on February 22, 2018, 04:01:45 PM
As I've grown a bit older I have mellowed quite a lot & toned down my behaviour which is probably the only reason that I haven't been kicked off this site ... yet!

This isn't the first time you've mentioned the possibility of being kicked off the site, Les. So, I have to ask you, do you have a history of being kicked off web sites? If so, please supply details.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 22, 2018, 04:57:29 PM
Since Les asked about the "player that has been continuously registered," I assumed he meant for the game itself and not the forum. You can find a person's registration date for Chihuahua by clicking on their name in the Scoreboard.

You are quite correct anonsi, I was just curious to find out who is currently the longest serving player of Chi but as Alan points out, the only way that i am going to find out is if somebody chooses to put their hand up.

By the way, i think that there must be some sort of glitch with the registration dates for the forum, i mean how could somebody as pretty as you possibly be registered since 2006?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 22, 2018, 05:40:49 PM
As I've grown a bit older I have mellowed quite a lot & toned down my behaviour which is probably the only reason that I haven't been kicked off this site ... yet!

This isn't the first time you've mentioned the possibility of being kicked off the site, Les. So, I have to ask you, do you have a history of being kicked off web sites? If so, please supply details.

Oh Alan,

Surely you have not forgotten my clumsy introduction to this site.
I had just recieved my first home computer & this was my first foray onto the internet, let alone an interactive website.
If it had not been for the patience & tutorials from yourself & particularly Pat who had a wonderful knack of explaining " complex"computer functions to me in plain English that i could understand then i would have spat the dummy & gone back to pen & paper.
Even after all these years ( i've been registered since October 2015 ) the response that sticks in my mind is when Pat showed me how to copy a url & post pictures.
I thought it was just incredible that this type of thing could be done & exclaimed, this is just like magic.
Rather than break out in laughter & ridicule me, Pat's kind response was to state that she totally understood how a computer novice could interpret such feats as magic & she continued to endure my inane questions with very patient explanations.
Chi has certainly expanded my vocabulary & given me endless hours of enjoyment not to mention the fun of the forum but just as importantly, it is only through this site & the generousity of many forumites that i have actually learnt how to use a computer & interact with people from all over the world. ( Hi Pen.)

Now i've forgotten the bloody question.













Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 22, 2018, 05:57:01 PM
I have suddenly remembered the question & the answer would be that I have dabbled in just a couple of other interactive websites which after a short time I found quite boring ( compared to chi ) & withdrew from them of my own accord.

The reason that i have made the comments that you refer to is that just occassionally i have made the odd post that has annoyed not only yourself but several other forumites.
My attempts at humour can tend to push the limits & can sometimes be misconstrued & it is always in the back of my mind that one of these days i will go to far & you will have no choice other than to de - register me.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 22, 2018, 06:42:39 PM

Quote
Wonder if Les has any thoughts/views on golf??
Pen

That's more like it Pen, nice segue onto a new topic.

Friday afternoon was our sports day at school.
I signed up to play golf.
My mates couldn't belief it, why on earth would you sign up to play such a boring game?
Simple, only one teacher allocated to supervise & all he does is sign you in & then watch from the clubhouse.
Easy to get away with having a few cigarettes during your round & just as easy to nick off early without being detected, all of a sudden Friday afternoon golf became very popular.
I was very ordinary at the game but did try again in later years, however the ninth hole at our local course just happened to be adjacent to the clubhouse so everytime we arrived at the ninth hole i would declare that "  i've had enough " & head straight to the clubhouse for a cold beer & a play on the pokies.


2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway.
The first woman said i'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs.
She ran to him, apologising and saying "let me help I am a physical therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him.
"How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 23, 2018, 05:47:07 AM
Quote

Quote
Chi has certainly expanded my vocabulary & given me endless hours of enjoyment not to mention the fun of the forum but just as importantly, it is only through this site & the generousity of many forumites that i have actually learnt how to use a computer & interact with people from all over the world. ( Hi Pen.)
Quote

Hi Les
Love the golf joke.  Think we have a shared sense of humour!! Bit warped possibly >:D
I love the forum as much as the games themselves.  As you say it's great interacting with people from all over the world. (Hi back to you & not forgetting Jack of course!) Brings me enjoyment & a real laugh :laugh:
Glad you liked the change of topic.  I'll have a think how we can change it again...
Pen















Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 23, 2018, 10:24:04 AM

Wonder if Les has any thoughts/views on golf??
Pen

It's a wonder Les didn't tell you about the time a visiting American suddenly developed the world's worst toothache and asked Les to recommend a dentist.  Les said his dentist had just retired and he too was looking for a new dentist.  He knew Ocher Yobbo had six teeth filled by one of the local dentists so he suggested they give Ocker a buzz and see if he would recommend the dentist.

They eventually got onto Ocker who had been visiting his adult son Beetrooter to try to interest him in taking up golf but that's another story I'll tell you about in another post.  By the way, Beetrooter was really pleased with his nickname which he shared with our Deputy Prime Minister because he thought it was bestowed because of his nocturnal activities.  We didn't have the heart to tell him it was because he had high blood pressure and a very ruddy countenance.

The American explained his predicament to Ocker. who replied "Well only yesterday I was playing golf myself.  Some idiot on the tenth shanked a rabbit-high ball that came 60 metres at the speed of sound and hit me right in the nuts".

The American in considerable pain and impatient said "I'm sorry but what has THAT got to do with the competency of this dentist"

To which Ocker replied "It was the first time in three years I forgot how much my teeth hurt".


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 23, 2018, 01:17:21 PM
Beetrooter was really pleased with his nickname which he shared with our Deputy Prime Minister

I just got that one in in-time.  I just watched a press conference where Barnaby Joyce, our Deputy Prime Minister has announced that as of next Monday he will be standing down from the Deputy Prime Ministership and The Cabinet and will be returning to the backbench.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 23, 2018, 01:35:39 PM
'Old Peculier' was one of my favourite beers when I lived in UK.

Mike, my son is visiting and we just polished off a lunch of prawns and Plowman's washed down with old Peculier ( served at room temperature of course - we had the air conditioning turned down low).

I thought of who else I would like to be sharing it with and you, Les and Pen came immediately to mind.

Cheers


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 23, 2018, 03:08:47 PM
Jack, i reckon that would be one hell of a get together & thanks for reminding me that i have a dentist appointment next month of which i am absolutely terrified as it has to be about ten years since i last visited a dentist & Pen it is great to see how wonderfully you have mastered your quote technique.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 24, 2018, 05:40:40 AM
Quote

I thought of who else I would like to be sharing it with and you, Les and Pen came immediately to mind.

Cheers
What a smashing thing to say Jack.  I would love to be sharing an Old Peculier with all of you.  Especially in your wonderful sunny climate - we're freezing our bits off over here!!
Les wanted a change of subject & I was going to raise the matter of your Deputy Prime Minister - Barnaby Joyce.  Unfortunately Les beat me to it!  It seems Mr Joyce has been having hanky panky with a member of his staff. Whoops!
Enjoyed both the dentist jokes :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 24, 2018, 11:11:47 AM
I was going to raise the matter of your Deputy Prime Minister - Barnaby Joyce.  

Barnaby entering the the Party room on Monday morning (pinched from twitter)
It helps if you realise Barnaby always used to wear the biggest Akubra hat even indoors to emphasise his connection with the bush.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on February 24, 2018, 01:11:10 PM
Jack, like Pen (Hobbit) and Les, I'd be delighted to drop by for an Old Peculier or three and a 'prawn from the barbie'.

I have to ask, though, why the picture of the drinks cabinet is horizontal?
Was that taken after the third bottle or before?

 >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 24, 2018, 02:34:14 PM
I have to ask, though, why the picture of the drinks cabinet is horizontal?
Was that taken after the third bottle or before?

Red faced, I have to say before we opened the bottles.  I emailed the picture from my iPhone to my computer and stored it and then loaded it into the post using additional options.  When I saw the result, I deleted it from the post rotated the original 90 degrees and reloaded it.  Whether I forgot to save it before reloading again or there is some gremlin in the file loading function, I am not sure.  But I can't figure why it it came out on its side in the first place.  I had to go out so I didn't have time to fiddle further.

Has anybody else had problems loading pictures?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 24, 2018, 04:21:36 PM
Jack, like Pen (Hobbit) and Les, I'd be delighted to drop by for an Old Peculier or three and a 'prawn from the barbie'.

I have to ask, though, why the picture of the drinks cabinet is horizontal?
Was that taken after the third bottle or before?

 >:D

Pen, i think that this classic tourism ad from the eighties was marketed mostly in America , so you may not have seen it, i'm sure that Mike & Jack will remember the brilliant series of ads that featured Paul Hogan in his prime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn_CPrCS8gs




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on February 24, 2018, 06:35:28 PM
Dear Les, et al, have you seen the latest Australian Tourism advertisements, played recently at a famously popular US sporting event, obviously in an attempt to lure Americans downunder?  Shades of our past ocker culture.  Keep an keen eye open for the very brief appearance of the original Crocodile Dundee.

The long(er) version before it was edited into the short(er) version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7ZTh9Rd0aA

The short(er) version after it became a 'proper' TV advertisement:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heL7eEgsqJU

Val



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 25, 2018, 05:42:32 AM
Quote

Pen, i think that this classic tourism ad from the eighties was marketed mostly in America , so you may not have seen it, i'm sure that Mike & Jack will remember the brilliant series of ads that featured Paul Hogan in his prime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn_CPrCS8gs


You never disappoint Les!  I hadn't seen the ad with Paul Hogan.  Totally brilliant. Wish I would hurry up & win the lottery so I can get on that boat & visit your amazing country! The prawn on the Barbie made me laugh out loud!
Am waiting to see what you come up with next...
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 25, 2018, 05:46:32 AM
Quote
Dear Les, et al, have you seen the latest Australian Tourism advertisements, played recently at a famously popular US sporting event, obviously in an attempt to lure Americans downunder?  Shades of our past ocker culture.  Keep an keen eye open for the very brief appearance of the original Crocodile Dundee.

Thanks Val I enjoyed it very much.  Particularly Chris Hemsworth.  He's very easy on the eye!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 25, 2018, 06:13:14 AM
Quote

Barnaby entering the the Party room on Monday morning (pinched from twitter)
It helps if you realise Barnaby always used to wear the biggest Akubra hat even indoors to emphasise his connection with the bush.
Very good Jack thanks :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: gromit on February 25, 2018, 12:14:32 PM
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfR9iY5y94s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfR9iY5y94s)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 25, 2018, 03:39:45 PM
Dear Les, et al, have you seen the latest Australian Tourism advertisements, played recently at a famously popular US sporting event, obviously in an attempt to lure Americans downunder?  Shades of our past ocker culture.  Keep an keen eye open for the very brief appearance of the original Crocodile Dundee.

The long(er) version before it was edited into the short(er) version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7ZTh9Rd0aA

The short(er) version after it became a 'proper' TV advertisement:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heL7eEgsqJU

Val

Thanks Val, I had not seen those trailers.
Generally speaking, I don't like re - makes & even most sequels fail to live up to the original however I will reserve my decision on this one until I have seen the entire film.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 25, 2018, 04:02:55 PM
Jack, i reckon that would be one hell of a get together & thanks for reminding me that i have a dentist appointment next month of which i am absolutely terrified as it has to be about ten years since i last visited a dentist & Pen it is great to see how wonderfully you have mastered your quote technique.



As you can see from my previous post, I also have it down to perfection.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on February 25, 2018, 04:04:57 PM
Hey Les,
There is no film.  It is just an advertisement.
Val x


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 25, 2018, 04:15:41 PM
Hey Les,
There is no film.  It is just an advertisement.
Val x


Oh!, ok, guess I got sucked in big time although I do believe that the idea of a remake is still being considered or have I got that wrong as well?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 25, 2018, 05:22:05 PM
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfR9iY5y94s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfR9iY5y94s)

Thanks gromit, It has been a long time since i last saw that great clip.
Every time i hear that song it reminds me of our historic Americas Cup win in 1983.

Coincidently, it was just the other day that i was at my local pub where i got to talking with a long retired yachting skipper.
He was a real character with a wooden leg, a hook in place of his right hand & a huge black patch covered his left eye.
After quite a few beers, i finally built up the courage to ask him would he mind if i inquired as to how he lost his leg?
Yeah, no worries, that was many years ago when i was just a crewman & went overboard during the '85 Brisbane to Hobart . I had to tread water for nearly an hour before our yacht was able to turn around & eventually find me.
I can not tell you how relieved i was when they unfolded that ladder as i was near exhaustion & very mindful that i was in shark infested waters.
Then just as i began to scale the ladder a huge white pointer appeared from nowhere & took my leg.
Geez, you were lucky to survive that but what about your hand?
Oh that was just a silly bar fight with some locals in Hobart , it was over a woman of course & just got out of control when one of the mob produced a cleaver & chopped off my hand.
Crikey, your a tough old bugger but what about your eye?
Lost the eye when i got some seagull droppings in it.
I don't understand, surely just a bit of bird poo in your eye would not cause you to lose it.
Normally it wouldn't but that was the same day that i first had my hook attached.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on February 25, 2018, 05:26:47 PM
Definitely no plans for another film, Les.  You can rest easy.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 25, 2018, 05:29:21 PM
Thanks Val , were you a fan of the original ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on February 25, 2018, 05:34:42 PM
Indeed I was Les.  But only the original.  Like you, I'm not that keen on sequels.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 25, 2018, 07:35:46 PM
I had a weird dream last night.

I decided I needed to have a beer with Les so I headed north.  When I got to his place, they told me he was down at the local rubbity with ALL his mates.  In Australia this is what we say about someone who is drinking alone.  

So, imagine my surprise when I got to the pub to find him drinking in a large school.  Being the gentleman he is, he introduced me to them by their nicknames.

The ones I remembered when I woke up this morning were:
All Bran – He loves chairing meetings and passing motions;
Barra – He’s always coming up with fishy yarns;
Beer Bottle – He’s empty from the neck up;
Blotto - Completely pissed half the time and half pissed all the time
Cheeses- We think he’s religious because this is his favourite expletive;
Kanga – He’s always on the hop;
Ocker – He’s not very cultured and likes beer, sport and women in that order;
Opium – He’s a slow acting dope;
Pearl -  He is virtually neckless – built like a brick outhouse;
Pothole – He’s always in the road;
Septic {tank} – He’s a Yank;
Snake -  the girls say it because he is a charmer, but the blokes reckon it’s an anatomical reference;
Snuggler – He’s full of what nappies collect;
Waltzin’– His real name is Matt Hilder;
Whisper – Almost impossible to get him to shout.

Ironically Blue, Curley and Lofty weren’t there but we’ve talked about them before.

Les might remember the ones I've forgotten.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 26, 2018, 05:26:57 AM
Quote
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
Thanks Gromit
Great fun & a brilliant song.
Whenever I see your name I always want to say "more cheese Gromit?"
sorry! :-[
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 26, 2018, 05:32:56 AM
Les & Jack or
Jack & Les....
I think you two should form a double act.  Where on earth do you get all these jokes & anecdotes from?  Maybe Australia's answer to Morecambe & Wise or the Two Ronnies...!
I've probably asked this question before but I've forgotten the answer!  How far apart are you?
thanks boys :laugh:
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 26, 2018, 07:16:47 AM
Les & Jack - How far apart are you?

Age:  about 20 years
By Road: just over 1000 Km (620 miles)
By Crow: Around 820 Km (510 miles)
Sense of Humour: Not much

To put the distances in perspective: Land's End to John o'Groats is considered the longest distance between the north and south continuous land extremities of Britain, officially 603 miles (970 Km) as the crow flies, and 874 miles (1,406 Km) by road (according to the sign at Land's End).,

Where do we get our Jokes and Anecdotes from?

Me: Pinch from internet or books and personalise
Les: Divine inspiration


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: gromit on February 26, 2018, 03:35:28 PM
Quote
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
Thanks Gromit
Great fun & a brilliant song.
Whenever I see your name I always want to say "more cheese Gromit?"
sorry! :-[
Penny

Don't be sorry. I chose the name because I really like Wallace and Gromit.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 26, 2018, 04:59:01 PM



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Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

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Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 27, 2018, 04:47:25 PM

I had a weird dream last night.

I decided I needed to have a beer with Les so I headed north.  When I got to his place, they told me he was down at the local rubbity with ALL his mates.  In Australia this is what we say about someone who is drinking alone.  

So, imagine my surprise when I got to the pub to find him drinking in a large school.  Being the gentleman he is, he introduced me to them by their nicknames.

The ones I remembered when I woke up this morning were:
All Bran – He loves chairing meetings and passing motions;
Barra – He’s always coming up with fishy yarns;
Beer Bottle – He’s empty from the neck up;
Blotto - Completely pissed half the time and half pissed all the time
Cheeses- We think he’s religious because this is his favourite expletive;
Kanga – He’s always on the hop;
Ocker – He’s not very cultured and likes beer, sport and women in that order;
Opium – He’s a slow acting dope;
Pearl -  He is virtually neckless – built like a brick outhouse;
Pothole – He’s always in the road;
Septic {tank} – He’s a Yank;
Snake -  the girls say it because he is a charmer, but the blokes reckon it’s an anatomical reference;
Snuggler – He’s full of what nappies collect;
Waltzin’– His real name is Matt Hilder;
Whisper – Almost impossible to get him to shout.

Ironically Blue, Curley and Lofty weren’t there but we’ve talked about them before.

Les might remember the ones I've forgotten.


You might find this just a little hard to believe but i had exactly the same dream.

I had originally gone to the pub  much earlier in the day with a few mates from work to have a couple of beers with a colleague that was soon to retire.
Unfortunately by the time that Jack arrived all my work mates had left although i stayed to carry on with the school that Jack has mentioned.
If Jack had arrived a bit earlier, i would have also been able to introduce him to some of my mates from work ;

DINGER          ---------      surname bell
NOT SO           ---------     surname bright
MAD MAX        ---------      first name max, has a very short temper & will go into a tirade over the smallest  incident
CHOPPER         -----------  senior manager responsible for staff & cost cutting.
SHOW PONY    ----------    a colleague that rose to senior management
BROWN NOSE -----------   the method that the show pony used to get there
GROT --------------------   would always leave a mess in the kitchen
BATS ---------------------  busting at the seams ( shirts looking tighter every day due to ever increasing beer belly )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on February 27, 2018, 07:10:11 PM
Grot was the one whose retirement was pending.

Due to his general messiness & very bad personal hygiene as well as his very reckless work ethic, he was never the most popular bloke at work but regardless of that , as we have all worked with him for so many years, we should all throw in a couple of bucks to buy him a little retirement gift as none of us will be interested in going to the official company sendoff.
Ok, but what on earth should we buy him & who is going to present it to him as you will obviously have to give a bit of a speech as well.
After a very, very, long silence, i suggested that we buy him a dictionary & as no one  else is prepared to, then i suppose that i can present it to him.
There was immediate agreement as that meant that everybody else was off the hook although there were some mumblings about why in hell would we by him a dictionary?

Grot & i were hoisted up to stand on a very wobbly table.

Grot,

This is a fairdinkum farewell, without any bullshit,  from the people that you have been working with over the last twenty years.
You have never known the meaning of cleaning, weather it be the kitchen or your own work station, despite all our promptings, you never seemed to grasp the concept that a very strong deoderant can be useful, you never understood or cared what it meant to present in a nicely ironed shirt,you never understood the meaning of a lunch break & you never understood the meaning of personal space but most importantly you did understand how to pitch in, go above & behond to help out your mates when the shit had hit the fan.

Enjoy your retirement & maybe just take the time to check out some of those definitions in your new dictionary.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on February 28, 2018, 05:29:41 AM
Oh Les very cruel & very funny!  You & Jack are obviously very well tuned in to be having exactly the same dream :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on February 28, 2018, 11:27:02 AM
Speaking of dreams.......................

Les has shared with us that he is single but that he has had a number of close calls.

I would like to share with you a story from one of those close calls.  It was with a woman who had an eye to the main chance named Ineeda Mann.

One morning, Ineeda told Les "I had a beautiful dream last night.  You got down on one knee and presented me with the most beautiful, most expensive diamond ring.  What do you think it means?

Les replied with a cheeky grin, Dunno, but when I come home from work this afternoon you will find out.

That afternoon Les came home with a small gift wrapped box.  Ineeda waited to see the contents with quivering anticipation. 

I've attached a picture of it below.


Sadly the relationship didn't last much longer.

If you ask me nicely, I will tell you about one of Les's romances that didn't get past first base.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 01, 2018, 05:28:52 AM
Quote

If you ask me nicely, I will tell you about one of Les's romances that didn't get past first base.
Please Jack do spill.  Waiting as eagerly as Ineeda Mann....Not quite quivering with anticipation but almost!!
Perhaps Les would like to share with us why he has remained single.  Was there one that got away? 
Sorry Les very nosey!
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 08:09:52 AM
Yes Jack, please do spill the beans after all there are many failed romances that I have endured over the years, so i am very curios to see which one you are going to reveal.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 01, 2018, 08:49:45 AM
If you ask me nicely, I will tell you about one of Les's romances that didn't get past first base.

How many pages are you going to write?  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 09:08:22 AM
I've no idea what Jack is going to come up with however if it is about a romance in which I failed to get past first base then it should be a very short story.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 10:06:32 AM
SPOILER ALERT ; although this game is now closed, please be aware that words will be revealed in this post.

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Just to satisfy my own curiosity, I would be intrigued to know ( if you can remember ) what was the last word that you found in the standard game Wednesday 28th, for me it was biasing.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on March 01, 2018, 11:58:47 AM
Do we need a spoiler alert AFTER the puzzle has closed ? Just in case.....
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My last word was cigar


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 12:51:37 PM
Thanks auntiemo,
I'm sure we don't need a spoiler which is why I didn't bother to start a new topic but then i thought, as you say, just in case.
cigar is one of those words that in the past i often failed to find at all & it still usually seems to be one of the last that i find although in this particular game i did manage to find it relatively early on.
I just find it fascinating that such a simple & common word can be so hard to find & of course there are plenty of other examples.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 01, 2018, 03:27:22 PM
Yes Jack, please do spill the beans

This happened when Les was still a teenager.  In those days he was NOT the man full of the confidence and savoir-faire that we know today. 

Les had finally lined up a date with the girl of his dreams, a drop dead gorgeous young woman named Ophelia Oldfella

But there was a condition. Before they can go out, he must have dinner with her family and gain the approval of her father.

Well, Les isn't too fond of the idea but the woman is too gorgeous to refuse. 

The rest of the day Les worries and frets. He gets so worried that he starts to build up a lot of gas.

But he makes it to her house and makes polite conversation over dinner.  He thinks he is on a winner because Ophelia’s father is also a cricket tragic.  Les is even chancing his arm by addressing him by his nickname “Whopper”.

After dinner, Whopper starts to read the paper. Les's gas has built to a level that his bowels cannot contain any more, so he decides to let a little fart go…. Phht ...

Whopper rolls down his paper at the sound and says, "Spot ...".

Les looks around confused by this comment and spies an old sheepdog close behind his chair. Relief (no pun intended), Whopper must think the dog is doing it!   So Les decides to let a bigger fart go……Phhhhttt ...

Whopper takes off his glasses and rolls down his paper. "Spot!" he says in an annoyed tone.

Les decides to let one last fart go to relieve all the gas…..pppphhhhttttpow…..!

Whopper rips his glasses off and throws the paper to the floor. "Spot, you deaf bugger, get away from Les before he shits all over you!"

Sad to say, Les never got Whopper’s approval to go out with Ophelia.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 01, 2018, 04:11:00 PM
I’ll give Les a break and tell you a story about the KINN family that used to live a couple of doors up from Les.  The father FORS got a job in America and moved there just before the end of 1998  But this is about his son LARRY who started going to school there.  Larry was 7 and smart as a button and his behaviour reflects his name.

Near the end of the school year, Larry’s teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever is first to answer the questions correctly that I ask can leave early today."

This really appeals to Larry, who is keen to get away.

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Larry can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Larry is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Larry can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Larry is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Larry can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Larry is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Larry says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Larry: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 04:36:26 PM
And to this day, I still wonder whatever became of Ophelia Oldfella  (after all how I could ever forget that name ) but I do remember hearing that her father passed away suddenly, apparently he suffered a severe heart attack while eating a big whopper burger at Macca's.

My workplace is generally pretty noisy but for a short time this morning it was unusually quite as everything was running very smoothly.
At the same time we lost the hum of the air conditioning as it went on the blink, the silence was almost eerie & as someone commented on how they had never experienced this place being so quiet, I couldn't resist & shouted out " Just be careful that you don't let out a loud fart "

Recalling Spot the sheepdog reminded me of this old joke ;

It's an old joke, but worth repeating ...
A sheep farmer is tending his flock when a city slicker rolls up in his BMW, hops out and asks, "Hey, if I tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The farmer nods, so the city slicker opens his laptop, calls up some satellite photos, runs some algorithms, and announces, "You have 1,432 sheep."
Impressed, the farmer says, "You're right. Go ahead and take one." So the city slicker loads one of the animals into the backseat of the car. "Now," says the farmer, "I'll bet all my sheep against your car that I can tell you what you do for a living."
A gaming sort, the city slicker says, "Sure."
"You're a consultant," says the farmer.
"Wow!" says the consultant. "How'd you know?"
"Well," says the farmer, "you come from nowhere even though I never asked you to. You drive a flash car, and wear a smart suit. You told me something I already knew. And you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 04:50:10 PM
Sorry Jack but I was typing while you were posting.

Have you noticed all the recent banter about the big reunion of the " hags " gang?
Apparently they are all back on line but i haven't seen too much posting from them, perhaps they have all become a little shy in their latter years?



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 01, 2018, 06:14:25 PM
 

Between Les Jack Pen et al it would be a hard act to follow

Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 01, 2018, 07:30:53 PM
Have you noticed all the recent banter about the big reunion of the " hags " gang?
Apparently they are all back on line but i haven't seen too much posting from them, perhaps they have all become a little shy in their latter years?

Queenslanders go where angels fear to tread.  I can see that that you are trying to rev them up but I suspect if you get them stirred they would have you and I for breakfast.  As with the old saying about sheep dogs, let sleeping hags lie.  :D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 07:41:05 PM
.Thanks Jack for that very sage advice which I will totally ignore.

So Carol, were you /are you a member of the hag gang?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 01, 2018, 08:39:53 PM


   In a word No

 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 01, 2018, 09:05:08 PM
Their loss but I am a bit surprised that I haven't heard from Linda who I know was a prominent member of the gang?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 01, 2018, 09:33:37 PM
Quote
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

We may just be keeping our own counsel for a while, Les.  Beware!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 02, 2018, 12:48:27 AM
Quote
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

We may just be keeping our own counsel for a while, Les.  Beware!  >:D

Linda, I read the following analysis of the three witches;

The Three Witches -  Three “black and midnight hags” who plot mischief against Macbeth using charms, spells, and prophecies. Their predictions prompt him to murder Duncan, to order the deaths of Banquo and his son, and to blindly believe in his own immortality. The play leaves the witches’ true identity unclear—aside from the fact that they are servants of Hecate, we know little about their place in the cosmos. In some ways they resemble the mythological Fates, who impersonally weave the threads of human destiny. They clearly take a perverse delight in using their knowledge of the future to toy with and destroy human beings..

This doesn’t line up with my view of the forumite Hags except in cleverness and wit.  I understand you were broad minded and inclusive enough to invite Smaug, a male, to be an honorary Hag.  However, if you do decide to visit the dark side, please be kind to MacLes.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 02, 2018, 02:21:35 AM
Quote
Fair is foul, and foul is fair:

MacLes will just have to take his chances! Cackle, cackle!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on March 02, 2018, 11:41:27 AM
(Just quietly lying in wait, lying in wait...)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 02, 2018, 04:21:23 PM

We may just be keeping our own counsel for a while, Les.  Beware!  >:D
[/quote]

That reminds me of a little story that ozziejack once told me about ozziejune ;

Not  too many people would know this but June's first job was actually as a counselor at their local primary school.
Her first morning was rather quite so she decided to use some initiative & patrol the schoolyard during the liunch break so that she might get to know some of the children.
As she approached the sporting field she observed a group of boys all enjoying themselves as they kicked around a soccer ball but to her dismay she also noticed one little boy standing all by himself way down the other end of the field.
She went up to the boy, introduced herself & asked was he ok?
I'm fine thankyou Miss.
Not convinced, she continued on her patrol & returned to the sports field 10 minutes later.
Her heart sank as she saw this poor little boy still standing alone in exactly the same spot while all the other boys were having fun way down the other end of the field.
Hello again, it's me June & what is your name, are you sure everything is ok?
My name is John & yes thankyou, everything is just fine.
As she continued on her patrol all she could think of was the pained & puzzled expression on that little boys face , i just have to get him to open up to me.
5 minutes later & June returns to the sportsfield & again approaches John.
John, i know that you must be having problems so i need for you to talk to me & tell me why you have been standing here all by yourself for all this time while everybody else is having so much fun way down the other end of the field.
I'm the goalkeeper.




Rider ---Some of all of the above story is of course total fiction.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 02, 2018, 08:25:39 PM
Rider ---Some of all of the above story is of course total fiction.

No need for the rider, Les, you are allowed some poetic licence when telling a good story.  I’ve already shared my motto of “never let the facts spoil a good story”.   

In fact, your story was very close to the facts. It was not a matter of initiative that she would patrol the schoolyard, it was the job of all junior schoolteachers to do it. You portrayed her concern for the young boy superbly.

June was very young when she went to university and after four years, degree and diploma of education, she went straight to teaching Secondary school. By the time I met her about 18 months later, she was teaching Leaving Certificate classes in which some of the repeating students weren’t much younger than she was.

The story would have been spoilt if the game had not been Soccer. However, I believe Soccer only got introduced to NSW/ACT  schools some 20 or 30 years later.  NSW was Rugby League obsessed and ACT, Rugby Union.

Now, about those wonderful Hags.  If you play your cards right, you might get an invite to be an honorary hag as Smaug did. But if you upset them “Be afraid, be very afraid


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 02, 2018, 11:11:46 PM
Quote
By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes.

... be careful what you wish for, MacMen!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 03, 2018, 05:40:33 AM
Les & Jack I'm not giving much for your chances with the hags but I do wish you the best of luck! Sage advice - Be afraid, be very afraid!
Les I love the joke about spot the sheepdog & the story about Ozziejune.  Am feeling a bit under the weather with a rotten cold & head full of cotton wool. Cheered me up for a few minutes. You might have to despatch a hot toddy my way...
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 03, 2018, 07:51:23 AM
Les & Jack I'm not giving much for your chances with the hags but I do wish you the best of luck!

Pen, I am trying to distance myself from Les on this.  I have learnt my lesson from trying for over 50 years to outsmart a woman who is much smarter than me and coming off second best every time. So I have conceded even before the contest begins and I am furiously waving the white flag. 

But I suspect Les is made of sterner stuff and will not be able to resist the challenge to exercise his rapier-like wit.

My mate "Bed" Owen reminded me of his favorite quote which I pass on to the Hags with the greatest of humility.
Quote
It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in. Lyndon Johnson, as quoted in The New York Times (31 October 1971).
***************************************************************************************************



Quote
Am feeling a bit under the weather with a rotten cold & head full of cotton wool.

Now we have got the serious stuff out of the way, I will try to cheer you up.

First of all, throw out the cotton wool and replace it with Bundaberg OP rum (Les's favourite tipple when he has drunk the Pub dry of XXXX).

Is it true you told the Doctor? “My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practicing all night.”

Les walked into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ”Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“Do you mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.
“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”

The Doctor tells Ocker he has very bad flu. Ocker says he wants a second opinion. The doctor says, ”OK, you’re ugly too”.

I hope you recover quickly, Pen, we need you to post regularly. You are the only one who can control Les. >:D :D






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 03, 2018, 10:07:34 AM
Pen: my grandfather's friend used to swear by a brisk walk on the top of the mountain while eating two raw (peeled) onions. Strangely, I've not had the stamina to try this, when crawling out to the kettle is about as much as I can manage.

And of course you do need to have a mountain near you (which I have, but even so).

Perhaps the rum remedy does have more appeal ...



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 03, 2018, 05:27:49 PM
Les & Jack I'm not giving much for your chances with the hags but I do wish you the best of luck! Sage advice - Be afraid, be very afraid!
Les I love the joke about spot the sheepdog & the story about Ozziejune.  Am feeling a bit under the weather with a rotten cold & head full of cotton wool. Cheered me up for a few minutes. You might have to despatch a hot toddy my way...
Pen

So sorry to hear that you are not feeling well with a rotten cold. ( is there such a thing as a nice cold? )

Jack's suggestion of a couple of rums is actually a pretty good idea.
After about the third or fourth drink, you will forget that you even have a cold & by the time that you recover from the next mornings hangover, the cold will either be totally gone or ten times worse.

Incredibley that was Jack's second good suggestion in a row although i quickly rejected the first where he suggested that i should not " take on " the hags.

As you seem to support that suggestion then i will of course withdraw ;













Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 03, 2018, 06:48:17 PM

My best recommendation when suffering from a cold is oysters as they provide a very high level of zinc.
Zinc is responsible for white blood cell function, which is associated with fighting viruses and bacteria.
Zinc is also important for the health of mucus membranes, our barrier between our internal and external environment .
Of course there is another benefit that can be derived from eating lots of oysters, but i won't go into that on this family friendly website.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 04, 2018, 05:48:01 AM
Quote
Pen: my grandfather's friend used to swear by a brisk walk on the top of the mountain while eating two raw (peeled) onions. Strangely, I've not had the stamina to try this, when crawling out to the kettle is about as much as I can manage.

Thanks (I think!) Anona for your rather dodgy remedy!  I live in Milton Keynes which is pretty much as flat as a pancake!  The nearest thing to a mountain from here is the Chiltern Hills which are splendid but certainly tiddly compared to the wonderful mountains in Wales & Scotland.  Think I'll stick to the rum.  As Les says after a couple I probably wont care less!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 04, 2018, 06:00:43 AM
Hi Les & Jack
thanks for your good wishes & Jack you hit the nail on the head about the bloody coughing >:(
Think I'll give the rum a whirl though I doubt I can get Bundaberg OP Rum in snowy Bletchley!
Sorry Les will pass on the oysters.  Just the thought of them makes me shiver more than I already am :laugh:
Look forward to any anecdotes or jokes in the name of medicine!
I hate being crook (is that right or should it be crock?)  Not a very patient patient!
Penx



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on March 04, 2018, 10:30:40 AM
Dear Hobbit

Do hope you are up-n-at-em again very soon.  In response to your request for jokes to make you feel better, this one was in our Sydney Morning Herald newspaper today.  It's not exactly about being crook but, having never had kids myself, I'd say it comes pretty close.

Due to a major power blackout in one of those backward states that hasn’t had the foresight to invest in reliable renewable energy systems, only one paramedic is able to respond to a call from a woman, who is suddenly caught short and about to give birth in her own home.
The house is very, very dark, so the paramedic asks the woman’s three-year-old daughter, Katelyn, to hold a flashlight high over her mother so he can see while he helps deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Katelyn does as she is asked. Her mother pushes and pushes, and, after a little while, her baby brother is born.
The paramedic cuts the cord, lifts him by his little feet and, in the classic fashion, smacks him once on his bottom. The little one begins to cry.
The paramedic thanks Katelyn for her help and asks the wide-eyed three-year-old what she thinks about what she has just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responds, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again.”

Cheers
Val


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 04, 2018, 05:27:21 PM
Loved that classic, thanks Val.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 04, 2018, 07:36:14 PM
Pen: my grandfather's friend used to swear by........ eating two raw (peeled) onions.
Quote
A relative of garlic, most onions have a sharp, spicy flavour, although some are sweet and mild. They are used in dishes throughout the world and also medicinally. Onions carry inflammatory and antioxidant chemicals that may act as remedies. One way they are used is to fight colds.
Until I did my research, I thought your grandfather’s friend's cure was fanciful.  However, it now appears that there is a sound basis for his cure.  Raw onions are claimed to have many other health benefits.

You may be aware that Tony Abbott, an ex-Australian Prime Minister was ridiculed for eating raw onions in public.  I considered it one of his less obnoxious eccentricities.  But it looks like I will have to overcome my prejudices and compliment him on this aspect.

I cannot forgive him, however, for some of his other eccentricities such as re-introducing Australian knighthoods (overturned by his successor) and trying to fix the deficit by screwing the poorest members of our society and not imposing a fair share of pain on the rich.  He was the son of Ten-Pound poms and did them no credit.

But his most grievous sin in my book was the misogynist and chauvinistic way he bullied and undermined another of our ex-prime-ministers, Julia Gillard, our first and so far only female occupant of the position. IMHO, perhaps I should omit the H, she was the best Prime Minister we have had since Hawke and Keating.  Among the many other things I liked about her was that she was a daughter of ten pound poms who came from Wales – and what better recommendation can you get than that!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 04, 2018, 08:18:17 PM
Of course there is another benefit that can be derived from eating lots of oysters, but i won't go into that on this family friendly website.
Les, why do you shy away from that Dirty Word Aphrodisiac

DISCLAIMER: I abhor the poaching of Rhinoceroses for Aphrodisiacs and Elephants for Ivory
I didn’t want my story to be seen as support for that obnoxious trade.

Two women are talking about their husbands.  The first says her husband seems to have lost interest in sex.  Her friend tells her that she had that problem as well, but she started giving her husband powdered rhino horn and his performance improved dramatically. The first woman tries this and starts giving her husband a substantial dose each morning.

A few weeks later she meets her friend again who asks if the rhino horn has had any effect.

‘Yes’ said the woman, ‘he is now an insatiable lover. The only trouble is if we are out anywhere and he see a Land Rover, he tries to charge it’.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 04, 2018, 08:42:35 PM

Jack's suggested that I should not " take on " the hags.  As you seem to support that suggestion then i will of course withdraw.

Les, there is, of course, a middle ground.  "take on" suggests a contest of intellects in which I have already said I think we would be outclassed.  However, many of the hags seem to have acquired busy lives which prohibits them from being as active contributing as they did several years ago, so there may be mutual benefits in collaborating in cooperative dialogue on subjects of mutual interest.  It takes time to develop a relationship to the stage which we have reached in which sharp repartee in banter is seen to be amusing and enjoyable rather than offensive.

The hags developed a tight knit group and I would counsel that we wait to be invited to contribute to their conversation rather than barge our way in.












Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 04, 2018, 08:49:21 PM
Hi Les & Jack
thanks for your good wishes & Jack you hit the nail on the head about the bloody coughing >:(
Think I'll give the rum a whirl though I doubt I can get Bundaberg OP Rum in snowy Bletchley!
Sorry Les will pass on the oysters.  Just the thought of them makes me shiver more than I already am :laugh:
Look forward to any anecdotes or jokes in the name of medicine!
I hate being crook (is that right or should it be crock?)  Not a very patient patient!
Penx

Oh no, Pen, our first disagreement !!!
I have to agree that oysters do look quite disgusting but have you ever actually tried one?
Oysters kilpatrick is one of my favourite entrees but then i also enjoy eating crumbed sheep's brains & liver for breakfast which i assume that you would also not be to fond off, of course in your company i would happily avoid those treats for something that we both liked.

At least your rotten cold has not been severe enough to send you to hospital.
You asked for a joke but I know that you prefer a  little story ;

Our football season is about to kick off shortly so although i do not follow the aerial ping pong that they play in Melbourne, i did ask ozziejack who he fancied for this years title.
Quite out of character, he went into a bit of a tirade of how he had missed the last half of last years final because of ozziejune.
She had caught a cold that had turned so nasty that Jack had no option but to take her to hospital & of course by the time that he got back home the footy final was over & he had missed the entire second half.
It was just an overnight stay for June & the doctors were happy to release her the following afternoon with the only criteria being that their must be someone there to meet her & escort her from the hospital.
Well Jack did not have a particularly good day at work that following day, he copped constant ribbing from his workmates about how he had missed the final & to top it off the office air conditioning failed.
Jack knew how long it would take for the technicians to come & repair the airconditioning & as he had experienced this same issue many times before he knew that all that had to be done was to wriggle your way about 6 feet into the duct & flick a switch.
So to the cheers of everybody, Jack remedied the problem although it resulted in him looking quite bedraggled in his work suit & feeling quite exhausted.

His efforts did earn him an early pass so that he was able to go and pick up June from the hospital.
Well, by the time that he had done a dozen rounds of the hospital carpark before he could actually find a spot & then to be slugged $30 by the parking attendant, Jack was not a happy chappy & as he argued with the parking attendant " i'll only be 5 minutes , i'm just here to pick up the wife", Sorry Sir, but that is our minimum charge.
Swearing under his breath, Jack makes his way to June's ward.
He has directions, building B, green level 6A, yellow ward 23 , bed number 13C.
As he walks around & around in this rabbits warren he finally concedes defeat & asks a staff member for directions.
( What is it about blokes that unless absolutely desperate they refuse to ask for directions ? )
Finally, he has found bed number 13C but the bed is empty, the lady in the adjacent bed explains that June is in the shower.
As he sits on the empty bed with his briefcase between his legs & totally exhausted from all his running around, he is thinking to himself that he is going to have just as much trouble finding his way out of this joint.
At this point a senior nurse approaches with a wheelchair, ok sir, it looks like you are are all set to go.
Oh, no thankyou, i don't need any assistance.
Please Sir, i must insist as it is the policy of this hospital to ensue that all persons are escorted safely from this ward to the exit.
Ok, thank you & as they gone down in the lift the nurse enquires, so who do you have meeting you ?
Well that would be the wife who is currently upstairs changing out of her hospital garments.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 04, 2018, 09:16:50 PM

Look forward to any anecdotes or jokes in the name of medicine!


A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice genital organ."

"Excuse me?" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice genital organ." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice genital organ? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

+++++++++++++++++

A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell.” “How do I know which to choose?” She asked. “That’s easy,” said St. Peter. “you have to spend a day in each place before making a decision.”

With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell. The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven.

The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp. At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. “Well, heaven was great and all,” the nurse said, “but I had abetter time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell.” With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.

When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks. When the devil walked over, she said to him, “I don’t understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking.” The devil smiled and said, “Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you’re staff.”






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: jane@manutd on March 04, 2018, 09:38:33 PM
“Have you noticed all the recent banter about the big reunion of the " hags " gang?
Apparently they are all back on line but i haven't seen too much posting from them, perhaps they have all become a little shy in their latter years”

Still here, just quietly ‘finding out’ who all the newer people are, was also re-reading the old posts and havin* a chuckle to myself! Our original Hags posts remains one of the longest on the Forum
Life very busy so have to get the Chi-Life balance!
Linda, Birdy - did anyone manage to get hold of T?  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 04, 2018, 10:07:46 PM

Jack's suggested that I should not " take on " the hags.  As you seem to support that suggestion then i will of course withdraw.

Les, there is, of course, a middle ground.  "take on" suggests a contest of intellects in which I have already said I think we would be outclassed.  However, many of the hags seem to have acquired busy lives which prohibits them from being as active contributing as they did several years ago, so there may be mutual benefits in collaborating in cooperative dialogue on subjects of mutual interest.  It takes time to develop a relationship to the stage which we have reached in which sharp repartee in banter is seen to be amusing and enjoyable rather than offensive.

The hags developed a tight knit group and I would counsel that we wait to be invited to contribute to their conversation rather than barge our way in.

Jack, I was quite excited to see the reunion of the hags, their clever wit, instant repartee & genuine humour was an absolute delight.

When i gave Linda & her cronies a prompt to resume posting,  there was actually no challenge intended, just an invite to participate in the " more or les " thread or reignite their own thread where i am sure that there might have a been an opportunity for us to sneak in .. a la smaug.












Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 04, 2018, 11:24:00 PM
The Hags' wit and repartee relied on several of us being on Chi at the same time and using the Forum as an instant messaging vehicle ... it doesn't really work when there is a long time delay between messages.  Hags are renowned for their lack of patience and if more than a minute went by without a response it was a case of
Quote
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble
... not pretty!  I am hoping that the other Hags will meet up with me
Quote
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
  I can't be a lone voice in the Chi wilderness!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 05, 2018, 05:25:59 AM
A great big thanks to Val, Les & Jack for all your hilarious jokes & stories.  Was going to say I'll have to be poorly more often but on second thoughts most definitely NOT!  First time I've been ill for well over a year & it's dragging on & getting on my nerves now.  Here's to good health for all Forumites.
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 05, 2018, 05:34:40 AM
Quote


Oh no, Pen, our first disagreement !!!
I have to agree that oysters do look quite disgusting but have you ever actually tried one?
Oysters kilpatrick is one of my favourite entrees but then i also enjoy eating crumbed sheep's brains & liver for breakfast which i assume that you would also not be to fond off, of course in your company i would happily avoid those treats for something that we both liked.

At least your rotten cold has not been severe enough to send you to hospital.
You asked for a joke but I know that you prefer a  little story ;

Oh Les that's terrible but, hopefully, only a very minor disagreement!!
You are of course quite correct I've never actually tried oysters but the thought of them gives me the heebie jeebies! Likewise the sheep's brain I'm afraid.  Like a bit of lamb's liver but not for breakfast.
I'm sure we can come to an amicable compromise over what to eat!
Thanks for the story - spot on.
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 05, 2018, 01:38:08 PM
Les, I am letting you off the hook again. My story today is one that is against me and is embarrassing and moreover it is true.

She and I were out driving recently.

She shall remain nameless because each time I mention her in a post, I get put on a diet of hot tongue and cold shoulder.  She is an intensively private person.  I put this downto a Presbyterian upbringing.  On the other hand I was raised a Catholic and was brainwashed early in life to confess everything. Consequently, I spill my guts at the drop of a hat.  But I digress, sorry!

Me:  There’s another one of those houses that has a plaque that says its name is ‘EMOH RUO’.  I must have seen a hundred of those in my life-time.  It looks like it is in the Maori language.  I must ask one of our New Zealand friends what it means.

She: Read it backwards.

B U G G E R ! ! !


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 05, 2018, 01:58:14 PM
That might help explain how that world renowned scientist came up with a dollar value for the human brain.
He was being interviewed by a throng of journalists after publishing a controversial paper in which he was predicting that in the future people's brains would be able to be harvested after their death & placed on the open market, he further theorised that the brain of a female human would be worth $5 million while the brain of the male human would be worth $10 million.
Of course the first question was from a female journalist who asked him to explain how he had arrived at those valuations.
That was really quite simple because the male brain is so rarely used it is almost like brand new.

Jack, liking your little one liners at the bottom of your posts.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 05, 2018, 03:20:53 PM
The Hags' wit and repartee relied on several of us being on Chi at the same time and using the Forum as an instant messaging vehicle ... it doesn't really work when there is a long time delay between messages. 
Linda, I am a dummy, which I also demonstrated in an earlier post.  I completely missed that the repartee was in chat room mode.  It must have been hard to organise with the Hags I have identified being spread over 3 or 4 diverse time zones (UK, US,NZ and perhaps more).  Also it must make it rather difficult to reconstitute the Hags.
Just out of idle curiosity – Is BBB, ThreeB and BiggerBirdBrain the same person?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 05, 2018, 06:28:23 PM
Just out of idle curiosity – Is BBB, ThreeB and BiggerBirdBrain the same person?

Yes indeed, Jack. And she used to be a regular contributor. I sometimes wonder what happened to people like threeb and TechnoMC when Alan replies to an old word request and their names appear in the thread. I hope they simply got fed up with playing rather than anything more sinister.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 05, 2018, 08:01:54 PM
So did they actually de - register or simply stop playing without any words of farewell?

My idea is that when I am eventually able to retire from the workforce, I will let everyone know that I am de - registering as I set off on my first world cruise, first port of call Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on March 05, 2018, 08:08:40 PM
Why would you de-register when you retire? We need you to keep playing and tell us where you are....and who you're playing with 😈!!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 05, 2018, 08:42:25 PM
I only play Chi on my home computer so my first thought was that when i retire & start cruising, i would de - register & shut down that computer but i was forgetting about the technology that is now available, apparently i will be able to get a portable laptop or tablet which will allow me to keep playing so i won't need to de - register.

auntiemoe, i will definitely stay registered so that i can keep you & anybody else that may be remotely interested in my travels.

How is young Po going?




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on March 05, 2018, 08:58:42 PM
That's right Les, the wonders of modern technology. I even play Chi on my phone if that's my only option.
The youngster is turning 9 next week and seems to have lost interest  (temporarily....I hope). I probably need to put in a little more time with him and Chi....life just gets in the way, sometimes. I'll try to re-assess my priotities.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 06, 2018, 05:39:47 AM
Quote
Les, I am letting you off the hook again. My story today is one that is against me and is embarrassing and moreover it is true.

It's a funny story Jack but it's the sort of silly mistake that I'm just as likely to make!
Like Les I do like your little one liners.
We have a tube station at The Oval in London (near the cricket ground!)  They do a "Thought of the Day" on a white board.  Some are just funny little one liners & some are amazing, moving & thought provoking.  Very popular with Londoners.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 06, 2018, 05:46:50 AM
Quote

My idea is that when I am eventually able to retire from the workforce, I will let everyone know that I am de - registering as I set off on my first world cruise, first port of call Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England.
Oh Les what a great idea!  You'll have to disembark at Southampton and catch a train or 2 as Bletchley is a long way from the sea!  Though probably not very far in Australian terms!
I'd best not win the lottery at the same time as you retire otherwise we'll be like ships that pass in the night :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 06, 2018, 09:20:26 AM
Pen, that would be no problem at all.
With all your lottery winnings & my superannuation payout we would have enough cash to throw around so that a rendezvous of our ships could be arranged in the middle of the ocean.
What an outrageously romantic & exciting way that would be to meet somebody face to face for the very first time via a mid ocean transfer.

Of course that could be just a little bit dangerous but i'm sure well worth the risk should you survive such a transfer.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: gromit on March 06, 2018, 04:22:23 PM
We have a tube station at The Oval in London (near the cricket ground!)  They do a "Thought of the Day" on a white board.  Some are just funny little one liners & some are amazing, moving & thought provoking.  Very popular with Londoners.

There's a cafe near work that puts one-liners on its blackboard outside the entrance. My favourite is:
If you leave your children here we will feed them lots of sugar and give them high hopes for Christmas


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 06, 2018, 05:15:27 PM
Gooday gromit, great to hear from you.

Your post has reminded me of an experience that a friend of mine had in a little cafe a few years ago.
We always called him " shorty " because he was actually quite small in stature.
Shorty was a truck driver & was on an overnighter when he pulled into a roadside cafe for a feed.
He ordered coffee, a steak & egg burger & an apple slice.
It was the early hours of the morning & he was the only person in the cafe so he did not have to wait long for his meal to be delivered.
The waitress was very friendly & had been chatting away non stop ever since he arrived & continued to do so as she served his meal.
All of a sudden she was speechless as three huge bikies entered the cafe, she made a hasty retreat to the safety of the kitchen.
The bikies surveyed the cafe & decided that they would have a bit of fun with this little bloke sitting all by himself in a four seat booth.
They plonk themselves in the three vacant seats next to him as they all taunt him,  one of them proceeds to drink Shorty's coffe.
He doesn't say a word.
Another of the bikies grabs his burger & scoffs it down.
He doesn't say aword.
Then the third bikie polishes off his apple slice.
Shorty continues to say nothing & simply goes to the counter to pay for his meal & leaves the cafe folllowed by the waitress who is taking out some garbage bags.
The bikies are all laughing amongst themselves, what a pathetic little man, no gumption at all.
As the waitress returns from the car park, the bikies start on her, where has your pathetic little friend gone, what a hopeless excuse for a man he was.
The waitress replies that yes, i have to agree that was really pathetic, apparently he is also not much of a truck driver as he has just run over  & totally destroyed three motorcycles in the carpark.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 06, 2018, 08:15:52 PM
Pen,

You should be recovered by now and so this is the last medical joke until one is needed again.

An old nurse is talking to her young colleague and says to her, “My new patient in the private ward has the weirdest tattoo on his penis. It’s the word SWAN.” The young gorgeous nurse is intrigued and so she persuades the old nurse to swap patients with her so she can see the strange tattoo too.

Afterwards, the young nurse reports back to the old one, “I stripped and asked him if he was up to a bit of Hanky Panky. The tattoo says SASKATCHEWAN.”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 07, 2018, 05:46:29 AM
Quote
Pen,

You should be recovered by now and so this is the last medical joke until one is needed again.

Love the joke Jack.  We'll have to think of a new topic!
Almost better now thanks.  Just stuck with a very irritating dry cough which keeps me awake at night.  I've got some heavy duty medicine for tonite.  According to the pharmacist it should knock me out cold!!  Here's hoping
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 07, 2018, 06:26:06 AM
Quote
Pen, that would be no problem at all.

What an outrageously romantic & exciting way that would be to meet somebody face to face for the very first time via a mid ocean transfer.

Of course that could be just a little bit dangerous but i'm sure well worth the risk should you survive such a transfer.
When I first read your post Les I though what a great adventure!
Then I read it again & realised that you would be expecting me (a lady who is terrified of anything higher than a small step ladder) to transfer from my boat across to yours!!!  I'm speechless!
Hope we're not going to have our 2nd disagreement :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 07, 2018, 08:39:04 AM
The mention of one-liners reminded me that in Sri Lanka the various buffet dishes were helpfully labelled. Some of them were:

Chocolate brawny
Salmon and asparagus moony
Profit rolls

and my favourite:

Rater-truly.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on March 07, 2018, 10:27:14 AM
Just out of idle curiosity – Is BBB, ThreeB and BiggerBirdBrain the same person?

Yes indeed, Jack. And she used to be a regular contributor. I sometimes wonder what happened to people like threeb and TechnoMC when Alan replies to an old word request and their names appear in the thread. I hope they simply got fed up with playing rather than anything more sinister.

Threeb and T are both doing fine, but are busy.  T's girls are now both freed from the garden shed, and enjoying their work and life, doing some traveling too.  I see them frequently on FB.  T left the college and found a more interesting job - I see her on FB too.  Threeb is busy with her newspaper work in Texas - does a lot of interviewing for local history articles.

Linda and I  - and now Jane - are probably the only hags still active on the forum.  I play less than I used to, sometimes only anonymously because I know I only have a little time and don't want my low word count associated with my name.  Ah Vanity, what folly!  But I do try to get to the forum at least several times a week, if I can. Busy, busy, busy.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 07, 2018, 10:36:39 AM
The mention of one-liners reminded me that in Sri Lanka the various buffet dishes were helpfully labelled. Some of them were:

Chocolate brawny
Salmon and asparagus moony
Profit rolls

and my favourite:

Rater-truly.



If you like such mangulations of the English Language, you can spend many a happy hour browsing this web-site.

http://www.engrish.com/

It started a few years ago with photographs of the kind of English that appeared on Japanese t-shirts. It has since then become a legend among teachers of English.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: blackrockrose on March 07, 2018, 01:20:31 PM
I must be having a slow day, Mike.

I've worked out all the others, but what is 'chocolate brawny?'


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 07, 2018, 01:32:11 PM
I'm simply quoting from Pat's post, but I assume it's meant to be 'Chocolate Brownie'.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: blackrockrose on March 07, 2018, 01:38:43 PM
Thanks Mike.

Sorry, missed Pat's post.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 07, 2018, 02:31:53 PM
We'll have to think of a new topic!
Pen,

While you're thinking of one, I'll make the topic of the day "using Language", because one thing that bugs me, Entre Nous, is why people put foreign words in English sentences when perfectly good English words or phrases would do.

*****************************
When Les was in High School he told his mates "I've just had the most awful time. I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis and psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his mates.
"I don't know," Les replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

*****************************
Les's Boss in the Railways Department once responded to his request for a raise by saying, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to governmental statistics, it would be momentarily injudicious to advocate an incremental increase."
Les said, "I don't get it."
The official said, "That's right."

*****************************
A teacher asked Les whether he was ignorant or apathetic. Les replied: "I don't know, and I don't care!

*****************************
An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and a German hear a street performer, but can't see him. The performer steps back to try to give them a better view and asks "Can you see me now?".
None of them can, so they reply ad seriatim: "No Non No Nein".
Then the street performer gets up on a pedestal, and asks again, "Can you see me now?".
This time, they reply: "Yes Oui Sí Ja"

*****************************
Students in Les's class were instructed to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The short story had to contain the following three things: Religion: Sexuality: and Mystery.
The only A+ short story in the entire class was "Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it".



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 07, 2018, 02:37:30 PM

[/quote]
When I first read your post Les I though what a great adventure!
Then I read it again & realised that you would be expecting me (a lady who is terrified of anything higher than a small step ladder) to transfer from my boat across to yours!!!  I'm speechless!
Hope we're not going to have our 2nd disagreement :laugh:
Pen
[/quote]

Oh dear, it seems that yet another of my jokes has backfired & now i'm in the bad books with Penny.
How can i get back in the good books... surely a little flattery wouldn't hurt.

So Pen, this is how I would describe you ;
ABCDEFGHIJK
And what is that supposed to mean?
Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Forgiving, Gorgeous and Humorous.
And what about the IJK?
I'M JUST KIDDING. (referring of course to the previous post & not the preceding compliment)
 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 07, 2018, 05:41:36 PM
" ... one thing that bugs me, Entre Nous, is why people put foreign words in English sentences when perfectly good English words or phrases would do."  (Ozzyjack)

Sorry - I realise this isn't Les-themed.

Ozzyjack: did you have something particular in mind, or have I missed something on the forum? I'm not even sure you were expecting any response to your suggestion of a new topic.

In case you were: I tried to remember some of the French and Latin words/phrases I would use without thinking. Those where surely we'd never use the English translation (like papier mâché, rigor mortis, ménage a trois or vol au vent) won't count, but I was suprised at how many would fall into the category of your bête noire - including "entre nous" - but only rarely, and then with a suitable facial expression, in audible inverted commas like yours, I promise.

So, in self-exposure, I'd probably always say "and vice versa" rather than "and the other way round"; and, if I were describing where I or someone else lived, "cul de sac" rather than the derogatory-sounding "dead end". And ad nauseam, fait accompli, je ne sais quoi, caveat emptor, joie de vivre, raison d'être, faux pas might irritate you?

JCC objects to "etc" because, he says, "and so on" does just as well. ("Inter alia" is absolutely verboten, but I don't think "verboten" is, for obvious reasons.) I think I may have heard him use "carpe diem" but perhaps that's OK because it's a quotation.

I love the way English doesn't freeze other languages out, like the French try to.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 07, 2018, 08:17:50 PM
" ... one thing that bugs me, Entre Nous, is why people put foreign words in English sentences when perfectly good English words or phrases would do."  (Ozzyjack)

Sorry - I realise this isn't Les-themed.

Ozzyjack: did you have something particular in mind, or have I missed something on the forum? I'm not even sure you were expecting any response to your suggestion of a new topic.


Hi Anona,

I thought the fact that I was breaking my own rule with entre nous was signalling that I had my tongue firmly in my cheek and that the statement was intended as the first joke. Although, as with most humour, there is a small amount of truth in the message.  Some people, including myself at times, use foreign phrases to add gravitas to light weight material.  Like most spectrums (I refuse to say spectra) the optimum is mainly in the middle and either end is to be avoided.  Far from being irritated by the examples you gave, I would use all of your examples without a blush, although I have never tried a ménage a trois and am probably too old to even think about one now.  My favourite addition to your list of foreign words and one for which there is no English equivalent is schadenfreude .

I only intended the topic to last one day to give Pen a chance to throw me a challenging topic.

On the question of this being a Les-themed thread, if we admit it is, he will get a swelled head and he will have to go out and buy a new hat.  We have had so many topics in this thread that Alan, at our suggestion, took it out of the serious subjects and moved it to Whatever and it is used to raise whatever much like Forumites changing a light bulb.

Quote

I love the way English doesn't freeze other languages out, like the French try to.

SECONDED!

I hope you didn't miss the snippet I put in a previous post especially for you
Quote
But his most grievous sin in my book was the misogynist and chauvinistic way he bullied and undermined another of our ex-prime-ministers, Julia Gillard, our first and so far only female occupant of the position. IMHO, perhaps I should omit the H, she was the best Prime Minister we have had since Hawke and Keating.  Among the many other things I liked about her was that she was a daughter of ten pound poms who came from Wales – and what better recommendation can you get than that!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 07, 2018, 10:58:54 PM
Ozzyjack: I did see the snippet, and thank you! I wasn't sure it was meant for me, though. And I did think you tongue was in your cheek with your "entre nous". 

How strange: I deleted a chunk from my post about how I felt some words just had to be used in their original language because there was no pithy translation.  For example, I wrote,  schadenfreude (!), hwyl and lacrimae rerum.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: jane@manutd on March 08, 2018, 03:54:34 AM
Birdy, thanks for the update on T and Threeb, glad to hear that all seems to be going well with them (especially for T’s girls who are free at last!). I was on FB but haven’t been for a while. Like when playing this, life has a habit of trying to get in the way of things! Jane


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 08, 2018, 06:06:15 AM
Quote


I only intended the topic to last one day to give Pen a chance to throw me a challenging topic.


Hi Jack.  Read with interest & much enjoyment your thread regarding language.  Am struggling to come up with a challenging new topic.  I'm quite excited by trains - particularly the steam variety. (Being a non-flyer helps!)  Not sure that would give you much to get your teeth into though.  Food also excites me :laugh:
I'll put my thinking cap back on....
Still feel like it's the coughing that's going to carry me off at the moment!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 08, 2018, 06:10:32 AM
Quote

Oh dear, it seems that yet another of my jokes has backfired & now i'm in the bad books with Penny.
How can i get back in the good books... surely a little flattery wouldn't hurt.

Don't worry Les you're not in the dog house & I certainly realised you were joking!  I wouldn't have sent you Captain Pugwash otherwise!  Still I did most appreciate & enjoy the flattery... :-*
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 08, 2018, 06:49:43 PM
We'll have to think of a new topic!
Pen,

While you're thinking of one, I'll make the topic of the day "using Language", because one thing that bugs me, Entre Nous, is why people put foreign words in English sentences when perfectly good English words or phrases would do.

*****************************
When Les was in High School he told his mates "I've just had the most awful time. I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis and psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his mates.
"I don't know," Les replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

*****************************
Les's Boss in the Railways Department once responded to his request for a raise by saying, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to governmental statistics, it would be momentarily injudicious to advocate an incremental increase."
Les said, "I don't get it."
The official said, "That's right."

*****************************
A teacher asked Les whether he was ignorant or apathetic. Les replied: "I don't know, and I don't care!

*****************************
An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and a German hear a street performer, but can't see him. The performer steps back to try to give them a better view and asks "Can you see me now?".
None of them can, so they reply ad seriatim: "No Non No Nein".
Then the street performer gets up on a pedestal, and asks again, "Can you see me now?".
This time, they reply: "Yes Oui Sí Ja"

*****************************
Students in Les's class were instructed to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The short story had to contain the following three things: Religion: Sexuality: and Mystery.
The only A+ short story in the entire class was "Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it".



Jack, that was an absolutely brilliantly funny post & I do apologise for not responding to it which was my intention but at the time I was so preoccupied with trying to extricate myself from my faux pas with Penny that I simply forgot.
Turns out that Pen is even a better sport than i thought so i can probably even get away with sending her this ;


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 08, 2018, 06:57:25 PM


[/quote]

Hi Anona,
On the question of this being a Les-themed thread, if we admit it is, he will get a swelled head and he will have to go out and buy a new hat.  We have had so many topics in this thread that Alan, at our suggestion, took it out of the serious subjects and moved it to Whatever and it is used to raise whatever much like Forumites changing a light bulb.
Quote

Well after all, my name is featured in the thread topic & that was none of my doing.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 08, 2018, 08:15:40 PM
Am struggling to come up with a challenging new topic.  I'm quite excited by trains
On the question of this being a Les-themed thread, if we admit it is, he will get a swelled head and he will have to go out and buy a new hat.
 
Well after all, my name is featured in the thread topic.

Pen,  I've accepted the challenge.
Les, to make it Les themed, I've made the jokes Lesocentric,  If you send me the bill, I will throw in for half the new hat!!!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Les was a young fellow just before he joined Queensland Rail (QR), he used to be a bit of a lad.  He was always trying to put one over on people; trying to test any system to its limits and he was always up for a joke.  You wouldn’t believe that young larrikin would grow up to become that sober, respectable, conservative pillar of society that we know Les to be today.

He used to knock around with two blokes that were just like him.  They used to call their mini-gang the Lags.

On day the Lags were drinking in the bar at Brisbane Railway station waiting for a train when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.

‘The next train is in one hour,’ intoned the stationmaster.

The three went back into the bar and got stuck into the XXXX  Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.

‘Next one is sixty minutes from now,’ grunted the stationmaster.

Les slipped the stationmaster a fiver to tell them when the next train was pulling into the station.  An hour later, the Stationmaster warns then the train is pulling in but they had been handed fresh schooners, so they were a bit slow getting out to the platform. 

The train started moving and they all raced to catch it.  Les wasn’t as fit as his mates who managed to leap onto the train as it pulled away. Les was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.

The stationmaster thought he would pee himself and said. ‘Why are you laughing?’

Les gave him a cheeky grin, ‘They only came to see me off.’
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Lags were going to Sydney to see if Kings Cross was all it was cracked up to be and three accountants, (suits, ties and all that clobber) were traveling by the same train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the Lags bought only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answered Les.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but all three Lags crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, “Ticket, please.” The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the Lags on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Lags were returning to Brisbane on the same train and didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” said one perplexed accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answered Les.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a toilet and the Lags crammed into another nearby. The train departed.

Shortly afterward, Les left his toilet and walked over to the toilet where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As we know, Les joined QR.  Ocker, one of the Lags, revered Les and he decided to join QR too, hoping to get a job with Les.  Not to be. Les was bright and got the plum jobs but Ocker, to be as charitable as we can be, was less bright and was given the job of supervising a railway crossing.  What could go wrong?

Two months later, in a terrible accident at the railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the car driver took QR to court. At the trial, Les went along to give moral support to Ocker because that’s what mates do.

Ocker insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he’d done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

Lawyer: “Congratulations, Ocker, you did superbly under cross-examination.”
Ocker: Thanks, but Les, he sure had me worried.”
Les: “How’s that?”
Ocker:” I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 09, 2018, 05:29:50 AM
I don't know how you do it Jack but I'm so very glad you do!  Very funny yarns - all three :laugh:
Sorry I quite forgot we're not using emojis! Whoops!
I have still got my thinking cap on for a new challenge for you.  How about Billy Connolly?  I saw a programme where he rode this 3-wheeled motor bike all round Oz.  It was very entertaining.
What sort of hat do you think Les will get?  That could be your new topic!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 09, 2018, 05:47:31 AM
Quote

Jack, that was an absolutely brilliantly funny post & I do apologise for not responding to it which was my intention but at the time I was so preoccupied with trying to extricate myself from my faux pas with Penny that I simply forgot.
Turns out that Pen is even a better sport than i thought so i can probably even get away with sending her this ;

I am a good sport Les & you can certainly get away with sending me that!
Will have to see what I can come up with in return!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 09, 2018, 03:59:27 PM
Jack, i absolutely loved that post,
I had a smile & a little giggle at the first & third stories but that second joke, probably because i had never heard it before, made me laugh out aloud which is something that i rarely do.

My first thought was that the hat would have to be an Akubra but on second thought, maybe a red fez would be more appropriate.
Pen, I have heard through the grape vine ( for any youngsters out there , that was how we got all the gossip before they invented computers ) that you actually enjoy wearing lovely & very expensive hats ;

I believe that it was just last Monday when you were standing at the bus stop on a very windy day, holding onto your hat with both hands while the extremely severe wind blew your dress up around your waist.
A young gentleman approached and said,  "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."
You replied, "Look mister, everything down there is sixty years old, this hat is brand new!"


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 09, 2018, 07:34:30 PM
What sort of hat do you think Les will get?  That could be your new topic!

Les has come up with a few suggestions but I think we should give him a few more. I’ll give it some thought over the weekend.
Meanwhile, I'll tell you a few stories in which hats are involved.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A bloke gave a speech on the topic of sex, but as he thought his wife wouldn’t approve he told her the talk was about sailing?

The next day one of the wife’s friends told her how much she enjoyed her husband's talk.

She said "I don't know what he knows about it, he only tried it twice. The first time he was sick as a dog and the second time his hat blew off".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

O’Toole stunned the priest one Sunday by showing up at mass for the first time in living memory. Afterward, the priest asked O’Toole what had made him finally come to mass.

O’Toole looked the priest in the eye and said, “Father, I cannot lie to you. I lost me good hat, and I know old Dunne has a hat just like it. I thought I’d leave mass early, and just take along old Dunne’s hat from the hat rack, sort of 'by mistake,' if you know what I mean.”

“But I see you’re still hatless,” said the priest. “What changed your mind, O’Toole?”

“Your sermon on the ten commandments, Father,” O’Toole replied.

“Ah,” said the priest. “So when you heard the commandment 'Thou shalt not steal,' you decided not to take Dunne’s hat for yourself.”

“Not exactly, Father,” said O’Toole. “When you mentioned the one about not committing adultery, I remembered where I left me own hat.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Bert, at 85 years of age, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so, seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them. He was so delighted with his purchase, he decided to wear them home to show the 'Missus.'

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret at age 83, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new golf shoes. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.

"Furious, Bert yells out, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

“Nope. Not a clue", she replied

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S POINTING AT MY PURCHASE - MY NEW GOLF SHOES!"

Without missing a beat old Margaret replies, "I’d be more pleased if you had purchased a new hat!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 10, 2018, 05:47:16 AM
Jack I loved all those stories. Brilliant.  My favourite was the first one - it made me laugh out loud! This was followed by a quick fit of coughing!  I'm getting on my own nerves now! 
After I've had my Chi fix I'm off to consult google to see what an akubra looks like....
please keep up the very good & entertaining work
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 10, 2018, 05:53:26 AM
Quote

My first thought was that the hat would have to be an Akubra but on second thought, maybe a red fez would be more appropriate.

You replied, "Look mister, everything down there is sixty years old, this hat is brand new!"

Thanks Les - I think!  The story was funny but I'm not sure I like to be reminded how old I am ??? I push it to the back of my mind & try & forget!
Anyway I'm going to look an akubra up on google to see what one looks like.  I'm sure a red fez would suit you "just like that"!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 10, 2018, 05:17:31 PM
Jack I loved all those stories. Brilliant.  My favourite was the first one - it made me laugh out loud! This was followed by a quick fit of coughing!  I'm getting on my own nerves now! 
After I've had my Chi fix I'm off to consult google to see what an akubra looks like....
please keep up the very good & entertaining work
Pen

You would need to be pretty desperate to take this option but if that cough is really annoying you then just take a few laxatives before going to bed tonight, in the morning you will not be game to cough.

The idea of a red fez was of course inspired by the great Tommy Cooper.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 10, 2018, 07:52:19 PM
Les has come up with a few suggestions but I think we should give him a few more. I’ll give it some thought over the weekend.

Pen, Les and Les's friends.

I've thought about this some more and I can't come to any conclusion.

A hat is a very personal thing. Getting the right hat  depends on your physical characteristics.  Now I might not have been paying attention as much as I should, but despite Les seeking our details assiduously, I don't think we have any details about what he looks like.  Is he 4ft 6 in (137 cm) or 6ft 6 in (198 cm)?,  Is he a bean-pole or is he built on more generous proportions like me?; Does he drink inside his local (wherever it is in Spring Valley) in the Public or Saloon Bar or does he drink outside in the beer garden to take advantage of the superb Queensland weather; Does he resemble a Nordic god or the late Chips Rafferty,  or does he look like the cartoon character Andy Capp.  Perhaps he is a Celtic redhead (and would suit a Tam O'Shanter)  or as bald as the late Yul Brynner.  Not knowing any of these things, I have attached some suggestions which are not nearly comprehensive and I am relying on you to fill in the gaps.

You should be able to open the PDF file by clicking on it.  I had expected it to open automatically


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 11, 2018, 06:00:10 AM
Oh Jack I'm laughing fit to bust (& coughing but who cares!) Your hat collection is inspired.  As you say we need to have some idea of Les' appearance & size before we can make any firm recommendations!  Before we started this exercise I was in favour of the hat with the corks (we also have the expression "there's no flies on him")  If he's going to wear a flat cap when he comes to England he'll need to bring his whippet with him :laugh:
I think the iconic akubra is my personal favourite.  Very dashing! Although I thnk he might enjoy swashing his buckle in the cavalier's hat!
Were you joking about Tommy Cooper? I don't suppose he travelled to Oz much if at all.  He was a great big chap with a baffled expression who was a comedian & a magician.   His tricks usually went very wrong! He always wore a red fez. very funny - have a look at Youtube. 
all the best Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 11, 2018, 08:00:37 AM

Were you joking about Tommy Cooper?


I wasn't joking but after looking him up, I have a vague memory that I have seen some of his stuff before but I am not sure.  He was apparently very well regarded by his peers and the first video I saw was of him dying on the stage in 1984,  After that I thought I would leave reviewing his performances for another day.  I have saved some of his one-liners for later use - attributed, of course.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 11, 2018, 10:05:25 AM
Tommy Cooper was, quite simply, one of the funniest men who ever lived.

In the early 1970s I was living and working in Edinburgh, and one glorious summer August morning during the school holidays, I was walking through Princes Street Gardens when I noticed a crowd standing and sitting around the bandstand. Curious, I walked over there and saw Tommy Cooper who was in the process of doing a free show for the kids. He was appearing in Edinburgh that week, but I think every one of his shows had been sold out, so this was a bonus.

A huge man, you only had to look at him to laugh. A very talented conjurer whose tricks always seemed to go wrong - they always came good in the end though - and who, as a TV comedian, made everyone laugh with good clean entertainment. He never needed to resort to smut or innuendo on his shows - he was above that.

In reality he had many problems, but these never came through into his act.

It's a cliche, but possibly true, that he would have wanted to die the way he did - on stage, making people laugh.

One of the immortals of British show business indeed.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 11, 2018, 07:00:05 PM
I do not mean to brag but it is pretty well known that I have become so proficient on my home computer that these days, I even do most of my punting on line.
However there was a catastrophe last Saturday when I arrived home from work only to find that my betting site was down.
Bugger, although I still have 30 minutes before they jump but I will have to take the arduous trek ( 5 minute walk ) down the hill to the local to make sure that I don't miss out on backing this absolute certainty called Scractchy Lass. ( that is her real name, not even I could make that up & how could you not follow a horse with a name like that especially when she does have some genuine ability).
There is a medical centre located on my route down the hill & as i walk past i cannot help but notice a very fractious looking elderly lady sitting on the bench at the front of the building.
I slowed down & gave her a big smile & said " How you going love, is everything ok? "
There was no response or acknowledement, she just seemed to stare straight ahead as she held on to both straps of her large handbag which was drapped over her shoulder.
Mindful of the time, i continued on my way.
Les, what in the bloody hell are you doing here?, i thought you were on early shift. ( I will usually only go to the club on a Saturday if i'm on days off because if I go their on a Saturday afternoon when I have an early start on the Sunday, I either end up sleeping in & being late, going off sick if I've a had a big win or fail to turn up at all. )
As a schooner is thrust into my hand, i explained the situation & stated that i will just have this one beer & owe you a shout next week as i am only here to back my " special " then i'll be off because i have the early start in the morning.
So what's this special, they all enquire?
Scratchy Lass, it was nominated for Flemington but then scratched & is now going around at Morphetville in race 7 at about 7 to 1.
Everybody jumps on the bandwagon & backs Scratchy Lass straight out for the win.
She runs second & we all lose our money which we then have to try and recoupe so it is about 6 schooners & two hours later, before i realise that i really do have to leave.
On my way back up the hill, i pass the medical centre & to my dismay the same lady is still sitting there.
I sit down at the opposite end of the bench & light up a cigarette thinking to myself that this medical centre only opens for a few hours of a Saturday morning & closes about midday, surely this woman hasn't been sitting here all this time as it now about 6.00pm.
I introduced myself & tried starting up a couple of conversations but got no response, then all of sudden she blurts out, your not Ronnie, where is Ronnie?, I really need to use the bathroom.
No, i'm not Ronnie but Ronnie is an old mate of mine & he is going to meet us at my place which is just a short walk up the hill & you will be able to use the bathroom there.
Yes thankyou, so as i put my arm under her shoulder to assist her up the hill, she maintains her  tight grip with both hands on the straps of her handbag.
As we enter my apartment, i ask her if she would like a cup of tea & a biscuit as i direct her immediately to the bathroom & boil the jug.
What in the hell should i do, should i call the police or should i try ro get a look in her handbag to try to find out who she is & who i should contact.
As she comes out of the bathroom, she says " where is my lovely grandughter? "
My response is did you want a cup of tea & what is your name?
Yes please, i like tea & could i have another chocolate biscuit.
As she relaxed with her cup of tea & bikkies, the hand bag came loose & i was able to look inside, it was totally empty.
At this point, i went into the the bedroom & called the police, thankyou sir, we do have an alert out for this woman, her granddaughter  Ronnie had dropped her off at the medical centre this morning & was supposed to pick her up this afternoon but she was tragically involved in a fatal traffic accident.

On the 26th. of April, it will be 12 months since my own mother passed away suffering from severe dementia.

ozziejack , you have created quite the dilemma , should I shatter Pen's fanciful image of myself or should I publish a true life picture that will most probably not only end our romance but also scare any small children out there.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 11, 2018, 07:08:17 PM
I also liked your hat options, but not so keen on some of your examples ;

Country Aubra ;



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 11, 2018, 07:22:08 PM
Of course you are quite correct with regard to the slouch hat.

I have actually tried the corked hat, the corks are more annoying than the bloody flies.

As Pen percieved, my initial preference was for the iconic akubra.

And as for the cavelier & the flat cap, i reckon that they are probably both a bit outdated these days

Would never truly consider a Red Fez out of respect for the master.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 11, 2018, 07:55:21 PM
Hi 2dognight,
I am a bit slow.  I just realised how clever your pseudonym is.

Carol,
I was listening to Conversations with Richard Fidler and Sarah Kanowski on ABC local radio last week and the episode was Cornish Pasties and powerhouse boys: a love song to Moonta. It featured Kristin Weidenbach on her father's early life in the Methodist-run mining town of Moonta.

Moonta is on the Yorke Peninsula of South Australia, 165 km north-northwest of the state capital of Adelaide. It is one of three towns known as the Copper Coast or "Little Cornwall" for their shared copper mining history.

You may have even visited there as it is probably within 300-400 Km of your place.

Kristin has written several books but two took my fancy and I have put them on my wish list with Amazon.  I thought you might also be interested.

The first is Growing up Moonta.

Told through the childhood reminiscences of Weidenbach’s father, Neil, Growing up Moonta paints a picture of a time when an illegitimate child was raised as a sister to her mother, travelling salesmen made a living hawking dressmakers’ pins and bottles of antiseptic salve, and boys grew to men lumping bags of wheat and tending engines in the town power houses of the 1930s.

The Second is Mailman of the Birdsville Track

For the people who lived in the desert between Marree and Birdsville, contact with the outside world was hard and sporadic - but one man was their lifeline: Tom Kruse. For more than twenty years he was the connection with the outside world for the families, station workers and others who lived along the Birdsville Track.


For other forumites who may be interested in accessing episodes of Conversations but do not listen to ABC radio,  

Conversations episodes are available as podcasts from the free ABC Listen app  (see http://www.abc.net.au/radio/listen/ ) and other sources including directly from the Website www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/conversations/  


Richard Fidler and Sarah Kanowski are excellent interviewers who delve into the life of interesting people who more often than not have just published a book which allows the interviewers to zero in on the most interesting issues.

I recommend you give it a try.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 11, 2018, 08:09:19 PM
ozzyjack , you have created quite the dilemma , should I shatter Pen's fanciful image of myself or should I publish a true life picture that will most probably not only end our romance but also scare any small children out there.

I think you made the right decision as I expect you will only get positive feedback from your photo.  You have a kind face and you obviously have a kind heart.

I don't think any small children read the forum but if they did they would say "That Uncle Les, he's a great guy but I do wish he would give up smoking"

I am 100% in agreement with the Lee Kernigan hat.

No jokes today.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 12, 2018, 05:36:47 AM
Quote

I think you made the right decision as I expect you will only get positive feedback from your photo.  You have a kind face and you obviously have a kind heart.
 
You're absolutely bang on Jack. 
Les you did the right thing in posting the picture. It's a great snap. I'm not brave enough to post a picture of myself.  Not only would I scare the small children but the wildlife too!

Jack I hope your funny bone isn't worn out :laugh:
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: jane@manutd on March 12, 2018, 06:41:37 AM
Aww, that’s a great story Les 😊
Pen, get your picture up so every time I’m out in Bletchley or Asda I can keep my eyes open for you!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 12, 2018, 07:40:00 AM
Hi Jack

I have read 'The mailman of the Birdsville Track and thoroughly enjoyed will it

Will have get  'Growing up in Moonta'

Have indeed visited Moonta and the rest of the Iron Triangle. Good fishing and crabbing
in that area

Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 12, 2018, 09:18:03 AM
  Whoops that should be Cooper triangle not Iron

  Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 12, 2018, 05:48:36 PM

Aww, that’s a great story Les 😊
Pen, get your picture up so every time I’m out in Bletchley or Asda I can keep my eyes open for you!

I was quite surprised when I got a phone call this morning from the police, they were ringing to ask if it would be ok for them to pass on my phone number to Debbie ( the daughter of the lady that I had helped out a bit on Saturday ).
I am sorry but I don't think that would be a very good idea as the officers that I spoke to on Saturday told me that Ronnie (obviously Debbie's daughter ) had been involved in a fatal car accident.
It is correct that Ronnie was involved in a fatality.
She had taken her grandmother into the medical centre at about 9am for her regular annual check up & of course spoke to the staff to ensure that they would be keeping an eye on her & just to enquire how long she might be.
Well considering that ( Joy ) is going to be getting her new glasses as well as her updated hearing aides today, it will be quite  a while & of course she will be undertaking further tests to try to resolve that issue with the rashes & swelling on her ankles, in fact doctor will be doing an entire review of her medications so she will be lucky to be finished by 1130am but of course we will give you a call about 30 minutes before she is finished.
So Ronnie has a couple of hours to fill in & heads off to the DFO stores which are only about 20 minutes away.
Tragically, she is hit in a head on collision by a doped up young idiot driver on the wrong side of the road.
The driver of the offending vehicle died at the scene & Ronnie was rushed unconscious to the hospital.

Joy resides at a lovely nursing home in the suburb of Clayfield, her doting grandaughter lives in a suburb called Hamilton which is only 10 minutes away while Debbie & her husband ( Joy's only children ) live at Caboolture which is about 1 hour away so it is routinely the grand daughter that chauvers Joy around as required.
Given the chaos & concern about Ronnie's accident & hospitalisation, everyone had basically forgotten about Joy.
It was only when Debbie recieved a call from the nursing home, concerned that Joy had not been returned & had missed her evening meal that Debbie contacted police.

That's actually great news as i had been under the impression that the grand daughter had died in the accident so by all means do pass on my phone number to Debbie.
Sure enough i get a phone call this afternoon from an unknown number & take a punt as i answer " Gooday Deb, how you going?'
It didn't take Debbie too long to compose herself but as we got into serious conversation about what had occurred on Saturday, she lost it, couldn't speak & had to put Harold (her husband ) on the line.
Harold was very calm & clearly explained that Joy was absolutely fine, back in the comfort of her familiar surroundings at the nursing home & Ronnie is also doing pretty well although they are concerned about potential internal injuries & are desperately waiting for test results which won't come back until later in the week.
With all the hard stuff out of the way, Harold puts Debbie back on the phone.
Les, we are coming in to see mum on Sunday & would really love it if you could find the time to join us.
Instantly, i respond that i will meet you there at 10am.
As i hang up the phone i am thinking that i will definitley be bringing a big bunch of flowers but i will have to work out just how i can secrete a little packet of chocolate biscuits in there.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 12, 2018, 06:03:52 PM
  Les you are bloody wonderful

  Love you to bits 

  Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 12, 2018, 07:24:26 PM
I'm not brave enough to post a picture of myself.  Not only would I scare the small children but the wildlife too!

That’s more or less what Les said but he was brave and that turned out well.  Too misuse a proverb “what’s good for the gander is good  for the goose”.  But I wouldn’t want to talk you into anything that you were uncomfortable with.
 
Quote
Jack I hope your funny bone isn't worn out :laugh:

Pen, I woke up yesterday morning and I had completely lost my sense of humour.  I raced over to Bowral Hospital and they took an X-Ray.  The X-Ray showed a broken funny bone which I will fix with Photoshop.

Seriously though, it is probably time for “Less is More” from me.  Les has had several attempts at encouraging a greater number of forumites to interact more in this thread, which I fully support.  This objective is probably not helped by Les and I dominating the thread with a nonstop joke fest contest.  It may be fun for us but it probably annoys the shit* out of quite a few forumites who might contribute if we found some decent general topics to discuss – albeit occasionally with some humour thrown in,

Candid comments, please.

*This is an Aussie technical expression meaning “does not make them terribly pleased”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 12, 2018, 07:51:01 PM
Candid comments, please.

I don't actually read most of the posts in this thread, mainly because they're just too long to bother with. (The 'read' xxxx times would be more accurately reflected as 'opened' xxxx times.)

Having said that, it's a thread obviously enjoyed by the people who do read and post in it and those who aren't interested can simply ignore it.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 12, 2018, 08:00:48 PM
What Pat said!  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 13, 2018, 03:18:13 PM

Pen, I woke up yesterday morning and I had completely lost my sense of humour.  I raced over to Bowral Hospital and they took an X-Ray.  The X-Ray showed a broken funny bone which I will fix with Photoshop.

Seriously though, it is probably time for “Less is More” from me.  Les has had several attempts at encouraging a greater number of forumites to interact more in this thread, which I fully support.  This objective is probably not helped by Les and I dominating the thread with a nonstop joke fest contest.  It may be fun for us but it probably annoys the shit* out of quite a few forumites who might contribute if we found some decent general topics to discuss – albeit occasionally with some humour thrown in,

Candid comments, please.

*This is an Aussie technical expression meaning “does not make them terribly pleased”

[/quote]

Contest...what contest?

Actually Jack, you do raise a valid point & a bit Less of Les would probably also be a good idea.

Speaking of contests, i would love to hear from any South African ( do we even have any South African forumites ? ) or indeed from any cricket followers regarding the suspension of Rabada for the rest of this current series.

In my opinion, Warner & de Kock should have both been immediately suspended for one game after their antics in the first test.
If that had occurred then this childish behaviour would have been nipped in the bud & the current scenario may never have eventuated.
The only loser here is test cricket, as fans will simply not put up with this rubbish & switch off.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 13, 2018, 04:18:13 PM

Actually Jack, you do raise a valid point & a bit Less of Les would probably also be a good idea.


Les, I disagree.  My comment was a valid point only for me and only in relation to contributing several jokes a day (which was even starting to bore me).  I have no intention of NOT commenting on issues if I think I have something to contribute.

Your posts cover a range of issues apart from Jokes - life experiences, cricket, flirting with Pen etc and you have had plenty of feedback to suggest that they are appreciated by forumites.So don't change.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 13, 2018, 05:09:46 PM
Ok Jack, since there doesn't seem to be much interest in my cricket question, I think that we should try to raise a new topic that other forumites might be willing to get involved in.

So, apart from constantly annoying ozziejune, what is your favourite pastime?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 13, 2018, 08:13:54 PM
Ok Jack, since there doesn't seem to be much interest in my cricket question,

I think you are jumping the gun on this issue although you may be right.  Given the geographic dispersion of forumites and the fact that some are working (I believe some even work shifts) you need give 24 hours before you can judge a response rate and even that would assume they login every day.  Moreover, you targeted South Africans and the only South African forumite I am aware of is Gaye Christine who hasn’t been active since 2016.


Quote

 I think that we should try to raise a new topic that other forumites might be willing to get involved in. 

So, apart from constantly annoying Ozzyjune, what is your favourite pastime?


I don’t want you to assume that because I ask, “how high?” on the way up every time I am told to jump that I am under the thumb.

My favourite pastimes are irrelevant because they are mainly parochial and pedestrian and so wouldn’t attract much discussion.

I haven’t had time to give it deep consideration, but my first thought is that we might get some traction from the question “How does the level of Immigration – both government sponsored and non-officially sanctioned – affect you?”.  We might also bring in the treatment of refugees.


In Australia, we have the highest level of official migration in the western world and one of the worst records of long term infrastructure planning to cope with it.  As well we have the vexed question of how we have treated the “Boat People”.  In the UK, I understand immigration was a significant factor in the Brexit decision.  In the USA, we have the Trump Fence to keep the Mexicans out.  I haven’t heard of one between the USA and Canada, but if there was it might be to keep the Americans in.  There is also the question of how the children born in the USA of “illegal” Immigrants should be handled.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on March 14, 2018, 05:09:59 AM
Quote
In the USA, we have the Trump Fence to keep the Mexicans out.

It's not a Trump fence. It predates Trump by decades.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexico%E2%80%93United_States_barrier (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexico%E2%80%93United_States_barrier)

It's just that Trump is either totally ignorant or believes Americans are that he talks about building something that is already there. Yes it is fairly ineffective for many reasons; drug cartels build tunnels under, ramps over. or cut holes in it.
It passes through deserts and gets covered in sand. Because it is also on flood plains, US farmhouses are sometimes separated from their farms by it and don't close the gates through it.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e8/Viceroyalty_of_the_New_Spain_1800_%28without_Philippines%29.png/800px-Viceroyalty_of_the_New_Spain_1800_%28without_Philippines%29.png)

The US gained New Spain through wars, the Hispanics are taking it back person by person. The US is now the second largest (native) Spanish speaking country in the world, second to Mexico and surpassing Spain.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 14, 2018, 06:13:31 AM
Quote

I haven’t had time to give it deep consideration, but my first thought is that we might get some traction from the question “How does the level of Immigration – both government sponsored and non-officially sanctioned – affect you?”. 

When Blair was Prime Minister we had mass, unlimited & uncontrolled immigration.  There is no problem with a controlled system for people who want to come & work & live in the UK.  But when you get it on the scale that we had it plus all the people from the EU it puts a huge strain on health care (hospitals & GP surgeries in particular), schools, housing, the benefits system & the whole infrastructure. The UK is a small country but is already one of the most densely populated in Europe. In my day to day work I regularly have to deal with people who struggle to speak or understand English. The electorate was never consulted on this matter & for many years if anybody dared to talk about it they were deemed to be racist. 
I think you're right Jack that immigration was probably a significant factor in the Brexit vote.
The British have always been tolerant & welcoming but I think it's possible that there comes a point when people think enough is enough.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 14, 2018, 08:26:26 AM
Re: immigration

There is a poem (technically, a sonnet) which concludes:
Quote
... "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

It used to describe the USA which is, of course, a land of immigrants. But I suspect the current resident of the White House never heard of it and would be surprised shocked if he knows where a plaque of it resides. (If he did, I suspect he and his ilk would want to remove the entire structure.)

In the 1980s, the majority of illegal immigrants were from Ireland. But there weren't widespread complaints because they looked like most Americans and spoke English reasonably well. But now the majority of illegal immigrants have a darker complexion and use a different language — so the children and grandchildren of immigrants who didn't know English are enraged. IMO, that is racism.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 14, 2018, 04:11:40 PM
Have you heard the one about the racist who choked on Yogurt? He found out there was a foreign culture in it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 14, 2018, 06:33:24 PM
Immigration is of course a very serious topic.

In my opinion, Australia's intake at the moment is far to high, it should be severely slashed with priority given to genuine refugees who are under threat in their own countries.

Through lack of forward planning, our governments have failed miserably to provide the infrastructure required to keep pace with our growing population.

We are already experiencing major delays with the daily commute to & from work, we have ambulances ramping at hospitals for goodness sake & that great Australian dream of owning your own home has become a nightmare for the younger generation.

Put a brake on the immigration until our roads, public transport, hospitals, schools, housing affordability etc.. are able to cope.

In the past, Australia only accepted immigrants from a couple of dozen countries but all of those people, while they brought their own culture with them which truly enriched this country, all intrigated into the Australian way of life & abided by our laws.

As we were quite correctly derided for having a " white australia policy ", our immigration laws were broadened to include many Asian nations, still no problem because they also assimilated into the Australian way of life.

My biggest gripe with the current immigration system in Australia is that some people that are currently being given the privilege of living here, not only refuse to assimilate but attempt to challenge our laws & our way of life.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE, THEN PISS OFF BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 14, 2018, 07:37:32 PM
 
 immigration was probably a significant factor in the Brexit vote.


I don't think there can be any doubt at all about that.
It was the only weapon in the 'leave' campaign's armoury.
In the three or four weeks before the referendum the same anti-immigrant message  was hammered home daily on the front page of every right-wing newspaper in the country - The Sun, The Telegraph, The Daily Express and especially the Daily Mail - the same Daily Mail that in the 1930s openly supported the Nazi Party in Germany and Oswald Mosley's Blackshirt movement in UK.
It culminated in the disgusting UKIP 'Breaking Point' poster (where a photograph of Bosnian refugees fleeing a war zone was used to back their sordid anti-immigrant propaganda) and the disgraceful lie that Turkey was about to be come a member of the EU.

 
The British have always been tolerant & welcoming
 

Many Brits are indeed tolerant and welcoming but it was hardly true of the skinhead thugs whose favourite pastime was persecuting Asians in the 1970s.
Nor of the yobs who were walking around on the day after the referendum wearing t-shirts with the message 'We've won, now f--- off back to Poland'.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 14, 2018, 07:49:31 PM

It was the only weapon in the 'leave' campaign's armoury.


Not quite, Mike. Don't forget the blatant lie about how much more money would be available for the NHS, plastered across their buses. As far as I'm concerned it was an ugly campaign based on lies and racism, spearheaded by three obnoxious people: Farage, Gove and Johnson.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 14, 2018, 07:53:57 PM
Indeed, but I wonder if anyone really believed that the Tory Party, which had been running down the NHS since Thatcher;s time, was going to significantly support the NHS.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 14, 2018, 08:15:53 PM
Very doubtful, if anyone gave it considered thought. But the lie would have appealed to those people incapable of thinking for themselves and unable to see beyond racism.

I hasten to add that I'm not being critical of everyone who voted for us to leave the EU - far from it. Many people would have given the matter serious thought and, for whatever reason, decided that it was the best thing for the UK to do. It doesn't seem very likely at the moment, but those people could in the long term prove to be correct. My gripe is with those whose knee-jerk reaction caused them to vote for Brexit, and even more with the 28% of the voting population who couldn't be bothered to get off their backsides and cast their vote on such an important issue.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 15, 2018, 12:42:31 AM
" ... some people that are currently being given the privilege of living here, not only refuse to assimilate but attempt to challenge our laws & our way of life." (Les's "biggest gripe")

I'm with Les on this. Unfortunately,  I don't think Brexit will help solve this, one of our more worrying immigration problems from outside the EU.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 15, 2018, 05:44:50 AM
You're absolutely right Anona.  I agree with you & Les on this.  Sometimes cultural & religious beliefs & laws are just too far removed. I hate having a conversation with somebody who is dressed from head to toe in black & all I can see is their eyes. 



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 15, 2018, 07:08:59 AM
Have you heard the one about the racist who choked on Yogurt? He found out there was a foreign culture in it.

 ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 15, 2018, 03:40:47 PM
Then there was the Chinese couple that had a black baby and named it sum ting Wong.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 15, 2018, 06:18:37 PM
Hobbit - only eyes visible: I agree with you and find it disturbing, too - although I haven't yet sorted out in my head the clash with how far we would allow personal choice of clothing of a less sinister type. (I probably haven't put that very well.)

I find the UK attitude to FGM pretty pathetic. Wikipedia has it that in the year up to March 2017 the NHS attended 9179 cases but that there were no prosecutions (c.f. France, who warns, prosecutes and convicts). Now, would (white) I have been prosecuted had I had this done to my (white) daughter?

Thinking about medically unnecessary circumcision of unconsenting male minors: perhaps, if we continue to do nothing, FGM will become as accepted a cultural practice as that is.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 15, 2018, 07:41:52 PM
FGM is a crime. End of conversation.
There is no medical justification for it, nor is there any religious requirement, in Judaism, Christianity or Islam.

Why is nothing none about it?
Diplomacy.

You may have read in the news that UK is currently negotiating with Saudi Arabia a multi-billion deal for the sale of Typhoon Eurofighters.

Saudi Arabia is one of the leading practitioners of FGM. 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 15, 2018, 07:44:16 PM
Alan , as you well know, the theme of this thread has evolved into changing topics at random so while I would normally create a new thread for my following word suggestion, I thought that I would post it here, just to ensure that you are actually following this thread & more importantly, you are monitoring the posts from ozziejack, which at times can be quite outrageous unlike mine which are always very sensible.

Anyway, the word that i am questioning is " indie " fromWednesday's standard game.
It came up as a common word with the definition of an independant publisher.
I feel that this particular abbreviation should be reclassified as rare.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 15, 2018, 08:02:27 PM
FGM is a crime. End of conversation.
There is no medical justification for it, nor is there any religious requirement, in Judaism, Christianity or Islam.

Correct. It’s an utterly unacceptably vile thing to do.

Quote

You may have read in the news that UK is currently negotiating with Saudi Arabia a multi-billion deal for the sale of Typhoon Eurofighters.

Saudi Arabia is one of the leading practitioners of FGM. 

Theresa May, for all the fine words she may have uttered about FGM, really doesn’t care. I once watched a documentary about a charity devoted to stopping the horrendous practice. This was while Theresa May was Home Secretary. The charity representatives had asked for an audience with May but got no reply so they went to one of her surgeries (for people outside the UK, MPs have one-to-one sessions with their constituents, which are known as surgeries for some reason). She was informed that they were there but refused to see them, then at the end of the day she left by the back exit so as not to encounter them. Not the actions of a woman who genuinely cares about the problem.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 15, 2018, 08:26:52 PM

 the word that i am questioning is " indie " fromWednesday's standard game.
It came up as a common word with the definition of an independant publisher.
I feel that this particular abbreviation should be reclassified as rare.


Les, I think the word indie is more often used, especially by young people, for indie music, especially rock music by artistes who are not tied to one of the major record labels.

It's also used in the same way of Independent film-makers, ie those that are not tied to one of the Hollywood moguls.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 15, 2018, 08:41:25 PM
Thanks for that explanation Mike but I do maintain that this particular abbreviation is not commonly known.
No doubt, our friends in America & England will offer an opinion.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Linda on March 15, 2018, 09:46:04 PM
Very common over here.  I love a bit of indie music.  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 15, 2018, 11:07:23 PM
Pat re FGM and Teresa May: thank you, Pat. I didn't know about her refusal to meet with the charity, and find that really weird. It isn't as if there are pros and cons to it.

Though I saw that in 1993 some London Borough Council had a debate about whether it should be offered on the NHS to those of African backgrounds, and a woman councillor who opposed it was threatened with mutilation herself.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 15, 2018, 11:25:16 PM
It's illegal in UK and has been since the 1980s.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation_in_the_United_Kingdom

Any doctor using NHS facilities to carry out this barbaric practice would  risk criminal proceedings and action from the GMC.

Unfortunately, as with abortionists in earlier times, this has led to a growth in backstreet clinics, where standards of hygiene may be less than adequate.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 16, 2018, 04:07:53 AM
UK FGM illegal 1985 - I didn't know. Rhetorically: so what the heck were Brent doing even debating the motion in 1993? It can't have been anything to do with taking the girls abroad to have it done (still legal until 2003) because of the mention of using the NHS. Bonkers.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 16, 2018, 04:37:05 AM
When I get time I'll discuss the difference between assimilation, integration and Multiculturalism.

Let's just say the attached cartoon doesn't describe integration, multiculturalism or real tolerance.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 16, 2018, 08:36:20 AM
I hate having a conversation with somebody who is dressed from head to toe in black & all I can see is their eyes.

Here's some history. Fourth century Christian theologians developed the concept of person from πρόσωπον (adopted by Latin as persōna) which originally meant 'mask' as worn by actors and had already taken on the meaning of 'face'. Before then, individuals were seen as instantiations of the Ideal, but not as fully complete in and of themselves. This developed into a theology which says I look on your face and recognise you as a person, not an abstraction and not an object. And although it may be possible to recognise some people by their build or gait, we humans typically recognise others by their face.

When one can only see eyes and not the face, it isn't possible to recognise a human person. Heck, I don't know how one could recognise the human you talked with yesterday is the same one today if all one can see is the eyes.

I think such attire literally de-personalizes the wearer.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on March 16, 2018, 08:46:41 AM
Quote
Hobbit - only eyes visible: I agree with you and find it disturbing, too - although I haven't yet sorted out in my head the clash with how far we would allow personal choice of clothing of a less sinister type.

I find it strange those who wish to ban the hijab (hair covered with only face showing) when I can remember nuns dressed like that.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 16, 2018, 08:56:25 AM
I find it strange those who wish to ban the hijab (hair covered with only face showing) when I can remember nuns dressed like that.

I agree.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 16, 2018, 09:22:05 AM
It's not just Middle-eastern ladies, of course, who prefer to keep their faces covered in public!

Now this is scary


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on March 16, 2018, 10:48:59 AM
The second picture was apparently staged, featuring a Trump impersonator - https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-kkk-cross-burning/


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 16, 2018, 11:10:23 AM
I wondered about that;
You're probably right, Alan.
It's the first one that is scary, though. The Nazi salute. You can almost feel the hatred in the eyes.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on March 16, 2018, 02:21:14 PM
The KKK outfits and the Spanish Holy Week processions seem to be too close to be coincidental.

(https://media.dcnews.ro/image/201207/w670/inchizitori-basescu.jpg)

Does anyone know if there is, or what is the connection?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 16, 2018, 03:22:37 PM
KKK much more scary, I agree, because the sole reason for wearing the outfit is hatred, and known to be.

Being unable to see the hair doesn't in itself interfere with recognition or interpretation (apart from making it more difficult to see the scalp going back, of course), so I have no problem with the hijab or the nun's coif and wimple.

Before yelnats mentioned nuns, I had wondered whether some covered their faces, but couldn't remember ever seeing this and probably never have in the flesh. If I'd googled "nuns eyes only" I'd have found the images for strict orders - most like a niqab in effect.  And some Victorian widows wore heavy black veils, obscuring the eyes as well - so more like the burka!

If all but the eyes is hidden, does the niqab-wearer develop more fully other ways of adding nuance to speech or showing what they feel (with no speech) and would I adjust and tune in to these. Possibly, with time.

I've never spoken with someone wearing the full burka, so I have no idea about that. The resemblance to a black Dalek is unfortunate but I hope unintentional on the part of the Dalek designer.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 17, 2018, 12:49:43 PM
Yesterday’s Southern Highlands News had an article by Dr John Hewson which said many of the things I was going to say about Immigration but much more eloquently than I could have managed. So I have taken the lazy way out and reproduced it here, slightly abridged.

A bit of Background about Hewson. “John Hewson AM served as leader of the Liberal Party from 1990 to 1994. He was born in Sydney in 1946. He has a doctorate in economics from Johns Hopkins University and has degrees from the University of Sydney and the University of Regina. Hewson worked for periods as an economist for the Reserve Bank of Australia, as an economic advisor to the Fraser Government, as a business journalist, and as a director of the Macquarie Bank. He left parliament in 1995, but since then has remained a public figure as a business leader and political commentator, sometimes criticising both sides of politics.

I have met him a couple of times at charity golf functions and he seems to be a good down-to-earth bloke which might be why he got out of politics so early :D.

Bowral to the Sydney CBD is approximately 120 km(73Miles) and over 90% is (supposedly) freeway travel.


“On two occasions this week, leaving Bowral between 5.30-6am, it took well over three hours to complete the journey to the CBD. Sydney traffic is now gridlocked, and unbearable. Traffic congestion, along with other woes such as housing affordability, is the result of mismanaged planning policies.

However, not once during these elongated car park experiences did I think to blame the couple of hundred thousand migrants that arrived on our shores, Australia-wide, over the last 12 months. The 8 million tourists last year probably were a more significant contributor.

Similarly, I can’t “blame” the crisis in housing affordability on migration, although it has clearly added to the demand side of the problem.

Traffic congestion and the collapse in housing affordability are much more due to what have been poor and failed infrastructure, transport, housing, and planning policies over the last couple of decades.

The media this week has been saturated with stories calling for a longer-term population policy and the appointment of a Population Minister. I would say a strong YES to both. But, neither, in and of themselves, would make a scrap of difference to our current traffic and housing crises.

Similarly, calls for a significant cut in immigration, say a halving of the annual intake, won’t help our current crises much, but would work to stop us compounding the problems in the near term.

However, there is no doubt that much of our post WWII growth and development has been due to our very successful, largely bi-partisan, immigration policies, and our creation of the world’s most tolerant and effective, multicultural, multiracial, and multi-religious society stands as perhaps our greatest national post-war achievement, and the envy of the world.

But, having said that, it does need to be managed; it is a continuous “work in progress”. The approach must be holistic. It is not the level of immigration that is the problem, rather the failing to put in place the essential social and economic infrastructure, and appropriate planning, and integrated transport policies, that has created the problems.

Australia clearly needs a full, open debate about population and immigration. Unfortunately, there are some who would use this as “code” to pursue a racist agenda – you know, “nudge, nudge, wink, wink”, we are really about clamping down on say Muslim immigration, and the like. There should be no place for such sentiments and agendas in a mature, responsible debate.

A key element of a sensible population debate is population density. The density of Sydney and Melbourne is much, much less than in other major, global cities such as London, Paris, New York, Tokyo and Hong Kong. But again, the solution is not just more high-rise developments, but also better open spaces, integrated transport, adequate schools, hospitals, childcare facilities, and so on. This sort of planning has been inadequate, especially given divided responsibilities between state and local governments.

From the point of view of traffic, perhaps our greatest failing has been the inadequacy of our public transport system. The usual excuse is inadequacy of finance, but there are innovative financing alternatives that have never been pursued. So, we settle for more, but inadequate roads.

We can, and should, do better!”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 17, 2018, 05:34:47 PM
I think that I enjoyed this thread more when the topics were a bit more light hearted.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 17, 2018, 10:23:25 PM
How about gardening ?
I reckon that this is a subject that would be dear to the hearts of many forumites,

"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes.  And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 17, 2018, 10:39:12 PM
Perhaps you’re just trying too hard to keep the thread going, Les. Most threads eventually die a natural death but for some reason you’re determined not to let this one go.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 18, 2018, 05:28:45 AM
Quote
I think that I enjoyed this thread more when the topics were a bit more light hearted.
I'm with you Les.  There's enough doom & gloom in the world & I like a bit of light relief at the end of the day.  Sorry perhaps I'm just an ostrich!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 19, 2018, 10:52:02 AM
Perhaps you’re just trying too hard to keep the thread going, Les. Most threads eventually die a natural death but for some reason you’re determined not to let this one go.

There is no doubt that this thread is barely surviving & is currently on life support.
With zero responses to my gardening suggestion, I was about to flick the switch but then I received the above post from Pat, which of course I must respond to, how ironic it would be if the post from Pat is the one that revives this thread because it has inadvertently led me to raise the very serious & controversial topic of euthanasia.

I am quite busy at the moment & pushed for time so will offer my views on the subject at a latter date & at some stage I will also update forumites on my recent visit with Joy.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 19, 2018, 08:25:43 PM
Oh, Les! A worthwhile subject, but you said you enjoyed the thread more when it was more light-hearted!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 19, 2018, 09:10:11 PM
No matter how serious or sombre the topic may be, you can always make a joke around it, guess it just depends on my mood on the day & of course the longer I can keep this thread alive then the happier Pat will be.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on March 20, 2018, 12:48:54 AM
How about gardening ?
I reckon that this is a subject that would be dear to the hearts of many forumites,

"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes.  And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.

I was once on a website where you could enter in the number of calories you ate, and also the number of calories you burned through various activities. One lady found a way to enter all her calories burned from shagging by entering it as "gardening." I figure she must have done a lot of gardening to be worried about entering in those calories. I don't think she'd agree with the straw hat and old clothes, though!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 20, 2018, 05:44:21 AM
How funny Anonsi :laugh:  Do both these activities burn off a similar amount of calories??  I would have thought that an hour of digging the garden would have been more vigorous &, therefore, burn off more calories than an hour of sex!  Perhaps there wasn't an option on the website to enter shagging as a means of burning off calories! Perhaps I'm getting a bit long in the tooth... ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 20, 2018, 10:55:51 AM
Anonsi, that was just hilarious.

Pen, I think that if somebody's gardening is burning off more calories than their shagging, then I reckon that they might need to review just exactly how they are performing one of these activities.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 20, 2018, 09:58:36 PM
Quote
Les303 - There is no doubt that this thread is barely surviving & is currently on life support.

Les, I do hope you are wrong and I will expound on the reasons why when I consider a few quotes which point to you being right:.

Quote
1.   Alan W …there are a number of rules on the forum that I have given up trying to enforce. …,one is "start a new thread if you want to change the subject",

2.   Alan W -I don't think I can be accused of obsessing about where and how forumites post their comments, but there is a reason the forum is organised into boards and topics: to make it easier for people to find things and to follow the discussions they're interested in.

3.   Alan W - I would urge you, habitués of this thread, DO NOT TRY TO SET ANY RECORDS. By all means continue the banter if you like. But don't go out of your way to create a proliferation of posts and subject matter.

4.    Pat - Perhaps you’re just trying too hard to keep the thread going, Les. Most threads eventually die a natural death but for some reason you’re determined not to let this one go.


I make these comments on those points:

1.   Alan doesn’t enforce this rule, but it is obvious that he wishes people would obey it. And for the Central Categories: Word Games, Words, The Daily Quest, Say Hello, and This Forum, I wholehearted intend to respect Alan’s wishes and for my transgressions in the past, I apologise.

2.   I respect his tolerance and I think all forumites respect the need to make the forum the best it can be for the regulars as well as the newcomers we want to attract.

3.   We did the wrong thing in initially making a miscellaneous thread in a serious category. Alan kindly, or perhaps with considerable relief, acceded to the request to move the thread to the WHATEVER Category and gave it the title of More or Les (was Bloody Plurals) and that I believe is the single subject matter of the thread, irrespective of the sub-topics, jokes or banter we come up with.

4.   I agree with Pat that we should not go to extraordinary lengths to sustain the life of the thread.  But while there are people willing to contribute to the thread and people who feedback that they are enjoying the contributions there is also no reason to kill it off.

What makes me like this particular thread?

We have become a community.  The contributors 2dognight, Alan W, Anona, Anonsi, Auntiemo, Barbarism, Birdy, Blackrockrose, Calilasseia, Cmh, Hobbit, Jane@manutd, Les303, Linda, Mkenuk, Pat, Scouser1952, Trex, Valerie, Whisky, and last but not least, Yelnats, are a varied lot geographically and with a range of opinions.  But even when we disagree it is, reasonably, polite and respectful.  Most I would like to consider my friends and those I am not sure would want to be my friend, I respect.  We are not inclusive and would welcome new contributors.

The king pin of the thread as its title suggests is Les. Although he sometimes gives me the sh*** ,sorry, heebie jeebies with his obsession of trying to draw someone who is not amused into the conversation and talks me into undertaking a serious task and then tells me how to do it, I have a huge admiration for him and if he were to decide to walk away from the thread, it would quickly collapse, I wouldn't go so far as to say I love him as some of the other contributors have confessed but I like him a hell of a lot.

How can we improve the thread?

Pat, who is one of sharpest tools in the tool shed, has hit the nail on the head.
[
quote]
I don't actually read most of the posts in this thread, mainly because they're just too long to bother with.  Having said that, it's a thread obviously enjoyed by the people who do read and post in it and those who aren't interested can simply ignore it.
 [/quote]

 So we should try to to keeps our posts shorter and more pithy – yeth I know I am probably the worst offender but I promise to improve,  This may encourage more people to contribute and appreciate.

But all of that is incidental because the real reason the thread should survive is in the words of the movie “the Castle”:“It's the vibe of it” ...


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on March 21, 2018, 10:44:37 AM
So we should try to to keeps our posts shorter and more pithy – yeth I know I am probably the worst offender but I promise to improve,  This may encourage more people to contribute and appreciate.

I do appreciate the irony of your long-winded post - with bullet points!! - about the need to have shorter posts.  :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 21, 2018, 11:06:13 AM

I do appreciate the irony of your long-winded post - with bullet points!! - about the need to have shorter posts.  :laugh:


I know I am probably the worst offender but I promise to improve.

Touché.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 21, 2018, 12:41:12 PM
Anona,

I see you are a Brunetti fan.  I have read them all and am looking forward to the next oneThe Temptation of Forgiveness (Commissario Brunetti 27) which I have on pre-order from Amazon to be delivered on 5 April.

I particularly like books with heroes who have a strong moral compass but a penchant for bypassing bureaucratic rules.  If you are the same, you might like to look at the series by Martin Walker about Bruno, Chief of Police.  A bonus in all are Perigord cooking tips and, in an appendix in some, a tourist guide to the Perigord.

Quote
Benoît Courrèges, aka Bruno, is a policeman in a small village in the South of France.  He’s a former soldier who has embraced the pleasures and slow rhythms of country life. He has a gun but never wears it; he has the power to arrest but never uses it.   Bruno balances his beloved routines—living in his restored shepherd’s cottage, shopping at the local market, drinking wine, strolling the countryside while undertaking delicate and sometimes complex investigations.


Title: was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: 2dognight on March 21, 2018, 05:08:18 PM
I am also a great fan of Donna Leon and have The Temptation of Forgiveness on order. 

Martin Walkers The Templars' Last Secret is due on Friday

By the way of something whimsical I have enjoyed Vaseem Khans books

Carol


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 21, 2018, 05:21:55 PM
When I first joined this forum, Alan just happened to be in the process of addressing a backlist of word suggestions about words that I had never even heard of, so for me, that quickly became a little bit boring.
I also sensed that forumites posting on other topics felt that they had to be 100% correct in every detail from their grammar to the tiniest point in their comment because if they were not, any shortcoming would be quickly pounced on which would cause them some embarrassment so rather than take the risk, I reckon that a lot of forumites who would have liked to have contributed, decided to take the safe route & remain mute.
While familiarising myself with players on the scoreboard, mainly just to see where they came from, i remember clicking on one players name ( i can't remember who it was ) but in her general comments she said how much she enjoyed the game but beware of the cliches in the forum.
Well i took no heed of that warning & went at it like a bull at a gate, i made countless mistakes, & i'm still making them,  my grammar was pathetic & it still is, i've upset some individuals & i continue to do so (mostly unintentionally ), I've made a complete fool of myself on multiple occassions (surely that will never happen again )
, I've even been known to disagree with & upset the administrator (surely that will happen again ) but through all of that my intention has always been to simply inject a little bit of humour & to encourage other players to participate in forum knowing that if they do make a little mistake it will be irrelevant when compared to the major stuff ups that Les has posted.

Just curious as to why no one asked me exactly how I would alter your gardening processes to make that activity less vigorous than shagging?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 21, 2018, 06:21:49 PM
Well, I do love you Jack, I love your sense of humour but even more I love your sensibility, even when listing the participants in this thread, you took the time to do it alphabetically so that no one would feel that were being " rated " & if I did suddenly disappear ( only to reappear in somewhere like..i don't know... maybe Buckingamshire. ) you would easily slip into the role of kingpin of this thread.

I'm glad that I give you the shits occasionally because throughout my life, I have had many "so called " friends.
I had good times with them all, for various reasons i also upset some, they upset me, we had arguments, disagreements & on a couple of occassions fair dinkum fist fights. (some stories to be told there at a later date )
But the true friend always stuck by me  & was there when i needed him / her.

Jack, i only know you from being on line but i consider you to be a true friend.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 21, 2018, 07:54:01 PM
if I did suddenly disappear ( only to reappear in somewhere like..I don't know... maybe Buckinghamshire. ) you would easily slip into the role of kingpin of this thread.

If you did disappear, I would be wise enough not to try to fill shoes that would be too big for me.  I would start my own thread called JACKASS  :D.  I can't imagine why you would find yourself in Buckinghamshire but if you did I know a wise, lovely Lady there who could really sort you out!!

Quote

Jack, i only know you from being on line but i consider you to be a true friend.



Thanks, Mate.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 22, 2018, 05:42:56 AM
Quote

If you did disappear, I would be wise enough not to try to fill shoes that would be too big for me.  I would start my own thread called JACKASS  :D.  I can't imagine why you would find yourself in Buckinghamshire but if you did I know a wise, lovely Lady there who could really sort you out!!


Jack, i only know you from being on line but i consider you to be a true friend.

Oh Jack what a smashing thing to say.  I would like to say that I too consider both you & Les to be true friends.
My life has definitely improved with this thread!  Cheers me up no end!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 22, 2018, 05:44:53 AM
Quote

Just curious as to why no one asked me exactly how I would alter your gardening processes to make that activity less vigorous than shagging?
Les I was going to ask that question but you didn't give me chance!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 22, 2018, 05:52:00 AM
After an extensive search I could only find one fairly recent picture from a holiday 2 or 3 years ago.  It's not brilliant but it's the only one I could lay my hands on.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on March 22, 2018, 08:52:57 AM
Just a quick thanks to Ozzyjack and 2dognight: I didn't know about Temptation of Forgiveness coming out, and haven't read any Martin Walker, so will investigate both.

Other people's views on sex: I had the same thoughts on the comparative levels of calories burned as some others. But it reminded me tangentially that some years ago I got invited onto a health monitoring programme for people in their 50s, which started with a battery of physical and mental checks. One set of questions was on participants' sexual history and included a question on the number of sexual partners one had had. During a lull when waiting for the next set of tests, one woman said to another "And that question about sexual partners! Well!" The other mused "Yes ... it's difficult to remember once you get into double figures, isn't it." I don't think that was what the first woman was thinking of, somehow.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 22, 2018, 04:18:13 PM
After an extensive search I could only find one fairly recent picture from a holiday 2 or 3 years ago.  It's not brilliant but it's the only one I could lay my hands on.
Pen

bit barmy, but beautiful ... bloody bottler.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: jane@manutd on March 23, 2018, 06:54:42 AM
Well at least now I’ve got a face to the name I can look out for you when walking down Queensway!!  ;)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 24, 2018, 06:20:05 AM
Quote
Well at least now I’ve got a face to the name I can look out for you when walking down Queensway!!  ;)
Would be good to bump into you sometime Jane.  Just hope it's not when I'm at work in the hospital!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 24, 2018, 05:13:05 PM
Pen,

All you have do is whip up a costume (i'm sure your daughter would give you a hand ) similar to the one that you posed for on your holiday.
Walking down Queensway in that get up & not only Jane but everyone else would see you coming from a mile away.

Can i ask where was the photo taken, was it Strasburg?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 25, 2018, 05:42:23 AM
Cheeky Humbug Les!!  Sorry I'm a very casual dresser when not in my standard work uniform!
The snap was taken not a million miles from Strasbourg in a place called Colmar.  It's in Alsace which is in France very near the German border.  It did belong to France originally but I think the Germans pinched it for a while back in the 19th century.  It was a smashing place for a holiday.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 25, 2018, 09:52:19 AM
I think the clue is in the advertising square that the cut-out is holding - 'Vitrines d'Alsace'; presumably a glazing firm.

Alsace is right on the German-French border and it's where Alsatians or German Shepherd dogs came from.

You're quite right, Pen. It's a lovely part of Europe, especially if the weather is good.

There - another topic for you - breeds of dog.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 25, 2018, 11:21:50 AM
I was trying to put together some ideas to send to Les to consider if he develops his quiz on Australian Slang and Idioms and I was amazed at the number of times I came across words or phrases I thought were typically Aussie only to find they were imported, mainly from the UK.  I suppose I should have realised this would be the case as until about 70 years ago the bulk of our immigration came from the UK – some voluntary, some otherwise. 

Some examples:
All mouth and trousers – true blue aussie? No, the phrase originated in northern England

Gobsmacked - As if smacked (“hit”) in the gob (“mouth (Irish / Scottish gaelic)”). Attested since 1959, from Northern English dialect, particularly Liverpool, popularized via television.

Gobbledygook – Origin: 1940s (originally US): probably imitating a turkey's gobble.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 26, 2018, 04:34:01 AM
Quote
I think the clue is in the advertising square that the cut-out is holding - 'Vitrines d'Alsace'; presumably a glazing firm.

There - another topic for you - breeds of dog.
Thanks Mike.  Know my schoolgirl French is a little rusty but for some strange reason I thought it was something to do with wine!  What a dingbat ???
I'd love a dog but we're out of the house at work for too long during the day.  Wouldn't be fair.  My sister has a miniature schnauzer which is very cute. My cousin has a cocker spaniel who seems to have boundless energy.  When she runs her ears wave around like flags & I just have to smile when I watch her.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 26, 2018, 04:39:18 AM
Quote
I was trying to put together some ideas to send to Les to consider if he develops his quiz on Australian Slang and Idioms and I was amazed at the number of times I came across words or phrases I thought were typically Aussie only to find they were imported, mainly from the UK.  I suppose I should have realised this would be the case as until about 70 years ago the bulk of our immigration came from the UK – some voluntary, some otherwise. 

Some examples:
All mouth and trousers – true blue aussie? No, the phrase originated in northern England

Gobsmacked - As if smacked (“hit”) in the gob (“mouth (Irish / Scottish gaelic)”). Attested since 1959, from Northern English dialect, particularly Liverpool, popularized via television.

Gobbledygook – Origin: 1940s (originally US): probably imitating a turkey's gobble.

I've noticed a few times you & Les use an expression which is familiar to me.  I can just imagine a Scouser using the expression gobsmacked! I'd be interested in some of your proper Aussie slang & idioms.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 26, 2018, 09:31:39 AM

I've noticed a few times you & Les use an expression which is familiar to me. 

Pen, you must  do the quiz in the other forum and let us know the result so Les and I will know how much work we have to do to make a Dinkum Aussie out of you. ;)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 26, 2018, 09:43:48 AM

Alsace is right on the German-French border and it's where Alsatians or German Shepherd dogs came from.


Does that mean that German Shepherds should really be known as French Shepherds? >:D

There must be something special about dogs originating from border areas.  My particular love is for Collies originating from the Anglo-Scottish border.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on March 26, 2018, 03:55:57 PM
Historical.
Alsace-Lorraine became part of the Prussian Empire following the Franco-Prussian war, so technically, for a short time anyway, it was German.

My European history is a bit rusty, but I'm sure there are others who can give more details.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 26, 2018, 08:07:49 PM

Alsace-Lorraine became part of the Prussian Empire following the Franco-Prussian war, so technically, for a short time anyway, it was German.


Right on, Mike. The Franco-Prussian War, which started in July 1870, saw France defeated in May 1871 by the Kingdom of Prussia and other German states. The end of the war led to the unification of Germany. Otto von Bismarck annexed Alsace and northern Lorraine to the new German Empire in 1871 .Germany ceded the region to France under the Treaty of Versailles in 1919. Alsace-Lorraine was occupied by Germany in 1940 during the Second World War. Although it was never formally annexed, Alsace-Lorraine was incorporated into the Greater German Reich, which had been restructured into Reichsgau. Alsace was merged with Baden, and Lorraine with the Saarland, to become part of a planned Westmark.  They returned to France after the War.

I was only Joking about the dogs


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 26, 2018, 08:38:44 PM
Hi Jack & Les
Can I change the subject to "Sandpaper Gate"?  Should I start a new thread?  It's sending shock waves around the world.  Of the one bunch of people who were ever going to cheat the Aussies were the very last I expected.  Am stunned & quite upset by it.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on March 26, 2018, 09:02:59 PM
Hi Penny...I suspect a lot more than just Jack and Les will be interested in this topic.
I have friends who watch NO sport whatsoever and today I have had conversations with 2 of them....about the cricket. It is so disappointing that this has happened...or does it happen more often than we know-but got caught on camera this time?
Moyra


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 27, 2018, 12:17:36 AM
Whatever happened to the spirit of winning on merit, not just in cricket but in any sport? These days it seems to be win at any cost, cheating if necessary.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 27, 2018, 01:34:07 AM
Can I change the subject to "Sandpaper Gate"?  … Of the one bunch of people who were ever going to cheat the Aussies were the very last I expected. 
Pen

Oh Pen, Must I comment on this?

I guess I must.  I certainly feel pride when I see gallant or noble things done by fellow Australians so it is only fair that I feel shame when something like this happens.

But I can’t say I am surprised.  At the top level, the spirit of true sportsmanship and fair play has been going downhill in this country for many years on the playing field (except golf) and in the political arena.

Should I take as my guide Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull who allows the shocking treatment of refugees in Nauru and Manus.

“It seemed completely beyond belief that the Australian cricket team had been involved in cheating. “After all, our cricketers are role models and cricket is synonymous with fair play. “How can our team be engaged in cheating like this? It beggars belief. “I’ve spoken with David Peever, the Chairman of Cricket Australia, a few moments ago and I’ve expressed to him very clearly and unequivocally my disappointment and my concern about the events in South Africa. ….but I have to say that (to) the whole nation, who holds those who wear the Baggy Green up on a pedestal, about as high as you can get in Australia … this is a shocking disappointment. “

or should I agree with the tweet by the Anglican priest Fr. Rod Bower yesterday
 
“We can no longer call ourselves civilized when ball tampering causes outrage, while human rights are ignored”


I think I will leave it to the one great scorer to express how I feel.

“For when the One Great Scorer comes
To write against your name,
He marks — not that you won or lost —
But how you played the game?”



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on March 27, 2018, 07:44:55 AM
Don't know cricket, but these messages sent me to South Africa vs Australia, 3rd Test: Why the Sandpaper Gate is worse than you think (https://www.sportskeeda.com/cricket/australia-south-africa-sandpaper-gate-is-worse-than-you-think) and Cameron Bancroft Suspected Of Ball-Tampering, Sandpaper Gate Hits SA vs Aus Test Series (https://sports.ndtv.com/cricket/south-africa-vs-australia-cameron-bancroft-suspected-of-ball-tampering-sandpaper-gate-hits-test-seri-1828217). Sandpaper has been used on baseballs and I understand how it can change the trajectory of a thrown ball, but I don't understand what stepping on the ball does. Is it not a hard ball? Stepping on a baseball would have no effect on it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Morbius on March 27, 2018, 09:43:57 AM
TRex, stepping on the ball with spiked shoes will cause damage to the leather casing of the ball.  This advantages bowlers who can use the imperfections in the ball to impart extra spin or swing.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 28, 2018, 04:46:22 AM
Quote

Oh Pen, Must I comment on this?

I guess I must.  I certainly feel pride when I see gallant or noble things done by fellow Australians so it is only fair that I feel shame when something like this happens.

Thanks for your thoughts Jack.  Very interesting & thoughtful.
You Know Who has been very quiet last few days! Do hope he's ok.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 28, 2018, 06:24:28 AM

You Know Who has been very quiet last few days! Do hope he's ok.


I got a message from him the other day to explain why he had made no progress on his quiz.  Apparently he is stretched at work because of the Commonwealth Games and also he is in the middle of renovations to his apartment - probably restricts his computer access, He is too busy to scratch himself (new Aussie expression for you).

I imagine that after the Games he will be back bigger, brasher and more annoying than ever.. :D :D :D

Jack


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 29, 2018, 04:29:20 AM
Thanks Jack.  So long as he's ok.  Love that - too busy to scratch himself :laugh:  You'll have to let me have a few more.
Darren Lehmann is getting a bit of a hard time in the press here at the minute.  Opinion generally seems to be that he must have known what was going on.  One of the plastic wives got into a bit of a spat on twitter with Michael Vaughan.  Good luck to her winning that one!  They'd all be better off keeping their heads down for the moment.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on March 29, 2018, 07:45:03 PM
Re the cricket - hilarious. They cheated and got caught. Although they've apologized they're still referring to 'making a questionable decision', 'making a serious error of judgement' and 'mistakes having been made'. No, you deliberately CHEATED. You got caught. You got punished. Now you suffer the consequences. Sadly the fans also have to suffer the consequences.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: yelnats on March 29, 2018, 09:07:20 PM
Quote
Sadly the fans also have to suffer the consequences.

And sadly, the non-fans are suffering as well, the other day there were 6 pages of it in the Age, today 2, but 10 minutes of  the ABC 7pm news and then the next program was interrupted to show a tearful (Smith or Warner?) press conference on their arrival home.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 30, 2018, 02:04:11 AM
Thanks Jack.  So long as he's ok.  Love that - too busy to scratch himself :laugh:  You'll have to let me have a few more.
Darren Lehmann is getting a bit of a hard time in the press here at the minute.  ,,,, They'd all be better off keeping their heads down for the moment.

Pen, I’m sure he is OK unless he is allergic to hard work.  >:D  

I am not sure what Les is going to put in his quiz, so I had better restrict my “Aussieisms” for the time being.

Lehmann has now announced that he is going to retire after the fourth test so that should cool things down a bit,  I agree that the best thing now is for all of them to keep as low a profile as possible.  The papers will soon get sick of saying the same things repeatedly.  I detect even now the Aussie press seem to be coming to the opinion that they stuffed up, the punishment more than fits the crime and so let them redeem themselves over time.
  
There is also a feeling that the principles of fair play in Australian teams have been going down hill for many years unchecked and it is time to get back to the spirit with which Gilchrist played the game.

Cricket Australia seem to be determined to do something about it.  In an email that I (and many others) received yesterday morning from James Sutherland, CEO Cricket Australia, he wrote

"As mentioned in my email to you this morning, Cricket Australia will also initiate an independent review into the conduct and culture of our Australian men’s teams as an important step in rebuilding and reestablishing your pride in Australian cricket. Further details will be announced shortly and we will keep you updated on the review as it progresses.

I would again like to take the opportunity to express our appreciation for the feedback we have received from the Australian public. We recognise the damage this incident has done to the integrity and reputation of Australian cricket and we are committed to doing all we can to restore your faith in the men’s team and the game".


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on March 30, 2018, 04:33:39 AM
Oh Jack that's hilarious :laugh:  Did you get it out of your paper?
Adam Gilchrist & all his team mates were fantastic.  2005 Ashes series here in the UK was one of the best, most thrilling ever. There's a brilliant picture I can recall of Freddie Flintoff & Brett Lee which sums up the spirit in which it was played. England were probably helped a bit by Glen McGrath's stupidity in falling over a ball!  I'm sure that normal service will soon resume in Aussie cricket.
Do hope Les isn't overdoing it >:D
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 30, 2018, 05:28:19 AM
Oh Jack that's hilarious :laugh:  Did you get it out of your paper?


No, it was emailed to me by a friend. I don’t know where he got it from.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Morbius on March 30, 2018, 09:42:50 AM
Re the ball tampering controversy:  Yes, Pat is quite right to say that this is cheating plain and simple and those responsible need to be held to account.  What's interesting to me is the discrepancy between the penalties handed down by the ICC and those imposed by Cricket Australia.  The ICC suspended Smith for one match, Bancroft got a fine and Warner wasn't sanctioned at all.  By contrast, Cricket Australia suspended Smith and Warner for 12 months each and Bancroft for nine months.  The severest penalty I've been able to find in previous cases is a two match suspension.  Cricket Australia's penalties seem disproportionate by comparison, even allowing for the fact that this particular case involved premeditation which puts it at the more severe end of the scale.  I wonder whether we've all overreacted.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on March 30, 2018, 10:58:36 AM
Re the ball tampering controversy:…….  I wonder whether we've all overreacted.

I think we have.  I can see why this is important for Australians particularly those who equate sporting reputation with how we are regarded internationally and by ourselves as a people.  I would prefer that we put as much emotion and vigour into campaigning against Government decisions that are trashing our international reputation as an independent, open and fair nation, particularly in the areas of human rights and who shoulders the burden of taxation.
 
However, if you are interested in the reasons for the reaction of Australians to the ball tampering controversy I would recommend two excellent analyses from Sydney Morning Herald columnists.

https://www.smh.com.au/sport/cricket/what-the-ball-tampering-crisis-says-about-us-20180328-p4z6qw.html

https://www.smh.com.au/sport/cricket/why-all-of-australia-must-own-the-ball-tampering-scandal-20180328-p4z6s2.html


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Morbius on March 30, 2018, 05:54:59 PM
Thanks Jack.  I think the columnists are right about the cultural importance of cricket and of sport in general in Australia.  We have certainly turned a blind eye to some pretty unsavoury behaviour by our cricketers in recent years.  Perhaps this will be a watershed moment for our cricket team - I hope it will be.  Now that Darren Lehmann has resigned as head coach, I think Justin Langer is the ideal person to build the kind of culture we can be proud of.   


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on March 31, 2018, 07:33:26 PM
Due to a number of personal issues, I have been off line for a couple of weeks.
After reviewing some recent posts, i am glad to see that i haven't missed out on anything especially exciting.

However I did notice that there have been a few comments about the ball tampering incident in South Africa, hardly anything new.
Shining one side of the ball to hopefully make it swing, has always been part of the game.
The only way to legally do this is by vigorously rubbing one side of the ball on the inner thigh of your whites.
I can remember playing junior cricket & being given tips by the senior players of various other methods " to rough up one side of the ball " just make sure the umpire doesn't see you. "
I can attest that this practice ( carried out by both sides ) continued through grade & club cricket & although i never reached the heights of playing shield cricket for my state, i have it on good authority that the practice continued through to that level, as camera coverage was non - excistent or at best very limited it was easy to get away with & was just accepted as part of the game.

There have been many very high profile players from several countries that have been found guilty of the same offence in international matches.
Their punishment was generally to be suspended from their next game & to pay a fine which would be a percentage of their match payment.
So why have the Australians been punished so severely. ( or, in the opinion of some, not severely enough )
Australian cricketers & Australia as a nation have always prided themselves on playing hard but fair so from that   high moral ground we have alwayys been the first to condemn other nations that have been caught ball tampering.
In my opinion, the punishments incurred are excessive for the actual offence committed, however having said that, i do feel that the punishments are entirely appropriate when you consider the irrepairable damage that has been inflicted not only on the Australian cricket team but the reflection that puts on Australians in general.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 02, 2018, 08:59:49 PM


Does anyone miss Les?  I didn’t think it possible but I do!  So I wrote a little poem for him


Les303 of the Overworked
I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
sent to Queensland Rail where his work was normally shirked,
He was brash and ebullient when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just ‘on spec’, addressed as follows, ‘Les303, of The Overworked’.
And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,
(And I think the same was written in a boozy Brisbane bar)
’Twas his drinking mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:
‘Les has suddenly gone Conscientious, and we don’t know where he are.’

In my wild erratic fancy, visions come to me of Les being chancy
As a result of being overworked, distracted and trying to be fancy
Because we know it’s hard to serve your nation
When you are in the middle of a renovation
Even if you think you’re getting the best advice
From someone you consider to be very nice
But you need to come back to make up the quorum
with your very good friends at the Chihuahua forum
where even when things seem to get out of whack
you’ll always have Hobbit at your back
And Mkenuk to teach you
And Pat to impeach you.
And Yelnats your mistakes to expose
And me to get up your nose
And so, we will all slowly burn
Awaiting your return
Because we know you won’t be a Burk
When you finally recover from overwork

My very sincere apologies to Banjo Paterson






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 03, 2018, 04:20:06 AM
Absolutely brilliant Jack!  I love it :)
& yes I have missed Les.  Far too quiet!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 05, 2018, 12:27:21 PM
Brilliant indeed, very clever very funny & even has a ring of truth, I reckon Banjo would be very proud.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 05, 2018, 06:00:29 PM
.They can’t move – they can only look forward. Between A and B is a brick wall which is completely opaque (they absolutely can’t see through it). They are all aware that each of them is wearing a hat, and that two of them are wearing a black hat, and two of them are wearing a white hat. They don’t know what color THEY are wearing. However, each of them DOES know where the other three are buried.
In order to avoid being executed, one of them must call out to the executioner the color of their hat. If they get it wrong, everyone will be shot. They can’t talk to each other and have only 10 minutes to figure it out.
After 60 seconds, one of them calls out.

QUESTION: Which one of them calls out? How can he be certain he knows the color of his hat?

This is not a silly trick question.
There’s no outside influence and no other way of communicating.
They can’t move and are buried in a straight line; A and B can only see their respective sides of the wall, C can see B, and D can see B and C.
 
Want the answer?
 
 
Scroll down…
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A bit further…..
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Here’s the answer:
 
 
 
C calls out that he is wearing a black hat.
He’s 100% certain because D can’t answer, and neither can A or B.
 
D can see C and B, but can’t determine his own hat color. B can’t see anyone and also can’t determine his own hat color. A is in the same situation as B, where he can’t see anyone and can’t determine his own hat color.
Since A, B, and D are silent, that leaves C. C knows he is wearing a black hat because if D saw that both B and C weer wearing white hats, then he would have answered. But since D is silent, C knows that he must be wearing a black hat as he can see that B is wearing a white hat.
 






















Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 05, 2018, 07:16:27 PM
Sorry about that but the illustration was supposed to be at the top of the post & it was also supposed to be referenced to a post from weeks ago about hats.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 06, 2018, 12:46:48 AM
Sorry about that but the illustration was supposed to be at the top of the post & it was also supposed to be referenced to a post from weeks ago about hats.

Les,
Pat or Yelnats and perhaps many others can explain better than me the technical details of the steps you should have taken to achieve the results you wanted.  But I'll have a stab at it because I had the same problem in a previous post and it took me ages to work it out.

If you use the Attach sub feature in the Additional Options feature the item you want to attach will always come out at the bottom of the post.  To get it to display in the place you want it, you have to use the Insert Image feature which is the second button from the left in the row above the emoticons row and put the URL of the image you want between the img  /img which are in square brackets, thus

(https://www.mycoted.com/mwiki/images/8/87/4men.gif)


Then you add your text (by omitting the first sentence you made the problem a little harder to understand), thus


Shown above are four men buried up to their necks in the ground. They cannot move, so they can only look forward. Between A and B is a brick wall which cannot be seen through.

They all know that between them they are wearing four hats--two black and two white--but they do not know what color they are wearing. Each of them know where the other three men are buried.

In order to avoid being shot, one of them must call out to the executioner the color of their hat. If they get it wrong, everyone will be shot. They are not allowed to talk to each other and have 10 minutes to fathom it out.

After one minute, one of them calls out.

Question: Which one of them calls out? Why is he 100% certain of the color of his hat?

This is not a trick question. There are no outside influences nor other ways of communicating. They cannot move and are buried in a straight line; A & B can only see their respective sides of the wall, C can see B, and D can see B & C.



Then you can present the answer as you have done scrolled out of sight.


C calls out that he is wearing a black hat. Why is he 100% certain of the color of his hat?

After a while, C comes to the realization that he must answer.

This is because D can't answer, and neither can A or B.

D can see C and B, but can't determine his own hat color. B can't see anyone and also can't determine his own hat color. A is in the same situation as B, where he can't see anyone and can't determine his own hat color.

Since A, B, and D are silent, that leaves C. C knows he is wearing a black hat because if D saw that both B and C were wearing white hats, then he would have answered. But since D is silent, C knows that he must be wearing a black hat as he can see that B is wearing a white hat.


Finally use the Preview Feature  to ensure everything is as you want it to be before pressing Post.

I think there ought to be a better way to present the solution by hyperlinking to it, but I have not been able to work out how to do it#.  Perhaps one of our experts can help us out;


# I couldn't find a URL that just had the solution in it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 08, 2018, 04:59:04 AM
Hi Jack.  Just wondered if you're watching & enjoying the Masters? I haven't got Sky TV so I only get to see the highlights but I do love watching it.  A friend went to the bookies on Wednesday to place his usual bet on Justin Rose to win.  Knowing I'm a bit fan he very generously put £5 on Sergio Garcia to win on my behalf.  His money sadly disappeared on the 15th hole yesterday :(  At the time of my writing this Marc Leishman is sitting in a good spot.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 08, 2018, 07:38:01 AM
Just wondered if you're watching & enjoying the Masters

Hi Pen, Yes I am watching the Masters but about an hour behind real time.  We record the Foxtel broadcast for 3 reasons. We don't have to get up so early, we can fast forward through the boring bits - ads and the predictable interviews - and we can take a comfort break without missing any of the action.  Marc is doing well but I just saw him have a bogey which has dropped him relative to the field.  The conditions appear to be good and most of the top players are under Par.  Marc is a steady player - doesn't do much wrong but doesn't seem to have the streaky runs of birdies like Patrick Reed and Rory.  He comes across as a great guy and a great role model - Makes up for our cricketers  :D >:D.  Another young Aussie to watch is Cameron Smith.  His father is a golf pro and taught him well. He also has a great temperament.  Adam Scott and Jason Day are too far behind to be in contention.

The trouble with predicting golf  is that it is so hard to keep going below par and so easy to drop shots - ask Sergio.  It is totally unbelievable that he could hit five shots in the water on the one hole.  But nothing can take away from him that he won the green jacket last year.

Keep well, Pen, and keep posting.  I enjoy our conversations.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 08, 2018, 06:18:51 PM
I am not a huge follower of golf but I will usually take a peek at the major tournaments particularly when there is an Ozzy or two involved who are given at least a remote chance to finish in the top ten.
Leishman deserves to win a major so i was very interested to follow his progress as well as that of young Smith but what really tweaked my interest in this years Masters was the backing for Tiger.
He was as short as 15 to 1 to win this tournament.
From what i have read, he has undergone radical back surgery which has him playing pain free & he has been showing glimpses of his best form although even in the lead up tournaments his odds were double what they were for the masters.

Jack, Pen & of course any body else that would like to offer an opinion ( particularly our mates from America ), what is your opinion of Tiger Woods, as a man & as a golfer?
My prediction is that  in the near future he will return to winning tournaments & at least one of those will be a major.

By the way, the kitchen reno is just about completed, problem is that i now have  all these fancy new European designed appliances (oven , cooktop , dishwasher , garbage disposal, microwave & even the bloody fridge has  computerised controls that i am struggling to try &  work out.
Surely it can't be that difficult so i threw a steak onto the pan last night & before i knew it i had burnt it to a crisp, just as well that i have Dominoes number saved in my contacts.
I think that next time, i will make sure that i am at least almost sober & make sure sure that i actually read the manual before attempting another cookup.

Of course i could have asked Karen to come over & show me the ropes but ever since i met her family we have had a bit of a problem.
Her parents are quite elderly & of Greek extraction with limited English & their other daughter Kaylee lives at home to care for them.
Mother was no problem, she instantly took to me & spent all night trying to encourage me to eat more & more treats.
Father was a bit more reticent & it was only when i feigned a bit of interest in the subject of soccer that he actually started to talk to me & when i showed him a picture on my phone of the recent Rinaldo scissor kick goal his eyes lit up & he even offered me an Oozo.
Kaylee also gave me a lot of attention, of course being the gentleman that i am, i did not want to offend so i flirted back accordingly... big mistake, big argument in the corridors between the sisters & i haven't heard from either of them since.








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on April 08, 2018, 08:31:55 PM
Say no more.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 08, 2018, 09:03:08 PM
Looks like a cross between a bounder and a cheater to me, Pat.

I was hoping we were going to improve.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 08, 2018, 11:47:27 PM
what is your opinion of Tiger Woods, as a man & as a golfer?

As a golfer, in his day he was head and shoulders above his competition.  But he will never be that good again even though he is far from shabby and his example has raised the quality of his competition dramatically.  So, if you are betting on him winning another major, I wouldn't hold your breath.

As a man, I am not in a position to judge.  I have not been gifted with the magnetic charm and attractiveness to the ladies that you and he possess, Les, and so I have not been afflicted with the same temptations.  I will just say that I would not put him on the same level of admiration I have for Nicklaus, Palmer and Player or for most of the young guns coming through at the moment..  


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 09, 2018, 04:27:17 AM
Quote

The trouble with predicting golf  is that it is so hard to keep going below par and so easy to drop shots - ask Sergio.  It is totally unbelievable that he could hit five shots in the water on the one hole.  But nothing can take away from him that he won the green jacket last year.

Keep well, Pen, and keep posting.  I enjoy our conversations.

Poor Sergio my heart went out to him.  The reason I like & admire him so much is that he a fantastic Ryder Cup golfer.  As are most of the Europeans - they always seem to play as a team.  Was so pleased when he won the green jacket last year.

You keep well too Jack.  I very much enjoy our conversations.  Sadly I think I must have offended Les in some way.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 09, 2018, 04:37:32 AM
Quote

Jack, Pen & of course any body else that would like to offer an opinion ( particularly our mates from America ), what is your opinion of Tiger Woods, as a man & as a golfer?
My prediction is that  in the near future he will return to winning tournaments & at least one of those will be a major.

Kaylee also gave me a lot of attention, of course being the gentleman that i am, i did not want to offend so i flirted back accordingly... big mistake, big argument in the corridors between the sisters & i haven't heard from either of them since.

Tiger Woods was undoubtedly an amazing golfer.  Not much of a man in my option.  He treated his wife abysmally.  I'm with Jack there are many more golfers whom I admire much more as both a sportsman & man. Particularly Jack Nicklaus, Nick Faldo (who had a lady caddy called Fanny! for some reason that tickled me!) & not forgetting the late great Seve Ballesteros.
Glad your kitchen is almost finished.  As long as the fridge keeps the beer cold that's all that matters surely? >:D
Sounds like you got into hot water with the sisters! :laugh:
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 09, 2018, 04:39:37 AM
Quote
Say no more.
Hilarious Pat & very apt!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 09, 2018, 04:57:49 AM

 Sadly I think I must have offended Les in some way.


No, the boot might be on the other foot.  Unlike Tiger, he may be too honest to flirt with two women at once.  I suspect he'll be back with his tail between his legs.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 09, 2018, 05:46:46 PM
Say no more.

I'll bite... but I will have a bit more to say.

The actions of the Australian cricket team in South Africa are indefensible, their attempts to alter the condition of the ball to gain an unfair advantage have quite rightly been labelled as nothing more than cheating.
At least the players involved have admitted their crime, taken full responsibility, shown genuine contrition & accepted without appeal, their very severe punishments unlike the hierarchy of the ACB who are ultimately responsible for allowing the development of this poisonous culture in the Australian test cricket team.

Pat, the cheetah logo that you suggest for Australia could have been applied to any number of teams in previous years, including England in 2006.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxiBX6D4mxQ

If there is a silver lining, i think that the outrage caused in Australia & throughout the cricketing world by this blatant act of cheating will ensure that no player from any test playing nation will be attempting to tamper with the ball in the future.

At the same time, I do stand by what I said in an earlier post & that is that ball tampering, appealing for a catch that hasn't quite carried, appealing for a close run out when you know the batsman is safe, appealing for an LBW when you know that you pitched outside the line or that the ball is clearly going down leg side or appealing for a catch behind when you know damn well that the batsman has not nicked the ball.
These practices are rampant in grade, club & shield cricket where there is little or no camera coverage & less experienced umpires can be influenced by a raucous appeal as well as heckling from the crowd.
Is this cheating or just part of game, of course it is bloody cheating, if you know that someone is not out then you should not be appealing in an attempt to " fool " the umpire.
This needs to be addressed from the grassroots level & kids need to be taught that it is more important to play an honourable & fair game rather than the " win at all costs " attitude that seems to over ride everything these days.

Each of the major test playing nations have their icons & heroes from bygone eras & i think that all cricket fans love the way that the game used to be played.
It was the gentleman's game, the determination to win was always there but it was played with true sportsmanship, sure there was sledging but it was always light hearted & usually comical unlike the vitriolic & personal rubbish that the likes of Warner have been producing in recent years & it was common practise that even after the umpire had raised his finger & a batsman was walking of the field, the opposition captain, after talking to the fielder, would recall the batsman & explain to the umpire that the catch never carried.

It is my sincere hope that this incident which has been a huge embarrasement for all Australians, will be the catalyst that inspires all nations to revert to playing the game in the same spirit that our icons & heroes from years ago always did.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 09, 2018, 06:38:18 PM
what is your opinion of Tiger Woods, as a man & as a golfer?

As a golfer, in his day he was head and shoulders above his competition.  But he will never be that good again even though he is far from shabby and his example has raised the quality of his competition dramatically.  So, if you are betting on him winning another major, I wouldn't hold your breath.

As a man, I am not in a position to judge.  I have not been gifted with the magnetic charm and attractiveness to the ladies that you and he possess, Les, and so I have not been afflicted with the same temptations.  I will just say that I would not put him on the same level of admiration I have for Nicklaus, Palmer and Player or for most of the young guns coming through at the moment..  

Obviously, I am also in no position to judge but as Tiger was / is a world wide celebrity then we are all entitled to have our opinions.
I can remember seeing him on television as a seven or eight year old, holing 30 foot putts for the camera & exclaiming that he would become the number one golfer in the world.
As we all know he did achieve that goal & put such a gap on his opposition that for a period,  he was virtually unbeatable.
This won't be a popular view but i do have some empathy for him.
Ok , he is married but he is a young man making millions & millions of dollars a year, constantly travelling the globe, usually alone & so ensured that he was accommodated at every location.
I'm not condoning that behaviour but can understand how someone might succumb to that sort of temptation & of course the misses did end up with some ridiculous settlement amount in the multi millions.

I stand by my assertion that he will win tournaments in the near future & i reckon that he will win another major before he retires, i just hope that i pick the right one to back him in.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 09, 2018, 06:55:42 PM


[/quote]
Poor Sergio my heart went out to him.  The reason I like & admire him so much is that he a fantastic Ryder Cup golfer.  As are most of the Europeans - they always seem to play as a team.  Was so pleased when he won the green jacket last year.

You keep well too Jack.  I very much enjoy our conversations.  Sadly I think I must have offended Les in some way.
Pen
[/quote]

Oh Penny, why on earth would you think that you have offended me?
I have for various reasons been off line quite a bit in recent weeks so is there is something that i have missed?

I actuallly thought that i may have inadvertantly offended you by being open & honest when sharing that i had a couple of dates with Karen?

Sergio is a legend, a magnificent player so i don't understand why after his first shot lobs in the wrong spot on the green & rolls back into the water, he does not make the slight adjustment that he is very capable of doing but continues to place the next four shots on exactly the same spot for exactly the same result?



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 10, 2018, 12:26:48 AM
Oh Les we have crossed wires obviously!  You seem to have stopped all flirty banter with me which I thought was shame as we always had a laugh.  I'm delighted you've had a couple of dates with Karen.  Hope you haven't jeopardised the situation after flirting with her sister...
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on April 10, 2018, 01:53:54 AM
Pat, the cheetah logo that you suggest for Australia could have been applied to any number of teams in previous years, including England in 2006.

I know. It was a joke. England are just as capable of cheating as anyone else.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 10, 2018, 03:49:07 AM
I know. It was a joke.

And a very good joke it was. Nudge, nudge,wink, wink, say no more.

But, of course, I will.  One of the traditional Aussie qualities I love and which I fear we may be losing is the ability to have a good laugh at ourselves. We should remember before we get too thin skinned about our peccadilloes that this country was founded on a class of migrants who weren’t entirely pure of heart.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 10, 2018, 04:32:03 AM
Quote

 Sadly I think I must have offended Les in some way.

No, the boot might be on the other foot.  Unlike Tiger, he may be too honest to flirt with two women at once.  I suspect he'll be back with his tail between his legs.

Missed your post Jack!  Think Les & I got our wires a bit crossed.  I missed his silly flirty banter & thought I might have inadvertently put my foot in it.  I'm delighted he's had a couple of dates with Karen.  Not sure he hasn't blown it by flirting with her sister ???
Pity the first 3 in the Masters were all American.  The rest of the world seemed to tail off.  Paul Casey played out of his boots yesterday.  If he hadn't bogied the last 2 holes he's have broken the course record.  I loved Charley Hoffman's hole in one.
I'm enjoying your Tommy Cooperisms :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 10, 2018, 05:00:11 PM
Pat, the cheetah logo that you suggest for Australia could have been applied to any number of teams in previous years, including England in 2006.

I know. It was a joke. England are just as capable of cheating as anyone else.

Of course the Australian Cricket Board would never allow it but I would love to see the entire Australian team come out for the first session of their next test match decked out in an entire " cheetah " themed uniform.
I reckon that staging such a stunt where we are taking the mickey out of ourselves in the traditional Australian way,  would go a long way to alleviating a lot of the anger that cricket fans throughout the world are currently feeling.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 10, 2018, 06:28:40 PM
Quote

 Sadly I think I must have offended Les in some way.

No, the boot might be on the other foot.  Unlike Tiger, he may be too honest to flirt with two women at once.  I suspect he'll be back with his tail between his legs.

Missed your post Jack!  Think Les & I got our wires a bit crossed.  I missed his silly flirty banter & thought I might have inadvertently put my foot in it.  I'm delighted he's had a couple of dates with Karen.  Not sure he hasn't blown it by flirting with her sister ???
Pity the first 3 in the Masters were all American.  The rest of the world seemed to tail off.  Paul Casey played out of his boots yesterday.  If he hadn't bogied the last 2 holes he's have broken the course record.  I loved Charley Hoffman's hole in one.
I'm enjoying your Tommy Cooperisms :laugh:
Pen

Tiger is only half fit but still managed a 69 in the last round, apparently he is taking time off now to get back in the gym so beware when a fully rejuvinated Tiger appears in his next tournament.

Jack, i seem to remember this qoute from yourself  " who in the hell is Tommy Cooper " & i also remember Mike  quickly jumping in to explain to you just what a master comedian this man was.
I am so glad that ( & i presume it's through google ) you have familiarised yourself with some of his work & are qouting some of his famous one liners in your posts.
Just like Penny ( we have so much in common ) i am enjoying recalling those classic one liners so please keep it going as i reckon it is a fantastic homage to the master.

Karen invited me to her parents place for a home cooked meal.
Her mother took an instant liking to me & we got on famously.
It was only after several " Oozoes " that her father & i began to connect.
Kaylee is a few years younger than her big sister & with both of us having a few to many " Oozoes " iour innocent flriting got a little out of hand.
That led to Karen taking Kaylee into the hallway where a little bit of a sisterly argument ensued.
Since then Karen had rung me to advise that she & Kaylee have sorted out there differences & suggested that the three of us go out for dinner.
The flirting between Kaylee & myself continued, it was more exaggerated than ever but it did not matter because Karen understood that it was all in fun.
I have even showed Karen some of the posts exchanged between myself & Penny on Chi & she thought that they were hillarious.
There was some discussion about us moving in together but neither of us were prepared to give up our castle so for the time being we are just casually dating when it is convenient for both of us.
I know that when i next visit the family home, i will be greeted by a huge hug from mother, a firm handshake from Dad & endless flirting from Kaylee.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: blackrockrose on April 10, 2018, 07:15:23 PM
"There was some discussion about us moving in together . . . "

Gosh Les, this is starting to sound serious.  :-P


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 10, 2018, 07:47:39 PM
"There was some discussion about us moving in together . . . "

He’ll have to get a bigger apartment if all three of them move in together.  Sounds like Mother might want to come too! >:D ;D :police:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 10, 2018, 10:35:39 PM

Jack, i seem to remember this quote from yourself  " who in the hell is Tommy Cooper " & i also remember Mike  quickly jumping in to explain to you just what a master comedian this man was.

Les, I have to follow your example and make a confession even though it will lower the opinion you, Pen and Mike might have of my sense of humour.  Yes, I did have to go to Dr Google to find out who Tommy Cooper was and I did find a site with a lot of his one liners, and after I deleted the ones which disparaged his wife and which I thought were not funny, I put them away for later use.  I also watched 3 videos of his work on YouTube and I'm afraid I was less than impressed.  I am willing to believe it was a poor sample and not his best work but it was all I had to go on. 

However, I have a half dozen or so of his one liners left and I will dribble them out from time to time, if for no other reason that you and Pen have said you would appreciate it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: pat on April 10, 2018, 11:40:06 PM
You’re not alone, Jack. I never found Tommy Cooper funny.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 10, 2018, 11:53:48 PM
Quote
There was some discussion about us moving in together
Golly Les that's a very big step to be considering....
pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 11, 2018, 04:30:01 AM
Quote

He’ll have to get a bigger apartment if all three of them move in together.  Sounds like Mother might want to come too! >:D ;D :police:
Could be very cosy Jack or a recipe for disaster :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on April 11, 2018, 01:14:23 PM
However, I have a half dozen or so of his one liners left and I will dribble them out from time to time, if for no other reason that you and Pen have said you would appreciate it.

I've been enjoying them too, so I hope you can find a few more.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 11, 2018, 04:44:05 PM
I hope you can find a few more.

I have.  I'll feed them in alternately.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 12, 2018, 05:21:01 AM
Love Billy Connolly Jack.  Was watching a very old programme of his the other evening.  It was an audience with Billy Connolly.  The audience was full of "celebrities".  He did the Crème de Menthe joke about the two Scotsmen in Rome & the Big Slipper among other stories.  Very funny.  He made a programme a few years ago when he travelled round Oz on a three wheeled motor bike.  I think it was a doctor there who spotted that he might have Parkinsons disease.  I think he noticed that his gait wasn't quite right & advised him to get it checked out. I may have that wrong as my memory aint what it used to be!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 12, 2018, 03:16:27 PM
I may have that wrong as my memory aint what it used to be!

You're not Robinson Crusoe, Pen.  I remember that I watched and enjoyed every episode of Billy's journey around Australia but I can't remember one detail apart from his bike.  It must have been at least 20 years ago.

I am a bit tired at the moment.  Today was our weekly pilgrimage to Brighton Lakes course on the outskirts of Sydney and we have not long got home..  It is only 80 Kms (50 miles) and at the time we leave (6am) it usually takes 45-50 minutes.  But this morning it was clogged and took 80 minutes so it was rush onto the tee without a warm up.  And I have a border Collie with big pleading eyes expecting to be taken for a walk.  Catch you tomorrow.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 13, 2018, 04:31:19 AM
Hi Jack
Hope you enjoyed your golf in spite of the awful drive & the rush to tee off.  Did you pretend you were Cameron Smith or Jason Day playing in the Masters :laugh:
You'll sleep like a log & hopefully feel less tired by tomorrow (today?!)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 13, 2018, 06:14:09 AM
 :-Z Good Morning (evening?!), Pen.

In my prime, I was an infinitely better golfer than Cameron Smith and Jason Day, because they had to wait another decade or two to be born. :D. When it takes me 2 or 3 shots off the tee to reach where they would have driven, the only time I could pretend to be them is in putting because anybody can sink a lucky putt.

To misquote your Tommy Cooper, I didn’t sleep like a log because I didn’t wake up in the fireplace. One of the frustrations of getting older is that you don't have the inexhaustible energy that you once had.  Still, I am refreshed this morning and so off to breakfast to give me the energy to face an hour of torture in the gym at 8 O’Clock.

Sleep well, Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 14, 2018, 01:25:06 AM
You’re not alone, Jack. I never found Tommy Cooper funny.

The two ronnies, morcamb & wise, tommy cooper etc... were all initially shown here exclusively on the ABC.
In our household the ABC was considered to be a very boring channel & was rarely watched.
It was only on my visits to Grandma's that i was introduced to these shows.
She absoloutely loved them, including tommy cooper & as a 10 to 12 year old, i also thought that his prop style of humour was hillarious.
I have to admit that after reviewing a " best of " tommy cooper tape recently, i struggled to raise a smile until i suddenly burst out laughing as one of Grandma's favoutite sketches came up.

All of a sudden i had a tear in my eye as i recalled Sunday night at grandmas, home made scones with lashings of jam & cream ( far more than we were ever alllowed at home )
Grandma had a peculiar laugh, when she laughed her whole body shook & for some reason it was the type of invectious laugh that once she started everyone else automatically joined in.

Absolutely full to bursting, cuddled up on the lounge with my head resting on grandmas thigh as we laughed together at the shannangigans of tommy cooper oblivious to the arguments that were going on in the background,i felt safe.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Maudland on April 14, 2018, 02:44:24 AM
Aw Les, love this story! 😊


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 14, 2018, 06:31:55 AM
A few weeks ago I was doing a bit of research on the Ford Edsel and came across the following statement

Quote
The Ford Motor Company lost $250 million[3] on the Edsel's development, manufacturing, and marketing. The very name "Edsel" became a popular symbol for a commercial failure. The last Edsel rolled off the production line on 19 November 1959.

I thought that was a coincidence because
Quote

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends is the blanket title for an American animated television series that originally aired from November 19, 1959

I wondered whether anything else of major significance happened on that day, so I googled the date and got this

Quote
What does my birthday November 19, 1959 mean?

Your birthday numbers 11, 19 and 1959 reveal that your Life Path number is 9. It represents selflessness, forgiveness and creativity. You are the philanthropist, humanitarian, socially conscious, and are deeply concerned about the state of the world.

I couldn’t think of anyone that fits that description.  Can anybody?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 15, 2018, 04:46:20 AM
Quote
To misquote your Tommy Cooper, I didn’t sleep like a log because I didn’t wake up in the fireplace. One of the frustrations of getting older is that you don't have the inexhaustible energy that you once had.  Still, I am refreshed this morning and so off to breakfast to give me the energy to face an hour of torture in the gym at 8 O’Clock.

Sleep well, Pen
Good Evening &/or Morning Jack (I really must work out the time difference between us!)
You're a better man than me! It's great that you go to the gym & play golf.  My only exercise is walking!  I enjoy it but it's hardly strenuous!
I missed my daily dose of Chi yesterday evening as No 1 daughter & I went to the theatre to see Hairspray.  A good time was had by all.  It was our Christmas present to ourselves.  We originally had tickets to see Peter Kay but, unfortunately, he cancelled the whole tour so we had to have a plan B!
Think you're right about putting/lucky putts although I have to say that I don't much fancy the greens at Augusta :o
all the best
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 15, 2018, 04:55:17 AM
Quote

Absolutely full to bursting, cuddled up on the lounge with my head resting on grandmas thigh as we laughed together at the shannangigans of tommy cooper oblivious to the arguments that were going on in the background,i felt safe.

That's a smashing story Les.  It's funny how something can suddenly provoke a happy memory from childhood.  We were talking about toasting marshmallows at work recently.  I remember snuggling up on the sofa with my Mum & Dad when I was about 5 or 6.  We always had a roaring fire in winter (no central heating) & we had an extendable toasting fork & made toast or toasted crumpets.  Always smothered in butter.  When I was 8 my parents took a pub & that was the end of my childhood to a large degree.  They were always working & busy & never had much spare time.  I was packed off to boarding school at 11.  I ran away several times but, unfortunately, they always took me back!! Long time ago now but some things you don't forget.
Love your stories Les
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 15, 2018, 09:47:41 PM

Good Evening &/or Morning Jack (I really must work out the time difference between us!)
You're a better man than me! It's great that you go to the gym & play golf.  


All you have to do, Pen, is add 9 to whatever O’clock it is. If it comes to greater than 12, take off 12 and toggle the am/pm. e.g. If it 8 pm in Bletchley, 8+9=17, 17-12=5. It is 5 am in Eastern Australia.  As an exercise, I will do you a table which takes into account daylight saving in each of our Countries. I will throw in the 4 major time zones in the USA and Thailand for good luck.

I would expect to be a better man than you, Pen, but not half the woman.  >:D Seriously though I need to keep at it.  I let myself go somewhat in my middle years.  Working too hard, the sedentary kind -not hard physical Yakka except for bending the elbow.  It is not easy but is paying dividends.

I noticed you were circumspect in not commenting on the astrological predictions of characteristics of someone born on 19 November 1959.  I originally addressed it to you but I thought some of usual suspects might like to chip in with a thought or two, so I generalised it.

I guess you can’t stop the beat after seeing Hairspray.

Hope you are enjoying your lunch.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 16, 2018, 04:45:49 AM
Quote

All you have to do, Pen, is add 9 to whatever O’clock it is. If it comes to greater than 12, take off 12 and toggle the am/pm. e.g. If it 8 pm in Bletchley, 8+9=17, 17-12=5. It is 5 am in Eastern Australia.  As an exercise, I will do you a table which takes into account daylight saving in each of our Countries. I will throw in the 4 major time zones in the USA and Thailand for good luck.

I noticed you were circumspect in not commenting on the astrological predictions of characteristics of someone born on 19 November 1959.  I originally addressed it to you but I thought some of usual suspects might like to chip in with a thought or two, so I generalised it.

Sorry Jack I wasn't being circumspect.  I read it & then couldn't think of anything witty or insightful to say!  I do think it's a lot to live up to! Are you a cross between Richard Branson & Bob Geldoff? :laugh:  I am sure you are both selfless & forgiving.
I very much look forward the table telling me the times in the different countries.  If I've calculated correctly I think it is nearly 8am where you are now.  So you're probably in the gym pumping iron!!
Keep well & happy Jack
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 16, 2018, 04:57:49 AM

 Are you a cross between Richard Branson & Bob Geldoff? :laugh: 

Not me Pen. I was born in 1942.  Who else could I have been talking about?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 16, 2018, 05:50:18 AM
Quote

Absolutely full to bursting, cuddled up on the lounge with my head resting on grandmas thigh as we laughed together at the shannangigans of tommy cooper oblivious to the arguments that were going on in the background,i felt safe.

That's a smashing story Les.  It's funny how something can suddenly provoke a happy memory from childhood.  We were talking about toasting marshmallows at work recently.  I remember snuggling up on the sofa with my Mum & Dad when I was about 5 or 6.  We always had a roaring fire in winter (no central heating) & we had an extendable toasting fork & made toast or toasted crumpets.  Always smothered in butter.  When I was 8 my parents took a pub & that was the end of my childhood to a large degree.  They were always working & busy & never had much spare time.  I was packed off to boarding school at 11.  I ran away several times but, unfortunately, they always took me back!! Long time ago now but some things you don't forget.
Love your stories Les
Penx

I guess that how we are raised & the tribulations that we endure during childhood & through our teenage years are what ultimately define us.
Pen, you have shared some wonderful memories which I am sure that you will always cherish but being packed off to boarding school must have seemed very frightening & almost cruel in the eyes of an innocent 11 year old girl.

By the way ; where did your parents take the pub to?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 16, 2018, 06:00:36 AM

 Are you a cross between Richard Branson & Bob Geldoff? :laugh: 

Not me Pen. I was born in 1942.  Who else could I have been talking about?

Nobody's biting, maybe they have gone off the bait.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 16, 2018, 06:07:50 AM
Nobody's biting, maybe they have gone off the bait.

You can’t win them all.  ???

Couldn’t you sleep? :-Z


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 16, 2018, 11:25:14 AM
We have all been working weird & wonderful shifts to accommodate our business needs for the Games.
I was impatiently waiting for my breakfast to cook before going to bed ( yes I have managed to master the new stovetop ) so i jumped onto chi to distract myself, what's your excuse?

Speaking of the Games, in general an overall success with the exception of both the opening & closing ceremonies.
You would have heard by now that within 30 minutes of the beginning of the closing ceremony (dominated by drawn out speeches from various officials, athletes & visitors began leaving the stadium & it was virtually empty by 1130pm, by midnight the only ones still leaving the stadium were staff & volunteers & station staff already had their mops out, preparing for business as usual from first services this morning.


I definitely do not " win them all " but it doesn't deter me, I just carry on regardless.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 16, 2018, 09:38:10 PM
Quote from: Hobbit
I very much look forward the table telling me the times in the different countries. .  So you're probably in the gym pumping iron!!

Pen, I’ve attached the table as a PDF file.  You will have to click on it to bring it up.  One of the reasons I put the USA comparisons in was because our son is on his way to a 2-3 week holiday in New York, Boston and Washington DC before moving on to London.

I’m a bit past “pumping iron”.  My hour consists of 35 minutes Cardio (cross trainer, treadmill, and stationary bike), 15 minutes puffing, recovering and stretching and only about 10 minutes with the weights.   I do this on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Quote from: Les303
what's your excuse?

Les, when you get to my age, you sometime crib a “poppy nap” in the afternoons and so you don’t need so much sleep overnight.  Not much of an excuse is it? ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 16, 2018, 11:20:31 PM
Quote

Nobody's biting, maybe they have gone off the bait.

Oh blimey if I had a brain I'd be dangerous! ???  Sorry I'm not keeping up.  You're the socially conscious, forgiving,  philanthropist Les!  Who'd have though it :laugh:
Loved your joke about the pub.  The old ones are sometimes the funniest.  Lesley Nielsen "don't call me Shirley!"
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 16, 2018, 11:28:26 PM
Quote

Pen, I’ve attached the table as a PDF file.  You will have to click on it to bring it up.  One of the reasons I put the USA comparisons in was because our son is on his way to a 2-3 week holiday in New York, Boston and Washington DC before moving on to London.

Thanks Jack that's brilliant.  I'm working an 11 & a half hour day today :( so I'm breaking the afternoon up with a little visit to Chi.  Your son's holiday sounds amazing.  Will he be in London for long? Where does he go from there?  With the aid of your table you'll know what time is best to ring him (or not as the case may be!)
Mind you don't drop the weights on your toe Jack :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 17, 2018, 01:10:17 AM
I'm working an 11 & a half hour day today.

You are a Trojan, Pen.  Back when I was employed they used to wonder if they could get me to work for an hour a day but I used to spend a lot of time there.  ;D

He has less than a week in London before choofing off to Rome for a week.  Probably going to tell the Pope where he has been going wrong.  >:D. He’s had plenty of practice with me.

Don’t work too hard!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 17, 2018, 02:36:59 PM
Quote

Nobody's biting, maybe they have gone off the bait.

Oh blimey if I had a brain I'd be dangerous! ???  Sorry I'm not keeping up.  You're the socially conscious, forgiving,  philanthropist Les!  Who'd have though it :laugh:
Loved your joke about the pub.  The old ones are sometimes the funniest.  Lesley Nielsen "don't call me Shirley!"
Penx

Pen, for someone who " can never remember a joke " you've done well to remind us all of what is surely a classic line.

I am afraid that in his enthusiasm, Ozzyjack may have inadvertently caused irreparable damage to the reputation of Astrology although on the other hand, he just might have created a surge of people who are now hurriedly researching their own birthdates to see what the Astrologists reckon about them.

Jack, you have well & truly earned the right to take a " poppy nap " anytime you bloody well feel like it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 17, 2018, 04:10:45 PM
Quote from: Hobbit
With the aid of your table you'll know what time is best to ring him.

It was fun to put the table together, but I have to confess it is a low-tech solution that I would only use if I were not within easy reach of a computer, tablet or smartphone.

The easiest way to find out what the time is in another location on a one-off basis is to Google “what time is it in ‘aaaaaa’ " where, ‘aaaaaa’ is a reasonably sized city or can be also be a region or country.  I’ve tried Bletchley Park and that works giving the response
Quote
6:10 am
Tuesday, 17 April 2018 (GMT+1)
Time in Bletchley Park, The Mansion, Sherwood Dr, Bletchley, Milton Keynes, United Kingdom
and then the usual array of web sites.

Several of the web sites specified allow you to register and set up a personal list of cities which are displayed when you open the page.  Apart from the current time you can follow links to weather, events and a whole raft of information including details of daylight saving times.

The one I tried was  TimeandDate.com  (https://www.timeanddate.com). You can follow the “World Clock” link at the top of the page and then “Personal World Clock” link on the opened page to set up your own cities.  The following link jumps directly there  Personal Clock (https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/personal.html).
  
Use is free and paid for by Ads.  There are also free apps available for tablets and smartphones.  You can get rid of the ads on these by upgrading for a small fee.  It was approximately $A5 for my IPhone.  You are allowed to have the upgrade on 6 devices for that price.

I am not recommending timeanddate because I have not tried the alternatives but timeanddate provided the functionality I needed.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 18, 2018, 04:41:04 AM
Quote

He has less than a week in London before choofing off to Rome for a week.  Probably going to tell the Pope where he has been going wrong.  >:D. He’s had plenty of practice with me.

Don’t work too hard!
Pretty knacked after my long stint yesterday :(  Was relieved to get home at normal time today.
I have visions of your son standing below the balcony in St Peter's square haranguing the Pope :laugh: Do you just have the one offspring?
I do hope he's enjoying his trip.  It sounds quite tiring but totally amazing. He's going to have some great snaps.  Does he live near you?
Sorry I sound like the Spanish Inquisition! (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...)
Catch you soon Jack
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 18, 2018, 04:44:27 AM
Quote

Jack, you have well & truly earned the right to take a " poppy nap " anytime you bloody well feel like it.
Les I keep meaning to ask you & Jack, what on earth is a "poppy nap"?  Is it the same as 40 winks?
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 18, 2018, 07:21:29 AM
Several of the web sites specified allow you to register and set up a personal list of cities which are displayed when you open the page.

Some operating systems will allow you to set up multiple clocks (which can be labelled) for tracking different locations. I like having both the local time and UTC.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 18, 2018, 02:11:06 PM
Quote

Jack, you have well & truly earned the right to take a " poppy nap " anytime you bloody well feel like it.
Les I keep meaning to ask you & Jack, what on earth is a "poppy nap"?  Is it the same as 40 winks?
Penx

Hi Pen, 40 winks, power nap, poppy nap, nanny nap or the one that i usually use, nanna nap ( regardless of the age or sex of the person that it is directed at ) all mean the same thing.
A nanna nap is usually a little longer than a power nap & a little less than 40 winks but beware as this innocent activity should only be attempted by experienced nappers.
The novice might plan to have a nap of about 30 minutes but that can easily turn into a deep sleep of 3 to 4 hours which ruins any chance of a decent sleep that night. :-Y


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 18, 2018, 08:32:35 PM
Pretty knacked after my long stint yesterday.
My turn today.  Gym, Golf and a dog walk.  The weekly golf pilgrimage to Brighton Lakes on the edge of Sydney early tomorrow morning to look forward to.
Quote
Do you just have the one offspring?
No two.  Son lives in Canberra.  Daughter, Son-in-law and two grandkids live not too far from Les.
Quote
I do hope he's enjoying his trip.  It sounds quite tiring.
The beginning and end are particularly tiring.  The trip over on Monday included a 15 ½ hour leg from Sydney to Dallas Fort Worth.  We got a text yesterday to say he had arrived safely in New York,  On the return trip from Rome, he has to fly to Heathrow first to fly from London to Sydney.  Still, he is a very seasoned traveller, having made at least 3 holiday trips abroad as well as too many to count for work, so we have no worries about him coping.  On our first trip to Europe in 2004, he accompanied us to make sure we could cope.
Quote
Sorry I sound like the Spanish Inquisition!
I can’t picture you as Tomás de Torquemada.  You’re too nice and the wrong gender.
Quote
(Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...)
I see you are a fan of Monty Python.  Me too.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 18, 2018, 10:10:10 PM
Oh Les we have crossed wires obviously!  You seem to have stopped all flirty banter with me which I thought was shame as we always had a laugh.  I'm delighted you've had a couple of dates with Karen.  Hope you haven't jeopardised the situation after flirting with her sister...
Penx

Karen & i continue to see each other on a casual basis that suits us both & that is a couple of times a week with one night at her place & the other at mine with the occasional night out on the town.
Intermingled with that are invites to her parents home where Kaylee & her mother put on a fantastic meal.
The flirting between Kaylee & myself continues but is so outrageous that no one takes it seriously.
I always bring a bouquet of flowers for " mum " , ( i still cannot pronounce her proper name & she insists that i just call her mum ) & a large bottle of Ozzo for the old man & a bottle of red wine for Kaylee.

As we leave Karen & i are are always loaded up with heaps of take aways & leftovers.

The first time that i went to Karens parents place for dinner, i did not really enjoy the meal, i'm still not sure what it was, some sort of goulash.
I think that her mother sensed that i had not particularly enjoyed the main meal but i definitely let her know how much i enjoyed the dessert which was baklava.

Needless to say, my take home dish was jammed pack full of backlava.

Pen,

I had been in a long term on /off relationship with Tanya for over 15 years.
A couple of years ago we made an amicable split as she elected to move back to Tasmania to care for her elderly parents.

That was about the time that i joined chi which my first interactive website.

I was blown away with all these lovely people that i was interacting with from throughout the world.

But for some reason, you always popped  up in the conversations & i felt that we had a connection.
Regardless of changing circumstances in my life & indeed in your life, i would like to think that we will always have that special connection.







Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 19, 2018, 04:28:29 AM
Quote

But for some reason, you always popped  up in the conversations & i felt that we had a connection.
Regardless of changing circumstances in my life & indeed in your life, i would like to think that we will always have that special connection.

Les that's a smashing thing to say & I certainly can't argue with you.  Be good to know we always have a special connection.
I am really pleased that things are going well between you & Karen & her family. I love baklava :-H
Be happy & healthy Les
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 19, 2018, 04:36:09 AM
Quote

I see you are a fan of Monty Python.  Me too.

I loved Monty Python Jack.  One of my favourites, which still makes me roar with laughter, is the dead parrott!
We are experiencing a very warm & sunny 25c here at the moment.  Almost unheard of in April.  Hopefully your son will feel properly at home :laugh:
Enjoy your golfing pilgrimage to Brighton Lakes.  Hopefully wont be such a tearing rush as your last golf trip!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 20, 2018, 04:38:24 PM
Pen,

I’ve been quite s t r e t c h e d but I’ve finally got my hands free from the rack, so I can reach the keyboard.

While we are about vintage British humour, I am reviewing a number of skits on YouTube to remember which my favourites were. I will reveal the outcome in due course.
 
Meanwhile, Column 8 in the Sydney Morning Herald has been running a series of Milliganisms this week. Some examples that tickled me:

Quote

"There is a TV skit where a man is struggling to swim in a lake. Spike and his wife are standing nearby and she says to him, 'Don't just stand there, do something!' So he starts tap-dancing."

"Harry Secombe was a corporal in WWII, in charge of an artillery gun. During a test firing, the gun went over a cliff. Harry found a pathway to the beach and, halfway down, found a radar trailer manned by one Spike Milligan. ‘Have you seen a gun going past?' asked Harry. ‘What colour was it?’ replied Spike.”

He was concerned “over the naming of Woy Woy, taken from the local Darkinjung people and meaning "much water". Apparently Spike wondered "which Woy means much and which Woy means water?"

“Spike was once in a country town with Harry Secombe when they came across a funeral parlour. Spike rang the bell, lay down on the floor with his arms crossed over his chest and called out ‘shop’”.

 “In his book, Adolf Hitler, My Part in His Downfall, is a photograph of Spike and his father sitting on the back verandah each scoffing a beer. The caption reads ‘Dad and me recovering from the shock of the declaration of war, watching mum dig the air-raid shelter.’”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 20, 2018, 06:10:51 PM
Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers & Spike Milligan were called the goons, I thought they were bloody geniuses.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Scouser1952 on April 20, 2018, 06:20:36 PM
Don’t forget Michael Bentine!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anona on April 20, 2018, 06:34:27 PM
Les and Ozzyjack: on classic British humour, what did you think of Fawlty Towers? People seem to love it or hate it. When it first came out I found it too embarrassing to watch; twenty years on I enjoyed it - particularly The Kipper and the Corpse.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 20, 2018, 08:10:09 PM
Absolutely loved Faulty Towers, just a shame that they did not make more episodes.

Australian & British humour is very different however I think that there is a common thread there, because we are both prepared " to take the mickey out of ourselves ".


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 20, 2018, 08:58:25 PM
Don’t forget Michael Bentine!

I had to goggle Bentine to discover that it was in fact he & Milligan that actually established the goons.

So why is it that his name is rarely mentioned,  how come I have never heard of Michael Bentine, was he an original goon & if so why did he leave & why has he not gone on to achieve the same sort of fame as the other three ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 20, 2018, 10:42:58 PM
Originally, there were four 'goons' - Michael Bentine, Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers.

Michael Bentine dropped out of the group after a couple of years to concentrate on other things, including television.

I can remember two of his TV shows - Potty Time, which was a kids' show and It's a Square World which was one of the first BBC programmes to feature slightly surreal humour. One sketch that sticks in my my mind (sixty years later) concerned an expedition to find the source of the River Thames.
After days / weeks of forcing their way through perilous jungle, the explorers come across a standpipe which somebody has left running. Automatically, one of them turns it off and, instantly, the Thames dries up.

It was that kind of humour.

Square World was very popular, and was undoubtedly a major  influence on later comedians such as Monty Python and The Goodies,  but unfortunately very little of it survives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Bentine







Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 20, 2018, 11:29:20 PM
Les and Ozzyjack: on classic British humour, what did you think of Fawlty Towers? People seem to love it or hate it. When it first came out I found it too embarrassing to watch; twenty years on I enjoyed it - particularly The Kipper and the Corpse.

I had a similar history as you.  When I first watched the series I thought most of it was funny but enough of it was cringe worthy that I had mixed feelings about it.  The second time I watched it about 5 years later, I laughed at the cringe worthy bits as well.  The third time I watched it, about 20 years ago, I became a real fan.  

Cleese was, is, a genius.   He made a number of short training films that I used in management training courses in the 90's to great effect.  These seem to have been overlooked in the biographies I read.

In a list drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, voted by industry professionals, Fawlty Towers was named the best British television series of all time.  Not bad for a series of only 12 episodes.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 20, 2018, 11:46:59 PM
There are a few bits of the Wikipedia article that Mike posted that are worth underlining.

When he regained consciousness his eyesight was ruined, leaving him myopic for the rest of his life. Since he was no longer physically qualified for flying, he was transferred to RAF Intelligence and seconded to MI9, a unit that was dedicated to supporting resistance movements and helping prisoners escape.
 
At the end of the war, he took part in the liberation of Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.

In 1951 Bentine was invited to the United States to appear on The Ed Sullivan Show. On his return he parted amicably from his partners, remaining close to Secombe and Sellers for the rest of his life.

In 1972, Secombe and Sellers told Michael Parkinson that Bentine was "always calling everyone a genius" and, since he was the only one of the four with a "proper education", they always believed him.

Bentine was a crack pistol shot and helped to start the idea of a counter-terrorist wing within 22 SAS Regiment.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 21, 2018, 07:28:29 AM
In a list drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, voted by industry professionals, Fawlty Towers was named the best British television series of all time.

IMNSHO, the best British television series pf all time (with a many more episodes): Doctor Who — which has had far more social impact than Fawlty Towers.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 21, 2018, 10:40:30 AM
IMNSHO, the best British television series pf all time (with a many more episodes): Doctor Who — which has had far more social impact than Fawlty Towers.

I'll have to take your word for it, TRex.   I think the last Doctor Who I watched right through was in black and white.  This is not a criticism of the particular program.  It is just that in general I am not a fan of Science Fiction .  I am in a minority even in my own family.  Still,  different strokes for different folks.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 21, 2018, 03:32:20 PM
While we are about vintage British humour, I am reviewing a number of skits on YouTube to remember which my favourites were.

I think I’ve bit off more than I can chew.  There are just too many great skits to consider.

My clearest memory was the Cleese, Barker, Corbett skit on the English class which I found
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXBC-71aZs  

And then found that it had been adapted in a later version with Stephen Fry replacing John Cleese
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JSahEDRjvw

If I find an absolute standout (also IMNSHO) I will post it.  One I would have suggested was introduced last year  in Pat's Post  (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,3451.msg53937.html#msg53937).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 22, 2018, 04:46:07 AM
Pen,

I’ve been quite s t r e t c h e d but I’ve finally got my hands free from the rack, so I can reach the keyboard.

Blimey Jack I only missed one night & the thread has galloped along :laugh: Went out for dinner with a friend & we were yakking til very late!
I loved the goons & Michael Bentine.  I was very young when It's a Square World was on but I do remember the fleas.
If you want something to really tickle you, look up Eric Morecambe playing Grieg's piano concerto conducted by Mr Andrew Preview.  I have watched it umpteen times & it still makes me laugh. Also the stripper while they're making breakfast. Eric & Ernie were brilliant until they left the BBC. I might try & post a link but the last time I did that I failed miserably :(
A very funny lady was Victoria Wood.  Great stand up & also wrote some fantastic sketch shows & a very funny sitcom Dinnerladies. Sadly no longer with us.
I wont ask what or who has been stretching you...but glad you're free to post!
Pen



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 22, 2018, 04:54:56 AM
Sorry Jack I forgot to mention The Two Ronnies "Four Candles" sketch.  Another gem :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 22, 2018, 05:45:25 AM
I wont ask what or who has been stretching you.

It was a weak joke about being on the inquisition rack.

Quote
A very funny lady was Victoria Wood.  

I watched every episode of the Dinner Ladies. I was addicted
Quote

I forgot to mention The Two Ronnies "Four Candles" sketch.

The link to it is in my last post below.  Pat posted it early last year.  


I will review the Victoria Woods stuff.  The Morecambe and Wise links for the skits you mentioned are

 M&W with Andre Previn  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7GeKLE0x3s)

 M&W "the Stripper"  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB9LNTFTZz4)

both deserve a place in the shortlist

I’ve also included a Dave Allen sketch where he has a go at Australians.  Shameful. :D

 Dave Allen bagging Australians  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdVXn8a5k0Q)

I hope you didn't get a hangover from your late night  ;D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 22, 2018, 02:57:08 PM
I wont ask what or who has been stretching you.


Pen, It wasn’t until I was reading the Sydney Morning Herald over lunch and laughed at Peter FitzSimons' Joke of the Week, that it occurred to me that there was the possibility, just the slightest possibility, that I might not have fully comprehended the implication of your statement.  Here is the Joke:

Two 98-year-old Diggers, on the way back from their Anzac Day reunion, are sitting on the platform at Wynyard {a Sydney Railway Station}, waiting for the train when a drop-dead-gorgeous young woman walks by. In her early 20s, she is wearing a miniskirt, a sheer blouse, all the better to display her fine figure, and d a beautiful face that could have been drawn by Botticelli.

As she passes the two old Diggers, she gives them a playful wink. Neither of them speaks for a good minute.

Finally, the marginally older of the two Diggers says to the younger one, “You remember that stuff they used to put into our cocoa at Tobruk to diminish our sexual desires?”

“Yup, I remember,” replies the second Digger.

“Well, I think it may have just started to kick in.”


Well, back to YouTube.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 22, 2018, 04:04:10 PM
Originally, there were four 'goons' - Michael Bentine, Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers.

Michael Bentine dropped out of the group after a couple of years to concentrate on other things, including television.

I can remember two of his TV shows - Potty Time, which was a kids' show and It's a Square World which was one of the first BBC programmes to feature slightly surreal humour. One sketch that sticks in my my mind (sixty years later) concerned an expedition to find the source of the River Thames.
After days / weeks of forcing their way through perilous jungle, the explorers come across a standpipe which somebody has left running. Automatically, one of them turns it off and, instantly, the Thames dries up.

It was that kind of humour.

Square World was very popular, and was undoubtedly a major  influence on later comedians such as Monty Python and The Goodies,  but unfortunately very little of it survives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Bentine

Thanks Mike, for that very informative link, what a fascinating man he was, just a shame that he was a bit before my time.
Not to concerned that I missed " Potty Time " though it sounds like I would have enjoyed " It's a square world "








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 22, 2018, 04:57:21 PM
IMNSHO, the best British television series pf all time (with a many more episodes): Doctor Who — which has had far more social impact than Fawlty Towers.

I'll have to take your word for it, TRex.   I think the last Doctor Who I watched right through was in black and white.  This is not a criticism of the particular program.  It is just that in general I am not a fan of Science Fiction .  I am in a minority even in my own family.  Still,  different strokes for different folks.

Gooday Jack,
I have always & still do love science fiction.
I think that i was drawn to it because of its unpredictability & that glimpse into possibilities to explain the unknown.
I could list all my favourite sci fi books, T.V. shows & movies but i would find myself in the same predicament as yourself in trying to list your favourite classic British comedy skits... there are just so many.

I was pleasantly surprised whenTRex ( the last person i would of thought would be a sci fi fan ) mentioned the popularity & the longevity of the " Doctor Who " series.
Like you, i can remember watching the black & white episodes after school, the acting was average at best, the plots were mostly inept & illogical & the make up & costumes were very ordinary but we loved it.
Imitating a " Dialek " with arms outstretched  & in your best robotic voice " exterminate, exterminate, exterminate " was common practice in the schoolground & at home.
The quality of the series, in every respect, improved enormeously over the years.
The ability of " The Doctor " to rengenerate gave the writers & producers easy avenues to introduce new characters & " Doctors " to keep the show fresh which proably accounts for its longevity.
I rarely watch the show these days so i have not seen any of the latest series where i believe they actually have a woman playing the role of the doctor.

Just a bit surprised that " Morbius " has not contributed to this post with all sorts of statistics regarding the Doctor Who series & for the benefit of the newer forumites, explain what was the inspiration for his " player's name".


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 22, 2018, 05:25:01 PM
Pen,

I’ve been quite s t r e t c h e d but I’ve finally got my hands free from the rack, so I can reach the keyboard.

Blimey Jack I only missed one night & the thread has galloped along :laugh: Went out for dinner with a friend & we were yakking til very late!
I loved the goons & Michael Bentine.  I was very young when It's a Square World was on but I do remember the fleas.
If you want something to really tickle you, look up Eric Morecambe playing Grieg's piano concerto conducted by Mr Andrew Preview.  I have watched it umpteen times & it still makes me laugh. Also the stripper while they're making breakfast. Eric & Ernie were brilliant until they left the BBC. I might try & post a link but the last time I did that I failed miserably :(
A very funny lady was Victoria Wood.  Great stand up & also wrote some fantastic sketch shows & a very funny sitcom Dinnerladies. Sadly no longer with us.
I wont ask what or who has been stretching you...but glad you're free to post!
Pen


Gooday Pen, ( I don't care what time of day or night it is )
I hope that late night dinner was with a new male friend?

It's goodnight from me & goodnight from her.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 22, 2018, 05:54:08 PM

I rarely watch the show these days so i have not seen any of the latest series where i believe they actually have a woman playing the role of the doctor.


I think the new Doctor Who series with Jodie Whittaker playing the latest incarnation of the Doctor will start later in the year. September / October perhaps.

Among the best features of Doctor Who is the fact that it has a sense of humour.
Nor does it take itself too seriously - there are none of the ridiculous moralisings about (eg) 'the place of the human race in the Universe' that are all too common in certain other long-running sci-fi progs.

Just a bit surprised that " Morbius " has not contributed to this post (to) explain what was the inspiration for his " player's name".


He did, a couple of years ago.

https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,3288.msg52389.html#msg52389

Of course, apart from being the hero of Forbidden Planet, Morbius was also an evil time-lord in Doctor Who.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 22, 2018, 07:40:01 PM
Your spot on as usual Mike, in particular I thought that the early shows were so lame that they were unintentionally  hilarious, but as the series evolved & production values increased, they purposely included a lot of clever humour which was always " tongue in cheek " & as you say, there was never any moralising, i thought it was easy to watch, fun to watch & every episode left you guessing how can the " Doctor " possibly save the Earth & the Universe ( once again ) from this new alien who has powers that seem unbeatable.
Of course the " to be continued " would always keep you coming back & invariably, with seconds to spare the Doctor & his sidekicks would manage to come up with a solution to save the universe.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 22, 2018, 08:12:14 PM
Doctor Who fans probably know the BBC film An Adventure in Space and Time, which was made to mark the fiftieth anniversary of the programme. The film is a dramatised documentary which tells how the programme came about.
David Bradley (Filch, the Hogwarts janitor in the Harry Potter films,) plays William Hartnell, the first Doctor.

Here's the Wikipedia page about it:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Adventure_in_Space_and_Time

I can remember watching the very first episode 'live' on Saturday November 23rd 1963, a date that tends to stick in the mind due to the horrific events of the day before in Dallas, Texas.
Talking about the programme at school a couple of days later, the thing that most of us remembered was the music - electronically created music, the ancestor of 'technopop'!




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 22, 2018, 08:18:32 PM
I haven't seen that movie so I will have to check it out.

Obviously a Harry Potter fan ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 23, 2018, 03:27:31 AM
I was pleasantly surprised whenTRex ( the last person i would of thought would be a sci fi fan )

 ???


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 23, 2018, 04:49:21 AM
Quote


I watched every episode of the Dinner Ladies. I was addicted


I’ve also included a Dave Allen sketch where he has a go at Australians.  Shameful. :D]

I hope you didn't get a hangover from your late night  ;D

Oh Jack I've watched a lot of Dave Allen but never seen that before.  I laughed out loud - totally hilarious :laugh:  I loved the last bit about the sheep!
I'm re-watching Dinnerladies at the moment on one of the toot channels!
No hangover I'm happy to report.  I was driving.  Did enjoy a small glass of vin rose when I got home.
I enjoyed your joke about the Diggers.  I'm not exactly sure what a Digger is - a veteran I presume.  I love the very slight difference in our sayings & words :)
I was a bit slow over your s t r e t c h e d comment ??? sorry!
Mind how you go
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 23, 2018, 04:53:01 AM
Quote

Gooday Pen, ( I don't care what time of day or night it is )
I hope that late night dinner was with a new male friend?

It's goodnight from me & goodnight from her.
Gooday Les
Sad to report that the dinner wasn't with a new male friend but one of my girlfriends!
& It's a goodnight from me too!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 23, 2018, 04:59:16 AM
Quote

I think the new Doctor Who series with Jodie Whittaker playing the latest incarnation of the Doctor will start later in the year.

My daughter is a huge Doctor Who fan.  Her particular favourite is David Tenant.  She's not overly thrilled with the new Doctor being a lady but she's keeping an open mind.
One of her favourite programmes is Star Trek with Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean Luc Picard


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on April 23, 2018, 10:28:16 AM
I have always & still do love science fiction.
I think that i was drawn to it because of its unpredictability & that glimpse into possibilities to explain the unknown.
I could list all my favourite sci fi books, T.V. shows & movies but i would find myself in the same predicament as yourself in trying to list your favourite classic British comedy skits... there are just so many.

Since 8th grade, I've always read science fiction and fantasy, but haven't seen that many TV shows or movies, with the usual exceptions: Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Dune, 2001, and a few others.  No one else in my family or circle of friends reads it, so I can't compare notes.  I find myself lurking in the science fiction section of the book store and striking up conversations with people there.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 23, 2018, 04:28:35 PM
Gooday Jack,

G’day Les

Quote
{could} " Morbius " for the benefit of the newer forumites, explain what was the inspiration for his " player's name".

Mike has suggested 2 possibilities.  Wikipedia has a third

Quote
Morbius, the Living Vampire, a scientist named Dr. Michael Morbius PhD, MD, is a fictional character appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by writer Roy Thomas and originally designed by penciler Gil Kane, the character first appeared as an antagonist in The Amazing Spider-Man.




Quote
I have always & still do love science fiction. I think that i was drawn to it because of its unpredictability & that glimpse into possibilities to explain the unknown.

You must have been a precocious child, Les.  I will admit you have become a multifaceted man.

I am not anti-science fiction, it is just that generally I prefer other genres more.  I think I watched every episode of Lost in Space.  Netflix is remaking it with a 2018 version.  I was never a trekkie but I enjoyed the first series of Star Trek.  I like shows about history and thought the Time Tunnel was an imaginative way of presenting it.

Quote
The quality of the series {Dr Who}, in every respect, improved enormously over the years.

I have no reason to believe this is not the case. I must watch some episodes so I am not condemning it out of blind prejudice.

Quote
I believe they actually have a woman playing the role of the doctor.

Good Heavens, Les, what is the world coming to?  Just because we applaud having woman professionals, soldiers, Prime Ministers and even Bishops in some denominations, who would have thought that a female Dr. Who would be possible?  They’ll be advocating for a woman Pope next. >:D



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 23, 2018, 05:46:21 PM

  Just because we applaud having woman Prime Ministers..........

You won't hear much applause from me for either of the two female PMs we have had in the UK


  They’ll be advocating for a woman Pope next. >:D


Some would say there has already been one ....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Joan





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 23, 2018, 06:05:38 PM
I was pleasantly surprised whenTRex ( the last person i would of thought would be a sci fi fan )

 ???

Gooday TRex,

I certainly meant no offence & I am not even sure how I came to that conclusion but for some reason I just assumed that you would be the type of person that would have little interest in science fiction, a genre that a lot of people do consider to be total nonsense?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 23, 2018, 06:31:41 PM
Quote

Gooday Pen, ( I don't care what time of day or night it is )
I hope that late night dinner was with a new male friend?

It's goodnight from me & goodnight from her.
Gooday Les
Sad to report that the dinner wasn't with a new male friend but one of my girlfriends!
& It's a goodnight from me too!
Pen

Gooday Pen,

There are many much wiser men than me that are unable to explain the vagaries of life.
I had been deferring my apartment rennovation for a few years but finally bit the bullet recently & decided to go ahead with it but soon discovered that i was out of my depth & i needed some expert assistance.
Google offerred me countless options but i elected to go with a company that introduced me to Karen & the rest is history.

I am sincerely hopeful that one day soon, totally unexpected & out of the blue, you might be as lucky as i was & meet your new soul mate.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 23, 2018, 06:41:52 PM
Quote

I think the new Doctor Who series with Jodie Whittaker playing the latest incarnation of the Doctor will start later in the year.

My daughter is a huge Doctor Who fan.  Her particular favourite is David Tenant.  She's not overly thrilled with the new Doctor being a lady but she's keeping an open mind.
One of her favourite programmes is Star Trek with Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean Luc Picard

I would have to agree that Tenant has probably been the best Doctor ..so far.
Star Trek is definetly my number one, i especially enjoyed the full length movies with the original cast, my favourite is the one when they travel back in time to capture a humpback whale from Earth.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 23, 2018, 08:01:55 PM

I have always & still do love science fiction.
I think that i was drawn to it because of its unpredictability & that glimpse into possibilities to explain the unknown.
I could list all my favourite sci fi books, T.V. shows & movies but i would find myself in the same predicament as yourself in trying to list your favourite classic British comedy skits... there are just so many.

Since 8th grade, I've always read science fiction and fantasy, but haven't seen that many TV shows or movies, with the usual exceptions: Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Dune, 2001, and a few others.  No one else in my family or circle of friends reads it, so I can't compare notes.  I find myself lurking in the science fiction section of the book store and striking up conversations with people there.

Gooday Birdy,

I enjoyed reading books & watching drama / crime / murder mystery shows on television but from quite an early age they became a bit boring as half way through the program or book, on most occasions,  I have already identified the " killer ".
Then I discovered science fiction, impossible to predict the outcome, how on earth can we possibly defeat these alien invaders who have powers that seem impregnable.

My first introduction to science fiction would have been " Day of the Triffids " which was mandatory reading at school. (yes, i did actually turn up occasionally ).

When all is lost & the human race is about to become extinct, our hero discovers that the triffids can be killed by sea water ... how can you predict that ?

PS

Looking forward to the latest remake of ' lost in space " as the previous effort starring William Hurt, Matt le Blanc, Gary Oldman etc... was very disappointing.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 23, 2018, 09:47:25 PM
I enjoyed your joke about the Diggers.  I'm not exactly sure what a Digger is - a veteran I presume.  I love the very slight difference in our sayings & words :)

The simple answer is an ANZAC Digger is the same as an English Tommy.  I guess once a Digger always a Digger so veteran fills the bill.

It only gets complicated when you try to explain the origin of the expression.   The A and the NZ part of the ANZACs each claim credit.  

The NZers claim the Maori soldiers in Gallipoli were so good at digging trenches they became known as Diggers. The Aussies liked it so much that by 1917 they were claiming they were Diggers.
 
The Aussies claimed that the term went back to the Eureka rebellion of 1854. The rebellion came about because the goldfield workers (known as 'diggers') opposed the government miners' licences.  The term was applied to Aussie soldiers because digging trenches was somewhat akin to mining.



We have the same problem with NZers over who invented the Pavlova, but we made the mistake of getting a Pommy referee, the result of which was

Quote
The Oxford English Dictionary may have settled a long-running argument between Australia and New Zealand over who invented the pavlova.
The dessert - meringue with fruit and cream - was named after the Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova, who visited both countries in the 1920s.
Australians and New Zealanders agree on that, but not on who invented it.
In its relaunched online edition, the OED says the first recorded pavlova recipe appeared in New Zealand in 1927.



Quote
I'm re-watching Dinnerladies at the moment on one of the toot channels!

You’ve got revenge.  What the hell is a “toot channel”?.  I looked it up and all I could find was that Armenian channels in England are called toot channels but I can’t imagine they were showing the Dinner Ladies.

Have a small glass of Vin Rose for me.  I'll stick with Shiraz. :laugh: :-Z


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 23, 2018, 10:39:01 PM
Sorry Jack we might say a load of old toot!! Pronounced the same as foot!  It's one of those channels that just shows repeats of lots of different old programmes.  Sometimes the current telly is so bad that I'd rather watch a repeat of a good older programme :)
I love the idea of the Australians & New Zealanders having a tiff over pavlova ( :-H)  Whatever possessed you to get a Pom to referee...? >:D
Like a glass of red but find shiraz a bit heavy going.  Enjoy a nice glass of pinot noir
Cheers!  Bottoms up!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 24, 2018, 03:53:43 AM
First, let me congratulate Mkenuk on beating everyone else to the Rosette in the game that opened over an hour ago.


  Just because we applaud having woman Prime Ministers..........
Quote from: mkenuk in reply
You won't hear much applause from me for either of the two female PMs we have had in the UK

Point taken, Mike.  However, I don’t think the aberration of one country spoils the argument.  We’ve had a good one.  Germany has got a good one.  And it’s not if there hasn’t been the odd male failure as leader – Chamberlain for example.  We might even be able to point to a current leader.



Quote from: Me again
 They’ll be advocating for a woman Pope next. >:D
Quote from: Mike again
Some would say there has already been one ....Pope_Joan

It couldn’t happen now if the candidate didn’t have the balls for the job.

 picture of the sedia Stercoraria (https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/imagenes_vaticano/vatican39_01.jpg)

Quote
"It's a strange object. There is, for a start, something curious about its proportions. The seat is very high and has cut into it a keyhole shape, the stem open to the front. On closer examination it could be an elderly, rather grand commode, once used by popes.... However, the chair back is at a curious reclining angle, far too relaxed, it would seem, for any practical bodily movement. And the legs, too, are unusual... leaving the centre, under the keyhole, open and uncluttered."

"Variously known as the sedia stercoraria – which translates as the 'dung chair'– or rather more understandably, as the 'pierced chair', this then was the object used to test the sex of newly installed popes... Any candidate chosen by his peers to occupy the papal throne was required, before his election could be verified, to sit on this elaborate seat while a young cardinal took advantage of the design to touch his testicles." [1]

1.   The Legend of Pope Joan, Peter Stanford, Berkley Books, New York, 1999, pp. 11-12. The picture of the chair is taken from the plates.



My son-in-law recently gave me a six pack of “Old Specked Hen”.  Not as good as “Old Peculier” but not bad.  I am getting a taste for English beer – particularly if somebody buys it for me. :-R


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 24, 2018, 04:26:14 AM
Sorry Jack we might say a load of old toot!! Pronounced the same as foot!  It's one of those channels that just shows repeats of lots of different old Programmes.

We have several channels like that on FOXTEL. Looks like you have them on free-to-air.

You need to be careful about the context of using “toot” to Aussies.  Here it is slang for toilet.

Quote

Like a glass of red but find shiraz a bit heavy going.  Enjoy a nice glass of pinot noir


I like a gutsy red.  Not keen on the thin varietals.  I don’t like heavy whites though.  Sauvignon Blanc is my white of choice.

Quote
Cheers!  Bottoms up!!
Pen

Bit early in the morning for me, Pen.  :D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 24, 2018, 04:34:31 AM
Quote

I am sincerely hopeful that one day soon, totally unexpected & out of the blue, you might be as lucky as i was & meet your new soul mate.

Thanks Les!  Never say never but I think it's quite unlikely but you never know.  I did join a dating website for about a day but got 2 or 3 weird messages so ran for the hills!  I am so very pleased that you've met Karen.  Brilliant :)
Good Morning or Good Evening or just Gooday Les!
pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 24, 2018, 04:44:38 AM
Quote

You need to be careful about the context of using “toot” to Aussies.  Here it is slang for toilet.
Oh dear whoops!  Foot in mouth :o  We say loo but I have no idea why!

Sauvignon Blanc is my white of choice.
That's something we agree on!  I do really like a nice pink :)

Bit early in the morning for me, Pen.  :D
Sorry Jack I will get the time difference fixed in my thick head sometime ???

Forgot to ask if you enjoyed your golf the other day?
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 24, 2018, 08:27:54 AM
I certainly meant no offence & I am not even sure how I came to that conclusion but for some reason I just assumed that you would be the type of person that would have little interest in science fiction, a genre that a lot of people do consider to be total nonsense?

No offence taken, Les. I was just surprised anyone might think that as I've been a huge SF fan since before my teens.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 24, 2018, 06:57:20 PM
Really glad to hear that you are in fact a long time science fiction fan, can I ask what it was that drew you to this genre at such a young age & of course you must now let me know what your number one is, would you agree with " Pen Junior " & myself or would you nominate another favourite ( aside from Dr Who ).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 25, 2018, 12:04:31 AM
Oh Jack I really would be dangerous if I had a proper brain :-R
I managed to do my last message entirely as a quote ???
Numpty!  Am going to commit hari kari!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 25, 2018, 02:47:24 AM
I managed to do my last message entirely as a quote ???
Numpty!  Am going to commit hari kari!!

Don't do that, Pen.  Everybody makes mistakes.  The trick is to hit the Preview button before you hit the Post button.  I've been meaning to suggest that to Les.  Anyway to your previous post.

Quote from: Pen
 
We say loo but I have no idea why!

The stream of questions about the origin of "loo" never dries up :D.

Even the experts can't enlighten you with any certainty, Pen.  Here is an article about the origin of "loo" (http://www.word-detective.com/2009/09/loo/) which suggests some possibilities.

Quote from: Pen again

I do really like a nice pink :)

Are any of  these nice pinks (https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/food-drink/wine/best-rose-wines-uk-waitrose-reviews-provence-a7079406.html) among your favorites?

Quote from: Pen again

Forgot to ask if you enjoyed your golf the other day?
 

I played on Wednesday Locally and Thursday at Brighton Lakes.  Both very enjoyable.  No traffic problems on Thursday.



Pen, It's ANZAC day here now and will be in England shortly, so it is appropriate I tell you a story about a typical Australian who is noted for his typical Australian sensitivity.

Three blokes were drinking in a pub, Les, Chook and Simmo. Chook has a stroke and dies.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Simmo says, "Someone should go and tell his missus."
Les says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, Les comes back carrying a slab of VB. Simmo says, "Where did you get that, Les?"
"Chook's missus gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told his missus Chook was dead, and she gave you beer?"
Les says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Chook`s widow."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a slab"





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 25, 2018, 04:40:22 AM
Quote

Are any of  these nice pinks (https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/food-drink/wine/best-rose-wines-uk-waitrose-reviews-provence-a7079406.html) among your favorites?

The only one of those rather nice pinks I've tried is the M&S one.  It has a lovely shaped bottle & tastes very yummy :) The Fortnum & Mason one & a couple of the others are, sadly, way out of my price range.  That'll be something to try when I get my big lottery win!!
You missed your vocation as a comedian Jack.  I enjoyed your gag about the loo & thought your joke about the 3 blokes in a pub was funny :laugh:  I wondered if the fact that the most sensitive of the 3 was called Les was purely a conincidence >:D
By the way I have used the preview button.  Unfortunately I don't always remember & press post & then realise it's too bloody late :-R
Drive & putt like a demon Jack!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 25, 2018, 05:12:41 AM
I wondered if the fact that the most sensitive of the 3 was called Les was purely a coincidence.

Damn, I must have missed reading the names when I posted it in. Of course it was a coincidence, Pen.  >:D You don’t think the shoe fits, do you?

Quote from: Pen again
press post & then realise it's too bloody late :-R

No,it’s not. You can review it once it’s posted and press Modify if you are unhappy with anything in the post and then press Save

Quote from: Pen again
Drive & putt like a demon Jack!

At 10:30 am (my time) with any luck.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 25, 2018, 06:58:29 AM
I can't say what attracted me to Science Fiction, except I've always been a geek (my kids would probably say nerd). If I had to choose another fave television programme I'd probably choose the too-brief Blake's 7. My fave author in the genre probably remains Asimov, though Bradbury and Clarke are nearly as good. I've been reading the The Expanse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Expanse_(novel_series)) series which is a good story (wish it had a lot less expletives, though): nearly done with the sixth novel; have finished three of four novellas, and both short stories.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 25, 2018, 01:56:43 PM
I can't say what attracted me to Science Fiction, except I've always been a geek (my kids would probably say nerd). If I had to choose another fave television programme I'd probably choose the too-brief Blake's 7. My fave author in the genre probably remains Asimov, though Bradbury and Clarke are nearly as good. I've been reading the The Expanse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Expanse_(novel_series)) series which is a good story (wish it had a lot less expletives, though): nearly done with the sixth novel; have finished three of four novellas, and both short stories.

Gooday Trex,

While Blake's Seven had a huge cult following i dont think that it do too well in the television ratings which is probably why it only lasted for a few series.
Thanks for the tip about " The Expanse " series, sounds like the type of books that i would enjoy.

I am afraid that the excessive use of expletives went out of control many years ago to the point that a lot of swear words have lost their original impact.
Dropping an " f-bomb " today is more like dropping an " f-firecracker ".



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 25, 2018, 03:15:27 PM
Don't do that, Pen.  Everybody makes mistakes.  The trick is to hit the Preview button before you hit the Post button.  I've been meaning to suggest that to Les.  Anyway to your previous post.
 [/quote]
Les says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Chook`s widow."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a slab"[/color]
[/size]
[/font]

G'day Jack & Pen,
Pen, just to clarify for yourself & any other readers who may not be aware ; when we say gooday in Australia we are not actually saying " have a good day " we are just saying hello. The good part is almost silent & the word is pronounced more like giday. So when you are first introduced to an Ozzy, no matter what time of day or night & no matter if you are male or female, young or old, the response is likely to be " Giday mate, howrya going. "

Jack, my endless list of mistakes has provided the opportunity for several other players to previously suggest that I use the preview tab, however the problem is that even after a preview, I will still post a message with multiple errors so what plausible explanation could there possibly be? ( other than he's just an idiot )
Well, I think that I may have found the answer, it is only a theory but I do think that there is a very slight chance that there may be a link to the amount of alcohol consumed before & during posting.
With a view to proving this theory, I have selflessly devoted many hours to drinking excessively before posting but the results have been inconsistent however do not despair as I will continue my research until I have reached a definitive conclusion.

Les303 is most indignant at the suggestion that he would accept a slab of VB


[/quote]


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 25, 2018, 05:17:19 PM
My fave author in the genre probably remains Asimov, though Bradbury and Clarke are nearly as good.

I've never been a great fan of sci-fi, although I read all the usual Jules Verne and H.G.Wells titles many years ago. I've taught some of the twentieth century classics to students - Brave New World and Nineteen Eighty-Four, for example.

From my limited knowledge of the genre, I would agree with TRex's ABC - Asimov, Ray Bradbury (especially) and Clarke and add a D - Philip K. Dick, an H -Frank Herbert's Dune novels and a W - John Wyndham.

American writer Ira Levin is probably best known for writing novels which became classic films -Rosemary's Baby, The Stepford Wives and The Boys from Brazil for example although he did write one other excellent sci-fi novel which, as far as I know, has never been filmed called This Perfect Day. Well worth reading if you can find a copy.

Finally, let's not forget that one of the greatest and earliest of sci-fi novels recently celebrated its 200th birthday - Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
What an achievement for a young lady barely 20 years old!



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 25, 2018, 06:12:28 PM
G'day Mike,

My favourite has to be Arthur C. Clarke, most likely because I have read more of his books than the other authors that both you & TRex recommend.
I think that I got hooked on Clarke with his " Space Odyssey " & " Rama " series.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 25, 2018, 09:05:12 PM
G'day Jack & Pen,

Good Evening, Leslie, I trust you are feeling well and not tired and emotional.

Quote from: Les303, the sensitive Aussie from Brissie
Les303 is most indignant at the suggestion that he would accept a slab of VB

Les, if I had even the slightest inkling that you would identify with the Les in the story, I would, of course, changed the beer in the story from VB, the beer that all real Australians quench a hard earned thirst with, to XXXX or what other inferior commercial beer you drink in Queensland these days.  

I will admit that when I was there last, Brisbane had several boutique breweries (as is the custom in many cities and towns in Australia) which could give the commercial breweries a run for their money.

In the spirit of disclosure, I must admit to a possible degradation of my taste buds because I have already confessed to developing a liking for unrefrigerated English ales.

Enjoy the rest of your ANZAC day, digger.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 26, 2018, 05:11:19 AM
Quote

Damn, I must have missed reading the names when I posted it in. Of course it was a coincidence, Pen.  >:D You don’t think the shoe fits, do you?


At 10:30 am (my time) with any luck.
Good Evening Jack
Had another long day at work today so just a quick visit for me this evening!
Hope you enjoyed your golf this morning &, indeed, you did drive & put like a demon!
I was sure it was a pure coincidence that you used the name Les but I don't think our Les thought so judging by his post :laugh:  I wouldn't dream of suggesting that the shoe fits >:D
I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning & they played the Australian National Anthem in honour of Anzac Day.  Very rousing & enjoyable it was too :)
I will follow your tip about posting & previewing & hope to avoid future mistakes....
all the best
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 26, 2018, 05:20:28 AM
Quote

G'day Jack & Pen,
Pen, just to clarify for yourself & any other readers who may not be aware ; when we say gooday in Australia we are not actually saying " have a good day " we are just saying hello. The good part is almost silent & the word is pronounced more like giday. So when you are first introduced to an Ozzy, no matter what time of day or night & no matter if you are male or female, young or old, the response is likely to be " Giday mate, howrya going. "

G'day Les
In times past the Brits used to say Good Day as a greeting for hello.  Maybe g'day is just a shorted form of that possibly?
Glad to see you're back amongst it on the Forum :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 26, 2018, 08:11:16 AM
G'day Jack & Pen,

Good Evening, Leslie, I trust you are feeling well and not tired and emotional.

Quote from: Les303, the sensitive Aussie from Brissie
Les303 is most indignant at the suggestion that he would accept a slab of VB

Les, if I had even the slightest inkling that you would identify with the Les in the story, I would, of course, changed the beer in the story from VB, the beer that all real Australians quench a hard earned thirst with, to XXXX or what other inferior commercial beer you drink in Queensland these days.  

I will admit that when I was there last, Brisbane had several boutique breweries (as is the custom in many cities and towns in Australia) which could give the commercial breweries a run for their money.

In the spirit of disclosure, I must admit to a possible degradation of my taste buds because I have already confessed to developing a liking for unrefrigerated English ales.

Enjoy the rest of your ANZAC day, digger.


Good Morning John,

I have to admit that on more than one occassion, i have been to events or parties where the only beer available was V B.
Rather than be unsociable, i did imbibe & quite enjoyed it however i don't think that i would ever be desperate enough to try an unrefrigerated beer of any description.

Cheers Les


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 26, 2018, 08:49:40 AM
I am afraid that the excessive use of expletives went out of control many years ago to the point that a lot of swear words have lost their original impact.
Dropping an " f-bomb " today is more like dropping an " f-firecracker ".

Too true. Several years ago I worked in a place with a bunch of chaps who regularly used such language, one or two of them every sentence or two. Of course, as you say, lost all impact. But one day, frustrated with a problem I was working on, I let loose with a 's---' — and other than a couple of 'whoa' comments, the entire room went quiet. Not using such language meant it had an impact when I used it.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 26, 2018, 08:21:55 PM
Hope you enjoyed your golf this morning &, indeed, you did drive & put like a demon!

For the last two days, the weather here has been perfect for golf.  My performance has been pretty average but very enjoyable none the less.

I have been looking through comedy sketches but have found none to make the shortlist.  Most have been funny but not of the same level of quality as the one we have already talked about.

 the Two Ronnies - The Australian (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fDrCEDBm-UT) falls into that category but may amuse you because of the subject.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 26, 2018, 09:04:47 PM
re Comedy sketches,
Difficult to know what to recommend, since most of the real classics - The Two Ronnies' Four Candles, for example -  have become so well known.

Two  that always make me laugh are the Moose's Head scene from Fawlty Towers  ('The Germans') and Rowan Atkinson as the Schoolmaster taking the roll-call.
I saw him do that sketch live about thirty years ago - hilarious. His facial expressions coupled with impeccable timing brought the house down.

Some of the Morecambe and Wise 'plays wot I wrote' are still worth a look -  the one with Glenda Jackson as Cleopatra, for instance.

Another comic who always made me laugh was the 'Great Dane', the late Victor Borge.
I think his 'Phonetic Punctuation' sketch must be available on YouTube - very funny if you haven't seen it.

 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 26, 2018, 09:19:25 PM
Good Morning John,
I have to admit that on more than one occasion, I have been to events or parties where the only beer available was V B.
Rather than be unsociable, I did imbibe & quite enjoyed it .

G’day Les

Bravo,  I thought I could get you to bite by insulting your beer and talking proper to you but you were too clever for me and never took the bait.  You just talked proper back. ;)

I haven’t tasted XXXX for about 25 years, but I really liked it and I guess it hasn’t gone downhill in the meantime.

Whatever, the qualities of their beers, I reckon breweries make the best commercials and I am considering running a contest to test opinions on which is the most amusing. Do you reckon it would fly?

Quote from: Les being inflexible
however I don't think that I would ever be desperate enough to try an unrefrigerated beer of any description.

Les. take a leaf from the Northern Territory tourist ad “You’ll never never know, unless you never never go”.  Unrefrigerated doesn’t mean warm.  Depending on the Ale, the recommended temperature varies from 8o C -14o C.  Perhaps our UK imbibers can give us some clues on this.  In the Southern Highlands you can achieve these temperatures without refrigeration for most of the year.  In Brisbane’s climate you might have to cheat and slip the beer into the frig for 20 minutes before imbibing.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 26, 2018, 09:28:27 PM
re Comedy sketches,

Mike thanks for the tips, I will look them up.  One of the problems I have found is that some gems are only found in much larger compilations.  I might have to teach myself video editing but then I'd need a URL to put the results in.

Any further suggestions from forumites gratefully accepted,


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 27, 2018, 04:03:09 AM
For the last two days, the weather here has been perfect for golf.  My performance has been pretty average but very enjoyable none the less.

Since this thread is about anything... The use of none the less sent me to the Ngram Viewer which has an interesting graph (https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=none+the+less%2Cnonetheless&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cnone%20the%20less%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cnonetheless%3B%2Cc0) comparing none the less (three separate words) to nonetheless. Ngram Viewer's default is to stop at 2000. If I hadn't pushed it to the latest available year (2008) I would have missed what appears to be the beginning of a reversal of the trend which began circa 1920 — which reflects my (anecdotal) observations.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 27, 2018, 04:46:44 AM
Quote


For the last two days, the weather here has been perfect for golf.  My performance has been pretty average but very enjoyable none the less.

 the Two Ronnies - The Australian (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fDrCEDBm-UT) falls into that category but may amuse you because of the subject.
Evening Jack.  Pleased to hear you enjoyed your golf.  Weather here has plummeted from hot & sunny in the 80's to cold & wet & barely scraping 50f :(
The Two Ronnies sketch did amuse me very much.
Have a look at Victoria Woods "Two Soups".  Julie Walters is brilliant & you can see Celia Imrie & Duncan Preston struggling not to laugh!  The ballad of Barry & Freda is very funny too. She did a lot of skits on awful daytime telly programmes.  Not sure how well they'd travel to your part of the world.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 27, 2018, 07:17:55 AM
Since this thread is about anything...

Hi Trex, do I detect the very slightest note of disapproval? ;)

Quote from:  Trex continuing
The use of none the less sent me to the Ngram Viewer. ….I would have missed what appears to be the beginning of a reversal of the trend which began circa 1920 — which reflects my (anecdotal) observations.

I used the expression without giving the meaning of the words any thought at all.  However, your observations tweaked my curiosity {as you may have gathered an easy thing to do  :)} and I came across this  discussion from another forum (https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/nonetheless-none-the-less-and-nevertheless.108079/) which may interest you.

It also encouraged me to add nevertheless to an Ngram to get this  graph] (https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=none+the+less%2Cnonetheless%2Cnevertheless&year_start=1930&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cnone%20the%20less%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cnonetheless%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cnevertheless%3B%2Cc0)

Good to hear from you. Keep Well.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: TRex on April 27, 2018, 09:42:52 AM
Hi Trex, do I detect the very slightest note of disapproval? ;)

Not at all. My anecdotal experience is that I'm seeing none the less more often than I recall years ago (but with age comes questionable memory!) and seeing it used in this free-for-all thread prompted me to go to the Ngram Viewer and take a look.

I notice what seem to be changes in language, such as replacing awhile with a while, people in the U.S. using cancelling more often (especially in airports), and other things that, for some odd reason, jump out at me. Strangely wired brain, I suppose.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 27, 2018, 09:46:50 AM
Strangely wired brain, I suppose.

Welcome to the club.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: gromit on April 27, 2018, 05:11:44 PM
I reckon breweries make the best commercials and I am considering running a contest to test opinions on which is the most amusing.

This isn't a beer ad but it's quite amusing (to me, anyway):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NfuniN0Sdg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NfuniN0Sdg)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on April 27, 2018, 05:24:27 PM
Hi Ozzyjack
In my humble non-beer-drinking opinion, I do think this ad has to be one of the top contenders for entering your contest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wM2c3WtDjQ
Val


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 27, 2018, 05:54:06 PM
Nice one Val,

Well Jack it seems that your funniest beer ad comp is up & running with Val submitting the first nomination.

Sometime last year I posted a xxxx ad that featured 4 well known Australian cricketers & challenged forum readers from around the world to identify " the actors " but I had no responses so the link below is to that ad which is my nomination for your competition & just as an aside can you name the 4 " actors " involved?

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=allan+border+beer+ad&qpvt=allan+border+beer+ad&view=detail&mid=E72D133A6B225196834EE72D133A6B225196834E&&FORM=VRDGAR


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: cmh on April 27, 2018, 06:24:33 PM
Victoria Wood has been a firm favourite for many years and I was trying to post a suggestion for the Ballad of Barry and Freda when we had the forum problem the other day. My favourite line being "beat me on the bottom with my Woman's Weekly" !!!!! No reason (honestly!) just has me giggling every time!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 27, 2018, 06:50:50 PM
So many great lines from Victoria Wood.
'I spilled Pot Noodle on my favourite blouse one day,' she said, 'so I took it to the local dry-cleaners.
I didn't want them to know I was the sort of person who ate Pot Noodles,' she went on, 'so I told them it was snot!'

Very, very funny lady.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on April 27, 2018, 10:38:44 PM
One other funny lady that I've recently discovered goes under the delightful professional name of Philomena Cunk.
(Real name Diane Morgan, from near Bolton in Lancashire)
She is currently doing a series of spoof historical documentaries in the style of Lucy Worsley or Simon Scharma called Cunk on Britain.
Thanks to the marvels of technology, I can watch them in Thailand fairly soon after they have been shown in UK.

Sample: 'Queen Victoria died and was succeeded by King Edward, who, despite his name, was a real king and not a potato.'

I don't know how well this style of self-effacing UK humour will travel to other countries, but it would be interesting to know.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 27, 2018, 11:05:53 PM

Have a look at Victoria Woods "Two Soups".  Julie Walters is brilliant & you can see Celia Imrie & Duncan Preston struggling not to laugh!  The ballad of Barry & Freda is very funny too.

Hi Pen, I found  The Ballad of Barry and Freda (https://youtu.be/lNU5KVa_Tu8) and it is definitely on the short list but YouTube kept telling BBC had required them to block "two Soups" because of Copyright.  I'll keep looking for an alternative source,

In the meantime, something not nearly as good  Paul Hogan at the Oscars (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtxZeDYuEZI)

Catch ya later


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 27, 2018, 11:14:22 PM
This isn't a beer ad but it's quite amusing (to me, anyway):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NfuniN0Sdg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NfuniN0Sdg)

Hi Gromit, There are two shortlists.  General Sketches and Beer Ads.  You've made the short list for the first one.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 27, 2018, 11:33:33 PM
In my humble non-beer-drinking opinion, I do think this ad has to be one of the top contenders for entering your contest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wM2c3WtDjQ

Hi Val, non-beer drinking opinions obviously come up with top results. Your contribution will be hard to beat. The Victoria Bitter TV ads 1968-1996 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nszIJDswTBM) seem low budget in comparison.

Looking forward to more non=beer drinking opinions.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 28, 2018, 12:10:14 AM
Sometime last year I posted a xxxx ad that featured 4 well known Australian cricketers & challenged forum readers from around the world to identify " the actors " but I had no responses so the link below is to that ad which is my nomination for your competition & just as an aside can you name the 4 " actors " involved?
Les's XXXX ad Nomination (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=allan+border+beer+ad&qpvt=allan+border+beer+ad&view=detail&mid=E72D133A6B225196834EE72D133A6B225196834E&&FORM=VRDGAR)

You know I know bugger all about cricket, Les. Apart from A.B. and Thommo I am lost.  I bet you can tell me who in the  I feel like a Tooheys Ad 1980 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl5xnTqOQqQ) are.

I prefer the  Toohey's New Guide dog Ad (https://youtu.be/JbjkeCkGbXo).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 28, 2018, 12:18:51 AM
Victoria Wood has been a firm favourite for many years and I was trying to post a suggestion for the Ballad of Barry and Freda when we had the forum problem the other day. My favourite line being "beat me on the bottom with my Woman's Weekly" !!!!! No reason (honestly!) just has me giggling every time!

Thanks, Cmh.  Have a giggle again.   The Ballad of Barry and Freda (https://youtu.be/lNU5KVa_Tu8) .


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 28, 2018, 12:57:08 AM
One other funny lady that I've recently discovered goes under the delightful professional name of Philomena Cunk.
She is currently doing a series of spoof historical documentaries in the style of Lucy Worsley or Simon Scharma called Cunk on Britain.
I don't know how well this style of self-effacing UK humour will travel to other countries, but it would be interesting to know.

Hi Mike,  I have included two examples, so people can answer your Question.  There were a number to chose from but I am two tired to look through them now , so have chosen two at random from their titles.

Philomena Cunk's Moments of Wonder - Climate Change (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EZMkNSWdxo)
Philomena Cunk's Moments of Wonder - Winston Churchill (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJf5wDGEiug)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 28, 2018, 04:22:09 AM
Quote
This isn't a beer ad but it's quite amusing (to me, anyway):

It tickled me too Gromit :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 28, 2018, 04:24:32 AM
Quote

In my humble non-beer-drinking opinion, I do think this ad has to be one of the top contenders for entering your contest.
Definitely a top contender Val.  Brilliant!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 28, 2018, 04:33:01 AM
Quote

Sometime last year I posted a xxxx ad that featured 4 well known Australian cricketers & challenged forum readers from around the world to identify " the actors " but I had no responses so the link below is to that ad which is my nomination for your competition & just as an aside can you name the 4 " actors " involved?

I love this ad Les.  Hilarious :laugh: I must have missed it when you posted it last time round.  I feel I ought to know all the faces but can only spot Alan Border.  Hopefully Jack will enlighten me!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 28, 2018, 04:37:01 AM
Quote
Victoria Wood has been a firm favourite for many years and I was trying to post a suggestion for the Ballad of Barry and Freda when we had the forum problem the other day. My favourite line being "beat me on the bottom with my Woman's Weekly" !!!!! No reason (honestly!) just has me giggling every time!
Me too cmh!  Just wonderful.  Never fails to make me laugh.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 28, 2018, 04:48:38 AM
Quote

Hi Pen, I found  The Ballad of Barry and Freda (https://youtu.be/lNU5KVa_Tu8) and it is definitely on the short list but YouTube kept telling BBC had required them to block "two Soups" because of Copyright.  I'll keep looking for an alternative source,

In the meantime, something not nearly as good  Paui Hogan at the Oscars (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtxZeDYuEZI)

Evening Jack.
Bloody BBC how dare they >:( We pay our licence so we should be able to watch it!
I loved Paul Hogan at the Oscars.  Made me laugh out loud.  Wonder what he's up to now?
I need you to identify the cricketers in Les's XXXX ad please.  Feel I should know all of them but only spotted Alan Border.
See you later alligator...
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on April 28, 2018, 04:32:38 PM
Hi Penny...I know it's Jeff Thomson (1st in line) and Greg Ritchie last. I'm pretty sure it's Mike Whitney in the middle. If I'm wrong,  I'm sure Les or Jack will tell us. !


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 28, 2018, 06:27:03 PM

You know I know bugger all about cricket, Les. Apart from A.B. and Thommo I am lost.  I bet you can tell me who in the  I feel like a Tooheys Ad 1980 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl5xnTqOQqQ) are.
I prefer the  Toohey's New Guide dog Ad (https://youtu.be/JbjkeCkGbXo).
[/quote]

G'day Ozzyjack, Hobbit & auntiemo,

Jack, you may not know much about cricket although you are very adept at googling all sorts of stories, jokes & detailed information from the internet but none the less, you have done very well to correctly identify A.B ( did that have something to do with the fact that his name was actually in the link ? ) & Thommo.
The main characters from the Tooheys ad were Dennis Lillee ( bowling ), Steve Rixon ( batting ) & Dougie Walters running in from the field.
I laughed out loud when i first saw the guide dog ad.

Pen, do not feel as though you should know all of these " actors " as the question is a very tough one even for the most ardent of cricket fans.

auntiemo, you have done extremely well to correctly identify 3 of the 4 unfortunately Mike Whitney is not in there.

If you would rather not know the full answer just yet, then please opt out now.

----
----
----
----

A.B. -- Allan Border took over the Australian captaincy at a very difficult time & although he earned the nick name of captain cranky, he went on to have an illustrious career.

Thommo -- Jeff Thompson was in his prime, the fastest & most feared bowler in the world.

Greg Ritchie -- One of the finest batsmen that Queensland has ever produced however due to limited opportunities he only played about 30 test matches for Australia where he aquitted himself very well.

Ray Phillips -- World class wicket keeper who played for New South Wales for many years before he finally saw the light & transferred to Queensland.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: auntiemo on April 28, 2018, 07:44:59 PM
Thanks Les...I would never have got that.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 28, 2018, 10:30:09 PM
My nephew, Andrew, was a very talented cricketer in his early teens & showed so much promise that he was invited to attend a training course here in Brisbane where senior players & coaches would access their potential, provide guidance & coaching with a view to future recruitment into the Queensland squad.

I first learned of this when i got a phone call from big sister who was very excited, they want Andrew to go to Brisbane to attend some sort of cricket academy they think that he is so good that he might be able to play for Queensland one day but it will be for 2 weeks & they don't provide accommodation.
No problem sis, i'll put him up for a couple of weeks, his 13 years old so he will be able to look after himself while i am at work & i will make sure that if i can't take him myself, i'll show him how to get to the various venues that he needs to attend.
Due to my work schedule, i could usually only drop him off or pick him up from his training sessions however the last two days of the course coincided with my days off so i was finally able attend for the full sessions.
Of course i was there to support Andrew but i was very quickly distracted as i was introduced to long retired & current players that were all involved in this program.

It was a cricket fans dream, i got to meet a lot of my heroes including Thommo, AB & even Greg Chappel who was involved behind the scenes & they were all fantastic telling me what i wanted to hear about my nephews potential but it was Ray Phillips who took me aside & told me straight out, this kid has a lot of potential, he can hit the ball a long way but his defensive technique is absolute crap, you need to get your local coaches to concentrate on his defence.

Andrew took this advice onboard & worked hard on his defensive technique, he resisted the urge to hit every single ball to the boundary & his game improved immensely.

By the time that he was 15 years old he was playing in the mens competion & embarrassing them all but then one off season he got involved with the wrong crowd & started taking drugs.

Forget about cricket, all of a sudden we are dealing with fines, inability or unwillingness to work, court cases & jail time, somewhere in amongst all his turmoil there is a child, with the mother long gone she is basically being raised by her grand parents.

Despite everything that beautiful child is doing wonderfully well, she is as bright as a button, well adjusted & thank the lord, seems to have taken on the traits of her grandparents rather than those of her biological parents.







Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 28, 2018, 11:04:30 PM
Bloody BBC how dare they >:( We pay our licence so we should be able to watch it!

It may be if they recognise you as a viewer from the UK, Pen, they would let you watch it.  I take it you still must pay a viewers’ licence fee which we in Australia abolished when Adam (and Ozzyjack) was a boy.  It may be that they only hide it from the great overseas unwashed.  It would be interesting to find out.

 Two soups blocked (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6aYLOf8CUQ&feature=youtu.be)

 a remake, I think (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHg_DlnvOUc)

 The real thing via Facebook, I hope (https://www.facebook.com/BritishComedy/videos/1984153415135287/)

Quote
I need you to identify the cricketers in Les's XXXX ad please.  Feel I should know all of them but only spotted Alan Border.

Thank Heavens Les has answered this.

And here is a  Cringe-worthy Fosters Ad (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw8J0rkAVs4)

Quote
See you later alligator...

Oh Pen, we are giving away that we are of a certain age.
OK, after a while, Crocodile.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 28, 2018, 11:52:50 PM

Jack, you may not know much about cricket although you are very adept at googling all sorts of stories, jokes & detailed information from the internet but none the less, you have done very well to correctly identify A.B ( did that have something to do with the fact that his name was actually in the link ? ) & Thommo.
The main characters from the Tooheys ad were Dennis Lillee ( bowling ), Steve Rixon ( batting ) & Dougie Walters running in from the field.

Les, you don’t have to be a cricket fan to recognise A.B., Thommo, Dennis and Dougie.  You just must be Australian and of a certain age. 

Am I right that by the time the Tooheys ad was made that Thommo and Dennis had retired from the Australian Cricket Team.  So A.B. must have been using the beach cricket team he got together for some charity to make the ad.  I do know he got up the noses of the Australian Cricket Board for making XXXX ads when they supported, or were supported by, another Brewery chain.

A piece of trivia. Dougie’s Father was my father’s second cousin.  Although I have not met Dougie, we were both at a luncheon after a charity golf game some years ago. We had both had the odd beer, so I considered going up to him and saying, “Do you know you’re a fifth cousin of mine”. But then I imagined him saying “a silly old bugger like you couldn’t be a relative of mine”.  So, I just had another beer.

You do know, Les, you are not restricted to only one contribution in the beer ad contest.  You must remember some other XXXX ads. 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 29, 2018, 12:16:41 AM

I don't know how well this style of self-effacing UK humour will travel to other countries, but it would be interesting to know.
Hi Mike,  I have included two examples, so people can answer your question.  

Here is a third, Philomena Cunk on the British Election (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDr2oMFiJpU)

Nobody else has taken up your question, so I will venture an opinion,  This type of humour is amusing and definitely worth watching, but does not make me laugh out loud like some of the others that have been proffered do.  I will be watching the other Philomena Cunk sketches and expect to enjoy them.  I liked the one on Shakespeare but as it went for 28 minutes, I didn't include it here.  


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 29, 2018, 04:32:06 AM
Thanks Les & Auntie Mo.  Should have spotted Jeff Thompson.  One of the greatest bowlers ever!  Don't think I'd have got the other two though.
Cheers
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 29, 2018, 04:42:24 AM
Quote

It may be if they recognise you as a viewer from the UK, Pen, they would let you watch it.  I take it you still must pay a viewers’ licence fee which we in Australia abolished when Adam (and Ozzyjack) was a boy.  It may be that they only hide it from the great overseas unwashed.  It would be interesting to find out.

Oh Pen, we are giving away that we are of a certain age.
OK, after a while, Crocodile.

It doesn't make any difference Jack.  I can only locate it on Facebook same as you. :-R
I am loving all these naff beer ads :laugh: I particularly like the guide dog one for Tooheys.  I don't know how on earth you're going to sort them into order of merit :laugh:
I looked up variations of See you later alligator & came up with
Tood-a-loo kangaroo!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 29, 2018, 08:00:04 AM
I am loving all these naff beer ads :laugh: I don't know how on earth you're going to sort them into order of merit :laugh:

I have no intention of doing the ranking myself.  As Lucretius pointed out in the 1st century bce “One man’s meat is another man’s poison”.  If I were to rank them, all it would do, would be to define my sense of humour.

After I decide that I can no longer beg, borrow or steal any more suggestions, I will have two options:
  • devise a rating scale and invite forumites, including non-contributors to rate the suggestions;
  • let sleeping dogs lie on the rationale that eliciting the suggestion has served a useful purpose and getting votes would not add value.

Forumites: Any opinions on the options would be welcomed.

Quote from: Pen again
Tood-a-loo kangaroo!!

Hooroo didgeridoo


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on April 29, 2018, 09:33:28 AM
I don't particularly care if we rank them or not, Ozzyjack.  I just like looking at everyone's contributions and comments.

Anyway, don't know whether or not these have yet been added to the pot.  Or even whether or not they should be.  We're a weird mob down here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaQpY-OuOjs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TCgRqKbTIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHcL40ALOJ8








Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 29, 2018, 02:31:43 PM
I don't particularly care if we rank them or not, Ozzyjack.  I just like looking at everyone's contributions and comments.

Anyway, don't know whether or not these have yet been added to the pot.  Or even whether or not they should be.  We're a weird mob down here.

 Hahn Bath Scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaQpY-OuOjs)

Hahn by the Pool (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TCgRqKbTIM)

 Hahn- Venice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHcL40ALOJ8)

Hi Valerie,  
I'm glad you are enjoying all the contributions.  I remember seeing your latest contributions some years ago and they still make me laugh.  They had not been added to the pot before and they certainly should be.

I have taken the liberty of labelling them for peoples' convenience in case we go for the vote option and I've added one to the series where the woman gets revenge.

 Hahn - all the males go OUCH (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa-jJAkx9MI)



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 29, 2018, 02:55:06 PM
Some more very good Eastern State Beer Ads – The VB -MSO is my favourite

  • VB -Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (https://youtu.be/uXvKb6oS7mA)

  • VB -The Street Parade (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfv6djceGnY)

  • XXXX -Looks like we've over done it with the sherry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z023prwCkgs)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on April 29, 2018, 03:27:01 PM
You are too kind Ozzyjack.  I'd quite forgotten.
I agree, the MSO ad is very good.
Didn't know whether or not I should include the Revenge one.
This one was popular last year.  Unfortunately, I don't know how to change the URL title.  Please explain ...!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCAoxI0oHMI









Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 29, 2018, 05:23:36 PM
You are too kind Ozzyjack.  I'd quite forgotten.
I agree, the MSO ad is very good.
Didn't know whether or not I should include the Revenge one.
This one was popular last year.  Unfortunately, I don't know how to change the URL title.  Please explain ...!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCAoxI0oHMI

Val,
Code:
The general form of inserting a Url with comment is [url="hyperlink"]"Title"[/url].
As an example: [url=https://www.proboards.com]ProBoards Free Forums[/url]
– using this will cause the words ProBoards Free Forums to link to the ProBoards.com homepage.

So to put a title in your post, press modify, insert "[url=" in front of
"https://www.youtube.com/watchv=MCAoxI0oHMI",
add a "]" add your title e.g. Tooheys ad - Tough Girl and then add [/url].

It should look like this

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCAoxI0oHMI]Tooheys ad - tough Girl[/url]

press 'preview' to see that it all works, and if it does press "save".

If you are wondering why the hyperlinks didn't work in my explanation, it is because I used a feature which inhibits instructions being executed.

Good Luck


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on April 29, 2018, 06:26:10 PM
Brilliance personified Ozzyjack.  Thank you.  Let's give it a go:

Tooheys ad - Tough Girl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCAoxI0oHMI)

Geronimo!!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 30, 2018, 01:21:08 AM
I’m a bit disappointed that all our suggestions have been for east coast Australian beers. In the interests of diversity, here are some offerings from the west of Broken Hill.

  • "They said You'd Never Make it" Greg Norman (1986) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m2T6Wl9nsE)

  • Coopers Pale Ale (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McZfoZ8FGHo)

  • Swan Lager ad 1988 (Australian Bicentennial) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q986yTrM6o)

     
  • West End - Come to South Australia (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyYXUqoEqbY)

The NZers have a few beauties.  If the people from across the ditch continue to hide their talents under a bushel or behind a sheep, I will dig some out.  

I was disappointed with the Guinness ads but you Pommies should be able to outshine us poor Colonials.  Give us your best.

 I understand Budweiser has some acceptable ads but I have not been able to find any.  Perhaps Americans have no national pride in their beer.


[/quote]


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on April 30, 2018, 04:38:32 AM
Hi Jack
I've found some old Fosters Ads.  Aussie lager & pommie ads!  They were scrapped a few years ago having been deemed too sexist!  More political correct rubbish :-R
Going to try & post a couple of links..
Good Call! Foster's TV Ad Leaner ft. Brad and Dan - YouTube
Foster's Ad | Paddle of Rebuke | #GoodCall with Brad and Dan ...
Hope they work!
Hang loose mongoose!
pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on April 30, 2018, 12:26:37 PM
I've found some old Fosters Ads.  Aussie lager & pommie ads!  They were scrapped a few years ago having been deemed too sexist!  More political correct rubbish :-R
Good Call! Foster's TV Ad Leaner ft. Brad and Dan - YouTube
Foster's Ad | Paddle of Rebuke | #GoodCall with Brad and Dan ...

Pen, I’ve found the two “Good Call” ads you referenced and seeing they are short, threw in four more and a “Paul Hogan” for good luck.

Good Call Foster Ads featuring Brad and Dan

  • Leaner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4AvLnt3P6Q)

  • Paddle of Rebuke (https://www.adforum.com/creative-work/ad/player/34495932/paddle-of-rebuke/fosters)

  • Lucy from Manchester (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC5-7Gxqfa8)

  • Should I Get My Girlfriend's Name Tattooed? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmL-bXyJF88)

  • Girlfriends Mum (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kCdMfP-gQg)

  • Hairy Back (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz4wyK1mQ0g)

Fosters Lager – Paul Hogan Hope it goes further than yer bridge (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_PwlP7etEE)

Adieu, cockatoo!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 30, 2018, 08:59:14 PM
G'day Jack, i have been enjoying all the posts that were prompted by the " best sketches " & " best beer ads " suggestion that was put forward by your good self.

As i did when i first saw it , i burst out laughing at the shiela, as she bounced off the bean bag & into the pool..Thanks for that one Val.

I also enjoyed " Lucy from Manchester " in your most recent post , probably because i have never seen it before.

And that is my point, there have been a hell of a lot of sketches & ads but i have seen them all before, the impact that they had since they first appeared is lost over time except for a few exceptions.

You asked me in an earlier post to find some more xxxx ads, I didn't see the point , I thought the object of the exercise was to post your personal favourite for rating by fellow forumites.

Anyway, congratulations on coming up with a topic that has kept this thread alive ( Pat will be thrilled ).

I am a little bit surprised that none of our English friends have not put forward any of Mr. Beans sketches.

Sir Rowen Acktinson in my opinion is an absolutely brilliant comedian, he doesn't even have to say anything, you just look at his facial expresssions & have to laugh.

So just to counter that , here is my submisssion for your " general sketch " category " it is not actually a sketch but a Parkinson interview.  ( apologies for all the spelling mistakes but i'm sure who know i'm talking about. )



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on April 30, 2018, 09:05:09 PM
My link to the interview ;

https://www.bing.com/search?q=parkinson+interview+with+sir+les&form=EDGHPT&qs=PF&cvid=4e79f3e174a040ca903acf498802c13e&cc=AU&setlang=en-US&elv=AY3%21uAY7tbNNZGZ2yiGNjfNV2Y%21jpv*qwuTzHcdkUlw2f9j5CqJ7YZ2WJi41l9686OBYnMEET4woV8bpWk2yuw7Zv1%21vAYj6YU7UqxIdywr%21&PC=LCTS


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 01, 2018, 04:23:36 AM
Quote

Pen, I’ve found the two “Good Call” ads you referenced and seeing they are short, threw in four more and a “Paul Hogan” for good luck.

Thanks Jack. I don't really know why but these ads really tickle me :laugh:  It wouldn't let me have Hairy Back - said I wasn't old enough :-R
The Paul Hogan one was very funny as well!

hasta manana Iguana
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 01, 2018, 04:32:03 AM
Quote


Sir Rowen Acktinson in my opinion is an absolutely brilliant comedian, he doesn't even have to say anything, you just look at his facial expresssions & have to laugh.

You're spot on Les.  Rowan Atkinson is very funny.  He does a few good stand ups as a vicar & if you haven't seen it he's in a film call Johnny English playing a rather incompetent spy!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 01, 2018, 10:20:41 AM
I have seen Johnny English as well as a lot of his stand up routines, I can also remember the movie (not sure of the title ) where he totally destroys a priceless painting, all very funny stuff.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 01, 2018, 09:24:51 PM
You asked me in an earlier post to find some more xxxx ads, I didn't see the point , I thought the object of the exercise was to post your personal favourite for rating by fellow forumites.

Anyway, congratulations on coming up with a topic that has kept this thread alive.
 

G’day Les

I didn’t have any ambition for this topic to be a thread reviver but I am pleased if it did. It started with me saying I was reviewing a number of English comedy sketches and would reveal some I thought were the best.  From there it “grow’d like Topsy”.  Some forumites made suggestions on ones I should review.  Then we somehow got on to beers and I suggested I was considering a contest.  Several enthusiastic forumites made some great contributions.

And now we are faced with the question: should we rank the merits of the various suggestions, as I probably implied we should?

It is relatively easy to design a ranking scale.  The essential point is to rate a contribution that is average equally with a contribution that is not mentioned.  In other words there is only a need to mention a contribution if it exceptionally good or exceptionally bad e.g.
  • -1. I think this contribution is not funny and/or is offensive
  •  0. I think this contribution is average or not worth rating
  •  1. I think this contribution is of a very high Standard but not the very best one
  •  2. I think this contribution was the very best one

Is it worth going through this process?. On reflection, I think not.  It would take many more people to vote than have contributed for the outcome to be meaningful and I doubt whether we could get more than 2 or 3 of the non-contributors to vote.

So I think it is better to leave it that when people come across some material, whether it be general comedy or beer ads, that they believe would amuse other forumites, they post it.  I am still on a promise to provide some New Zealand beer ads.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 01, 2018, 09:35:05 PM
hasta manana Iguana

While I was scouting around looking at YouTube, I came across another couple of “Two Ronnies” which I think are above average.

 The Man Who Repeats Things (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kazCgOpzHKs)
 The Encyclopaedia Salesman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIarMy-Q58o)

Bye-bye, butterfly!



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 02, 2018, 01:59:03 AM
My link to the interview ;

A plethora of Sir Les 303, sorry Paterson (https://www.bing.com/search?q=parkinson+interview+with+sir+les&form=EDGHPT&qs=PF&cvid=4e79f3e174a040ca903acf498802c13e&cc=AU&setlang=en-US&elv=AY3%21uAY7tbNNZGZ2yiGNjfNV2Y%21jpv*qwuTzHcdkUlw2f9j5CqJ7YZ2WJi41l9686OBYnMEET4woV8bpWk2yuw7Zv1%21vAYj6YU7UqxIdywr%21&PC=LCTS)

To misquote from the first sketch (I assume it was the first sketch that was your favorite) “Les, you’ve got more culture than a penicillin factory.”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 02, 2018, 08:07:14 AM

Quote from: Ozzyjack on Yesterday at 09:24:51 PM

So I think it is better to leave it that when people come across some material, whether it be general comedy or beer ads, that they believe would amuse other forumites, they post it.  I am still on a promise to provide some New Zealand beer ads.


I agree.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&qs=PF&cvid=78a6349a988e4a11b14743da0f6e03c6&cc=AU&setlang=en-US&elv=AY3!uAY7tbNNZGZ2yiGNjfOfPgrYjEmhtbhw8x8ywQ9PGQDn2MPVygjrhC73ra8v1TDoBmjtCXArjmSxvMHjnohTvWLngsGT8cTTU75Qr7iW&PC=LCTS&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dfunny%2bkiwi%2bbeer%2bads%26form%3dEDGHPT%26qs%3dPF%26cvid%3d78a6349a988e4a11b14743da0f6e03c6%26cc%3dAU%26setlang%3den-US%26elv%3dAY3%2521uAY7tbNNZGZ2yiGNjfOfPgrYjEmhtbhw8x8ywQ9PGQDn2MPVygjrhC73ra8v1TDoBmjtCXArjmSxvM


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 02, 2018, 10:24:43 PM
G’day Les,

Great resource, the only problem there are so many sketches it is hard to sort the wheat from the chaff.  

I reviewed all of the main page. I noted the ones I would have voted a “1”, maybe even a “2” for the sheepdog, for my own library.

I’ve listed them here, except for the one Valerie had already contributed, in case it makes life easier for the forumites.

BEER ADS

  • Guinness – share one with a friend (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Best+American+Beer+Commercial+Ever&&view=detail&mid=09410146DCB9DF43A7DE09410146DCB9DF43A7DE&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • Waikato – smartest sheepdog (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=7959544786402B6A26E07959544786402B6A26E0&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • Tui No2 Beer Stealing (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=4E35C04EE94FD65877404E35C04EE94FD6587740&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • Heinekin – Supermarket – Banned (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&qft=+filterui%3aresolution-360p&view=detail&mid=B44301B5E3296C3A9116B44301B5E3296C3A9116&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • speights beer -Going to the Deerstalkers Ball (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=61E9A8D648B96C3D663361E9A8D648B96C3D6633&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • DB Heaven (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=B65AB150E696DDB95F8FB65AB150E696DDB95F8F&&FORM=VRDGAR)

  • Tui Ad (Sexy Girls)  (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=DA702E75C6111935F930DA702E75C6111935F930&&FORM=VRDGAR)

GENERAL SKETCHES

  • Public Toilet Handshake (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=506E7E2696A7C12FEC7E506E7E2696A7C12FEC7E&&FORM=VRDGAR)

     
  • Fred Dagg gumboots song (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=funny+kiwi+beer+ads&&view=detail&mid=FF5B1CAB44BCA8B3E6BEFF5B1CAB44BCA8B3E6BE&&FORM=VRDGAR)

Enjoy


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 03, 2018, 04:44:37 AM
Quote

While I was scouting around looking at YouTube, I came across another couple of “Two Ronnies” which I think are above average.

Good Evening Jack
I thoroughly enjoyed the Two Ronnies sketches thanks :laugh:
I also loved the Smartest Sheepdog & the Heinekin Ad :laugh: Was that really Jennifer Aniston?? or a look alike?!
Hope the golf is going well :)
Hang Loose Mongoose (how long before we run out I wonder?)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 03, 2018, 04:52:42 AM
Oh Jack I did manage to find an old Harp Lager Ad.  It's quite funny.  Will try & post a link but as usual I don't expect it'll work ???
HARP LAGER - DOG 1989 - YouTube
all the best
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 03, 2018, 07:05:48 AM
Pen, is this the link that you were looking for?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypRTT1HmZAU


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 03, 2018, 08:50:54 AM
Was that really Jennifer Aniston?? or a look alike?!

I had to look up who Jennifer Aniston is but, yes, it was the real Jennifer Aniston in the Heinekin Ad.

Quote
Hope the golf is going well :)

Not going at all this week.  We had some storm damage to the ceiling a couple of years ago and we are finally getting it fixed, so have to stay close to home with the Border Collies while the Tradesman are doing whatever they have to do.

Quote
Hang Loose Mongoose (how long before we run out I wonder?)

I have a couple more but they are getting increasingly weak, so I will be a gentleman and let you have the last word. ;D

Quote from: Pen in a subsequent post
Oh Jack I did manage to find an old Harp Lager Ad.  It's quite funny.  Will try & post a link but as usual I don't expect it'll work ???
HARP LAGER - DOG 1989 – YouTube

Pen, like anything, it is not hard if you know the tricks of the trade but impossible if you don’t and with computers you have to be so damn precise.  The trick for putting a link in is you have to put the whole URL in – that is the bit that starts with https.  When I came to post this, I see that Les is on the ball this morning..  I always draft long posts in Word and copy to the forum for final editing, so I am not changing the draft unless I find mistakes.

To post your link you have needed to have inserted
Code:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypRTT1HmZAU. 
Spot on, Les

Once you have mastered that you can look at the exchange between Valerie and I recently on how to just show the description in the link. E.g.

 HARP LAGER - DOG 1989 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypRTT1HmZAU)

It took me ages to realise how to do this - and to show off, here is a similar ad for good luck

 A pint of Harp and a packet of dates, please (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUsygWvMV7A)

Have a great day.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 03, 2018, 03:26:46 PM


Pen, like anything, it is not hard if you know the tricks of the trade but impossible if you don’t and with computers you have to be so damn precise.  The trick for putting a link in is you have to put the whole URL in – that is the bit that starts with https.  When I came to post this, I see that Les is on the ball this morning..  I always draft long posts in Word and copy to the forum for final editing, so I am not changing the draft unless I find mistakes.

To post your link you have needed to have inserted
Code:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypRTT1HmZAU.  
Spot on, Les

Once you have mastered that you can look at the exchange between Valerie and I recently on how to just show the description in the link. E.g.

 HARP LAGER - DOG 1989 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypRTT1HmZAU)

It took me ages to realise how to do this - and to show off, here is a similar ad for good luck

 A pint of Harp and a packet of dates, please (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUsygWvMV7A)

Have a great day.

[/quote]

I want to be able to show off as well, (i can see the potential for a bit of fun in being able to put my own title to a link ) but mate, if you don't mind, you are going to have to dumb down the instructions a hell of a lot more, probably into tiny little baby steps if there is any chance of me & (I suspect Pen ) ever learning this trick.

I thought that you might enjoy the link below, which i came across on utube.
My method is to simply copy that http link from utube & paste it into my post. (thanks to Pat for teaching me that one )

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=border+collie+dog+tricks&view=detail&mid=5A29540A1C8F29B434915A29540A1C8F29B43491&FORM=VIRE

Having done that how or when should i insert the url = " thingy " to change the name, there is no modify option until after i post ?

I hope that you enjoy the antics of Nana & i also hope that you are up for what may be a very painstaking challenge for you to get me to master this skill.
The collective sighs of relief that you can hear in the background are from Alan, Mike, Pat & Stan who are the ones that i usually ask my naive computer questions of, hopefully the more computer literate followers of this thread will be amused by our upcoming exchanges.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 03, 2018, 05:20:21 PM
I want to be able to show off as well, (i can see the potential for a bit of fun in being able to put my own title to a link ) but mate, if you don't mind, you are going to have to dumb down the instructions a hell of a lot more, probably into tiny little baby steps if there is any chance of me & (I suspect Pen ) ever learning this trick.
My method is to simply copy that http link from utube & paste it into my post. (thanks to Pat for teaching me that one )
Having done that how or when should i insert the url = " thingy " to change the name, there is no modify option until after i post ?
I also hope that you are up for what may be a very painstaking challenge for you to get me to master this skill.
The collective sighs of relief that you can hear in the background are from Alan, Mike, Pat & Stan who are the ones that i usually ask my naive computer questions of, hopefully the more computer literate followers of this thread will be amused by our upcoming exchanges.

I really enjoyed the antics of Nana – you can always win my heart with Border Collie videos.



Les, you have picked a poor teacher. There are a number of professional teachers in the forum who would do the job better but I will give it my best shot.

I will go through the general theory in another post using “quotes” as an example but for this post let us concentrate on getting you to send a link with your own title by following specific instructions.

Use the "reply" button so we don’t confuse the post with quotes.

Introduce the video in your usual manner.  If you use my example, “Here is another Speight’s ad” would be appropriate.

Either copy this url and paste it into your post
Code:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TA6RnH8CNE


Or use one of your own exactly as you described in your post.
Code:
Put your cursor just in front of the “h” in https and type “[url="

Place your cursor at rear of the url and type ”]”
If you use my example, typing “Speight – locked in a Brewery for the weekend' would be appropriate.  If you use your own url, type whatever takes your fancy.

Then type “[/url], Hit "enter" to get on a new line.  Needless to say you don't type any of the inverted commas. :)

Jobs done. Finish off with anything you want to say.

Hit “preview’” and see whether it works.  If it doesn’t , either you haven’t followed the instructions or I’ve buggered them up giving them to you.  Let me know.

No reasonable person will be amused. Everybody appreciates learning a new skill is not easy and will do anything they can to help you achieve it..


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 03, 2018, 08:34:54 PM
Les, I stuffed it, I was being called to tea and I didn't check thoroughly.  I left one "[" out and that's all it takes to stuff it.  I have now fixed it I hope. What you should have using my example is
Code:
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TA6RnH8CNE]Speight locked in a brewery for a weekend[/url]

Sorry about that.

 By the way  do you remember asking this question (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,3644.msg55675.html#msg55675) and getting this answer (https://chihuahua-puzzle.com/forum/index.php/topic,3644.msg55691.html#msg55691) before.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 04, 2018, 04:35:09 AM
Quote

Hang Loose Mongoose (how long before we run out I wonder?)

I have a couple more but they are getting increasingly weak, so I will be a gentleman and let you have the last word. ;D

Pen, like anything, it is not hard if you know the tricks of the trade but impossible if you don’t and with computers you have to be so damn precise. 

Thanks Jack you are a proper gentleman :)
Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a technophobe!  That's my excuse anyway.  It's probably more likely that I've got a memory like a goldfish & I forget what I've learnt in about 5 seconds flat :-R
I've found a few of the old Carling Black Label Ads & will have one last attempt at posting a link...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I
Hope your repairs are soon completed & the golf resumes.
Have a fab day
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 04, 2018, 04:41:19 AM
Quote

Pen, like anything, it is not hard if you know the tricks of the trade

G'day Les
I'm feeling a little tiny bit smug as I think I've finally successfully posted a link :)
I'm going to try one more just to make sure!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCmhR2JK1VE
Be happy & healthy Les
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 06:23:08 AM
Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a technophobe!  That's my excuse anyway.  It's probably more likely that I've got a memory like a goldfish & I forget what I've learnt in about 5 seconds flat :-R

Success, Pen.  I hear they are going to make a Swan Brewery ad with you as the heroine and the theme song will be

Quote from: Ode to Pen

Les thought she’d never make it,
But she finally come through,
Les thought she’d never make it,
But Pen posted a link to Carling Brew.


We'll soon have you embedding links like the one below.


Bewdy, mate.  Avagoodweegend (https://vimeo.com/241823926).  Don’t let the mossies get at ya!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 12:13:08 PM
{url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgSick em Rex{/yrl}

Is this correct & why are my brackets squiggly rather than straight & does that even matter?

If it is correct how do i convert it to just Sick em Rex





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 12:38:03 PM
G'day Les
I'm feeling a little tiny bit smug as I think I've finally successfully posted a link :)
I'm going to try one more just to make sure!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCmhR2JK1VE
Be happy & healthy Les
Pen
[/quote]

You have done really well
Always knew that you would
Jack likes to raise hell
But we're just too good.

Pen, you are entitled to feel a little smug as you have obviously mastered the art of posting a link.
Just a word of warning, if you are anything like me, make sure that you use " your new found power " regularly, otherwise within a few months you will have forgotten how to do it.
I hope that your doing better than me with the next bit where you can change the name of the link, it has me bamboozled.

Ozzyjack has reminded me that i actually asked Cal this same question about 6 months ago & although Cal immediately gave me the solution, i couldn't work out how to implement it so i just let it go.
This time around, i am determined to persevere until i learn how to embed a link, besides it gives me a good excuse to keep annoying Ozzyjack.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 02:50:58 PM
{url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgSick em Rex{/yrl}

Is this correct & why are my brackets squiggly rather than straight & does that even matter?

If it is correct how do i convert it to just Sick em Rex


Close, Les. but no cigar.   It does matter that you are using "{}" rather than "[]" but even then it would not work because you left out the "]" between the http link and your description Sick em rex.  But congratulations on using change color and change font.  That was going to be in lesson 3.  But even then it would not  work because in the end bit you typed "/yrl" instead of "/url".

If you were being serious about why were you brackets curly, it was because you had your finger on the shift key.  "{" is to "[" as "A" is to "a".

Code:
Now try [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg]Sick em Rex[/url]




I was going to say it was because you were using a banned ad  >:D but that would have been frivolous and I am seriously trying to help. >:(


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 03:21:20 PM
G'day Les
 besides it gives me a good excuse to keep annoying Ozzyjack.

G'day, Les.  Annoying Ozzyjack is fair game and I approve and I loved your poem. I like to give and if you give it and can’t take it, you are a Dick, and I don’t mean Tracy.

 But would you do me a favour.  Hit "modify" in your post to Pen and

Code:

restore the line "[quote author=Hobbit link=topic=3647.msg57560#msg57560 date=1525372879]" above "G'day Les"
or at least insert "[quote]" there

It will make the post look much more professional and I'm sure Pen would appreciate it.

If you wish, I will cover tricks with quotes in lesson 2


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 03:48:31 PM
{url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgSick em Rex{/yrl}

Is this correct & why are my brackets squiggly rather than straight & does that even matter?

If it is correct how do i convert it to just Sick em Rex


Close, Les. but no cigar.   It does matter that you are using "{}" rather than "[]" but even then it would not work because you left out the "]" between the http link and your description Sick em rex.  But congratulations on using change color and change font.  That was going to be in lesson 3.  But even then it would not  work because in the end bit you typed "/yrl" instead of "/url".

If you were being serious about why were you brackets curly, it was because you had your finger on the shift key.  "{" is to "[" as "A" is to "a".

Code:
Now try [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg]Sick em Rex[/url]




I was going to say it was because you were using a banned ad  >:D but that would have been frivolous and I am seriously trying to help. >:(

Firstly, i really do apologise for the " yrl " , just a stupid typo that is not making your task any easier & sadly, i was fair dinkum about the brackets, i always thought that  the only way to bring up a bracket was with the shift key, as both the squiggly & straight options are on the key, i thought the idea was that if you wanted the straight one then you would just hit shift & press the bottom portion of the key where the straight icon is displayed, always wondered why that never worked ( i was actually having concerns that my computer thinks that i am not straight ), i had no idea that you could bring up the straight bracket simply by pressing that key without the shift.

I'll have another go shortly, just have a visitor at the moment.

Thanks Jack, really do appreciate your help with this.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 04:00:47 PM
i was actually having concerns that my computer thinks that i am not straight

Only your computer could make that mistake, Les, unless you have been telling us porkies.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 04:06:38 PM
[/url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz[/url]

Is this any closer?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 04:25:23 PM
i was actually having concerns that my computer thinks that i am not straight

Only your computer could make that mistake, Les, unless you have been telling us porkies.

I may be many things but I am certainly not a liar ( telling jokes excluded ), there was a time when I first got my computer that I thought that it must be gay ( not that there is anything wrong with that ) because we could never get along but slowly but surely, over time we have developed a workable relationship.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 04:48:07 PM
[/url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz[/url]

Is this any closer?

No.  You had three things to do.  You did two and didn't do the third. To make up for it you made two changes to things that were right.

Make these three changes
  • Delete the slash which you inserted as the second character in your string
  • Change the first right parenthesis back to "="
  • Insert a right parenthesis before "antz Pantz"

Hit preview to see if it works, if it doesn't change whatever need changing to make it look like this

Code:

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg]Antz Pantz[/url]





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 05:12:44 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz (http://)

I don't understand what I am doing wrong, when I hit preview, it still comes up with https but yours comes up in blue as just Antz Pantz "?

this is the code you provided me with ;

Antz Pantz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg)

I have hit modify because this post shows the http address even though I have made the url additions which are showing on this page?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 05:17:44 PM
Actually when I click on my link it does nothing, when I click on your Antz Pantz link it takes me straight to the ad?

I tried to copy & paste the code that you had provided to show that I was duplicating it exactly but it just comes up as Antz Pantz ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on May 04, 2018, 05:23:55 PM
I totally loved that ad.  And it's still famous.  The young lady involved was interviewed only a couple of months ago.  After how many years?  Nothing to do with beer of course.  Have we moved on?  Yeah, let's do it!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 05:45:05 PM
Val, glad that you liked the ad, i have definitely moved on from but not excluded beer ads.
There is no need for any category at all, the intention as far as i am concerned is that if anyone comes across anything ( no matter the topic ) that they think others might find amusing, then post it.

I noticed recently that you were very quickly able to understand how to embed a link.
Ozzyjack is doing his very best to explain it to me but perhaps a different perspective from your good self?





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on May 04, 2018, 05:55:35 PM
Oh Les, It won't surprise you to learn that I'm a total luddite when it comes to technology.  Stick with Ozzyjack.  All the best Val x


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on May 04, 2018, 06:44:51 PM
Les: what I did was type EXACTLY what Ozzyjack said to type (I always do as I'm told!).  Don't bother with any of the other fluffy bumph he says to do.  Just type all the brackets and the other bits and pieces in between as he's instructed (assuming, of course, you have already got up the link in your post and are typing around it as you are supposed to do - don't change anything in the link itself).  If at first it doesn't succeed, keep "modifying" until you get it right.  Good luck.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 07:53:08 PM
G'day Les
I'm feeling a little tiny bit smug as I think I've finally successfully posted a link :)
I'm going to try one more just to make sure!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCmhR2JK1VE
Be happy & healthy Les
Pen

You have done really well
Always knew that you would
Jack likes to raise hell
But we're just too good.

Pen, you are entitled to feel a little smug as you have obviously mastered the art of posting a link.
Just a word of warning, if you are anything like me, make sure that you use " your new found power " regularly, otherwise within a few months you will have forgotten how to do it.
I hope that your doing better than me with the next bit where you can change the name of the link, it has me bamboozled.

Ozzyjack has reminded me that i actually asked Cal this same question about 6 months ago & although Cal immediately gave me the solution, i couldn't work out how to implement it so i just let it go.
This time around, i am determined to persevere until i learn how to embed a link, besides it gives me a good excuse to keep annoying Ozzyjack.


[/quote]

Jack, the above was my reply to Pen, it includes the " G'day Les " quote so i'm not sure what you would like me  to modify.

In any case, you must realise by now just what a lovely & easy going type of person that Penny is, she would be the last one in the world to be worried about spelling mistakes, bad grammar, miss leading or missing quotes or even total omissions, all that she has ever cared about is the content & context of my posts, when they are good, she will let me know & when they are bad she will also let me know but in a very subtle manor.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 04, 2018, 08:10:17 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg

Now I've forgotten the bloody instructions but i'll give it a go anyway.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg= Antz Pantz [url]



Aaaargh, it still just comes up as a https
 (http://)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 04, 2018, 08:54:39 PM
Thank you Valerie.

Les, I have now finished dinner with a bottle of white and a bottle of red and I am calm and relaxed.

Let’s backtrack

You presented your latest effort and asked is this any closer.
Code:
[/url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz[/url]

I replied, among other things, do these three things – let’s take them one at a time and see the result

1. Delete the slash which you inserted as the second character in your string
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz[/url]
2. Change the first right parenthesis back to "="
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2KoxgAntz Pantz[/url]
3. Insert a right parenthesis before "Antz Pantz"
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ac9XE2Koxg]Antz Pantz[/url]

Copy this to your post and you will see it works.  Voila.  We can use this template for any url link
[url="url Link "]”your text”[/url]

so [url=              ]           [/url] is fixed.

 

All you have to do is copy your url link into the first space.   Type what you want to show into the second spacei

Copy it into your post.  Give it a go.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 05, 2018, 03:09:43 AM
Jack, the above was my reply to Pen, it includes the " G'day Les " quote so i'm not sure what you would like me  to modify.

In any case, you must realise by now just what a lovely & easy going type of person that Penny is, she would be the last one in the world to be worried about spelling mistakes, bad grammar, miss leading or missing quotes or even total omissions, all that she has ever cared about is the content & context of my posts, when they are good, she will let me know & when they are bad she will also let me know but in a very subtle manor.

Don’t worry about it, Les.  I was being pedantic in trying to get you to get Pen’s quote looking right by getting the “quote” “/quotes” balanced.  The only relevance of the “G’day Les” was to indicate the place where you needed to have a “quote” statement of some kind before it.  You have achieved this by pure accident although it does look a bit funny having a “quote from Les303 etc.” followed by Pen’s quote.

Your statement on Pen’s qualities, which you have understated, and how she wouldn’t care how sloppy your presentation was, illustrates a divergence of views between you and me on communication. Although the communication is directed to Pen, it is made in a public forum and this should also be taken into account.

I am old-fashioned about communication. I believe that if you are communicating for your own pleasure then you should get a diary and keep it to yourself.  You would realise by now, Les, what Aussies call people who pleasure themselves.  If you are communicating with others for any of the following reasons: their enjoyment; information; enlightenment; instruction; or just keeping in touch, it is your responsibility to take as much care as you can to make their job of getting the message less onerous. This includes attention to presentation, spelling, grammar within reason, and adopting the style of the presentation to the purpose you want to achieve.  The more forgiving the audience, the more, not less, I feel an obligation to take care. I often fall short of the standard I would like to set, but I keeping trying.

On re-reading what I have written, I realise what a pompous old Git I have become.  You probably got there before me.

Also, I am reminded of that old but true proverb which I have just made up: “you can flog a dead horse, but you can’t make it drink”


 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 05, 2018, 04:32:21 AM
Oh Jack & Les you totally crack me up :laugh:
I have totally lost the plot, am completely bamboozled & have not got the foggiest idea what on earth is going on ???  I couldn't care less because you're both making me roar with laughter!
The best present you can give somebody (apart from a share of your lottery win >:D) is to make them laugh.
Here's to friends even though they're far away :)
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 05, 2018, 04:48:51 AM
Quote

Also, I am reminded of that old but true proverb which I have just made up: “you can flog a dead horse, but you can’t make it drink”

I'm not sure that Les needs any encouragement to take a drink Jack >:D
I enjoyed the Antz Pantz ad.
I've just remembered that Arnold Schwarzenegger made some adverts for an insurance comparison company here called Compare The Meerkat. I'll post a couple as I think they're quite funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ADHb1p4lv8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTrgPZG1Vrc
Cheers
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 05, 2018, 04:55:14 AM
Quote

You have done really well
Always knew that you would
Jack likes to raise hell
But we're just too good.

Pen, you are entitled to feel a little smug as you have obviously mastered the art of posting a link.
Just a word of warning, if you are anything like me, make sure that you use " your new found power " regularly, otherwise within a few months you will have forgotten how to do it.
I hope that your doing better than me with the next bit where you can change the name of the link, it has me bamboozled.

G'day Les.
You're spot on!  If I don't practice my new found skill then I will almost certainly forget how to do it in a nanosecond!  I have no idea how to change the name of the link. Exceedingly baffled! Happy just to post a link as it is!
Loved the poem by the way :)
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: anonsi on May 05, 2018, 05:48:36 AM
I have no idea how to change the name of the link. Exceedingly baffled!

To change the name of the link, you can edit what you put between the two URL tags, like this:
Code:
[url=https://www.google.com]This is a link to Google.[/url]

This is the result. This is a link to Google. (http://www.google.com)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 05:39:58 PM
Thanks anonsi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hpIDcQIds)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 05:42:57 PM
Bugger, I thought I had it although it did take me to UTUBE but to a blank page?, never mind i'll keep trying.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 06:02:47 PM
maybe this time[url] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kds9M4YVfE)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 06:05:34 PM
Bugger me, that actually worked, thanks to anonsi, cal ,jack & google.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 06:20:08 PM
Just in case it was a fluke, I have to try it again.

Meet Zoe[url]
 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK6MkxA0isw)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 06:44:56 PM
Just one question now, why does the " [url] " appear at the end of my title?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 06:47:59 PM

Don’t worry about it, Les.  I was being pedantic in trying to get you to get Pen’s quote looking right by getting the “quote” “/quotes” balanced.  The only relevance of the “G’day Les” was to indicate the place where you needed to have a “quote” statement of some kind before it.  You have achieved this by pure accident although it does look a bit funny having a “quote from Les303 etc.” followed by Pen’s quote.

Your statement on Pen’s qualities, which you have understated, and how she wouldn’t care how sloppy your presentation was, illustrates a divergence of views between you and me on communication. Although the communication is directed to Pen, it is made in a public forum and this should also be taken into account.

I am old-fashioned about communication. I believe that if you are communicating for your own pleasure then you should get a diary and keep it to yourself.  You would realise by now, Les, what Aussies call people who pleasure themselves.  If you are communicating with others for any of the following reasons: their enjoyment; information; enlightenment; instruction; or just keeping in touch, it is your responsibility to take as much care as you can to make their job of getting the message less onerous. This includes attention to presentation, spelling, grammar within reason, and adopting the style of the presentation to the purpose you want to achieve.  The more forgiving the audience, the more, not less, I feel an obligation to take care. I often fall short of the standard I would like to set, but I keeping trying.

On re-reading what I have written, I realise what a pompous old Git I have become.  You probably got there before me.

Also, I am reminded of that old but true proverb which I have just made up: “you can flog a dead horse, but you can’t make it drink”
[/quote]

I am feeling like a bit of a naughty school boy.
Hod,Mike, Pat, rogue mother & many others have long given up in their attempts to correct my poor communications but your point is well taken & I  will endeavour to make my future posts a bit more professional.

Pen, you really must try to make more of an effort to keep up.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 05, 2018, 07:32:24 PM
Just one question now, why does the "
Try] " appear at the end of my title?
 (http://" appear at the end of my title?
[/quote)
Try [/url] instead of [url] to end with.  Did everyone forget to tell to do that?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 05, 2018, 08:03:54 PM
I was being pedantic in trying to get you to get Pen’s quote looking right by getting the “quote” “/quotes” balanced.  


Les, if you insist on chopping the tops off, leave at least one “quote” in parenthesis there to  stop the quotes looking ridiculous.
Code:

[quote]  ......[/quote] must come in pairs.  We’ll talk more about this later when I’m sober.

P.S. do you really think having a little tipple reduces your ability to communicate?



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 08:31:41 PM
Code:

[quote]  ......[/quote] must come in pairs.  We’ll talk more about this later when I’m sober.

P.S. do you really think having a little tipple reduces your ability to communicate?

[/quote]

I'm too " pissed " to answer that.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 08:38:12 PM
hopefully title only (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2IkewDjsUg)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 05, 2018, 08:48:32 PM
Thanks Jack, that has actually worked & yes I was probably given that instruction earlier but I managed to confuse myself  ( easily done ) with all the different instructions, anyway I have finally managed to master the task so thank you for all your help & patience.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 05, 2018, 11:20:45 PM
Thanks Jack, that has actually worked & yes I was probably given that instruction earlier but I managed to confuse myself  ( easily done ) with all the different instructions, anyway I have finally managed to master the task so thank you for all your help & patience.

Now you have to take the advice of a wise man:


Just a word of warning, if you are anything like me, make sure that you use " your new found power " regularly, otherwise within a few months you will have forgotten how to do it.

 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 05, 2018, 11:40:46 PM
Quote from:  Ozzyjack in a previous post
Code:

[quote]  ......[/quote] must come in pairs.  We’ll talk more about this later when I’m sober.

P.S. do you really think having a little tipple reduces your ability to communicate?

Quote from:  Les in reply

I'm too " pissed " to answer that.

Too pissed to get your
Code:
[quote]  ......[/quote]
in pairs again, too.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 06, 2018, 12:15:07 AM
I couldn't care less because you're both making me roar with laughter!
 

Well, no laughter today, Pen, we’re into the serious business of cross-cultural language translation.

Lesson 1

Les talking in Red, English translation in Black (http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/aussie_gentleman.jpg)

Lesson 2

High Class Aussie Lady (https://i.pinimg.com/736x/ec/9c/6b/ec9c6b6db0ccb0658289ca2d9e4a0b9e--funny-jokes-humour.jpg)

Lesson 3


Message From Australia:

A Darwin fellow roaming the Red Centre with a beaut of a barbie on the ali tray of his fair dinkum ute was looking for some hard yakka because there was no sit-down money for the pokies.  But it was a daggy deal as he hit the Bundy instead and ended up chundering in the dunny.

Above Message As Reported By British Dispatches

A person named Darwin with companions the fair skinned Barbara Dinkum ute and Ali Tray were travelling through the center of China looking for some hard egg-yokes because of financial constraints and a lack of pigs.  But something went wrong after a fight with someone called Bundy in a town called Chanderin-Dunni.

Tomorrow: How to translate New Zealand speak

and then we might get back to making you laugh. >:D



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 06, 2018, 05:04:14 AM
Sorry Jack you failed miserably - still laughing!  Bloody hilarious!
I very much look forward to How To Translate New Zealand Speak tomorrow (today possibly?)
If it's anything like Aussie speak then I will obviously be even more baffled ???
Toodle Pip
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 06, 2018, 05:07:23 AM
Quote

To change the name of the link, you can edit what you put between the two URL tags, like this:
Code:
[url=https://www.google.com]This is a link to Google.[/url]


Thanks Anonsi
I'll give it a whirl when I next post a link.  If Les can master it with the aid of a drink or 3 then hopefully I can manage it when stone cold sober!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 06, 2018, 05:17:37 AM
Quote

Pen, you really must try to make more of an effort to keep up.


Sorry Les I'll try a bit harder in future :laugh:
Too busy laughing at (or maybe that should say with) you & Jack to concentrate!
Bit like my reports when I was at school. Must pay more attention!
Toodle loo
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 06, 2018, 08:01:49 PM
" Pompous old git " , what do you reckon?, I don't think so but definitely funny old bastard.
Like you, i'm still laughing at the English translation & can't wait for the Kiwi version. ( brace yourself grommit ).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 06, 2018, 08:20:50 PM
Pen, I grew up watching a TV show called " Young Talent Time ".
It was hosted by Johnny Young & as the name suggests it had kids from about 7 to 15 years old singing popular songs.
Many of the performers (Kylie & Dannie Minogue to name just a couple ) went on to have fabulous careers & are renowned world wide but the one that i fell in love with was Tina Arina.
This all leads me to an excuse to practise my new found embedding skill, hope you like the song.




 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvOlYFN62Ysorrenitymoon[/url)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 06, 2018, 08:23:45 PM
Bugger, that obviously didn't work, it actually disappeared altogether ?

Here's the link;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvOlYFN62Y


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 06, 2018, 08:31:09 PM
sorrento moon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvOlYFN62Y)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 06, 2018, 08:36:20 PM
Yes , I've still got it,  I just have to be very precise ( who gave me that advice ?) when inputting the url's


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 06, 2018, 09:32:24 PM
G’Day Mates (especially Pen and Les)


Today: How to translate New Zealand speak

There are two issues to understanding New Zealanders when they speak to you in their local vernacular: their use of idiosyncratic language (slang); and the way they pronounce what they say.  The slang is a lot easier for Australians than many others to understand because the vast majority of the slang is the same or close to Australian usage.  The main exception is where the slang comes from the Maori Language.  The pronunciation issue is caricatured and if it exists at all any more is mainly restricted to people of a certain age.  In all countries subjected to the same American and British television, regional differences are tending to diminish.

I found a good source to teach the words.  The presenter introduces and explains 110 slang words or expressions in 5 minutes on each video.  She uses a few words I wouldn’t use in front of the Vicar, so if you are sensitive in this regard, you might want to be ready to put your fingers in your ears even if you have to extract them from elsewhere.  I think you will find them mildly amusing but more informative than rib-tickling. Also on my machine an annoying ad came up and obscured the sub-titles. A quick click on the little x box got rid of it.

 NZ Slang Part 1 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61WwIzhW9Lg&t=13s)

NZ Slang Part 2] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGWiNAgEbHs)

New Zillund Speak

These three may not be as realistic as they once were, but I think you will find them amusing.  


In the first one the first minute about Australia  is crap, it is the finish you will like.

 The Algorithm for converting to New Zillund Speak (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwtMcu_ULkE)



What helped me to understand New Zealand (Zillund) speak in the second and third items, was to read each item out loud:

The NZ Accent Alphabet (http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/new-zillund.jpg)



Some More Examples

There are a few items that were in the Alphabet.


Beard - a place to sleep                         Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Beers - large savage animals found in USA woods  Ken's - Cairns
Brudge - structure spanning a stream             Kittle crusps - potato chips
Bug hut - popular recording                       Leather - foam produced from soap
Bun button - been bitten by an insect            Lift - departed
Cuds - children                                   McKennock - person who fixes cars
Day old chuck - very young poultry               Mere - Mayor
Duffy cult - not easy                            Mess Kara - eye makeup
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen                 Milburn - capital of Victoria
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline             Min - male of the species
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym               Munner stroney - soup
Earplane - large flying machine                  Nin tin dough - computer game
Ever cardeau – avocado                           One Doze - well known computer program
Fear hear - blonde                               Peck - to fill a suitcase
Fitter cheney - type of pasta                     Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Fush - marine creatures                          Pits - domestic animals
Guess - vapour                                   Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely                          Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Inner me - enemy                                 Tin - one more than nine



Enjoy!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 06, 2018, 09:50:39 PM
Yes , I've still got it, 

Bloody Bewdy, Les, Congratulations.  Let's hope it's catching.

Quote from: Les again
I just have to be very precise (who gave me that advice ?) when inputting the url's.

I couldn't possibly guess!  Probably some pompous old Git.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 07, 2018, 04:53:47 AM
Quote
Yes , I've still got it,  I just have to be very precise ( who gave me that advice ?) when inputting the url's
G'day Les
Thought I'd give it a whirl & see just how difficult it is!
How Tricky Can It Be? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8yKYulIKPo.)
Can't see what all the fuss is about!  What took you so long? >:D
Mind how you go
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 07, 2018, 05:01:47 AM
Quote

Today: How to translate New Zealand speak

Enjoy!!

Evening Jack
I did enjoy - very much!  Very funny & informative.  Quite a few of the slang expressions are used over here.
Was wondering where Gromit has got to?  Is he the only Kiwi on the forum?
Ciao!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 07, 2018, 02:59:41 PM
Evening Jack
Was wondering where Gromit has got to?  Is he the only Kiwi on the forum?
Ciao!

How are you going, Pen

Oops, I think Gromit might look more like
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSfif4GuGlolVvijksT9sdrAVU54K-07Pmt7g-LIGY1j2olZWJAHw)
than this
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYhgVFFP18yCCFj61IdSCa10d4IfIK9s7R7y35idWMus3HCC7E)

The other NZers that I have been able to identify that are currently active are Bobbi and Tania.

I really loved your "Good Call" sketch.  I must have missed it when I was looking into those others you put me onto.

I have been watching the Golf Sixes  at the Centurion Club, St Albans, and the weather looked absolutely gorgeous.  You can’t be too far away from there, so I hope you had the same weather over the weekend.

Auf Wiedersehen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 07, 2018, 03:16:03 PM
Quote
Yes , I've still got it,  I just have to be very precise ( who gave me that advice ?) when inputting the url's
G'day Les
Thought I'd give it a whirl & see just how difficult it is!
How Tricky Can It Be? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8yKYulIKPo.)
Can't see what all the fuss is about!  What took you so long? >:D
Mind how you go
Penx


Wow Pen, I really am impressed, good on you, I guess that maybe I am the one who needs to try & keep up & " Must pay more attention! "

And how impressive is Ozzyjack, he must spend hours researching some of his posts & they always provide plenty of laughs!!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 07, 2018, 04:25:08 PM

And how impressive is Ozzyjack, he must spend hours researching some of his posts & they always provide plenty of laughs!!!

Well, Les, you have learnt another lesson in influencing people - "Flattery will get you everywhere" :D :) ;)

The one that is hard to learn is that "Sincerity will win the day" and when you learn to fake sincerity you've got the game skun. >:D :laugh:


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 07, 2018, 07:32:42 PM
You won't get any false flattery from me, i'll give you my sincere opinion every time ( except when I am being sarcastic  or trying to be funny).

I am sure that our pseudo girlfriend would agree as she always speaks her mind & has a very subtle manner when it comes to dis-agreeing with or criticising a post.

At the end of the day, if you can't cop & give a bit of rubbish with your mates, then they are not true friends.

Pen, grommit has never been a prolific poster but like you i am a little concerned about her current silence especially considering the current topic, hope that she is ok.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 07, 2018, 09:04:30 PM
Quote

How are you going, Pen

Oops, I think Gromit might look more like

I have been watching the Golf Sixes  at the Centurion Club, St Albans, and the weather looked absolutely gorgeous.  You can’t be too far away from there, so I hope you had the same weather over the weekend.

Hi Jack
I was doing just fine until I committed that faux pas :-[  I know that Gromit is a lady so I don't know what on earth possessed me to type "he".
Think I'll emigrate to South America with a change of identity!
Weather here has been scorching for a few days.  Wall to wall sunshine & temperature pushing 80f. When I went out yesterday late afternoon all I could smell was barbies! St Albans is an old Roman town.  Nice place with a few ruins! It's about 30 miles from here. Hope you're enjoying the golf.
Sadly I'm stuck at work today :(
Arrivederci
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 07, 2018, 09:08:01 PM
Quote

And how impressive is Ozzyjack, he must spend hours researching some of his posts & they always provide plenty of laughs!!!

G'day Les
Jack is very impressive.  It's good that you tell him so that he knows we appreciate his efforts.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 07, 2018, 10:21:29 PM
You won't get any false flattery from me, I’ll give you my sincere opinion every time (except when I am being sarcastic or trying to be funny).

Les, how do we know when you are being sarcastic, ironic , or trying to be funny?  You keep such a straight face and you won’t give us a clue by using emoticons.  I have gone back and amended my last post to indicate that I was trying to be funny.

Quote from:  Les confusing me
I am sure that our pseudo girlfriend would agree as she always speaks her mind & has a very subtle manner when it comes to dis-agreeing with or criticising a post.

I am confused by three things
  • What you mean by pseudo?:  Is it one of these google definitions (https://www.google.com/search?q=pseudo&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab)
  • What do you mean by girlfriend?  I have a friend, she is a woman, a very fine woman but  this is a girlfriend (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg59q4puhmg&list=RDBg59q4puhmg&t=167)
  • What would she agree with?  That you are a genuine honourable person and mean what you say when you are not being sarcastic or trying to be funny.  It is not contested, even I would agree.

Quote from: Les stating the obvious
At the end of the day, if you can't cop & give a bit of rubbish with your mates, then they are not true friends.
Even at the start of the day, I agree with you.  I think, I might have said so a few days ago that you would be a dick to think differently.  Was there something on your mind that caused you to restate it?

In summary, Les, if I have got up your nose with a bit of rubbish, I am not going to apologise because of the rule you have just stated, if you are a mate , you will cop it.


In the sober light of day, she’ll be right. mate.  No worries;


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 07, 2018, 10:50:45 PM
Pen, Gromit has never been a prolific poster but like you I am a little concerned about her current silence especially considering the current topic, hope that she is ok.

Les and Pen,

I can’t tell you if Gromit is OK but there is no reason to believe she isn’t. 

When I get onto the forum, I generally look to see who is online with me.  Quite often Gromit is on at the same time.  She was last on just before 6 O’clock tonight.

What explains her silence? Perhaps like Yelnats, 2dognight, Blackrockrose and our other friends, unlike Les and I, they have been observing the following dictum –

“When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”
– Winston Churchill


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 07, 2018, 11:24:32 PM
Wall to wall sunshine & temperature pushing 80f. When I went out yesterday late afternoon all I could smell was barbies! St Albans is an old Roman town.  Nice place with a few ruins! It's about 30 miles from here. Hope you're enjoying the golf.
Sadly I'm stuck at work today :(
Arrivederci
Pen

27oC - I suppose everyone is running around in their swimmers. >:D

I hope you are getting double time working on a Bank Holiday.

The sixes format is an interesting experiment to get more people involved in golf.  Same principle as 20-over cricket.  Very enjoyable.  About the only time men and women play together, in a golf tournament, that is.

Hasta mañana


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 08, 2018, 04:19:49 AM
Quote

27oC - I suppose everyone is running around in their swimmers. >:D

I hope you are getting double time working on a Bank Holiday.

Evening Jack
No swimmers thank heavens >:D  I've seen some exceedingly dodgy expanses of white skin :o  Particularly men in shorts with white legs & socks with their sandals  :-R  Weather's due to change the day after tomorrow so we will resume normal spring weather here with showers & temperatures of about 16c. 
We don't get paid double time at all :(  I think it's time & two thirds for a bank holiday.  By the time the tax & National Insurance has been taken out it's not that great.
Sayonara
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 08, 2018, 04:17:09 PM
" Les, how do we know when you are being sarcastic, ironic , or trying to be funny?  You keep such a straight face and you won’t give us a clue by using emoticons.  I have gone back and amended my last post to indicate that I was trying to be funny. "

I would have thought that it should generally be quite obvious when I am being  sarcastic, ironic , or just  trying to be funny however if there is the slightest hesitation from the reader ( is this clown actually being serious? ) then that just adds to the amusement or at least to my amusement.

" I am confused by three things
What you mean by pseudo?: Is it one of these google definitions
What do you mean by girlfriend?  I have a friend, she is a woman, a very fine woman but this is a girlfriend
What would she agree with?  That you are a genuine honourable person and mean what you say when you are not being sarcastic or trying to be funny.  It is not contested, even I would agree."

By pseudo, I mean sham, for quite a while now, Penny & I have been flirting outrageously with eachother, for our own amusement & although at times we carried on like a couple of love struck teenagers, it was always in jest & never taken seriously although I always had the thought in the back of my mind, who knows what this harmless flirting could lead to.
Then Karen came into my life which I immediately revealed to Penny & as you would expect from such a gracious lady, her first response was to wish me all the best.
I fully intend to continue my flirtatious banter with Pen who will always be the first girl , lady , special friend that I have met on the internet.

" What would she agree with? "

I'll let Pen answer that one.

In summary, Les, if I have got up your nose with a bit of rubbish, I am not going to apologise because of the rule you have just stated, if you are a mate , you will cop it.

Jack,
The last thing that I expected or was looking for from you was an apology, i'm quite prepared to cop a bit of flak but be assured, i'll quickly give it back.

Penny & i just connected, to her, i found it was very easy to relate.
Jack, i think i have the same connection with you, a genuine mate.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 08, 2018, 08:41:30 PM

And how impressive is Ozzyjack, he must spend hours researching some of his posts & they always provide plenty of laughs!!!

Les paid me a complement and I handled it badly. According to this article (https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/tami-roos/australians-dont-know-how_b_7985564.html) it is a common Aussie trait, but that is no excuse and, Les, for my ineptness, I do apologise.


I tried to handle it with humour and this fell flat and obviously upset Les.  His reply didn't sit well with me and the rest is history. But the good news is

Quote from:  Les has said

Jack, I think I have the same connection with you, a genuine mate.


So, all good.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 08, 2018, 10:27:59 PM
I've seen some exceedingly dodgy expanses of white skin :o  Particularly men in shorts with white legs & socks with their sandals  :-R

Pen, I’ll let the first sentence go through to the keeper.  But the second sentence shocks me.  When I was a boy, wearing socks with sandals was a hanging offence.  But now the young folk are declaring the practice to be the height of fashion. The place is going to the dogs – which wouldn’t be too bad if the dogs were Border Collies.

I came across an article on  Australian Humour  (http://outbackcooking.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/australian-humour-has-long-history-that.html) which has some interesting insights which you might appreciate.

And one for the road –   Great Aussie Joke  No19 (https://www.heyhey.tv/video/great-aussie-joke-1989-ep-19/)

Shalom


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 09, 2018, 04:22:00 AM
Oh heavens Jack that's truly awful!  I thought socks & sandals was still a hanging offence! I'm obviously not down with the kids :laugh:  Young men here wear their jeans so low down you are exposed to rather a lot of "builders bum".  I keep expecting them to fall down any moment >:D
Border collies are wonderful dogs & you are very lucky to have them.
The article on Australian Humour I found very interesting thanks.
Au revoir mon ami
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 09, 2018, 04:31:16 AM
Quote

I fully intend to continue my flirtatious banter with Pen who will always be the first girl , lady , special friend that I have met on the internet.

I'll let Pen answer that one.


Penny & i just connected, to her, i found it was very easy to relate.
Jack, i think i have the same connection with you, a genuine mate.

G'day Les.
I'm very pleased to hear that you intend to continue our flirtatious banter.  As you say we connected & found it very easy to relate to one another.
Sorry but I've slightly lost the plot on the exchange between you & Jack & I'm not sure what I'm meant to be answering. 
Back to Must Pay More Attention
I obviously have the attention span of a gnat or a goldfish :laugh:
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on May 09, 2018, 02:55:06 PM
I came across an article on  Australian Humour  (http://outbackcooking.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/australian-humour-has-long-history-that.html) which has some interesting insights which you might appreciate.

REALLY liked the Australian travel ad about all those beautiful wide open deserted places.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 09, 2018, 05:05:21 PM
I just can't understand why the Australian Tourism Board never chose to promote the "wide open deserted places" advertising campaign?

The original " Hey Hey its Saturday " television show was extremely popular & mandatory viewing in our household.
For those of you that may not know or remember, the iconic Ozzie telling the first joke was a gentleman named Maurie Fields.
Maurie had a very distinguished career from his early days as a vaudeville actor & stand up comedian to starring in serious dramatic roles in several different Australian television series. (Bellbird would have to be the most remembered )
He was getting toward the end of his career when he was introduced to " Hey Hey " but became an instant favourite due to the unique manner in which he could tell a joke.
A lesser known fact is that he was also the editor of the jokes pages of the Australasian Post magazine for many years, a role continued by his son Marty after Maurie's passing.

His side kick on " Hey Hey " was Shane Bourne, a stand up comedian who appeared in or hosted many comedic television programmes.
In total contrast to Maurie's career, it was only later in Shane's career that he began to appear in serious television shows where he proved himself to be a avery accomplished dramatic actor. (i thought that he was excellent in "City Homicide").

No matter how " fashionable " it may be for the younger generation, there is no way that you will ever see me wearing socks with sandals or even worse, socks with thongs.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 09, 2018, 08:14:03 PM
REALLY liked the Australian travel ad about all those beautiful wide open deserted places.

Hi, Birdy, I dub thee an honorary Australian in the field of humour.

I had a quick look today for similar sketches but came up empty. However, as time allows, I’ll keep looking.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 09, 2018, 10:02:41 PM
I obviously have the attention span of a gnat or a goldfish :laugh:

Pen, I suspect your affliction is somewhat similar to a malady I have – “selective deafness”.  It is said that I can’t hear “you got to do that job” in a normal volume from 3 metres but I have no problem hearing “do you want a beer” whispered from 30 metres.

Les’s post reminded me that “Hey Hey’ also had a segment called “Red Faces” and I turned up an interesting bit of trivia.

Quote from:  PETER TATCHELL (reprinted from LAUGH MAGAZINE #9, 1994)
It all began as something of a joke. In mid-1971, Sydney Harbour Bridge rigger Paul Hogan and a few of his workmates were bemoaning the treatment regularly meted out to contestants on the New Faces TV show. Why not work out a phony act and heap a bit back on the judges, thought 32-year-old Hogan, an Aussie battler with a wife and kids who’d left school in his mid-teens and worked his way through a myriad of jobs.

Billing himself as a knife-throwing tap-dancer from Lightning Ridge he duly appeared on the show and menaced the none-too-impressed adjudicators with his wooden props and ocker wit. Whether or not the producers of the program appreciated his sentiments they were quick to note a glimpse of talent in his methods and invited him back for another appearance. By the end of the year (and after several more ludicrous sight acts) Hogan was a contestant in the finals of the show and though beaten into second place he was creating quite a stir with the viewers.

Enter journalist Mike Willesee, whose A Current Affair daily TV programme debuted the following week. One of his first segments featured a reporter sent out to interview the famous bridge worker about his newfound fame and views on life in general.

The three-minute item so impressed Willesee that Hogan was engaged as a regular on the series and for the next few months would knock off work at four o’clock in the afternoon and make his way to the T.C.N.9 studios.

An indication of the popularity of the two to three minute segments came when Hogan discussed tax returns and suggested attaching a $10 note to the form to speed up the refund. Over seven thousand viewers followed his advice (much to the consternation on the tax office).

So to thank Les for reminding me, I have included a short sketch for his enjoyment, but you might get a giggle out of it as well.

Is bicycling healthy? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeHCq6fFkNo)


Adiós, mi amiga


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 10, 2018, 05:00:46 AM
Quote

Pen, I suspect your affliction is somewhat similar to a malady I have – “selective deafness”.  It is said that I can’t hear “you got to do that job” in a normal volume from 3 metres but I have no problem hearing “do you want a beer” whispered from 30 metres.

So to thank Les for reminding me, I have included a short sketch for his enjoyment, but you might get a giggle out of it as well.

Is bicycling healthy? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeHCq6fFkNo)


Evening Jack
I think if you asked No1 daughter about my "selective deafness" I don't doubt she would agree!
I enjoyed reading about Paul Hogan.  Very interesting & informative. You were right.  Is Bicycling Healthy? gave me a real giggle :laugh: I love visual humour.  There was a short film years ago written by Eric Sykes called The Plank.  There was no dialogue but it was very funny. Benny Hill was a bit of a favourite here in the 70's.  He did lots of visual sketches & always used the same music Benny Hill Theme (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5sQL7q_IOI). Not everybody's cup of tea but very popular with the gentlemen as there were lots of attractive scantily clad ladies to be seen >:D
Aloha
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 10, 2018, 09:44:32 AM

 I love visual humour.  There was a short film years ago written by Eric Sykes called The Plank.  There was no dialogue but it was very funny.


There were actually two versions of The Plank, both of them written and directed by Eric Sykes.
The first was made for cinema release and had Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper as the two workmen; it was remade for TV a few years later with Arthur Lowe replacing Tommy Cooper.
I'm not sure which I prefer - they are both hilarious.
Eric Sykes actually made a series of short TV comedy films. The best known, apart from The Plank, were A Home of Your Own and Mr H is Late.

Another two 'silent movies' from about the same era were by the Two Ronnies (Corbett and Barker).
The films, which were made for TV, were called 'By the Sea' and 'The Picnic' and today they are both rightly regarded as comedy classics.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on May 10, 2018, 03:06:00 PM
Is bicycling healthy? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeHCq6fFkNo)

Note to self: Must stop watching these things late at night. Will be getting letter of complaint about loud laughter while normal people are trying to sleep.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 10, 2018, 04:18:22 PM
G'day birdy,

I feel that there are a quite few other forumites ( despite the fact that most of them are bloody pommies ) who Jack could have easily included in his list of honorary Australians but I certainly do endorse his decision in dubbing thee as i just love your sense of humour.

Jack, i really did enjoy seeing that clip after such a long time but i am struggling to remember, who is the young woman riding the bike, i thought it might be Karen Pini but not sure?
Do you remember Hogan's impersonations...heres a link.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSGief9Gb7xS-YHjeOF7FSu029..


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 10, 2018, 04:40:06 PM
Jack, can you help me out here as I seem to have buggered up that link.
I was trying to show the clips where he impersonates Rod Stewart & Brian Ferry.

At least this one seems to work ; Delvene Delaney - Hot Legs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LALBh1BbhAU


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 10, 2018, 08:18:28 PM
Jack, can you help me out here as I seem to have buggered up that link.
I was trying to show the clips where he impersonates Rod Stewart & Brian Ferry.

Les, I found one each of his impersonations of RS and BF but I am not sure if they are the ones you were referring to.

Rod Stewart impersonation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16f-lmzvqnw&list=PL6QQoXVzezvipXtX8BXD6ABTHHWMPzOXy&index=54)

 Brian Ferry impersonation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ69WcDiOSo&index=45&list=PL6QQoXVzezvipXtX8BXD6ABTHHWMPzOXy)

If not, I'll search further.

In the meantime, I thought you might like Paul's classic example of taking the mickey out of a mate

Paul Hogan tribute to Don Lane (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3JjPDehWNA&index=45&list=PL6QQoXVzezvipXtX8BXD6ABTHHWMPzOXy)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 10, 2018, 09:29:15 PM
G'day birdy,

I feel that there are a quite few other forumites ( despite the fact that most of them are bloody pommies ) who Jack could have easily included in his list of honorary Australians 


Les, when the queen whacks a new knight on the shoulder with the royal sword, it doesn't take away anything from those who were honoured before or will be honoured in the future. I wouldn't be game to make a list for fear of leaving someone out. But if you think it is a good idea, go for it.

Quote from:  Les
- who is the young woman riding the bike, i thought it might be Karen Pini but not sure?]

You are amazing.  I can't remember having heard of Karen Pini but when I googled it - what should I see but a picture of a yellow bottom on a push bike.





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 10, 2018, 10:04:56 PM
I love visual humour.  There was a short film years ago written by Eric Sykes called The Plank.  There was no dialogue but it was very funny. Benny Hill was a bit of a favourite here in the 70's. 

I won't put a link to The Plank here, Pen, because it goes for nearly an hour but there a number of copies easily accessible on the internet if people would like to see it.

Paul Hogan was unashamedly a great fan of Benny Hill and copied a number of his sketches.  I have included a Benny Hill original and two Paul Hogans in the Benny Hill Style below.

 Benny 5-O (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6ZuwKcW1g4)

 Redondo Beach (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNLKGQaonts)

 Benny Hill - The Handyman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NlEphIlWzE)


Bis zum nächsten Mal


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 11, 2018, 04:51:30 AM
Quote

I won't put a link to The Plank here, Pen, because it goes for nearly an hour but there a number of copies easily accessible on the internet if people would like to see it.


 Benny 5-O (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6ZuwKcW1g4)


Evening Jack
I absolutely love Benny 5-0.  Made me roar with laughter.  Hilarious & very clever.
I'd forgotten that The Plank was that long.  I'd also forgotten, as Mike pointed out, that there were 2 versions of it.  Eric Sykes was amazing.  If memory serves I think he was deaf.  He appeared in Dinnerladies as Stan's Dad.  He was a Desert Rat you know :laugh:
I always thought of Paul Hogan as Crocodile Dundee & Foster's lager ads.  It wasn't until you started posting all the other stuff I realised what a very funny comedian he is. 
Cheers
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 11, 2018, 11:00:22 AM

I absolutely love Benny 5-0.  Made me roar with laughter.  Hilarious & very clever.

Although he is not regarded as very PC these days, there is little doubt that Benny Hill was a comic genius.
I can remember watching his TV shows as a young kid back in the 1950s. I found them hilarious even then
He always managed to look innocent; he didn't leer; he was never offensive.
Innuendo yes, and lots of it. Smut no.

In real life, he was an eccentric; he lived alone and, tragically, died alone. It was some days after his death before his body was discovered

A comic genius, but, like many great comics, slightly mad.
In the words of Hamlet:
'True genius is to madness near allied'.

My computer won't allow me to post a YouTube link to it, but his 'Wishing Well' sketch is usually regarded as one of his funniest.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 11, 2018, 01:53:00 PM

My computer won't allow me to post a YouTube link to it, but his 'Wishing Well' sketch is usually regarded as one of his funniest.


Mike, Allow me.  It more than deserves a place here. Any other YouTube links you would like me to vicariously post for you, just let me know.

Wishing Well - Benny Hill - Courtesy of Mkenuk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9nf3RBnuGk)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 11, 2018, 01:57:34 PM
Thanks, Jack.
It is a classic, and it even has a moral!
Be careful what you wish for.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 11, 2018, 03:33:42 PM
Jack, can you help me out here as I seem to have buggered up that link.
I was trying to show the clips where he impersonates Rod Stewart & Brian Ferry.

At least this one seems to work ; Delvene Delaney - Hot Legs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LALBh1BbhAU

Bonza mate, they were exactly the clips that i was trying to show, also enjoyed re - watching that Don Lane " roast ".


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 11, 2018, 03:51:23 PM
G'day birdy,

I feel that there are a quite few other forumites ( despite the fact that most of them are bloody pommies ) who Jack could have easily included in his list of honorary Australians  


Les, when the queen whacks a new knight on the shoulder with the royal sword, it doesn't take away anything from those who were honoured before or will be honoured in the future. I wouldn't be game to make a list for fear of leaving someone out. But if you think it is a good idea, go for it.

Quote from:  Les
- who is the young woman riding the bike, i thought it might be Karen Pini but not sure?]

You are amazing.  I can't remember having heard of Karen Pini but when I googled it - what should I see but a picture of a yellow bottom on a push bike.



Sorry mate, I was actually trying to goad you into compiling a list of " Honorary Australians " which really would have " put the cat amongst the pigeons " & there is no way that I will take on such a task as I am no braver than you are.

For some reason, my long term memory seems to be somewhat enhanced when it comes to recalling beautiful women?





Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 11, 2018, 04:36:54 PM
Thanks, Jack.
It is a classic, and it even has a moral!
Be careful what you wish for.

I also tried posting the wishing well clip a bit earlier in this thread but my computer must be related to Mike's because i was also unable to do it.
I found the following clip  " where are they now " to be quite poignant & very interesting.

Good to know that Jack has a method that allows him to provide a link to these Youtube clips that often won't allow you to share. ( prepare to be inundated for requests to provide a link. )

Mike, your mentioning of the " moral  " immediately reminded me of an old movie called Bedazzled which we watched just a few weeks ago.
It stars Brendon Somebodyerother & the gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley ( how in the hell did she ever end up with Shane Warne ? ) talk about, be careful what you wish for!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 11, 2018, 10:32:15 PM
Sorry mate, I was actually trying to goad you into compiling a list of " Honorary Australians " which really would have " put the cat amongst the pigeons " & there is no way that I will take on such a task as I am no braver than you are.

There are two obvious inclusions:
  • Pen (Hobbit), because she always expresses appreciation of the referred Aussie humour we send her way and even our attempts at Aussie humour.
  • Pat, for the post she sent, which I could not find when I searched for it, but which had the cartoon below in it.

 Joey doesn't measure up (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_rlLV4UGtR8/UpKgzQZCCEI/AAAAAAAANes/wEc5oEbwYM0/s1600/hippo.jpg)

I agree there are many others who deserve a place in the list of people who appreciate Aussie humour, but I would prefer to leave it up to self-nomination from here on in, unless presented with an exceptional example.

Quote from: Les, continuing
For some reason, my long term memory seems to be somewhat enhanced when it comes to recalling beautiful women?

Give it another 17 years, mate, and it might not only be your memory that isn't stimulated,


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 11, 2018, 11:15:26 PM

I'd forgotten that The Plank was that long.  I'd also forgotten, as Mike pointed out, that there were 2 versions of it. 
Cheers
Pen

Pen, I did a bit of research on the plank and it could be argued there were three versions.

Quote
The Plank – 1967 (Cinema), 1979 (TV)

Based on a comedy sketch called “Sykes and a Plank“, which was written by Eric Sykes for his comedy television series “Sykes and a” An all star line up come together in this slapstick comedy short film.

The original running for 45 minutes and produced by Associated London Films hit cinemas in 1967 with an all star line up.

In 1979, The plank was remade for TV with another all star cast.  In this instance the film ran for just 30 minutes.

Although not technically a silent film, it is unusual in having little spoken dialogue, instead the film is punctuated by grunts, other vocal noises and sound effects.

Two more Benny Hills. We mustn't let Les see the first. I might over enhance his long term memory.

Benny Hill Con Diana Darvey Español latino  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iwIqGHZx_A)

Benny Hill Film Editors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuJ6kKLhYLM)

Be seein' ya.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 12, 2018, 04:54:20 AM
Quote

Two more Benny Hills. We mustn't let Les see the first. I might over enhance his long term memory.

Benny Hill Con Diana Darvey Español latino  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iwIqGHZx_A)

Benny Hill Film Editors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuJ6kKLhYLM)


Greetings Jack
Thanks for those clips.  I particularly liked Film Editors.  I expect Les very much enjoyed Diana Darvey >:D

Including a clip which probably isn't as funny but couldn't resist!
Ernie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1xvyTdBZI)
Thanks also to you & Mike for The Wishing Well.  Short & sweet :laugh:
Finally, a little taste of the late, great Brian Johnston.  Best cricket commentator ever!
Johnners (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aIagPztV-s)
Catch you later
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 12, 2018, 01:29:24 PM
a link. )

Mike, your mentioning of the " moral  " immediately reminded me of an old movie called Bedazzled which we watched just a few weeks ago.
It stars Brendon Somebodyerother & the gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley

Brendan Fraser, who went on to star in The Mummy, an Indiana Jones-style comedy / horror / adventure.

The 2000 version of Bedazzled was a remake of a 1967 film starring Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (who wrote the script) and Eleanor Bron.
It also has - just for Aussies - an early screen appearance by a quite young-looking Barry Humphries playing one of the seven deadly sins.
Could you guess which one?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 12, 2018, 01:46:31 PM
Given the content of a lot of the clips that we have been posting recently, i'm guessing that it must have been lust.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 12, 2018, 02:12:17 PM
Quote

Two more Benny Hills. We mustn't let Les see the first. I might over enhance his long term memory.

Benny Hill Con Diana Darvey Español latino  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iwIqGHZx_A)

Benny Hill Film Editors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuJ6kKLhYLM)


Greetings Jack
Thanks for those clips.  I particularly liked Film Editors.  I expect Les very much enjoyed Diana Darvey >:D

Including a clip which probably isn't as funny but couldn't resist!
Ernie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1xvyTdBZI)
Thanks also to you & Mike for The Wishing Well.  Short & sweet :laugh:
Finally, a little taste of the late, great Brian Johnston.  Best cricket commentator ever!
Johnners (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aIagPztV-s)
Catch you later
Pen

Pen, i'll see your Johnners & raise you a skull (aka - Kerry O'keefe).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y3AXzZqg2k

And of course i do remember the gorgeous & very talented Diana Darvey, after all, how could i ever possibly forget those beautiful shoes that she was wearing in that clip.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 12, 2018, 02:25:12 PM
Given the content of a lot of the clips that we have been posting recently, i'm guessing that it must have been lust.

Nice try, but no cigar.

He was Green with Envy


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 12, 2018, 02:35:08 PM
Bugger,

I do vaguely remember seeing the original a long time ago, I will have to try and find a copy so that I can see it again.

Here's a link to a couple of Peter Cook / Dudley Moore sketches that I thought you & others might enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbnkY1tBvMU


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 12, 2018, 02:35:53 PM
Greetings Jack
Including a clip which probably isn't as funny but couldn't resist!
Catch you later
Pen
On the contrary, Pen, Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) was one of the acknowledged classics.
Moving away from Benny to someone you probably know well.  I think that
  Les Dawson interviewed by Parkinson (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdCvhfbhqrA) is funny.

Hooroo


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 12, 2018, 02:52:18 PM
Bugger,

I do vaguely remember seeing the original a long time ago, I will have to try and find a copy so that I can see it again.


 This link may add to your motivation to do so (https://www.google.com/search?q=bedazzled+1967+trailer&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 13, 2018, 04:54:39 AM
Quote


There are two obvious inclusions:
  • Pen (Hobbit), because she always expresses appreciation of the referred Aussie humour we send her way and even our attempts at Aussie humour

Sorry Jack & Les I meant to respond to this the other day & it went totally out of my head.  Proves yet again I have the attention span of a goldfish :laugh:
I'm very chuffed to be an "Honorary Australian".  Perhaps that should be honoured to be an "Honorary Australian" :)
Pen
[/list]


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 13, 2018, 05:01:22 AM
Quote

Pen, i'll see your Johnners & raise you a skull (aka - Kerry O'keefe).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y3AXzZqg2k

Bloody excellent Les.  Made me laugh out loud - hilarious!
I'll have to stick for the moment until I can come up with something to top that!
Keep well & happy
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 13, 2018, 05:39:57 AM
Quote

Moving away from Benny to someone you probably know well.  I think that
  Les from up north is funny (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdCvhfbhqrA)

Hooroo

Watcha Jack
I enjoyed Les very much :laugh: Parky was a great interviewer.
Including a little snippet of Cissy & Ada
More Les (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZjpcRhYbrU)
Our small country has produced some amazing & diverse comedians.
I've included a clip of Peter Kay.  Don't know how well he'll travel but he is very funny.
Peter Kay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GegkRrU3pTc)

Misheard Song Lyrics (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMYorpYNMKc)

Tara a bit
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 13, 2018, 06:35:28 PM
Pen, I must apologise because when you first mentioned Peter Kay , I immediately thought of a film that I watched as a young boy, it was called " The Court Jester " & starred a very talented American actor ( it's about time that the yanks got a mention in this thread ) whose name was actually Danny Kaye.

Having viewed your clips of Peter Kay ( I particularly liked the misheard song lyrics & appreciated the title of your first clip ) I realised that he was obviously not the person that I was thinking of so i was actually in the process of asking Mike & or Jack to help me out when out of the blue it suddenly dawned on me that the person that i was thinking of was actually named Danny Kaye. (if there had been a couple of scantily clad women involved, then i'm sure that i would have recalled that much quicker)

So anyway, i go to google to try and find a clip from that movie but stumbled across this link that i feel might be appreciated by many on this site. ( particularly today )


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 13, 2018, 06:37:49 PM
OOPS, here's the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7D9IG_j_i0


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 13, 2018, 06:39:47 PM
Happy mothers day to all the mums out there!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 13, 2018, 09:24:58 PM
I'm very chuffed to be an "Honorary Australian".  

Pen, now that you are an "Honorary Australian", Les and I will have to take on the responsibility of making sure you have an adequate appreciation of Australiana.
 
Quote from: Wikipedia
Australiana is a term denoting items, people, places, flora, fauna and events of Australian origins. Anything pertaining to Australian culture, society, geography and ecology can fall under the term Australiana, especially if it is endemic to Australia

I will get the ball rolling by introducing you to the song that, in my opinion, should have become our National Anthem and to the work of two outstanding Australians.  I expect you have probably seen some of these before.

The song that was beaten into third Place in the search for a National Anthem.

 The Seekers - I Am Australian (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pL_JvhfQjms)

Slim Dusty


Quote
He’s known universally as Australia’s King of Country, and it’s a title to which Slim Dusty can still lay an unchallenged claim, close to a decade after he passed away and took up his place at the head of the table in Country Music Heaven.
Slim has been the face of Australian country music for its entire history – close to 70 years, since its early roots in hillbilly and folk music. In that time, he evolved with the industry – setting the agenda and changing with the times.

  • Slim Dusty - G'day G'day (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT331BRkkP0&list=RDPT331BRkkP0&t=43)
  • Slim Dusty - I'd Like To Have A Beer With Duncan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urfRVQ5824o)
  • Slim Dusty - The Man From Snowy River (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW7rgnNqgjE)

Jack Thompson

Quote
Apart from his many acting achievements, Thompson was the first centrefold in Cleo and lived for a while in a ménage a trois with his wife Leona King, by whom he has a son, and her sister Bunkie. Though the living arrangement came to an end after several years, Thompson has no regrets, saying "I wouldn't have missed it for quids." He was awarded Member of the Order of Australia in the 1986 Queen's Birthday Honours List for his services to the film industry.

  • Jack Thompson reading Clancy of the Overflow (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s27QP0QGv0)
  • Jack Thompson reading The Man From Ironbark  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW5xUVRL2xM)
  • Jack Thompson reading The Geebung Polo Club (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWVCEyxouJM)


I gotta be goin', Pen, I need some shut-eye.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 13, 2018, 09:35:38 PM
I'd love to have a beer with Jack ( and quite a few others on this forum ) because they are all me mates.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 13, 2018, 10:17:10 PM
I'd love to have a beer with Jack ( and quite a few others on this forum ) because they are all me mates.

I’ll drink to that, Les, and we would never ever get rollin’ drunk, would we?  >:D


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 13, 2018, 11:08:48 PM
Jack & Les are sitting in a bar when Jack says, “Ya know, when I was thirty and got an ere_ction, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was sixty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I’m gonna be seventy six next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says Les, “what’s your point?”
“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get.”


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 14, 2018, 04:33:34 AM
Quote

I will get the ball rolling by introducing you to the song that, in my opinion, should have become our National Anthem and to the work of two outstanding Australians.  I expect you have probably seen some of these before.

 The Seekers - I Am Australian (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pL_JvhfQjms)


  • Slim Dusty - G'day G'day (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT331BRkkP0&list=RDPT331BRkkP0&t=43)
  • Slim Dusty - I'd Like To Have A Beer With Duncan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urfRVQ5824o)
  • Slim Dusty - The Man From Snowy River (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW7rgnNqgjE)

Apart from his many acting achievements, Thompson was the first centrefold in Cleo and lived for a while in a ménage a trois with his wife Leona King, by whom he has a son, and her sister Bunkie. Though the living arrangement came to an end after several years, Thompson has no regrets, saying "I wouldn't have missed it for quids." He was awarded Member of the Order of Australia in the 1986 Queen's Birthday Honours List for his services to the

  • Jack Thompson reading Clancy of the Overflow (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s27QP0QGv0)
  • Jack Thompson reading The Man From Ironbark  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW5xUVRL2xM)
  • Jack Thompson reading The Geebung Polo Club (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWVCEyxouJM)

G'day Jack
Hope you are chipper today.
I very much liked The Seekers song.  The words & music.  It would certainly make a great national anthem.
I must own up to not being a big fan of country music.  I liked G'day G'day & I'd Like To Have A Beer With Duncan (was that for Les' benefit? >:D)
I found The Man From Snowy River a bit long & I bailed out after about 3 minutes.  Sorry!
Jack Thompson sounded a proper character!  I very much enjoyed the first clip.  The other 2 clips said "sorry not available" :(
I remember The Seekers from when I was a youngster.  There was also a group call The New Seekers.  I must google them & see if there's any relation.
I would love to join you & Les for a drink.  Mine's a nice chilled glass of wine :)
Catch you soon
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 14, 2018, 04:38:58 AM
Quote

Having viewed your clips of Peter Kay ( I particularly liked the misheard song lyrics & appreciated the title of your first clip ) I realised that he was obviously not the person that I was thinking of so i was actually in the process of asking Mike & or Jack to help me out when out of the blue it suddenly dawned on me that the person that i was thinking of was actually named Danny Kaye. (if there had been a couple of scantily clad women involved, then i'm sure that i would have recalled that much quicker)

G'day Les.
Firstly I must apologise for not providing you with any scantily clad ladies >:D  I will endeavour to find some for you next time!
I can only imagine what Peter Kay would say at being mixed up with Danny Kaye!!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: birdy on May 14, 2018, 12:40:13 PM
Ozzyjack, I remember the movie The Man from Snowy River - particularly the plunge down the steep hill.  But I'd never read the poem, so thanks for that and all the others, and even more, because I googled one of them and found a site that gave me a whole bunch of the author's poems.

When my younger brother was born, my grandfather would rock him and sing to him, which is how I learned all the words to Waltzing Matilda - and no doubt amazed all the group with whom I was riding in a van when I was able to sing the whole song.  They were probably even more amazed that I dared to sing at all, given my voice, possibly a justifiable cause for throwing me out of the van. 

I always thought the Australians were great for having that for an unofficial national anthem instead of a stuffy pompous jingoistic song like the rest of us.  I'm sorry they joined the crowd - I agree that I Am Australian would have been much better.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 14, 2018, 03:16:22 PM
I very much liked The Seekers song.  The words & music.  It would certainly make a great national anthem.
I was after the song and I had at least six choices.  Most were sung by multicultural school children which were cute and heightened the message but in the end I went for the professional production and I love Judith Durham’s voice.

Quote
I'd Like To Have A Beer With Duncan (was that for Les' benefit? >:D)

No, it wasn’t for Les's benefit, but if it had been, it would have still been in line with what I wanted to achieve.

In the Slim Dusty trio, I was trying to illustrate ideal Australian characteristics, which although most of us cannot live up to, we admire greatly in the Australian stereotype.

  • In g’day g’day, I was presenting the laid back informal friendliness we project even to strangers,
  • In Duncan, I wanted to present how much we value mateship.  Slim’s song presented it in a light hearted fashion,  I have read many times that the Australian’s reputation on the battlefield was based not on the individual’s love for King (Queen) and Country and certainly not to please the bloody officers but on mateship because each was prepared to risk all to look after their mates.
  • In The Man from Snowy River, I wanted to highlight our love of perseverance, courage and the satisfaction we get when the perceived underdog battles through to carry the day.  I’m sorry it didn’t grab you – I always get a lump in my throat when I listen to it.


Quote
I very much enjoyed the first clip.  The other 2 clips said "sorry not available" :(

I would like to get to the bottom of this.  I tested the links before I posted and I tested them in the quote in your return post.  They worked perfectly.  My theory is that YouTube has servers in each country and perhaps the material on them differs.  So I would appreciate feedback if the links did not work for anybody in Australia and if  they worked for anybody outside of Australia.

I must admit, I didn’t put any effort into choosing the Jack Thompson pieces.  It was the man I wanted to highlight, mainly because, as you say, he “sounded a proper character!”

It seems unfair that you are tasked with hunting for scantily clad women for Les, so I have tried to even the score with the  Cleo Centre page: Jack Thompson (http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/09/25/02/2CBC472100000578-3227274-image-m-11_1443143059114.jpg).  It’s a pity the wowsers used Photoshop to blur out the more interesting bits.


I would love to join you & Les for a drink.  Mine's a nice chilled glass of wine :)

Quote
Note to Les:  Looks like when we do this, we will have to drink in the Ladies Lounge.  I don’t like our chances of getting a chilled glass of wine in the Public Bar (or have traditional Pubs changed in the 20 years since I was last in one) .

Tinkety tonk old fruit


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 14, 2018, 04:42:30 PM
Hi Birdy,

Is there a back story to how your grandfather came to be using Waltzing Matilda as a lullaby?

I think you are being modest about your voice. 

I read poetry badly.  I find it hard to get the flow and so I prefer to have it read to me, particularly by someone who does it well like Jack Thompson.  I have assumed from your comments that you had no problem loading the three poems which he read. 

I suppose another theory on why Penny could not load them might be that the UK may have different copyright provisions to the US and Australia.

Cheers




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 14, 2018, 11:39:05 PM
Quote
I would like to get to the bottom of this.  I tested the links before I posted and I tested them in the quote in your return post.  They worked perfectly.  My theory is that YouTube has servers in each country and perhaps the material on them differs.  So I would appreciate feedback if the links did not work for anybody in Australia and if  they worked for anybody outside of Australia.

It seems unfair that you are tasked with hunting for scantily clad women for Les, so I have tried to even the score with the  Cleo Centre page: Jack Thompson (http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/09/25/02/2CBC472100000578-3227274-image-m-11_1443143059114.jpg).  It’s a pity the wowsers used Photoshop to blur out the more interesting bits

Note to Les:  Looks like when we do this, we will have to drink in the Ladies Lounge.  I don’t like our chances of getting a chilled glass of wine in the Public Bar (or have traditional Pubs changed in the 20 years since I was last in one) .

Oh dear Jack!  Will you & Les be OK in the Ladies Lounge?  We used to have Public Bar & Saloon or Lounge Bar in the pubs here. Did I tell you that my parents ran a small village pub years ago?  Public Bar was for darts & dominoes & the saloon bar was a bit more posh!!

I enjoyed my Cleo Centre Page very much :-P  As you say pity they photo-shopped out the interesting bits :laugh:
No idea where to start looking for these scantily clad ladies for Les!  I'll have a browse after dinner this evening.

I just re-tried the Jack Thompson clips at work.  Bizarrely I actually thought they might work on YouTube here rather than at home.  What sort of twisted logic is that?  Anyway what it actually says is "This video is not available.  Sorry about that"  Then a large rectangular unsmiley face :-\  bit like this.

Must do some work....
Pip pip Old Bean


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 15, 2018, 03:37:40 AM
Oh dear Jack!  Will you & Les be OK in the Ladies Lounge?  

I might have to leave that question for Les to answer.  As I said I haven’t been in an old fashioned pub for 20 years or more.  The few bars that I have been in, mainly for a meal when travelling, have been large and family friendly and full of young people drinking concoctions I have never heard of.

No, I have not become antisocial. Increasingly clubs have taken over the function that pubs provided and even if you are not a member, when more than 10 km from home, you can sign in at the front door and enjoy most of the facilities available to members. Of course, there are a few exclusive, and expensive, clubs but I have no reason to join them, even if they would admit me as a member.

I am a member of two golf clubs, two ex-service clubs (even though I am not an ex-serviceman), a rugby club, a workers’ club (even though I am not a worker) and a surf club. This probably needs explaining. I am a member of a second golf club because it is the one we play at in Sydney every week with a bunch who are long term members and it is cheaper to be a member than to pay green fees. I am a member of two of the clubs because many years ago they ran into financial difficulties and offered perpetual membership for the cost of 5 years membership and so I am a member until I die, although because it is no longer convenient, l never visit them. Some of the other clubs that I am a member, or have been on a short term basis, is because membership is cheaper than the benefits that accrue.  Because of the licensing laws, for a reason I don’t understand, clubs need to attract a big membership and so membership is cheap.

I joined a surf club in Surfers Paradise last year because when we visit the grandkids in Brisbane we sometimes go with the family down the coast to watch them play on the beach.  The surf club club offers members 10% off food and drinks. I shouted the family lunch and more than covered a years membership out of my discount.

Anyway, back to pubs.  I have no evidence for this, but I picture Les as a frequent visitor to an old fashioned pub where he has a seat at, or near the bar, which every one knows as Les’s seat and whenever he goes there, he never lacks a friend to drink with.

Quote
I just re-tried the Jack Thompson clips at work.  Bizarrely I actually thought they might work on YouTube here rather than at home.  What sort of twisted logic is that?  Anyway what it actually says is "This video is not available.  Sorry about that"  Then a large rectangular unsmiley face :-\  bit like this.

No worries, Pen, she’ll be right.  Someone will come up with an answer sooner or later.

Quote
Pip pip Old Bean



I gotta make tracks and get my head back on the pillow. 


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 15, 2018, 04:39:53 AM
Quote
I might have to leave that question for Les to answer.  As I said I haven’t been in an old fashioned pub for 20 years or more.  The few bars that I have been in, mainly for a meal when travelling, have been large and family friendly and full of young people drinking concoctions I have never heard of.

I joined a surf club in Surfers Paradise last year because when we visit the grandkids in Brisbane we sometimes go with the family down the coast to watch them play on the beach.  The surf club club offers members 10% off food and drinks. I shouted the family lunch and more than covered a years membership out of my discount.

Anyway, back to pubs.  I have no evidence for this, but I picture Les as a frequent visitor to an old fashioned pub where he has a seat at, or near the bar, which every one knows as Les’s seat and whenever he goes there, he never lacks a friend to drink with.

Morning Jack
I expect you're in the land of nod while I'm typing this!  Snoring your head off >:D
When I read you'd joined a surf club I thought for a moment you put your wet suit on & rode the waves :laugh:
I think you're probably spot on about Les.  I bet he even has his own beer glass or tankard!
Toodle Pip
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 15, 2018, 04:44:33 AM
G'day Les
After an exhaustive & extensive search (for all of about 15 minutes!) I've found a picture of some naked ladies for you.  Hope I've attached it correctly or I'll look a bit silly!
All the best
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 15, 2018, 04:45:56 AM
By the way I'm not sure why it's come up as "shopping" ???  It's supposed to be called Birthday Cake
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 15, 2018, 05:15:52 PM
G'day Pen,
Oh yes, after another look I do see that their is a birthday cake in the picture which for some reason I had not even noticed.
Not to sure just how we have progressed from scantily clad women to totally naked women but it does remind me of the outrage in this country in the early 1970's when full frontal nudity was first aired on commercial television.
The program was a popular " soapie " called Number 96 (similar to your Coronation Street ) & despite the howls of protest, its popularity & ratings went through the roof.
Within a short period of time we were bombarded with a lot of very average programs whose only " attraction " was a lot of frivolous nudity.
Around the same time, nudity, along with excessive foul language had become much more prevalent in movies & absolutely rampant in the " videos " that were available to be rented out.
It actually became quite difficult to find a decent movie that had a plausible script with good acting & did not rely on excessive violence, nudity & foul language to attract an audience, sadly that is probably still the case today.
Don't get me wrong, I do not mind seeing a bit of nudity or hearing a few profanities when a good script calls for it.
Jack made the point with the comedy of Benny Hill & similarly with Paul Hogan, their style of humour was certainly a little risqué but always relied on innuendo & left much to your own imagination & could never be considered as smut.

Jack, i had no problem opening all your links & although i had watched/listened to most of them before i did enjoy seeing them again ( particularly Slim )

I think that you would find it extremely difficult in this day & age to find an establishment that still has a dedicated " Ladies Lounge ", a chilled glass of wine & all sorts of other concoctions are available at the main bar.
My local has an area where the tables look like huge beer kegs, they are big enough to comfortably sit six people & are located within close proximity to the bar while also being within hearing range of the audio from the TV screens.
This is where my gang always congregate but because the keg/table is circular, only three of the seats are in the really prime position where (without having to turn around ) you can see all 3  TV screens which will include the races, the footy & the Keno, i would not say that i have a seat reserved but when i arrive & all 3 " prime " seats are already taken there is usually a bit of amicable shuffling around particularly if the girls are in the prime seats as they really couldn't care less however sometimes it does cost me an extra shout to convince an incumbent to give up his seat.
 Unless there is a " newbe " behind the bar,  i never have to ask for a beer, my schooner of cold xxxx with a small head is delivered as i flirt outrageously with the gorgeous girl behind the bar only to be pulled up by the duty manager ( her husband ), first one is on the house for Les.

Cheers.



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 15, 2018, 05:53:42 PM
G'day Alan,

I haven't annoyed you recently so I thought that it was about time that I did with a couple of little issues that I am having with this site. (Yes I know that I should  have started a new topic but I just wanted to make sure that you were paying attention to this thread.)

Note to all forumites, if you can't be bothered or have forgotten how to create a new topic then just stick it in the More or Les thread. ( Alan will understand )

When I click on the forum it will show me if I have any new personal messages, when I click on " my messages" it will show me the messages that I have received however it does not show my responses to those messages.
If i have been off line for a couple of days or even just had a big night, i cannot always remember what my response was or even if i responded at all so could you please explain to me how can i view my responses to personal messages.

The other issue is that i did not log on or play any games yesterday ( Monday ) so as is my usual method, when i logged in today i tried to view the solutions from the games that i had played on Sunday, normally this info comes up within a matter of seconds but for some reason it does want to show me my scores from Sunday ?


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 15, 2018, 06:12:58 PM

When I click on the forum it will show me if I have any new personal messages, when I click on " my messages" it will show me the messages that I have received however it does not show my responses to those messages.


From memory, on the left hand side you will see an inbox which is the default and an outbox.  The outbox will show the messages you sent if you have ticked the box to copy your messages there.  I haven’t got time to check the accuracy of this as I am halfway through my oil and balsamic washed down by NZ Sauvignon Blanc.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 15, 2018, 08:01:16 PM
Thanks Jack, that works.

Geez some people do it tough " I am halfway through my oil and balsamic washed down by a Sauvignon Blanc. "


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 15, 2018, 08:55:48 PM
The site is still refusing to show me what I scored in Sundays games & I think that i know why.
My suspicion is that because i was finally able to achieve a trophy in all 3 games including the 10 letter game, the site has become confused.
Of course i had the usual company on the trophy level but when i found an extra word that even though it does not exit & is not in the lexicon, it was somehow accepted & put me one word ahead of Alonzo.

I do have a wavering thought in the back of my mind that this may have been nothing more than a fanciful dream of course i will never know for sure until i  am able to see my scores from Sunday.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Alan W on May 15, 2018, 09:31:30 PM
Les, you do realise that burying your questions here gives me the perfect out if the question is too hard? I can just pretend I never saw it.

However I'm glad you raised your inability to see the scores from Sunday, because it revealed a problem with a recent change I made to the site. I hope I've fixed things up now, so if you reload the Chihuahua page you should be able to see the scores for Sunday. They don't seem to be quite as you remember them.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 15, 2018, 10:08:29 PM
so if you reload the Chihuahua page you should be able to see the scores for Sunday. They don't seem to be quite as you remember them.

Les, I had a quick look and this is what I found:

Sunday     Common    Rare
Challenge     43/45    65/117
Standard       54/59    87/166
 

I couldn't find any evidence that you played the 10 letter game. There were no surprises in Alonzo's scores.

Quote from: Les

Geez some people do it tough " I am halfway through my oil and balsamic washed down by a Sauvignon Blanc. "


Somebody has to keep the economy of NZ afloat, Les


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 15, 2018, 10:34:45 PM
I think you're probably spot on about Les.  I bet he even has his own beer glass or tankard!
Toodle Pip
Pen

Les has confirmed we were pretty close.

Pen, do you have a spare £126,000.  If you do, you could give Les a present that he would really appreciate.

Quote
Amedeo Modigliani's painting of a sultry nude fetched $US170.4 million ($241 million) at Christie's in New York on Monday, a record for the Italian artist at auction.

Estimated at more than $US100 million ($141 million), Modigliani's 1917 Nu Couche (Reclining Nude) has the highest valuation among almost 2000 lots offered by three major auction houses in semiannual sales of Impressionist, modern, postwar and contemporary art.Painted in 1917-18, Nu Couche sold after a frantic nine-minute bidding war in the first time the painting has ever come to auction.

It depicts a naked woman with dark hair and red lips reclining, arms akimbo, on a red couch with a blue cushion, and it provoked a scandal when it was first exhibited by the Italian artist in Paris. A crowd gathered outside the gallery's window and outraged police ordered the exhibition to shut down immediately.

Nu Couche - warning - explicit (https://static.ffx.io/images/$zoom_1%2C$multiply_1.244019138755981%2C$ratio_1.777778%2C$width_627%2C$x_0%2C$y_15/t_crop_custom/t_sharpen%2Cq_auto%2Cf_auto/79d655dc1644eafb0233724198b609c705280f92)

Cheerio for now - I'm off to take a cold shower.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 16, 2018, 12:35:11 AM
Les, you do realise that burying your questions here gives me the perfect out if the question is too hard? I can just pretend I never saw it.

However I'm glad you raised your inability to see the scores from Sunday, because it revealed a problem with a recent change I made to the site. I hope I've fixed things up now, so if you reload the Chihuahua page you should be able to see the scores for Sunday. They don't seem to be quite as you remember them.

Thanks Boss, that has worked a treat & although I had to do a total re -boot everything is back to normal, including my scores, alas it was just a dream, I did not quite achieve 3 trophy's let alone surpass Alonzo's score but while I have a long way to go i'll keep on trying.
I don't think that I have ever asked you a question that is too hard ( I actually think that would be beyond me ) but if I keep my questions in this thread it will reassure me that you are actually monitoring the behaviour of the particpants of this thread.
And  Alan you need to keep some of these players under control, For example most of the clips that Valarie shares are totally outrageous ( but always funny ) , Mike continually interjects with his opinions , factual accounts & corrections which are always very sound, Birdy pipes up occassionally & always has a lovely comment about all the posts that she has missed, Auntiemo only enters the fray when i need pulling into line, Grommit lurks in the background just waiting for the opportunity for NZ to pounce. Rose, Anonsi , Lainie & there are several others whose names just escape me at the moment, they are all require severe srutiny but in particular there is a hobbit from England that you should pay extra attention to but never fear because Ozziejack & i who always conduct ourselves with the utmost of decorum, we have them all in line ...for the time being.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 17, 2018, 04:49:32 AM
Quote

Pen, do you have a spare £126,000.  If you do, you could give Les a present that he would really appreciate.

Amedeo Modigliani's painting of a sultry nude fetched $US170.4 million ($241 million) at Christie's in New York on Monday, a record for the Italian artist at auction.

It depicts a naked woman with dark hair and red lips reclining, arms akimbo, on a red couch with a blue cushion, and it provoked a scandal when it was first exhibited by the Italian artist in Paris. A crowd gathered outside the gallery's window and outraged police ordered the exhibition to shut down immediately.

Cheerio for now - I'm off to take a cold shower.

Good Evening Jack
Hope your cold shower wasn't too much of a shock!!
Missed out last night as spent an hour & a quarter on the 'phone to British Telecom trying to sort out a new contract for my broadband, 'phone & telly.  Was guessing words on Chi whilst talking/waiting but after about an hour was losing the will to live :(
Anyway I sadly don't have that sort of cash to treat Les.  I'm sure he would very much appreciate the picture but I'm not convinced it's worth all those millions of dollars ??? Perhaps the crowd & Police were upset by the fact that she hadn't shaved under her arms :laugh: >:D
Be great to find a valuable painting like that in the attic!  A few have turned up here on the Antiques Roadshow.  Nothing worth millions though!
So long
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 17, 2018, 05:37:07 PM
G'day Pen,

As you know, I have never been married & have no children but I am blessed with a number of beautiful nieces & nephews.
My eldest niece is named Sharee & she always was & still is my favourite. ( yes, I know that you are not supposed to have favourites but so long as you don't make it blindingly obvious to the others, then I think it is ok )
Anyway, from a very early age it was quite obvious that she was brighter than most, among her many talents she showed some ability as a potential artist.
She could draw / paint lovely landscapes but she really excelled at portraits.
It was in her last senior year at high school when she entered an art competition, the winner of which would effectively gain a scholarship where all of her university fees would be paid for, the winner was to be announced at the end of year graduation ceremony.
Can you imagine my total shock when she rang me to tell me about the competition & to ask for my permission to use one of my old football photos for her portrait.
" What are you insane,  i don't want my ugly picture plastered all over the place & why in the hell would you want to do a portrait of me anyway? "
Well everybody else seems to be doing portraits of famous people, politicians, movie & tv stars etc.., i would prefer to do one of someone that is close to me, someone that i care about so that hopefully i can impart that emotion in the portrait & besides, you will be barely recognisable because it is that picture of you when you were about 12 years old " walking " of the footy field after losing the grand final.
Surely you must remember that photo, it had been raining all day & the game was played in a quagmire, your jersey had been ripped in half,  your whole body & most of your face was covered in mud,you were limping with an injured leg but through all that muck, your eyes were glistening with joy & you had an enormous smile on your face which i will never forget because i was the first person that you hugged as you limped of the field.

Her portrait was brilliant, it encapulated the joy of a young boy playing the game that he loved, however the judges never agreed & she did not win that scholarship but there was no problem with her university fees as they were taken care of by an anonymous uncle.

I would upload those photo's but regrettably they were all lost in the 2011 flood, all we have left is one grainy newspaper photo.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 17, 2018, 08:59:43 PM
Hope your cold shower wasn't too much of a shock!!

Put your mind at rest, Pen, I was using a little poetic licence when I said I needed a cold shower.  At my age I can still appreciate feminine beauty but I do not get excited by it.  In fact, I am so old I cannot even remember why I used to get excited by it.

Quote
Missed out last night as spent an hour & a quarter on the 'phone to British Telecom trying to sort out a new contract for my broadband, 'phone & telly.  after about an hour was losing the will to live :(

If it took less than 4 hours and didn’t include being passed on to three or four different sections you are better off than we are, dealing with Telstra.  However here are three little items to restore your will to live.
  • Indian Call Centre (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75wJagI_oWM)
  • Telstra customer service India. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM0k_CVQFoM)  Actually Telstra call centre is in Singapore but mustn't spoil a good story with the facts.
  • Telstra Call Centre (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUF75f_c72c)

Quote
Anyway I sadly don't have that sort of cash to treat Les.  I'm sure he would very much appreciate the picture but I'm not convinced it's worth all those millions of dollars ???

I can’t understand why people pay so much money for things they cannot use: stamps they cannot post: wine they cannot drink; etc.  But it does not concern me because I will never have the money to indulge unless I win a huge lottery, which brings me to a story that someone, who shall remain nameless, told me.

Quote from: Les
Joe found himself in serious financial trouble. He was desperate he decided to pray to God for help. He begins to pray. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prayed. “God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".  Lottery night comes and Joe is still out of luck.
 
Once again, he prayed."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good person and loyal to you and the church. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... I beg you...just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order."  

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the clouds part and the heavens open up. Joe falls to his knees in awe, shielding his eyes from the light as God's voice booms "Meet me halfway on this, Joe. Buy a freaking ticket."

Quote
So long
Pen

With the greatest esteem and respect, I am, dear Madam, your most obedient and most humble servant.

Thanks, Benjamin Franklin, that's pretty classy. :-R


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 18, 2018, 05:08:38 AM
Oh Jack you do crack me up!  I thought the 3 little clips were very funny.  We get an Indian call centre if we have to report a fault on our TV or Broadband.  Sometimes I can understand them perfectly.  Other times I totally struggle.  I had to hang up on one occasion as I was getting very frustrated & I had no idea what the chap was talking about! Perhaps he was employed by Telstra & was moonlighting for BT :laugh:
I agree with you about buying things you can't use - especially wine you can't drink!  I suppose a great picture you can at least hang on the wall & enjoy.  Though if it's worth several million dollars/pounds then you'd have to just put it in a vault in the bank.  Pointless.
The joke is hilarious & very Les :laugh:
I can't match your sign off tonight.  I will have to get my thinking cap on & do a little research!

With fondest regards & deepest respect :laugh:
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 18, 2018, 05:11:56 AM
G'day Les
Another wonderful moving story.  I very much enjoyed reading about your niece Sharee. It's a crying shame that you lost the photos in the flood.  Such things are irreplaceable.
Mind how you go
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 18, 2018, 04:50:45 PM
G'day Pen,

Sharee has three wonderful children, two beautiful girls & the youngest is a young man named Michael.
Michael has recently turned 18 & has just started his first job as an apprentice carpenter. ( you might remember from my earlier stories that my father, among other things,  was a very adept carpenter )
Michael is loving his job & is really enjoying the work for which he seems to have a natural talent.
He also has another unique talent that he is very shy about & tends to keep to himself but the boy is an even better sketcher/painter/artist than his mother.
I just find it bizzare that neither of his older sisters can draw anything better than a " stick figure " yet Michael seems to have inherited his Mother's talent not to mention that of his great grand father who of course he never even met.

I can't remember telling Jack the lottery joke but i will happily take the credit for such a funny yarn.
I also enjoyed the " call centre " jokes because they are so bloody true.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 18, 2018, 08:52:16 PM
The joke is hilarious & very Les :laugh:
Pen, I thought so too, but when Les didn’t remember telling it to me, I recollected why I thought he had.  The other night, Les’s dream about beating Alonza was playing on my mind as I went to sleep and I had this realistic dream about Les telling me the joke.  But there was a second part to the dream.  I said to Les “if we are telling stories about granting wishes, I’ve got one too”

Quote from: Jack
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.

The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.


Quote from: Pen
I can't match your sign off tonight.  I will have to get my thinking cap on & do a little research!
With fondest regards & deepest respect :laugh:

It’s hard to beat Benjamin Franklin, even J. R. R. Tolkien falls short

I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 18, 2018, 10:00:29 PM


It’s hard to beat Benjamin Franklin, even J. R. R. Tolkien falls short

I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully.


A friend of mine, years ago, used to finish official letters - to the Inland Revenue or local council, for example - with the words

'You are, sir, my obedient servant.

I remain

(signature)




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 19, 2018, 04:28:13 AM
Quote

A friend of mine, years ago, used to finish official letters - to the Inland Revenue or local council, for example - with the words

'You are, sir, my obedient servant.

I remain

(signature)

Love that Mike.  I can never think up original things like that!
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 19, 2018, 04:49:19 AM
Quote

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.

The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.

Good Evening Jack
Love that joke - made me laugh out loud :laugh:
I work with a radiographer called Mike who is extremely good at telling very funny jokes.  Problem is I forget them within a few minutes (memory like a bloody goldfish!) Here's one he told me a little while ago.  Hope I remember it correctly.
After learning that her Granddad had passed away Susan went to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old Granny to keep her company.
She asked how her Granddad had died & her Granny replied that he had a heart attack while they were making love on Sunday morning.
Susan was horrified & said that surely 2 people of nearly 100 years old having sex was a recipe for disaster.
"No dear" said Granny. "We realised a few years ago that as we were getting older the best time to do it was on Sunday morning when the church bells started to ring.  It was a nice steady rhythm.  Nice & slow & not too energetic".
She wiped away a tear & said "If that bloody ice cream van hadn't come along when it did he'd still be alive today!"
Sure it's old enough to have whiskers on!  But it made me laugh.
Still haven't come up with anything original!
Sending you felicitations (does that even make sense? ???)
Pen



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 19, 2018, 11:58:52 AM
'You are, sir, my obedient servant.

Mike, I read this quickly and my reaction was: “yeah, so”
And I read it a second time quickly and my reaction was again: “yeah, so”
And I read it a third time slowly, and the penny dropped, and my reaction was: “Brilliant!!”

So I began to wonder what had made my brain read the usual valediction and not what you had written. I did a little research and found these two articles.
  • Why your brain can read jumbled letters (https://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/arts-culture/stories/why-your-brain-can-read-jumbled-letters)
  • Why your mind can read words where some letters are replaced by numbers (https://www.sciencealert.com/your-ability-to-read-this-message-really-does-reveal-something-incredible-about-the-mind)

But these only explain how the brain handles single words.  I am assuming there is an extension of the theory which explains that if you have an expectation of what a sentence will contain, that is what you sometimes read even if the words say something different. Is this a common phenomenon or is it only me?.

Anyway, Mike, when I got my brain into gear, Brilliant!!


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 19, 2018, 01:53:02 PM
I take no credit for it, Jack.
It was, as I said, a teacher I worked with many years ago in, I think, my second teaching post who should take the credit.

By the way, I think it's a valediction (the end of a letter) rather than a  salutation, the greeting ('Dear X') which comes at the start.

Once a teacher...............



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 19, 2018, 02:13:55 PM
it's a valediction (the end of a letter) rather than a  salutation, the greeting ('Dear X') which comes at the start.

Once a teacher...............


Yes, Sir.  I have written that out 100 times and amended the copy. :D
Thanks, Mike.

P.S.  English is my second language. Strine is my first.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: mkenuk on May 19, 2018, 02:33:49 PM
P.S.  English is my second language. Strine is my first.

I can remember a book from many years ago called Let Stalk Strine.

I don't suppose it's available now, but it was set out like a genuine language book, English ('Good-day') on one side of the page and Strine (G'day) on the other.

I think 'Let Stalk Strine' was the first, but there were others. I can remember 'Larn Yerself Geordie' for instance, from my neck of the woods (Tyneside, Northeast England)

Perhaps the funniest of all was the great Scottish comedian Stanley Baxter, whose weekly TV show always included a short sketch called 'Parliamo Glesca' - Glaswegian for beginners.
It was hilarious.

Wikipedia doesn't have an entry for Let Stalk Strine but it is mentioned in the page on Strine

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strine



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 19, 2018, 05:12:09 PM

I can remember a book from many years ago called Let Stalk Strine.

I don't suppose it's available now, but it was set out like a genuine language book, English ('Good-day') on one side of the page and Strine (G'day) on the other.

Mike, I managed to track an article on the origin of strine.

Let Stalk Strine (http://bytesdaily.blogspot.com.au/2011/11/emma-chisit-jawjuh-and-more.html)

I also looked in Amazon Australia and they have limited copies of the Omnibus publication comprising the four Afferbeck Lauder books.  They have one less now as I have ordered a copy.
 
Quote from: Amazon Australia
Strine: Text Classics Paperback – 26 Apr 2012
by Afferbeck Lauder (Author)
  • Hardcover $79.71 1 New from $79.71
  • Paperback $9.99 6 New from $9.99
Introduced by John Clarke Do you sign on the dotted lion? Is your tea nature Orpheus rocker? Who is Charlie Charm Puck in 'Waltzing Matilda'? There was never any book about Australian speech like Strine or about posh British speech like Fraffly Well Spoken. This edition includes all four Afferbeck Lauder books, with a new foreword by John Clarke. These pages are full of mare chick momence. Tiger look and start torgon Strine!


Must rush.  I've just been called for our oil and Balsamic ritual.




Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Valerie on May 19, 2018, 07:35:41 PM
I bought this book on Strine many many moons for an American colleague who adored everything Australian, especially our quirky language.  This is part of his lovely thank you letter which I've kept to this day.

QUOTE
Thanks also for the delightful little book on Strine.  I had to read this in several stages since it only took a few pages for my eyes to become blurred with tears of mirth.  When I returned to Sinny I started listening more carefully to the speech patterns of the citizens and even began to think like Professor Lauder.  At the risk of seeming tedious I will exemplify the foregoing with a brief (true) anecdote:

On entering the hotel elevator I was spoken to in forthright fashion by a middle aged man;  as far as I could discern he said, “Air ya gown mite”.  My first thought was that he was speaking in one of the more obscure languages from the Mediterranean Basin – perhaps Turkish or Serbo-Croat.  I looked at him more closely - but he seemed a relatively normal Anglo-Saxon ethnic type without the complexion or demeanor that might be expected from the Levant.  I tried to respond but all that emerged from my mouth was a hoarse croak, due, perhaps, to my having consumed a bottle of local plonque the previous evening.  The man glared at me - and alighted at the next floor.  The words “gown” and “mite” suggested some associations - perhaps an item of female apparel and an ancient Middle Eastern bronze coin (referred to in the Bible as the “widow’s mite") respectively.  I briefly wondered if the man had thought I might be a transvestite and/or a coin dealer - but neither seemed logical.  I concluded that the mystery was unfathomable and thought it best to put it from my mind in case I suffered a mental breakdown (like Geoffrey, who tried to learn Strine too quickly).  Enough!
Thanks again, Val (or “theng slidy") for your help.









Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 19, 2018, 10:36:30 PM
I work with a radiographer called Mike who is extremely good at telling very funny jokes.  Problem is I forget them within a few minutes (memory like a bloody goldfish!) Here's one he told me a little while ago.  Hope I remember it correctly.

You remembered it perfectly, Pen.  So, we expect some more jokes from Mike the radiographer.

Quote from: Pen on valedictions
Still haven't come up with anything original!
Sending you felicitations (does that even make sense? ???)

It makes perfect sense, Pen.  It means, among other things, an expression of good wishes.  And don't worry about being original.  The only time I appear original, is when I am clever enough to pick a source so obscure that nobody can find out where I pinched it from.

I am a bit short on inspiration tonight, so I will give you two items inspired by my conversation with Mkenuk earlier today.

  • Larn yourself Geordie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfzGAgPGxgA)
  • Parliamo Glasgow - Football Match (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52t1CWVTrLE)

I've gotta make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here.

P.S.  Is there any truth that Les has a new address? (https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR2KZBxiCimhYrOaBKCkmywpv9JexPBHrxcB_HZ9f5REjNHLjM5Xg)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 20, 2018, 01:47:17 AM
G'day Jack,

I've missed a couple of days on the forum so thanks to yourself Mike & Pen for keeping this " rubbish " thread alive, the most pleasing thing is that slowly but surely there are a couple of forumites who are not regular posters that are beginning to engage.
What I would really like to see is the perspective of some of the more recently registered players who I assume are a lot younger than us.
Give us your opinion, tell us a joke that the "oldies" have probably never heard of, you will not be critiscised in this thread.

I also skimmed over Mike's post without giving it much thought, it was only after reading your post, Jack, that i re visited it and appreciated just how clever it was.

Valerie, loved that very amusing qoute from your friend.

Pen, you've done an excellent job in recalling a joke that even though it may have been old enough to have whiskers it was one that i had never heard & certainly gave me a laugh.
Perhaps you could get Mike (from work ) to write a few jokes down for you then as you post them you don't need to mention that they were provided by the radiographer, you just let everybody assume that they were of your own cognition, Jack & i do it all the time, finding jokes on the internet or wherever & just make some subtle changes to give the illusion that is a " Penny " original.






Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 20, 2018, 04:44:08 AM
I loved it too Valerie.  Very funny! What a great keepsake :)
Penny


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 20, 2018, 04:53:55 AM
Quote

Mike, I managed to track an article on the origin of strine.

Let Stalk Strine (http://bytesdaily.blogspot.com.au/2011/11/emma-chisit-jawjuh-and-more.html)

Must rush.  I've just been called for our oil and Balsamic ritual.

Evening Jack
I have to say I had never heard of strine.  I had a little mosey round google & on Wikipedia it says "Steve Irwin was once referred to as the person who "talked strine like no other contemporary personality".
Have you referred to your oil & balsamic ritual before?  My brain's working overtime as to what you are doing with said condiments :laugh:
I have to dash as I'm visiting a friend
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 20, 2018, 04:41:48 PM
Have you referred to your oil & balsamic ritual before?  My brain's working overtime as to what you are doing with said condiments :laugh:
Pen

Pen, I am starting to think you have an evil mind >:D. 

I have not referred to it as a ritual before but have mentioned several times that we have a habit of having afternoon tea of Bread, Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar with a glass, or in my case maybe two, of Sauvignon Blanc.  This occurs about 5.00 pm.
until then? (https://i.pinimg.com/originals/82/71/82/8271826351d61d447aa1917a4316eb4a.jpg)

A couple of cartoons for you.

 how to respond to “do I look Fat? (https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQSDu44aXS8zQ1SfFj8QEApA6swkOQfP_V-Ucojp9qFJLo1goq)

 Beware - A bit rude (https://i.pinimg.com/736x/13/1a/d9/131ad9e49a881203cef02e06b0bb7145--the-works-postcards.jpg)


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 20, 2018, 10:05:11 PM
Quote

Pen, I am starting to think you have an evil mind >:D. 

I have not referred to it as a ritual before but have mentioned several times that we have a habit of having afternoon tea of Bread, Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar with a glass, or in my case maybe two, of Sauvignon Blanc.  This occurs about 5.00

An evil mind?  Moi??  Perish the thought :angel:

You most definitely have mentioned your afternoon tea accompanied by Sauvignon Blanc.  I think it was the word "ritual" that flummoxed me slightly ???
It's a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon here & I'm stuck at work :(
Your cartoons cheered me up no end & made me laugh out loud.  Got a few strange looks from patients in the waiting room :laugh:
I've told Mike to get his thinking cap on for some jokes I can pass on.
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 20, 2018, 11:16:27 PM
G'day Pen,

If it is any consolation, it was also a lovely sunny afternoon here in Brisbane today but like you I was also stuck at work...the things we do to earn a quid.

Anyway, while you are waiting on Mike to provide some jokes, here is one to tide you over as well as a waiting room cartoon.

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.

"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"

"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 20, 2018, 11:36:19 PM

My computer won't allow me to post a YouTube link to it, but his 'Wishing Well' sketch is usually regarded as one of his funniest.


Mike, I wasn't sure whether your computer wouldn't let you search for YouTube entries or just wouldn't let you post them.
If the former, you might appreciate revisiting the skits below.  In either case, perhaps some other forumites might get a laugh out of them.

  • Stanley Baxter - Parliamo Glasgow - Mia Farra's farra, the marra & the barra (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Lk7qivXbw)
  • STANLEY BAXTER - MASTERMIND (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiiZVGFun1w&list=RDTfCk_yNuTGk&index=5)
  • STANLEY BAXTER - LIBERACE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTRaDmTksV4)


You probably saw the two skits I dropped into the post primarily addressed to Hobbit yesterday.  I could make something of the Geordie sayings but even with the translation, some of the Glasgow sayings have me flummoxed.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 20, 2018, 11:56:49 PM

An evil mind?  Moi??  Perish the thought :angel:


I can't remember whether we have had this one, Pen, but even so it is worth repeating

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There's nothing worse than a Hospital Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my willy', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or
something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.The man then decided to
walk out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!

Another receptionist cartoon (https://i.pinimg.com/474x/99/14/30/9914301326f842a2c3ce151e0f9c3a61--funny-medical-quotes-funny-health-quotes.jpg)

I'm back to bed, Fred


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 21, 2018, 01:46:08 AM
Morning Jack,

I hope that you have had a good nights sleep, I know that as we get a bit older that is not always so easily accomplished & yes we have heard this one before but as you say it is definitely worth repeating, I absolutely " pissed " my self laughing when Pat first shared this joke with us, it remains one of my all time favourites but never mind because Penny would have forgotten it within 5 minutes of hearing it. ( bless her soul, memory of a goldfish ).


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 21, 2018, 04:48:54 AM
Les you're a cheeky so and so!!  But, unfortunately, a very correct cheeky so and so!  I didn't remember the joke but thought it was very funny :laugh:  Glad I wasn't the only one at work today (should that be yesterday for you now? ???)
Penx


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 21, 2018, 04:59:27 AM
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I can't remember whether we have had this one, Pen, but even so it is worth repeating

I'm back to bed, Fred
It definitely was worth repeating Jack.  I don't remember it first time round.  As Les kindly pointed out I have the memory of a goldfish!
I loved the Stanley Baxter/Liberace sketch where the piano catches fire.  Hilarious!  For some reason I never watched much of Stanley Baxter when I was a mere whippersnapper!
I going to watch some telly Nelly


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 21, 2018, 06:50:26 AM
Morning Jack,

I hope that you have had a good nights sleep, I know that as we get a bit older that is not always so easily accomplished & yes we have heard this one before but as you say it is definitely worth repeating, I absolutely " pissed " my self laughing when Pat first shared this joke.

Morning, Les

Slept well, thank you.  Probably clean living or a clear conscience.  :D

If I had searched for receptionist, I would have found Pat’s joke. From your reaction to it you will not need to visit the doctor.

I think Pen undersells her abilities to make us seem less inadequate.

Well, I have an hour’s gym and a game of golf to look forward to later this morning.  Hope you don’t have to work to hard.   >:D



Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Les303 on May 22, 2018, 12:41:12 AM
Morning Jack,

My " clean " living habits leave a bit to be desired but i do have a clear conscience although i must admit that on some very rare occasions i will awaken with a severe hangover & cautiously logon to chi with much trepidation to see exactly what i have posted the previous evening. ( This could be one of those occasions. )

I do hope that you are right in suggesting that i will have no need to visit the doctor because my last visit was just a little bit embarrassing...

As usual the waiting room was packed.
To speed things up a bit the proceedure at my local clinic is that when you are next in line to see the doctor & your name is called, the nurse escorts you into the private waiting room to prepare you for the Doctor to see.
Depending on the nature of your ailment, the nurse will ask about your condition &  perform some basic tasks like taking your blood pressure etc...& she will take some notes for the doctor before you see him or her.

Les, given the nature of your complaint, you will have to remove all of your clothes & put on this gown before you can see the Doctor.
I beg your pardon, do mean right now, in front of you?
The nurse says: 'Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.
Well good for you but you haven't seen, my naked body before, you would surely burst out laughing at the sight of it.
'Of course I won't laugh,' said the Nurse , 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' I said and proceeded to drop my trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.
 In length and girth it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at my  private parts, she composed herself as well as she could.
'I am so sorry,' she said, 'I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
Well it's swollen to three times its normal size... she ran out of the room.


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 22, 2018, 03:20:40 AM
I going to watch some telly Nelly

I am looking forward to your comments on Les’s joke.

At least, I hope it was a joke and not one of Les’s real life experiences. >:D

Ciao for Niao


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Hobbit on May 22, 2018, 04:40:28 AM
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I think Pen undersells her abilities to make us seem less inadequate.

Well, I have an hour’s gym and a game of golf to look forward to later this morning.  Hope you don’t have to work to hard.   >:D

Good Evening Jack
I can promise you that I don't undersell my abilities.  Wish that I did! I worry sometimes that my memory isn't a patch on what it used to be.
I enjoyed Les's joke &, like you, I am seriously hoping it was just a joke & not a true life experience :o
Whilst you enjoyed the gym & a leisurely game of golf I was working very hard.  I was desperately trying to beat a load of consultant radiologists into submission!  We had a fair few CT & MRI scans that needed reporting pronto. It's my job (as well as being an ace receptionist ;D) to keep an eye on things & make sure they're not left too long. I had to use all my powers of persuasion :laugh:
I'll be back....
Pen


Title: Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
Post by: Ozzyjack on May 22, 2018, 09:22:39 AM
Whilst you enjoyed the gym & a leisurely game of golf I was working very hard.  
I'll be back....

Enjoying the gym is perhaps a misnomer, enduring would be more accurate. However, since I began doing it, it has been noticeably good for my health.

Golf yesterday was also a bit trying.  After enjoying an Indian summer, the weather suddenly turned cold and windy over the weekend.  I was