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Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 180964 times)
Hobbit
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« Reply #2865 on: September 21, 2019, 05:03:40 AM »

Hi Jack

Your post was very funny but I did manage not to get too excited Demon  No telling what might happen.  My post will be short & quite tame as I certainly don't want you getting over excited Demon & I'm popping out in a bit!

I'm sure I've already told you but No1 Daughter jumps out of an aeroplane tomorrow.  She's doing it to raise money for a local animal charity.  HULA.
Thankfully she'll be strapped to somebody but I think I'll be watching with my eyes closed!
   

   

Sorry a bit lame! Embarrassed

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TRex
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« Reply #2866 on: September 21, 2019, 05:57:48 AM »

Regarding the "Good Old Days" piece, generational warfare is odious ... <snip>

Very much agreed — although such pieces seem to always survive (typically updated to be current).

I do wish, however, that more beverages were in re-usable glass containers: pay a deposit, get a refund when returning — even if making and reusing glass containers were more expensive (it would be, IMO, worth paying a bit more).
« Last Edit: September 21, 2019, 05:59:24 AM by TRex » Logged
Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2867 on: September 21, 2019, 04:19:17 PM »

Hi Pen,

I’m confused . Inuit doesn’t rhyme with GoWink

Zoe is very brave and you are brave too going along to watch.   I’ll give you a few Dad jokes to lighten the mood.

Quote

Jim went into ‘John’s Stable’ to buy a horse. 

I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream "hey hey", the way to get him to go is to scream "Thank God”, said John.

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”.

Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered. “Hey hey!” he screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
 





Theodore, a teddy bear, is working on a building site. He goes for his tea break and when he returns, he notices his pick has been stolen. Theodore goes ballistic and reports the theft to the foreman.

The foreman grins ” I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick-nicked.”

Theodore is so angry he walks into a pub and takes a huge bite out of the bar.

Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘

'But I’m not a druggie,’ replies Theodore.

Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?



    


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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2868 on: September 21, 2019, 07:58:07 PM »

Hi Jack

Thanks for the jokes - just what I needed to steady my nerves laugh  Just heading out to go & pick up my friend Barbs.  She's coming along to keep me company & as a distraction!  Zoe has a beautiful day for it.  Clear blue sky & hardly any wind.  Couldn't be any better Smiley



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cmh
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« Reply #2869 on: September 21, 2019, 08:23:55 PM »

I'm sorry but I was not advocating generational warfare. I was simply agreeing that we used glass bottles and walked more than we drove etc. Yes we may have been "greener" purely by default ( my parents were young during the war and I still scrape butter papers and stretch a chicken miles like my Mother taught me) but waving a placard and saying that "they" (Governments and therefore again by default older people) have to do something about  greenhouse gases etc ( and of course things need to change) but not having it pointed out to them that we are all "they" and change starts with an individual and their choices is wrong. Being an employee of a company that sells less than necessary products doesn't make me an ogre either and indeed some of us have tried to point out that our products are over packaged which is at least trying to make a small difference as an individual.If we all make a series of small changes and of course keep reminding governments that changes at their level are needed then maybe we can stop the world sliding into oblivion regardless of our generation.
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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2870 on: September 22, 2019, 10:23:51 AM »

Hi CMH,


I thought it was a bit of an exaggeration labelling differences of perspective between generations as warfare .  Although some “oldies” get a bit touchy about the attitude and behaviour of the younger generation, most reasonable ones accept it as “having ever been thus” and accept it with good humour.

This clip illustrates the phenomenon very well, I think.   Kevin Johnson – over the hills and far away from 1976

As your post points out the most effective measures to combat climate change can be achieved by aligning personal effort, business actions and government direction - particularly if it’s bipartisan.

Not every individual will do their bit but indications from the marches and social media indicate that the number of people who will is increasing.  Not all businesses will consider the common good as well as achieving a profit - look at the behaviour of the Tobacco and Fossil Fuel industries.   However, the fact that 2500 Australian businesses closed their doors or gave their workers paid time off to attend the recent marches shows that increasingly Business has the motivation to do their bit.  Business needs clear long-term policies from Government if they are risk pouring capital into new directions and at the moment this is the element that is lagging in Australia.

This cartoon by Golding in today's SMH highlights the short shortsightedness of Government.



Regards to DAVMAR
« Last Edit: September 22, 2019, 10:29:41 AM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2871 on: September 22, 2019, 10:32:18 AM »

Hi Pen,

I'm looking forward to the report on the big jump.
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Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Alan W
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« Reply #2872 on: September 22, 2019, 08:49:22 PM »

"Generational warfare" was certainly a bit of hyperbole on my part. No offense intended, cmh. I was referring specifically to the original post about the response to the checkout worker's comment. A quick Google reveals that post has been circulating online for at least 8 years. Pretty soon the young people whose attitudes originally inspired the piece will be middle-aged themselves, and no doubt grousing about the latest generation of young people.
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Alan Walker
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Hobbit
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« Reply #2873 on: September 23, 2019, 12:04:03 AM »

Afternoon Jack

I was so proud of Zoe yesterday I thought I would burst!  The weather was perfect.  A completely blue sky, about 24c & a very light breeze.  She had one major problem that neither she or I had thought about. Although if we had thought about it I'm not sure there was much she could have done.  Chewing gum possibly might have helped but I doubt it.  She has very narrow ear canals & always struggles when flying.  They went up to about 13,000 feet & jumped out.  The combination of the height & the free fall at about 120mph caused her excruciating pain.  Such a shame.  One ear was still blocked yesterday evening although she did say it was gradually improving.

Here's a silly joke!

Steve Cleary was in his early 50's, retired and had started a second career.  However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.  Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.  However, he was a good worker, really clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it.  Finally, one day he called Steve into the office for a talk.
'Steven, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top class job, but you're being late so often is quite a worry.'
'Yes, I realise that, sir, and I am working on it.' replied Steve.
'I'm pleased to hear that, you are a team player. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?'

'They said, "Good morning, Admiral".'

& some even sillier cartoons!

     


Penx

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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2874 on: September 23, 2019, 08:52:15 PM »

G’day Pen

I’m glad you had great weather for the jump. If you had got the same weather as Wentworth Golf Club near London yesterday it was wet and windy. That ear problem of yours gives you excuse not to join Zoe on her next jump. Demon

I have found I am a failure as a relationship counsellor.   Bluey, a young friend of mine – he’s just 62 – turned up on my doorstep asking advice.   His Missus had run off with the Milkman. What should he do?  I told him if he fell off a horse the advice would be get back on as quickly as possible, otherwise you lose confidence.  I told him I had heard down in Sydney you could go to bars where women went hoping to meet suitable men.  He said he wouldn’t know what to say to them.  I said I didn’t know either. It was nearly 60 years since I had been in that situation but when I didn’t know anything I relied on Google to provide me with an answer.

Next night he set off for Sydney with a lot of pick up lines from Google and when he came back this was his report on how he got on.

Bluey: You are the reason why men fall in love.
Woman: Thank you. And you are the reason why women don't.

Bluey: I'd really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.

Bluey: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the STD Clinic.

Bluey: I can give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't usually accept cheap gifts.

Bluey said there were more, but he was so upset he would leave it for now and tell me about them tomorrow.  I’ll pass them onto you then.







« Last Edit: September 23, 2019, 08:54:52 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

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With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2875 on: September 24, 2019, 12:09:42 AM »

JACK



We were very lucky with the weather on saturday.  It was the same here yesterday as it was at Wentworth.  Windy & bucketing rain.  I think Zoe was very glad to get it over & done with & not have it postponed!

I loved your cartoons but felt quite sorry for poor Bluey Demon  I look forward to hearing more about his pick-up lines tomorrow laugh
These 2 gents didn't fare much better Grin  (should that be fair? Embarrassed)
Earlier this year Winston lost his ear. Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place.
Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons.
When he did, Winston complained bitterly, 'Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in. 'The doctor, totally unconcerned answered, 'Don't worry, its just a bit of crackling.'

One evening after work John drove his secretary home after she was unable to start her car.  Not wanting to bother his wife, Maureen, he decided not to mention it to her.
Later that night John and Maureen were driving out to eat when the John spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat.  Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the restaurant a short time later and were about to get out of the car when Maureen enquired, 'John, have you seen my other shoe?'

   



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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2876 on: September 24, 2019, 01:36:57 PM »

Hi Pen,

Bluey’s tale of woe continues:

Bluey: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland!

Bluey: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Bluey: I would go till the end of the world just for you.
Woman: Really? Ok. Would you stay there?

Bluey: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put "U" and "I" together.
Woman: I think they got it right the first time with the “N” and “O”

Bluey: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Just where I’ve always been - in your wildest dreams.


Bluey decided there was no future for him in these bars using Google pickup line so he decided to go home.  He was half-way to the station when he saw a gorgeous woman standing on a street corner, so he decided to have one last try using the “ocker” approach

Bluey:  Do you want a root?
Woman:  Normally I would say no, but for a smooth-talking gentleman like yourself I’ll make an exception.  Let’s go!

So, Bluey finally got lucky but I doubt whether he will ever ask for my advice again. Cheesy

             


I GOTTA ,
« Last Edit: September 24, 2019, 01:41:41 PM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
Hobbit
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« Reply #2877 on: September 24, 2019, 07:11:30 PM »

Hi Jack

I was very pleased that Bluey finally got lucky laugh  As I was reading it I was slightly concerned that the gorgeous woman on the street corner was going to turn out to be a call girl or a lady of the night Demon
I got half of your sign off!  I gotta fly...  I don't know what the pretty blue flower is.  I wondered if it was a periwinkle but that doesn't work!

It's dreadful here today.  It's raining stair rods, cats, dogs & anything else you care to mention Sad  Our hospital have very kindly introduced a new free car parking system.  The barriers work by number plate recognition.  This morning, however, there was a massive queue & half of us, myself included, couldn't get in Angry  I had to get out of my car in the pouring rain & press the buzzer & wait while the man in an office somewhere checked my number plate & that I was actually staff Angry  Not a happy bunny!


        

Better apply myself to the task in hand

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Hobbit
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« Reply #2878 on: September 24, 2019, 10:36:52 PM »


ps  found these by accident while looking for something else!

      

Pen
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Ozzyjack
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« Reply #2879 on: September 25, 2019, 11:46:05 AM »

I was very pleased that Bluey finally got lucky laugh  As I was reading it I was slightly concerned that the gorgeous woman on the street corner was going to turn out to be a call girl or a lady of the night Demon
I got half of your sign off!  I gotta fly...  I don't know what the pretty blue flower is.  I wondered if it was a periwinkle but that doesn't work!

My sign off was I've gotta trot, forget-me-not. Yours: Cute pups; lovely Cabaret actress.

I showed your comment to Bluey.  Bluey said the woman, whose name was Sheila, inherited a fortune when she was a teenager and so there was no question of her being a sex worker. He said, however, she had had considerable sexual experience.  She had had 61 previous lovers.  I asked how he knew.  He said he had overheard a phone conversation she had with one of her friends where she had referred to him as her sixty-second lover.

He said sheila had given him a nickname – Amazon Prime.  Bluey told her he knew why she picked it.  It was because he was always there, and he had an exciting package.  Sheila gave him a cheeky grin and said "No, it because you’re cheap and you always come before you’re expected".

I asked Bluey why he didn’t get a divorce and marry Sheila.  Bluey said “I am 62 years old (63 next month), an unemployed lavatory cleaner, and very ordinary in bed”.  She’d have to be insane to marry me.”.  I said “We’ve already established she’s young, rich and gorgeous.  You can’t have everything


     

I am using the ScoMo excuse for no sign off.



P.S.  great piccies, particularly the Alternative Dickens ones
« Last Edit: September 26, 2019, 12:50:19 AM by Ozzyjack » Logged

Cheers, Jack


With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself. - Hugh Jackman
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