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 on: Yesterday at 11:49:27 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Hobbit
G'day Jack

I was aware that it was Anzac Day today (yesterday?)

As you know I do feel it's important that we should remember & commemorate those that fought during the two world wars.

I'm so sorry that Zephyr is under the weather.  I do hope it's nothing serious. Please keep us posted.

Both your jokes hit the spot laugh  Having a busy & stressful day so they were just what the doctor ordered!


This isn't funny but I just loved this picture Wink


A bit of a mixed bag today Grin
I can't even begin to tell you how pleased I am that it's Friday tomorrow!


 on: Yesterday at 05:50:45 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Ozzyjack
Sadly most of the fashion looks like it harks back to the 1950's Sleepy

Pen, I would quite like to wear the fashions of the fifties if I still looked like I did in the 50s-60s. Cheesy

Your post came in just before I turned the light out last night and because I was knacked and had the alarm set for 5 am, I decided to leave a response until we got from Brighton Lakes this afternoon.  Because it was Anzac Day, the competition was a teams event and all the players had a meal when we came in and so we were later than usual getting home.  Zephyr was not pleased but he perked up after I took him for a walk.  He is off his tucker at the moment and we are taking him to the Vet tomorrow to have a few tests done.

As it is Anzac day, I should explain the Aussies and the Kiwis are like brothers.  They like having a go at each other but let an outsider have a go at one of them and they are as one.

So here's a story for the Kiwis;


A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

And here's one for the Aussies


 Bruce, the Aussie builder, was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."

The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he came back, the woman said "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?"

The builder said, "Don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwis laying the turf out front."

The usual trio:


I got given some advice today:"If you have to be a smart-arse, first you have to be smart, otherwise you’re just an arse"

 on: Yesterday at 05:25:11 PM 
Started by yelnats - Last post by yelnats

 on: April 24, 2019, 11:06:14 PM 
Started by yelnats - Last post by Alan W
For the record, I'm accepting ruckman and ruckmen as rare words. See,2972.msg61284.html#msg61284.

 on: April 24, 2019, 11:04:04 PM 
Started by Morbius - Last post by Alan W
This suggestion has been raised again, prompting me to deal with it, belatedly.

As MK points out the word ruckman is generally used only in Australian Rules football. The word is certainly very well known in the southern states of Australia, but it is also listed in some non-Australian dictionaries: online Collins, online Oxford, Shorter Oxford and Wiktionary.

I've added ruckman and ruckmen as rare words.

I'm probably not the best qualified person to explain exactly what the word means, but I'm pretty sure a lot of the dictionary definitions, including in Australian dictionaries, are dated and not much use. Probably the best of them is in Wiktionary: "An Australian rules football player who contests at centre bounces and stoppages". This is at least alluding to the most conspicuous characteristics of the ruckman: a very tall player who jumps high in the air to knock the ball down to a teammate.

(Contrast that with the definition in the online Oxford, British & World English: "A player with no fixed position who follows the play". This could describe pretty much the whole team, the way the game is played now. Most of the dictionaries seem to have based their entries on that in the first edition of the Macquarie in the early 1980s, evidently compiled by people from NSW.)

In women's football, the word ruckman still seems to be used. E.g. "Lauren Bella has been considered the best ruckman in the Under 18 National Championships for the past two seasons".

 on: April 24, 2019, 07:54:02 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Hobbit
Morning Jack

It's scarily quiet here in Milton Keynes Hospital this morning Shocked  Long may it last!
You're right of course the Snoopy cartoon didn't need to be posted on a monday.  I was obviously being a bit pedantic Sad
Orange isn't a colour I like or wear - don't know why.  It's very popular in Marks & Spencer at the moment.  Sadly most of the fashion looks like it harks back to the 1950's Sleepy

A bit random but I found a few things "English"
“What other country…could possibly have come up with place names like Tooting Bec and Farleigh Wallop, or a game like cricket that goes on for three days and never seems to start?” – Bill Bryson
“The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity” – George Bernard Shaw
[On Midsomer Murders] “Only in the English countryside could violent death remain something that is ‘cosy'” – Liz Williams


I'm very random today & a bit rushed as our computers & phones are going to be disconnected for 10/15 minutes any time now...I didn't want to be disconnected half way through laugh

It's probably nearly goodnight for you....


 on: April 24, 2019, 02:34:23 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Ozzyjack
You're either very gentlemanly or half asleep Demon  My Snoopy cartoon refers to Mondays being the sand traps in the fairways of life!

I've always had ambitions to be gentlemanly but never quite made it. So I will have to use some other excuse.  So here's some post hoc rationalisation.  The cartoon stands on its own merit and doesn't need to be posted on a Monday.   After all, if I were to post orange is the new black I wouldn't have to be wearing orange at the time Cheesy.  But yes, I was half asleep at the time and afterwards I slept through until the chooks woke me up at six.

Pen, did you know a  gentleman is like a Motor Car.

As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad. The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline.

When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top. The carburettor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose.

The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery need constant recharging.

But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows.

But the English gentleman exhibits a higher standard.

An English gentleman, a member of a club in London, posted a notice on the board demanding that the nobleman who stole his umbrella at once return it.  When a fellow member asked how he knew that the culprit was a noblemen he replied: "Sir, the rules of this club state that it is for noblemen and gentlemen. And no gentleman would have taken my umbrella."

Dick Emery isn’t your ordinary gentleman – The driving lesson


eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

 on: April 24, 2019, 08:12:31 AM 
Started by Alan W - Last post by Jacki
Congratulations Alan - hope it will be a success.

 on: April 24, 2019, 12:57:39 AM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Hobbit
You're either very gentlemanly or half asleep Demon  My Snoopy cartoon refers to Mondays being the sand traps in the fairways of life!

Jokes were funny & cheered up a manic afternoon.  Hope you & the chooks slept well


 on: April 23, 2019, 11:45:41 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Ozzyjack
Oh Jack I've lost the plot Shocked  It's Tuesday today not Monday!  Off to the funny farm...

Hi Pen,

I just woke up and read your posts.  The first had me giggling but the second had me completely flummoxed.  I hadn’t seen any reference to days of the week.

I’m too tired to look for a visual but I do have two stories in the locker.  They have been round the block a few times but might still amuse.


Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.
Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''


God came to Adam and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news."

"Well, give me the good news first," Adam replied.

"I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have wonderful conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your new intelligent life form and populate this planet."

Adam exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

"The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

Well, Pen, it will be Wednesday here in a few minutes and I am due in the gym in 8 hours, so I’m off.

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