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Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 162408 times)
Hobbit
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Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England


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« Reply #2820 on: September 07, 2019, 02:30:05 AM »

Hi Jack

I got halfway through packing my case ready for tomorrow & got a bit bored so decided to check in!  Very glad I did! My compliments on 2 very excellent & funny posts laugh Don't know where you found the "Dear Abby" but they're hilarious laugh Still puzzling your sign off.  Not sure where the palace is Huh?  Sorry you're still struggling with the dreaded lurgy Cry  It's not much fun is it?  Thankfully I am finally on the mend but it's been over 2 weeks now.  Want to be in tip top shape for my holibob Wink

The cricket's not brilliant from our point of view but at least my man Root & Burns seem to have stopped the rot for the moment.  Hope I don't speak to soon Roll Eyes

         

Person with Funny Name Commits 50 Offences

Police in the Republic of Ireland, the Garda, have been chasing a mysterious and impossible to find Polish driver who has apparently committed more than 50 motoring offences.
Officers had been puzzled how the mysterious "Prawo Jazdy" had always produced his documents, but each time with a different address.
They have now discovered the embarrassing truth. Will and Guy's friend, Kinga Sadkowska, from Sopot, Poland, has told us that "Prawo Jazdy" is Polish for "driving licence" and is printed on all Polish licences.
We are delighted to be able to report this hilarious story.

Better get back to my packing...






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Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2821 on: September 07, 2019, 03:56:08 AM »

Hi ya Petit Pois,

Just woke up, had a look at the cricket and I couldn’t see those blokes you mentioned.  Demon

Just realised you may not be there by the time I post later today, so I thought I would send a quickie. I can do that without getting out of bed.  Here is the last of Abby that I have saved (without the usual editing):

Dear Abby: Do you think a mother should take her 14-year-old son to get a tattoo or do you think he is old enough to go alone? Please answer before Saturday. This is important.

Response: If the boy is old enough to get a tattoo — he is old enough to go alone. In this case, he is neither.


Dear Abby: My husband has always been very close to his mother and she has never cared much for me. I asked my husband if I was drowning and his mother was drowning which one would he save? He said “My mother because I owe her more.” I am so terribly hurt, Abby. What shall I do?

Response:: Learn to swim.


Dear Abby: My boyfriend took me out for my twenty-first birthday and wanted to show me a very special good time. I usually don’t go in much for drinking, but since it was an occasion to celebrate, I had three Martinis. During the dinner we split a bottle of champagne. After dinner we each had two brandies. Did I do wrong?

Response: Probably.


Dear Abby: I am 44 years old and would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.

Response: So would I.



Remember to take a notebook with you. At the end of each day or when you get a quiet moment, record the highlights, impressions or funny bits.  Not only will you be better able to entertain us when you get back, you will be surprised how often in the future you reread it to remember a detail or just to remind yourself how much you enjoyed your trip.

I’m outa here, Belvedere.


Have a great time!!



« Last Edit: September 07, 2019, 03:58:45 AM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
Hobbit
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Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England


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« Reply #2822 on: September 07, 2019, 04:53:53 AM »

Thanks Jack Smiley  I will be leaving lunchtime tomorrow so I possibly wont see your post.  I will take your advice & jot a few things down at the end of each day Smiley
You couldn't see those blokes I mentioned because they're out Cry  Your team are doing very well!!

This tickled me


Found it while I was looking for this




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Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2823 on: September 07, 2019, 03:35:08 PM »

Hi Pen,

I expect you will be probably be too busy getting ready to leave to read this but I will post a short one anyway.  Hopefully it will amuse you when you return.

Finishing off the newspaper chronicles:

   

   

   



A Corny French Pun:



A smelly Joke:

Mitchy had a problem with body odour, so he went to see his doctor.
Do you wash?” the doctor asked him.
Of course,” Mitchy replied. “Every single morning I begin at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible.”
“Well,” the doctor told him, “I suggest you go home and wash possible.

A French Joke:

How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?

Baroque.



« Last Edit: September 07, 2019, 03:37:02 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
mkenuk
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Life? Don't talk to me about life.


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« Reply #2824 on: September 07, 2019, 10:04:06 PM »

I normally have nothing but contempt for the Murdoch owned 'Sun', but their Scottish edition did have a classic headline yesterday, relating to a certain (soon to be ex- ) Prime Minister, for whom I also have nothing but contempt.



* johnsonelection.jpg (33.98 KB, 235x299 - viewed 128 times.)
« Last Edit: September 08, 2019, 10:30:13 AM by mkenuk » Logged
Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2825 on: September 08, 2019, 04:30:26 PM »

Great find, Mike

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been copping a bit of stick in the cartoons.






These road signs amused me


   
« Last Edit: September 10, 2019, 01:11:08 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2826 on: September 09, 2019, 04:21:58 PM »

Cathy Wilcox is my favourite cartoonist.  She takes no Prisoners.  Here are several examples that do not require a deep knowledge of Australian politics.

   

     



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Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2827 on: September 10, 2019, 12:29:35 PM »

When I was looking for amusing signs the other day I came across this one:



I didn't include it because we had visited it on one of our trips to Scotland and we found it an eerie experience.

Quote from: their web page

For 50+ years, Scotland kept a secret!

6 Miles from St Andrews lies a secret, a relic left over from the cold war conflict.

100ft underground with the entrance hidden in an unsuspecting farm house is RAF Troywood.

RAF Troywood is an "R3" style ROTOR bunker built by the RAF is 1953 in response to the threat of nuclear war with the USSR.

Troywood is  24,000sq feet of command centre, incorporating the latest radar technology of the cold war era,  dormitory, plotting rooms and kitchen facility’s to name a few.

We could go on but why don’t you come and see for yourself, how they would have survived, and you wouldn’t ……



It was these last three words that we found chilling.

One of the exhibits was Government information (?) at the time on building of local atomic bomb shelters to survive a bomb attack,  However, the whole point of the exercise to keep the population calm and to avoid panic if an attack was imminent,  The Authorities knew that people wouldn't survive in those shelters.  We left the exhibit dispirited.

In case you feel the same, I hope these lift your spirits

   
« Last Edit: September 10, 2019, 01:09:23 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2828 on: September 11, 2019, 12:05:17 PM »

Aren't we lucky to have such leaders ? Demon


BOJO

I can't help wondering who is the most Bull-headed,



SCOMO

The smirk tells it all - every time he thinks he has put one over on someone.





and THE DONALD

I'm going to duck this one.

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Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
mkenuk
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Life? Don't talk to me about life.


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« Reply #2829 on: September 11, 2019, 06:42:14 PM »

How did we allow the world to get in such a mess?

Let's just hope that when these three muppets have gone, the world is still there.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2019, 02:41:04 AM by mkenuk » Logged
Valerie
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Blue Mountains, Australia


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« Reply #2830 on: September 12, 2019, 07:30:31 AM »

Hear Hear MK.
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I'll sleep in my next life
Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2831 on: September 12, 2019, 11:03:01 AM »

I assume that people who use/visit the forum are interested in the intricacies, eccentricities and nuances of the English Language and so might be amused by these:

             

     

   



« Last Edit: September 12, 2019, 11:05:05 AM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
whisky
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Posts: 36


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« Reply #2832 on: September 12, 2019, 11:46:55 AM »

Thanks for the cartoons Ozzyjack.

Cartoons are funny because they are based in fact, but often are not entirely true.
I enjoy a whisky, also, and I imbibe in an abstemious manner.
( all vowels in order ).
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Ozzyjack
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Southern Highlands, NSW.


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« Reply #2833 on: September 12, 2019, 01:07:55 PM »

Hi Michael,

I see that we are fellow travellers as far as whisky is concerned. Wink

You are quite right about Facetious not being the only instance.  Had I undertaken some elementary research I would have found there are quite a few instances although abstemious is the most common.

The list according to Wiktionary

There are also some in reverse order:Uncomplimentary, Unproprietary, Unoriental and Subcontinental
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Cheers, Jack



“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Bertrand Russell
whisky
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« Reply #2834 on: September 12, 2019, 02:17:25 PM »

Thanks Jack

Very informative.

Are you perchance a member of The Gillies Club ?
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