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Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 180959 times)
Hobbit
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« Reply #2535 on: June 05, 2019, 10:40:49 PM »

  JACK

I think you've also excelled yourself Smiley  Would it be very sad to say that I particularly enjoyed the boinging goat Grin

Busy at work so flying in & out in a flash!
      

After setting up their tent and falling asleep,  Batman wakes his faithful friend. “Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Robin replies, “ I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
“Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?”
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
“Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

Of course I am    laugh laugh

Back to the coalface...
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a non-amos
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« Reply #2536 on: June 06, 2019, 01:42:27 PM »

A minor footnote to OJ's beef post . . .

There is another way of cooking this that is rather traditional for many in the US south, but can be done better.  I am talking about Southern Fried Steak.

The normal way to do it starts with a cubed steak, which is a bottom round steak sent through a medieval device to break up the connective tissue.  I say no.  Select a nice sirloin and have the butcher run it through the same device (ask to have it cubed).  This will be melt-in-your-mouth tender, with good flavor.

Start cooking with a few strips of bacon (US bacon, not UK.  Big difference.  It's from the belly.).  After you have the grease from that, saute some green beans sprinkled with garlic powder.  I'm a big fan of fresh garlic, but not for this.  Set the beans and the bacon aside.

Southern Fried Steak should have a puffy crispy coating and it must be served with mashed potatoes and generous portions of gravy.  If you can see any portion of the plate, you have not made enough gravy.  The traditional gravy is a simple white cream sauce, but I think we should do better (don't you agree?).

Serve it with a brown gravy made from the bacon and beef juices, with sweet onions (Texas Sweet or Vidalia) and mushrooms.  Chop up the bacon and throw it in, then add some sour cream at the last minute.  Pepper is good.  As wonderful as the meat can be, especially with the puffy and crisp coating, this time the star of the show is the gravy.

It's perfectly OK if you need to reheat the green beans in the microwave.  It will actually do them some good, but don't overcook the veggies.

- A
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Carpe digitus.
(Roughly translated, this is possibly the world's oldest "pull my finger" joke)
Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2537 on: June 07, 2019, 04:32:18 PM »

Hi Pen,

This is 2 day's worth.

Something without any theme at all:

        

     

Something for Les Mis fans



Something less high-brow

Quote
The local paper was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married – for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”



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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2538 on: June 08, 2019, 05:12:51 AM »

Hi Jack

Just a quick one tonite as I have just found out I'm working tomorrow Angry  The weekend lady just rung & said she has D&V & that is a definite no-no when working in a hospital.  It's a bit short notice & I'm not a very happy bunny.

Anyway on a more cheerful note (or not perhaps!) I thoroughly enjoyed Les Mis & yes I did cry - quite a few times! Ray took me to see it in London about 17 odd years ago.  It's been slightly updated now but the music is the same.

     

I enjoyed your cartoons & loved the old lady joke laugh

Off to kick the cat I haven't got!



Pen
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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2539 on: June 08, 2019, 01:28:11 PM »

The weekend lady just rung & said she has D&V & that is a definite no-no when working in a hospital.  It's a bit short notice & I'm not a very happy bunny.

Pen

I had to look D&V up because it is not a term I have come across before.  Now I know what it is I can say confidently that the one even less a happy bunny than you will be the weekend lady. Cheesy

   

   



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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2540 on: June 08, 2019, 07:08:45 PM »

  JACK

Thanks for your post & you are, of course, quite right.  The weekend lady will be feeling considerably worse than me right now.  The one consolation is that the weather here is dreadful.  Flaming June!  It's a monsoon & quite chilly with it Sad  It's the annual local carnival where I live in Bletchley.  A parade with floats & all sorts of entertainment in the local park.  I feel so sorry for the children - they are going to be drenched.

      

A small moderately funny jokes!

One day Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver who looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"
The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."
"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"
 
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :
 "Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

Hope you & the chooks sleep well Smiley

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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2541 on: June 08, 2019, 09:43:49 PM »

It's the annual local carnival where I live in Bletchley.  A parade with floats & all sorts of entertainment in the local park.  I feel so sorry for the children - they are going to be drenched.

 Pen   (Hope you didn't have a copyright on this)

No need for you to feel sorry for the kids.  My spies tell me the carnival has been cancelled because of the weather conditions.

So you don't feel totally deprived here is a video of last year's parade.

I do feel sorry for you though, because you had to work, you couldn't nick down to Cardiff to support your lads against Bangladesh.  It is early days but they seem to be managing quite well in spite of that. Wink  

That was a great Einstein Story.  This one is not so good.

Quote

Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."

Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going."

   

 





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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2542 on: June 09, 2019, 12:01:55 AM »

Hi Again Jack

No copyright Demon

I'm not surprised that the carnival is cancelled.  Weather here is now slightly improved but still very windy.  Heaven knows where you found the clip but it did make me chuckle!! 

My cricketers are doing an amazing job Smiley  They posted a score of 386 which is brilliant Smiley  Wish I was at home listening to Test Match Special.  Sadly it's only showing on Sky which costs 10 arms & about 15 legs.  If I'm lucky there might be highlights later on normal telly but it's not the same as watching live.

Nowt wrong with your Einstein joke - made me laugh

Been dead as a doorknob most of the day now it's stopped raining all the stubbed toes & twisted ankles are turning up thick & fast.  Only an hour to go & I can go home for a nice cuppa!



very soon....
au revoir petit pois

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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2543 on: June 09, 2019, 04:31:39 PM »

Pen,

I shouldn’t have laughed at this, but I couldn’t help myself.



And I certainly shouldn’t have laughed at this, but I couldn’t help myself

Quote

A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough!!

I shouldn't --- Aw, what the hell!!

   


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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2544 on: June 10, 2019, 02:07:32 AM »

JACK

I'm much better for reading your post!  I expect I shouldn't have laughed either but I did laugh

A couple of firemen jokes for a change.  Not as good as your nun one but quite amusing!

My husband said to me, "Can we do some role play?"
I said, "Ok yeah. What do you suggest?"
He said, "Fireman to the rescue."
I wish he'd hurry up. I've been stuck up this tree dressed as a cat for twelve hours now.

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire engine ready to go. From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!"
The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "Bell 3!", they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!"
"What the hell is Bell 4?" asked the husband.
The wife said, "Roll out more hose. You're nowhere near the fire."

         

Off to see what's cooking good looking Hungry

Pen

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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2545 on: June 10, 2019, 10:15:29 PM »

Pen

Off to see what's cooking good looking

If only you knew, I would have to recommend a visit to Specsavers at 110 Queensway.

Don't tell me that's a lot of Bull.  This is a lot of bull  Wink



   



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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2546 on: June 10, 2019, 10:25:03 PM »

P.S.

« Last Edit: June 10, 2019, 10:31:33 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2547 on: June 11, 2019, 12:17:38 AM »

JACK



I was just settling myself in for an afternoon on fracture clinic & read your post.  I was going to reply before it got too busy when I had a message to say you had posted again.  I opened it up & just howled with laughter!!  Definitely one of your best yet Smiley  Cheered up a very miserable wet monday.

         

Sorry but this just tickled me laugh

A football team loses its star player Dante Dicks due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."

Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.

The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."






Gotta fly flutterbye
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Hobbit
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« Reply #2548 on: June 11, 2019, 04:23:26 AM »

ps
I meant to ask - exactly how many spies have you got lurking around in Bletchley? laugh
   
Penx
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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2549 on: June 11, 2019, 09:14:26 PM »

I meant to ask - exactly how many spies have you got lurking around in Bletchley? laugh

 Pen

Only one spy - Dr Google.  She doesn't know every thing but what she does know she is very generous in sharing with me. Wink

I can see why you were tickled by the Dick Joke.    What about a Jack Joke

Quote
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.  They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.  After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.  They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.  Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend".

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."
Quote

   

 



« Last Edit: June 11, 2019, 09:17:20 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
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